The Space In-between Part 1
by bonnybloodaxe
Summary: Saga awakes in a strange world with no memory and only her inquisitive mind and an elven mage to guide her to the most extraordinary discoveries about Thedas, the Universe and all the rest. A magical tale about science and faith, trust and betrayal, reality and dreams and the question of whether they are all indeed the same. *The story deviates strongly from canon.*
1. Preface by the author

I haven't read _any_ Dragon Age Inquisition Fan Fiction works before and during writing this, because I didn't want to be influenced and, more importantly, because I was simply scared of being intimidated and discouraged by all the amazing talent of the wonderful writers out there. So if someone should read this and recognize a trope or an idea that has already been used by someone else, I hope you will read my work with good will. If there are similarities to someone else's creative work, and I'm sure there are, it's honest coincidence. I just wanted to write a story I enjoyed imagining, irrespective of whether someone else had already had similar ideas.

I apologize for any grammatical or other linguistic errors, as I'm not a native English speaker. I had a beta reader and proof read it myself a thousand times, but I'm sure there are still some mistakes and wooden constructions left.

Also, I apologize to all physicists who might be reading this for how inconsiderately I pillaged their field of expertise, and to all fellow Dragon Age fans for what I did to canon. Due to my non-canon OC, the story deviates a lot from the in-game storyline and alternative views of canon phenomena like magic / the Veil etc. are given. I had no mercy. And I regret nothing. You've been given due warning ;).

Constructive criticism is very welcome. This is the first story I've ever „published" and I am grateful to anyone who chooses to spend their valuable time to read it or even give feedback.

What you can expect in this story:

A fair amount of hugging

A slow, slow burn

A non-canon OC as protagonist

A crossover between the fantasy world of DA and hard sci-fi elements

Too many quotes by Neil deGrasse Tyson, Carl Sagan, Cpt. Picard and other icons of pop culture. I tried my best to quote where appropriate. If I missed something, please don't hesitate to point it out to me via PM.

Spoiler warnings for: Dragon Age Inquisition, Trespasser DLC

Trigger warnings for: physical violence. Descriptions of perceptions that to some extent resemble symptoms of PTSD, e.g. inexplicable pain, memory flashbacks, emotional distress, amnesia.

Also trigger warning for: extreme cheesiness and the torture of physics by a clueless person, i.e. Yours Truly.


	2. The Void

The nothing scared her, because she didn't remember that it was actually where she had always felt most at home. There was only the void, endless, silent. All that glittered within her empty mind was a name. Saga. Two syllables hanging in the dark like dancing lights in a black fog. A rhythmic, thumping noise was thrumming against her eardrums. It sank downward and came to rest inside her chest. Her heavy heartbeat made her aware of her body. She was laying on her back in a soft bed, a blanket covering her, weighing so heavy she felt unable to move a limb. Pain everywhere. A coarse noise, abrasive and painful in her throat, sand being rubbed in a wound. It was answered by soft noises that came from the outside. She sounds of clothes rustling, light steps receding. Water gurgling. Steps coming closer. Unable to open her eyes, she only felt a hand in the back of her neck, helping her lift her head, smooth glass on her cracked lips and then finally, cold, delicious water. Life returned and brought the smell of wood, earth and leather.

„How are you feeling?"

A man's voice. Soft like velvet, but with hard edges, like glass shards sewn into the hems of a delicate dress. She opened her eyes, blinking away her blurred vision until the man's face came into focus. A bold, bald head and high cheekbones. Pointed, elongated ears. Something was important about those. Saga felt this in her gut like a stone, but couldn't say why she thought that. The man had an intense look about him, his eyes grey and hard as stone, yet the hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his full lips. As she studied his expression her muscles tensed as if preparing for escape. Her heart raced, her breathing became shallow. Where was she? What had happened?

„I suspect you have questions.", the man said. „My name is Solas. Who are you?"

 _Who are you?_ The question was swallowed by the vacuum inside her and oozed away in the emptiness. Without meaning. She stared into the invisible space between them, petrified, her pulse pounding in her throat, a tremble in her chest.

„Who are you?", he asked again.

The silent fear exploded into a fit of panic. Saga sprang up and out of bed, a mindless lizard brain reaction without deliberation. She didn't make it far. Two steps into the room she collapsed on her hands and knees, gasping, shaking. Blackness swirled around her. But it was cracked by cold explosions of color illuminating great columns of dust and within those, pinpricks of light. Pillars of creation. With a thump, Saga fell down hard on her side, but she didn't even wince. She smiled. She was in another place, whirling through a black void brimming with life so cold and colorful it brought silent tears to her eyes.

She awoke a second time and again the void greeted her with a name. No, two names now. She sat and looked around. The room was empty. But within herself, she wasn't alone anymore. The void had gifted her mind with a companion. A scholar. An analyst. It drank in her impressions, sucked them up like a sponge and sorted them, nodes lighting up inside the dark like stars, its connections of meaning forming a web of knowledge about the world. Floor, ceiling, walls, a room _inside a…_

…door on the other side of the room, a large crate at the foot of the bed with a pile of carefully folded clothing on top. Wood, metal, cloth, leather, glass, wax candles, fire, water, stone… to her right, the chair the man sat on yesterday. Yesterday? When? _Time_.

Her eyes darted around the room, the analyst sucking up all she could perceive with her senses. Words came rushing back like the tide, a joyous, overwhelming feeling that made her gasp in surprise. Finally, she could talk about things.

The door opened. In came the man from before. The second name.

„Solas." She heard her voice for the first time. A peculiar feeling. The man looked at her approvingly as he approached. She mustered him fully for the first time. The man was barefoot and clad in a simple beige tunic and dark green trousers. The clothes were a bit shabby, roughly sewn and patched here and there. As if they were his only garments. He wore an animal's jawbone on a long, thin leather band around his neck. It still had a row of very sharp teeth in it.

„Ah, you're awake. And you have your voice back." He sat next to her. Saga shied away from him.

„Please, you have nothing to fear. You're safe here", he said. His face was calm, but couldn't hide the spark of keen interest in his eyes from the analyst working in Saga's mind.

„Would you like to tell me your name now?"

Saga looked at him more closely and watched the analyst go to work. The ears. Her hand darted up to her own, felt the soft curve of her pinna. A frown appeared on the man's brow. There was a word for people with ears like that. It escaped her mouth like a hushed stroke of wing.

„Elf."

Solas inclined his head to the side.

„Not what I asked, but yes. I am an elf. You on the other hand, are not, although it seems as if you weren't sure about that only a moment ago."

The analyst made an entry into its lexicon of knowledge. Another node lit up in Saga's mind. Elf. Human. Species. Humanoid. Her chest tightened.

„Saga. My name is Saga."

The elf smiled slightly.

„Saga… An unusual name. And a good beginning. I am pleased to make your acquaintance", he said. His voice had a pleasant rhythm and flowed like a velvet river.

„Where am I?", Saga asked.

„In safety. You are in Skyhold. Do you remember what happened?"

No. She did not. Skyhold? The word hung there in the void, a single isolated node without connections. And without connections, there was no meaning. The analyst remained mute.

„What is Skyhold?"

Solas inclined his head and smiled. „I apologize. I should have been more precise. Skyhold is an ancient fortress in the Frostback Mountains. Currently, it is home to the Inquisition."

„What is—"

The elf raised his hands. „I understand you have questions, Saga. But before I answer any more of those I really need to know: do you remember what happened? How you got here?"

Stray strands of meaning began at the nodes of the here and now but trailed off into the darkness of her erased memory. The analyst, at a loss without context, stayed silent.

„No."

„You don't remember where you came from?"

„No."

Solas said nothing for a few heartbeats.

„What do you remember?", he finally asked. If her sparse answers frustrated him, he didn't let it show. He didn't want to push her, but he was curious.

„I remember the void", Saga said.

„The void? What do you mean? Do you remember nothing?"

A high pitched note sounded in her head and made her wince.

„No! No, it's not nothing!" She glared at him, blood rushed to her head, her heart jumpstarted into an angry throbbing. „It's everything! The void contains all!"

His brow furrowed as he carefully backed away from her.

„The void contains all! But I can't—" The noise in her head grew louder, painfully so. „Ah!" She firmly closed her eyes, pressed her palms to her temples. The pain was bright and hot, like a splinter in her mind.

Despair crept into her voice. „It's all there, but it's gone!"

„Saga, stop. Stop, look at me, please." The elf's voice was commanding, so Saga obeyed, forced her eyes open and looked at him. His hands were glowing in a pale white light. He softly touched her forehead. The noise disappeared and with it, the pain. Saga looked at Solas in surprise, who only gave an indication of a smile, fleeting.

„A simple spell to stop the pain."

„A spell?"

„I am a mage."

The analyst slipped off the word like on a surface of glass.

„What is that?"

Solas looked at her with something like sympathy.

„The memory loss must be truly extensive if you don't even remember that. Well, a mage is someone with magical abilities. I can sense and manipulate the Veil by willpower and thus change or distort reality in certain, specific ways. A healing spell can heal wounds, ease pain. A fire spell can warm or burn you. There is a multitude of schools of magic and only few mages are well-versed in more than one."

„What is the V—"

„But that is not the most important thing right now. I'm sorry Saga, but I have to ask you for patience. All will be explained to you", he said and stood, folding his hands behind his back. „A word of caution, however. The world that lies behind that door is in turmoil. There is a war, not only of swords and shields and magic, but of meaning as well. You will hear different opinions and explanations of the situation that we face. Listen to all of them and decide for yourself what you believe to be true."

It seemed strange to Saga that he made a point of this.

„Truth is not dependent on what I believe. You make no sense."

The elf cocked his head in unveiled appreciation.

„You've a keen mind. Let us hope it will aid you well in your journey of discovery. Come now. I was asked to bring you to the Inquisitor as soon as you are able. There are fresh clothes for you here.", he said, gesturing to the pile on top of the crate at the bed and walked towards the door.

„We put your gear into storage", he said.

„My gear?"

„Yes, you…" Solas paused and turned around again to face her. „You were wearing some kind of armor when you… arrived here. We had to get you out of it to treat your injuries."

Saga folded back the blanket, swung her legs out of the bed and stood. She looked down her body, dressed in a knee long midnight blue tunic. Grabbing it by the seams, she pulled it over her head. Now she could see what he meant. She was black and blue. Shins, knees, ribs, arms, all bruised. Hematoma only. No scratches, no cuts, no open wounds. Blunt force. The analyst connected the dots. She must either have been beaten or fallen out of great height. A noise ripped her out of her examination.

„Ahem! I would have left the room in time, had you given me a warning…"

She looked over to Solas and saw the elf had turned his back to her.

„Is nudity embarrassing to you?", she asked.

She saw him move his head and shift his weight.

„Well… no. Not in itself. But there are… more appropriate contexts for a young woman to undress herself than being alone in a room with a stranger and especially so when she has lost all her memory."

Suddenly embarrassed herself, Saga quickly grabbed the undergarments lying on top of the pile and began to dress with fumbling, hasty movements.

„I apologize, I… I don't know why I didn't think of that."

„No, please. It's quite alright, no harm done. I shall wait for you outside."

With that, he left the room and closed the door behind him. Saga finished dressing and followed him, but hesitated when she walked up to the door. Her hand hovered over the door handle. Ornate, yet somehow crude, primitive. Just like all about this room. Something felt off. There was something lurking in the fog, there, where the tendrils of meaning frayed and faded. The analyst cautioned her to stay alert. This was all wrong. She had to tread carefully. There was a truth in there, hidden in the darkness, beckoning her. But she was missing too many pieces.

Saga pressed down the handle and walked out the door into a strange world that only waited to be known by this empty vessel of a woman, who was filled to the brim with at least one thing. Curiosity.


	3. Inquisition

Saga exited the confined stone world and entered another, vast one. The complexity and density of information in front of her felt like a punch in the face. Saga froze immediately in her step as she gazed upon the scenery laid out before her eyes.

A vast landscape of snowy mountaintops surrounded a towering fortress of stone. She stood on top of its thick walls, overlooking a busy courtyard. A cold wind blew and made the leaves rustle, green and red on the trees and shrubs that stood inside it, the vines that crept up the five sturdy towers that studded the fortifications and the looming main building in the middle. Nowhere else was there any sign of plant life, other than within the castle walls. Smaller buildings stood inside the inner ward, which was filled with bustling activity, people talking, warriors practicing their fighting skills, swords clashing, the hammering of an anvil, a multitude of smells of freshly baked bread and mushrooms, wet earth and manure, smoke and fire.

Saga reeled as the lexicon filled with the force of all the sensory impressions. She held on to the battlements.

„Are you alright, Saga?", Solas asked.

She looked around, breathless, but quickly found her balance.

„Yes. This is… This is amazing!", she said.

„It is a grand fortress indeed. Again, I should add. The Inquisition has spent much of its resources on Skyhold's reconstruction. Had you appeared a few months earlier, your judgement might have been a different one."

 _Appeared_. The analyst took note of that strange choice of words. Saga slowly walked up to Solas, turning left and right to absorb all of her surroundings.

„We can take a tour of the castle later", he said. „For now, let's take you to the Inquisitor. Follow me please."

 _Inquisitor_. The word was red and livid, smelled of ash. Saga didn't like it. But she followed the elf's command.

They walked around the balustrade and through a tower that stood on one of the corners of the castle grounds, then down some stairs into the ward they had overlooked just a minute ago. Saga noticed how the people they passed shot them curious looks that made her acutely aware of her body. She continued to follow Solas. In the middle of the courtyard they walked up two flights of stairs that wound up to the main building. The main door stood open and invited them into a magnificent hall filled with people, some of them dressed ornately, while others were clothed in a more simple manner. The hall was lit by uncountable candles that dipped it into soft light. The stone walls were bedecked with heavy drapery and muffled the sounds of dozens of conversations. Long tables stretched on both sides of the oblong hall, laden with food and drink. The analyst spun a web between the data points.

„Is he a… king, this Inquisitor?", Saga asked.

Solas suddenly looked grim.

„No. Although sometimes I believe he thinks of himself as one. You will meet him in only a moment."

 _Adversaries?_ Saga made a mental note.

They crossed the hall, ignoring the whispers around them, and turned left in front of the throne that sat at the head end of the aisle. It was made of stone and surrounded by a golden sculpture of a woman burning in flames. Saga shivered.

They went through the door and entered a large room with a fireplace and a bulky desk in front of two bookshelves. No one was sitting behind it. They crossed the room without stopping and exited into a long and light corridor that led up to a larger, heavier door with two guards posted in front of it. The Inquisitor's lair, no doubt. They walked up to the door and stopped.

„We're here to see the Inquisitor as requested", Solas said. His voice was tense and bristling. He didn't like having to wait like a supplicant. Saga's attention was captured by a large hole in the outer stone wall. Through it, she looked out into the mountains under an endless sky, an icy wind howling through the gash in the fortress's side. The landscape was wide and empty. Something hummed inside her chest, a deep and melancholy vibration, and she wished she could fall into this vastness and float. A lump formed in her throat. The high pitched note started to swell and burn.

„Saga?"

She flinched and jerked around. „What!?"

The note had disappeared. Solas stood with one arm stretched out to the side in an inviting gesture.

„After you."

Saga turned around to look outside once more, then tore herself away from the strange comfort of the expanse and entered the room to meet the Inquisitor.

The room was unfurnished save for some tall candle stands around the walls and a large wooden table in the middle. And the five people standing around it, all looking at Saga and her companion with varying shades of curiosity, amicability. One with outright hostility. Quickly, Saga let the analyst scan them.

On the left side of the table, a dark-skinned woman, black hair, luxuriant clothing full of ruffles and ribbons, holding a feather quill in one elegantly raised hand, a wooden scribbling pad with a candle fixed on top in the other. She smiled and politely inclined her head towards Solas and Saga as they entered. This was the friendly one.

Next to her, a blond man with a faint and rather agreeable scar on his face that cut into his upper lip. He was dressed in a heavy armor of steel plates, its collar framed by a shock of black and red feathers. He was tall, muscular and eerily pale. His attractive face wore a cautious expression. The confusing look of a puppy that had seen too much.

When the analyst turned its cold gaze to the man in the middle, it was stopped in its examinations.

„Ah!", the middle man exclaimed and stretched out his arms in an exaggerated greeting before resting both his fists on the tabletop and leaning forward. „The sleeping beauty has awoken from her slumber." His voice dripped with sarcasm. This was him. The Inquisitor. All about him yelled _boss_ so loudly it was almost embarrassing. He had the air of a man who had always thought himself the better of others, who had only waited for a chance to prove it to everybody. And who had finally gotten it. His brown hair pulled back into a ponytail emphasized his strong forehead. His eyes were blue and icy. A royal nose and a mustache under which hung a lopsided predatory grin made Saga's skin crawl.

„Hello", she managed to press out despite her jaw being locked tight with tension. This was uncomfortable right from the beginning.

„Hellooo to you, too, my dear…" The way the Inquisitor protracted his words into a sticky sweet melody annoyed her. But when he addressed Solas, without even looking at him, he used a brusk staccato. „You can go now, elf!"

„I shall stay, Inquisitor", Solas said.

Like a whip had cracked, the Inquisitor's eyes darted to the elf.

„Will you now?", he hissed, his voice threateningly low. „And would you kindly tell us what you believe your presence is needed for?"

„You appointed her my ward, and ward her I shall. You've already made up your mind about her, there's no need for this ridiculous facade. I shall stay so she gets the chance she deserves."

Sharp as cut glass, another voice joined the discussion: „A chance at _what_?" It belonged to the woman at the Inquisitor's right. Short black hair, an angry red scar across her cheek, eyes like steel. A commanding presence, that one. Her intensity hid how terrified she was of the newcomer, how threatened she felt by her arrival. But the reason for her suppressed fear she revealed readily. „Ugh! It shouldn't surprise me that you want to give a _demon_ a chance!"

The woman pointed an accusing finger at Saga, prompting Solas to directly contradict her.

„She is not a demon!", he said.

Even though Saga did not understand the meaning of the word itself, she could extrapolate a deeper meaning from between the lines. This was obviously a topic Solas and the others felt and disagreed strongly about in equal measure.

„Of course you would say that, apostate!", the woman said.

Their conversation grew increasingly hostile but was cut short by another woman who had stayed silent until now. „Please!", she said. Saga only noticed her now. A fair-skinned woman in a hooded robe. A part of her wondered how that woman had managed to stand right there at the table with the others and yet had escaped her attention so completely. „These accusations serve no purpose. We asked Solas to bring her to us, did we not? So, let us talk."

The hooded woman spoke with a measured tone, but her eyes were cold. Saga tensed when those words should have reassured her.

In the pause that followed the hooded woman's intervention, the analyst tried to make sense of what she had heard so far. To no avail. _Demon_ connected with _magic_. But the two terms only orbited one another like twin stars, without any link to the larger bulk of entries in her declarative memory that had been wiped for some unknown reason. The people surrounding the table, each rendering their own kind of judgement on Saga, knew more than she did, and Saga was intent on finding out what.

„Of course", the Inquisitor said. „But oh, where are my manners? Let me introduce you to my advisors." He pointed at each of them clockwise, starting with the elegant scribe.

„Josephine Montilyet of Antiva, our diplomatic liaison to the Empire of Orlais."

The woman nodded politely. The analyst sorted the information. If the Inquisition needed a liaison to this Empire of Orlais, then it was not itself part of it and the relationship between the two was not hostile, maybe even friendly.

„It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my lady." An accent, smooth as silk, slithering like a quicksilver snake. It sounded pleasant. But Saga felt in her gut it was not physical prowess that made this woman dangerous. Her means of taking a life was a piece of parchment and some ink.

„And next to her, Cullen Rutherford of Ferelden, former member of the Templar Order and currently serving as the very loyal and very capable Commander of the Inquisition forces."

A curt nod of the puppy face that had its innocence taken away by a brush with death. That made three factions so far. Orlais, Ferelden and the Inquisition. The node of the Templar Order still stood alone. She would ask about that later. The Inquisitor continued.

„To my left, Cassandra Pentaghast, Seeker of Truth and, if I may say so, most dashing founder of the Inquisition."

A disgusted noise. Saga took note of the woman's importance. But if Cassandra had founded the Inquisition, why wasn't she leading it?

„And Leliana. Our…"

The Inquisitor's voice trailed off. Leliana herself picked up.

„…Spymaster. I am glad to see you well", the hooded woman said.

The Inquisitor saved of course for last what he thought was best. Pointing at his own chest and raising his chin, he finally introduced himself.

„My name is Ragnar Trevelyan. I hail from the Free Marches. You may address me as Inquisitor. And you, my dear, are…?"

„Saga", she answered without delay. „My name is Saga."

„Nothing more? Just Saga?", the Inquisitor asked.

„I don't know. It's all I remember."

„You mean to say you have lost your memory?", Leliana asked, which provoked another disgusted grunt by Cassandra, who didn't seem to believe Saga for a second, too convenient her proclaimed memory loss seemed to her.

„Not completely, obviously", Saga said. „I have speech. I know how to move around. My implicit memory is intact. But I have no recollection of my past. I don't remember anything that happened before I woke up here."

„Oh!", Josephine said and looked genuinely shocked. „That must be terribly frightening."

Saga hesitated, surprised by this sudden show of empathy in a room filled with distrust. „It is", she finally said.

„Well, how convenient for you", Cassandra said and turned to the Inquisitor. „Inquisitor, we know since we met Cole that demons can take human form. You know where she came from. We were all there. We all saw it. You can't—"

„Saw what?", Saga asked.

„Don't interrupt me you—!"

„Now, now, please." The Inquisitor held up his hands calmingly. He started to circle the table, casually trailing its surface with his fingers. „Saga, you claim you don't remember how you got here, yes?"

„I don't."

„Then let me help you remember."

„Inquisitor!", Cassandra said, but was silenced with a gesture. The Inquisitor did not tolerate dissent.

He walked up to Saga, turning his back to his advisors who all remained standing around the large table.

„You fell out of a Rift, my dear. Right into our hands. Literally", he said.

So she did fall. But…

„What is a Rift?", Saga asked.

The Inquisitor smirked, then stepped back and began circling her. Saga didn't move and sought out Solas, who stood beside her. Her eyes met his. Almost imperceptible, he shook his head, indicating to her to remain calm.

The Inquisitor came to a halt closely behind her. „You don't know?", he asked. He was so close she could feel his hot breath stroke her left ear. She tasted bitter gall in the back of her throat.

„No", she said, struggling to keep her voice firm and clear.

She flinched when she felt fingers softly tugging at a lock of her short hair.

„Fascinating, isn't it?", the Inquisitor said. „How it emulates the human form? Cassandra, even you must admit that."

Saga froze in place, her breath stuck in her throat and a strange itch in her fists, but Solas couldn't contain himself any longer. „I think that is quite enough, Inquisitor."

„Oh, you think? I haven't even started yet", he snarled, but finally stepped away from Saga, who let out a silent sigh of relief as the creep put some distance between his foul presence and her.

„You know not what you talk about", Solas said. „She is not a demon. Not even a mage. No distortion is created in the Veil by her presence. She is a human woman, just like Leliana, the ambassador or the Seeker."

„Then how do you explain what we witnessed?", the Inquisitor asked with a raised voice as he took slow, deliberate steps towards the elf and spread his arms in a challenging gesture.

„Huh, apostate? How? _She fell out of the Fade_. Means she had entered it somehow! Yet — no explosion where the Rift formed that spat her out! No Anchor on her hand! So how did she do it? Huh?"

He crept ever closer towards the elven mage, who stood there as if riveted to the ground, slowly and threateningly lowering his head as the Inquisitor came closer and stared at him with unabashed disgust. The Inquisitor invaded his personal space, but Solas didn't even blink.

„How if not by some baneful magic? Or maybe, just maybe, she did not _enter_ the Fade beforehand after all. Maybe she is a creature _born_ to it. And what do we call creatures that call the Fade their home and that you in your _deviancy_ hold so dear?"

Solas's nose wrinkled in a dangerous snarl. „You are truly the unchallenged epitome of ignorance."

The Ambassador had enough. „For Andraste's sake, would you two stop!", Josephine said in a surprisingly harsh tone. „As long as we don't know otherwise, we shall take Saga for what she appears to be. A young woman who obviously needs help. Help that we are in a position to give and that honor commands us to provide."

The Inquisitor and Solas glared at each other for another few heartbeats, until Solas spoke up.

„I agree, ambassador. Let us only hope that the Inquisitor has the kind of honor you so eloquently invoke."

The Inquisitor threw his head back and let out a raucous laugh.

„Ha! Oh, what a transparent and surprisingly low blow, Solas. But all is well. I shall let you play with her for a while. But…", he said and turned again to look at Saga.

„…If I get as much as a whiff of magic from you, you're dead. Do you understand?"

Saga shivered. Silently and imperceptibly, she nodded, but that did not seem to satisfy the Inquisitor. With a few swift steps he bridged the distance he had brought between them only moments ago and towered over her.

„Answer me! Do you understand?!"

„Yes! Yes I do!", she shouted, defiance lending strength to her voice.

The Inquisitor smiled, a baring of his teeth more than a show of pleasure.

„Good." He turned away and walked back towards the table and his advisors. „You may walk about the fortress as long as one of my inner circle accompanies you. If anyone sees you alone, I'll know about it and have you locked up and shackled quicker than you can say abracadabra, you can bet your pretty little behind on that. And now be off, both of you."

Solas turned on his heel and indicated to Saga with a quick movement of the head to follow him. She didn't need to be asked twice.


	4. Nothing Fits

As soon as the heavy door fell shut behind her, Saga broke into a run.

„Saga, wait!", Solas shouted and quickly followed suit.

Saga raced through the corridor, threw open the various doors in her way and stormed through the main hall. Out, out, she needed to see the sky, the wide open space that let her breathe. Without concern for the people of the court she dashed through the aisle, running against those who weren't quick enough to jump aside, shoving them out of her way, towards the outside. When she finally reached it, she sprinted down the stairs, only to break down at their feet and vomited in violent spasms onto the courtyard floor.

As Saga retched and spat out bitter gall onto the trampled grass she felt a comforting hand on her back.

„It's alright", Solas said.

Saga breathed heavily, trying to ignore the burning sensation in the back of her throat and a pang of shame made her turn away from Solas. His hand slipped away.

„I'm sorry you had to go through this. That was an unworthy display. But I needed you to see for yourself."

Carefully checking whether her stomach had truly emptied all of its sparse contents and deciding that indeed it had, Saga sat back on the stairs, wiping away slimy spit from her mouth with her sleeve. Her cheeks burned hot with shame. Less than half an hour ago she had let him see her naked and now in this undignified position, totally losing control over herself.

„No, I'm sorry. I'm a mess." She finally managed to lift her head and look at Solas, who knelt beside her. He looked at her disapprovingly, so she quickly looked away. This was an unbearable spectacle.

„I won't be a burden to you. I should leave", she said.

„And go where? That is out of the question.", Solas said. „And don't you dare feel sorry. Do not let that man manipulate you into shame, Saga. You have done nothing wrong. It is him who wronged you. I know you speak the truth and I know you are no threat. You will stay. And I shall help you regain your memory."

Saga was wary, but relief outweighed her mistrust. Solas had given her no reason to believe he would harm her. On the contrary.

„Thank you", she said.

„No need to thank me just yet. Come on. Let me show you where you can freshen up. Then I shall answer your questions", he said as he stood and held out a helping hand to her. Saga took it and let him help her stand up.

„Well, well, aren't you a knight in shining armor, Chuckles. Where's your mighty steed, left it in dreamland?"

Saga turned around to identify the owner of that rough yet playful baritone and was surprised that she needed to look down in order to do so. A short, stocky man had come down the stairs, all chest hair and charm. He barely reached Saga's chest in height, but his shoulders were almost as broad as the Inquisitor's. A heavy golden necklace with a thick metal ring on the end hung around his thick neck. His heavy build indicated great strength despite of his body height.

„Varric, now is really not the time for jests", Solas said.

„What? The way this all looked to me, this is precisely the time for jests. You know nothing, Solas!" The short man waved his hand and grinned. „So, I'm Varric Tethras, by the way, rogue and storyteller. Chuckles treat you ok or has he already started to bore you to death with his tales of the Faaade?", he asked, drawing out the last word into a yawn.

Saga just looked at him in confusion, still dizzy from the flurry of events.

Varric's eyes bulged.

„What?! No! Don't tell me he hasn't told you yet! Not a word? Nothing about spirits and dreams and all the other creepy wonders of the beyond?" Varric laughed heartily and gave the elf a friendly shove. „Andraste's knickers, stepping up your game, Solas, huh? I always told you to go light on the demon stuff, but I never thought of you heeding anyone's advice, especially not mine!"

Solas let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes.

But Saga was curious. „Wait, what? The Fade? The Inquisitor mentioned it. Said I fell out of it. What did he mean?"

„Solas, the one time it would have been the right thing to do to tell a lady about all that stuff and you didn't", Varric said with mock outrage and laughed. „You're hopeless, man!"

Varric was obviously amused, but he carried a heavy heart, like most jokers did. He had a soft spot for hopeless cases, which is why he made friends so easily with characters other people would rather shun. Him and Solas weren't exactly friends though. Solas was too guarded for that. Or, to put it in Varric's terms, the elf was a stuck-up twit without a proper sense of humor. He could not leave Saga in the care of this bone-dry Fade emeritus. He knew nothing of the real world! And most certainly nothing about women, human women at that.

„Have you even shown her around yet? Told her where she was? What happened?", Varric asked.

„I was going to tell her, Varric. You interrupted", Solas said.

Varric gestured behind him. „You mean you dragged her into that… that…" He lowered his voice to an angry hiss. „…That wolf's den without telling her in advance what was going on? Are you crazy?!"

„I'm right here, you know", Saga said. „I may have lost my memory but I still think it's rude to talk about me as if I wasn't there."

The two men looked straight at her, a caught look on their faces.

„Yes, indeed. I apologize", Solas said.

„You're right. Sorry."

Saga felt dizzy, sweaty and uncomfortable. She had no nerve to listen to these men bantering about who was the more heroic. „So, Solas, you said there was a place where I could wash up? And maybe afterwards we could, you know, just sit down somewhere and you explain to me what the hell happened."

Solas reverted to his polite, yet reserved self. „Certainly", was all he said.

„How about the two of you swing by at the tavern after you're done", Varric said. „You look like you could use some food."

And he was correct, after that stressful meeting with the Inquisition and having emptied her stomach into the grass in Skyhold's courtyard, Saga's legs felt shaky. Her stomach growled loudly as if to emphasize his point.

„Thank you, Varric. Sounds good to me", she said.

So Varric left the two and went in the direction of the tavern building across the yard that stood nestled to the outer fortress wall. Saga watched him leave and barely noticed how Solas studied her face from the side.

„What?", she asked when he wouldn't stop staring, and turned her head to look at the elf.

He hesitated just a moment.

„You don't know what to make of him, do you?"

A confusing question.

„I don't know what to make of any of this, Solas. This castle and how I ended up here. The fucking Inquisitor and his shady entourage. You with your half-answers and pointed ears. All about this, it all seems… wrong!"

Saga made a gesture encompassing the whole ward.

„What do you mean?", Solas asked.

„It's, it's… off! So much is missing! I can't shake the feeling that nothing about this place is the way it should be!"

Solas cocked an eyebrow and gave her a thoughtful nod.

„Well, that is no surprise."

Saga was riled by his composure. „Isn't it?!"

„Not very. You're quite obviously not from anywhere around here. I would go as far as venture that even if you had not lost your memory, these surroundings would seem alien to you. I take it therefore as a good sign that you feel uneasy. An unconscious part of you seems to remember that you do not in fact belong here."

„Where the fuck is _here_?!"

„All in good time, Saga. Now please, follow me. I think a cold shower wouldn't hurt you right now."

Solas led her to the castle's bathhouse, which stood only meters away from the latrines. The latter were rather self-explanatory to use for Saga, but when she entered the bath-house alone, Solas waiting outside, she found herself suddenly at a loss. Naked, she stood in a small, closed-off compartment in front of a large, empty zink tub. And she didn't know what to do. She was to take a shower, or a bath. But there was no water.

„What the…", she murmured to herself.

The analyst stayed silent. The nodes and connections were all there. Something was missing though. Saga barely noticed her hands starting to move. She looked down at them, moving as if out of their own will. A turning motion. _The fittings_. They were missing. No faucet. No valve. Nothing. Just the tub. Saga wrapped a towel around herself and stepped out of the compartment, then opened the door to the outside and peeked through.

„Solas?" She couldn't see him anywhere. Tenderly, she stepped out of the bathhouse on her bare feet and pulled the door close behind her, so the precious heat wouldn't seep out. The stone ground was ice cold.

„Solas?"

„Have you finished already?" She heard him before she saw him. He came walking up a slope in the mountain, carrying a bunch of plants in his left hand. When he saw her he frowned.

„Well, at least you thought of a towel. What are you doing outside? Someone steal your clothes?", he asked dryly. But Saga saw a twinkle in his eye.

„No! But… man, this is embarrassing…"

Something sparked Solas's interest because he suddenly looked at her more intensely, more concentrated.

„… There is no water in the tub", she said.

The elf cocked his head and looked at her expectantly.

„…And?", he asked when she didn't continue.

„Well if I'm to get clean, I need water."

„Yes, that would be preferable. Although people who live in deserts are known to use sand."

Irritated, she looked at him. He just looked back, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his lips as they both stood in the cold landscape of barren rock and snow, the only source of heat in the proximity the angry glare that Saga shot him.

„Come on, get back inside and show me what the problem is", he finally said, letting her off the hook.

Back inside they both stood before the empty tub.

„So, what is it?"

„Well, what do I do now?", Saga asked, hands on her hips.

„How—… what?!" Solas was so utterly surprised by that question that his features derailed for a moment, before he looked at her with an expression of honest pity. „You expected water to come out of nowhere?"

„No!" Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. „No, out of the wall. Valves for water protrude from walls. There is plumbing behind walls." It was not that Saga actually understood what she was saying. She was simply reciting the entries in the analyst's lexicon.

„Ah, yes", Solas said. „I'm afraid you'll only find those in larger cities like Val Royeaux or Antiva City." He walked around the tub and picked up a bucket that had been standing there, hidden from view. „Out here in the wilderness, we have to work for even the smallest of luxuries", he said, and, with an unmistakably gleeful grin, shoved the bucket into Saga's hands. „There. The well is in the adjacent room. Helps you warm up before the bath. Take your time. I'll be outside."

With that, he left her alone once more. But Saga was not about to take an ice-cold bath. She was shivering as it was. She opted for the shower-version instead. She went to the well to fetch water and filled a couple of charges into the tub. Then, she took off the towel, stepped into the ice cold water and hoisted the filled bucket up with the pulley that was installed on the ceiling above the tub. This way, the least amount of water would go to waste and she wouldn't have to go fetch fresh water again and again.

„Ok, let's do this", she muttered while holding the line that went up to the bucket. Even though she braced for the shock, a gasp escaped her when she pulled the line and the bucket emptied over her head.

„Oh shit, oh shit! Oh shit!" She quickly lathered her body with a bar of soap, teeth chattering, then lowered the bucket and filled it again from the tub she was standing in. Another gush of ice water to rinse off the soap and out of the tub she went, hastily rubbing her body dry with the towel and then wrapping it over her head before she started to get dressed again. It hadn't been pleasant exactly, but it did its job. She felt awake and clean. Warm even, now that the blood got circulating again in her skin. She toweled her hair as best she could, silently thanking her past self for keeping it short, roughly combed through the wet curls with her fingers and then stepped outside again to meet up with Solas.


	5. A Butt for the Throne

The tavern was warm and cozy. A fire was cackling in a large fireplace in the middle. The song of a female bard and the sound her guitar, muffled conversations of the other patrons filled the air. Saga and her companions still hadn't talked about how she came here. They patiently waited for Saga to finish her meal of bread, meat and mushrooms, which she devoured wordlessly with a wolfish appetite between large gulps of ale. After all the bones were picked clean and the last crumbs exterminated, Solas began to speak.

„I trust your basic needs have been sufficiently met. Are you ready to hear how you landed here?"

„I've been ready for hours, it was you who insisted I take an ice-cold shower and eat first." Her rather defiant answer earned her a piqued look from Varric, which quickly made her backpedal. „But, they were good ideas. I feel much better now. Thanks for inviting me."

That seemed to soothe his hurt feelings.

„Always a pleasure to see other people enjoying themselves.", Varric said and raised his jug of ale to her. She clinked mugs with him. Solas didn't drink.

„Ok, now. Tell me, please. I want to know everything."

And so, Solas began.

„I think it is important you learn a few things about this world first. It is called Thedas. You already know that it is populated by various species, humans, elves and dwarves."

„Dwarves? Where?", Saga asked.

Varric cleared his throat.

„Oh…"

„Really?", Varric asked and raised an eyebrow.

Saga shrugged. „I just thought you were a short man."

„I'm not short! You are all tall!" His raspy voice was raised in indignation, but his eyes glittered with irony. He was having fun pushing as many buttons as he could.

„Back to the topic at hand", Solas said. He didn't appreciate being interrupted. „There are more species, the Qunari for instance. Among all of those people, the dwarves being the exemption, mages exist."

„Why aren't there dwarven mages?", Saga asked.

„We don't dream", Varric said. „You need to be able to do that if you wanna _do the magicks_." He wiggled his fingers in the air as if mocking the concept. But his face remained serious. He was wary of magic.

„Ok", Saga said. For now, she decided to just let this little factoid stand there. She might follow up on it later. For now, she wanted to hear about the big picture. She needed information. „You mean mages like you?", Saga asked Solas.

„Well, yes and no. Not exactly like me", Solas said.

Saga looked at him expectantly. He understood the unspoken question.

„I have magical abilities, so yes, I am a mage. I can warp the Veil and reshape reality to various, but ultimately limited degrees. The Veil is what separates this world from the Fade, the world of spirits our minds enter when we dream. The Andrastian Chantry teaches that there are five schools of magic: spirit, creation, primal, entropy and blood magic. The latter, however, is outlawed by the Chantry, for no other reasons than ignorance and fear."

Varric interjected at this point. „The Chantry's only the most important religious organization in Thedas, by the way. Just a side note here, since Chuckles doesn't seem to think that worth mentioning." Solas' face turned grim and disapproving at Varric's words, but the dwarf would not be deterred at giving his point of view. „And about the being afraid bit: When mages do their magical stuff, tinkering with the Veil and tugging at it and whatnot, they attract demons from the other side of it. And guess what, demons are bad."

„No, they're not", Solas quipped.

Varric sighed. „You need to know, Saga, our friend Chuckles here has a rather peculiar love affair with the Fade and its inhabitants. Spends most of his time asleep, so you must forgive him if he's not exactly a people person like me."

„You oversimplify a subject you barely grasp in its entirety, Child of the Stone", Solas said sternly.

„Uh-oh, when he calls me that I know I'm in trouble."

Saga listened to the banter between the two with increasing amusement. The elf and the dwarf were almost diametral opposites and yet she found them both likable in their own ways.

„A spirit wishes to join the living", Solas explained. „That is why they are attracted to distortions in the Veil, which can be created by magic, or rather the emotions of the mage. A demon, however, is that wish gone wrong. A spirit can change depending on the character of the person it meets. If a greedy man twists a spirit of compassion against its purpose, then yes, it can turn into a demon of rage or despair. But if your intentions are pure, you have nothing to fear from spirits. They may not make fast friends, but once found, loyal ones indeed."

The network grew. Magic, the Fade, the Veil, demons, spirits, mages. All those concepts were still distinctly isolated from the rest of her knowledge, however. It still felt… wrong, somehow. Why were there no connections between the _magic cluste_ r and the _non-magic-cluster_? Saga shifted uncomfortably in her seat, but continued to listen.

„Magic is a tool like any other", Solas said. „You can use a hammer to build a home for yourself or bash your neighbor's head in. Nobody would even think of banning hammers! Varric here, and many others, claim the Chantry outlawed certain forms of magic to save lives. What they fail to mention are the countless children, women and men rotting away in their prisons, when their only crime is to be born with magical abilities."

Varric groaned.

„Oh Andraste's ass, here we go…"

Saga's eyes bulged. „What? They're locked up only because of what they are? That's horrible!" The analyst took note of her outrage. Apparently, her subjective moral compass had survived her memory loss.

„The Chantry feels it needs to control mages", Solas said. „It claims it does so in order to protect mages and non-mages alike from demonic possession, but in truth, they are afraid. As soon as a child starts to display magical talent, they are taken away from their families, often by force, and locked up in a Circle. Tower prisons guarded by the Chantry's militia, the Templar Order. Once a mage has been captured and brought to a Circle, it is almost impossible to escape."

Saga frowned. The analyst let images appear before her mind's eye. Children in rags huddled together in damp, windowless pits, chained to the walls. „Templar Order… like Commander Cullen used to be a part of?"

Solas nodded.

„But he isn't anymore", Varric said. „Which causes a whole other bunch of problems, but his allegiance is to us, not to them. No doubt about that."

Saga barely listened, so caught up she still was with what Solas had told her about the abduction of children. „They have to live their whole lives in a prison?"

Once more, Varric intervened.

„Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Solas, you suck as a story teller."

„I am not telling a story, Varric. What Saga needs is truthful information."

„And as you know, there are always more sides to a story than one", Varric said and then faced Saga. „Yes, once a mage is caught by the Templars, they lose their freedom. It sucks for them and yes, some Circles are hell on Earth. I should know, I'm from fucking Kirkwall. The Circle there was ripe with abuse of power, it was… well, that's a story for another time. But what I think you need to understand is that not all Circles are the same, not all mages are mistreated and not all are taken against their will. Some enter the Circle voluntarily and some even like it there. I'm not saying I agree with the Chantry on every single detail of their mage policy, but the whole thing's a little more complicated than Chuckles here makes it out to be."

„It's not complicated, Varric. It is indeed very simple", Solas said.

„It's not."

„It is."

„Stop!", Saga said. This was all confusing. „Please, get back on track?"

„With pleasure", Solas said and shot Varric a telling glare. „So, the Circle mages are permitted to study and exercise the approved schools of magic under Templar supervision. But any behavior or even line of thought that is deemed heresy by the Chantry is strongly discouraged. Repeated offenses are punished harshly."

Saga couldn't believe what she was hearing. Listening to Solas created a strong sense of indignation in her, a rage even. „So they're punished for what, for… thoughtcrime!?" It appeared she had discovered one of her core values. Individual freedom of the person, of thought, of expression.

„Well put!", Solas nodded. „If a mage proves too curious or too defiant, they are subjected to the Rite of Tranquility. A euphemism for the forcible severance of their innate connection to the Fade, the connection that gives them their magical abilities. It is a barbaric procedure amounting to mental amputation. As a consequence, they are bereaved not only of all magical ability, but of all emotion. The Tranquil are little more than walking corpses. They cannot even enter the Fade in their dreams, because they lose the ability to dream. Deprived of their own volition, they lose their free will and finally become the perfect slaves to the Chantry. Unable to think for themselves because their own motivations and needs have been taken away from them, they never dissent. I am sure you understand why many mages find death the preferable option to this cruel fate."

„Tranquility's awful", Varric said. „But… you see, because they don't feel anything, they become uninteresting to demons. No emotions, no chance of demonic possession. And just a reminder: demonic possession is bad."

Solas was riled by what he felt was a weak and cynical apologetic of a fascist regime. „And having all that makes you a person violently taken from you because you refuse to bow to Chantry domination is good?!"

„No, I'm not saying that!" Varric sighed and shook his head. „See?", he said and looked at Saga. „The whole affair's complicated."

Saga's head was already whirring.

„Ok, so mages can do stuff that may or may not attract creatures who may or may not take possession of the mage, possibly turning them into a killing machine. So non-mages are afraid of them. I guess that's understandable. But the Chantry's solution to this problem is to create an army of mage hunters called Templars who lock mages up in Circle towers where they live out their lives in relative peace as long as they don't act up or else… be mentally castrated and turned into will-less automatons. Did I get everything right so far?"

„Almost", both men said in unison. Saga was relieved they finally agreed on something.

„Ok, fair enough. So, how are you different from other mages?", Saga asked Solas.

„Unlike most mages in these lands, I kept my freedom. The Chantry has never caught me. I grew up in a village to the North and spent my life wandering the wilderness, with as little contact to humans as possible. I taught myself how to master my magical abilities. Hence, they were not stumped by Chantry dogma. And the Fade is what interests me most. I dreamt in ancient ruins and battlefields and tried to learn as much as I could about what dwells behind the Veil. After a while, I couldn't discover any new areas of the Fade. Because in order to find interesting places in the Fade, you have to be interesting yourself. I needed to broaden my experiences in the real world. So I set out and eventually wound up in these parts."

Saga could listen to the rhythm of his words forever, so fluent and soft was his voice. She wondered what kind of dreams he had had on the battlefields, how he even managed to sleep there. But then she remembered something else. „I heard Cassandra call you an apostate. What does that mean?"

„A mage who does not adhere to Chantry dogma. Who wishes to keep his freedom. But technically, all mages are now apostates. After hundreds of years of oppression of mages by the Chantry, a human mage called Anders recently started what has since become known as the mage rebellions."

„In other words, war", Varric added and sipped his ale.

„A war that made change possible. A few months ago, mages, templars and representatives of the Chantry met at the Temple of Sacred Ashes for peace talks, the Conclave. But they never got the chance to end those."

„Why, what happened?", Saga asked.

„A magical explosion killed them all", Varric said. „Templars, mages, Chantry officials, including the Chantry's head and religious leader of the world, Divine Justinia. You make up your own mind about who the Templars and Mages blame for it all."

„Shit…"

„My words exactly", Varric said and buried his face in his beer.

„They weren't all killed", Solas said. „There was one single survivor."

Saga felt a chill run down her spine as she listened to the unspoken words that hung in the air between them.

„The Inquisitor", she said.

Solas nodded. „Yes. His survival remains a mystery. What we do know is this: during the explosion, a massive rift in the Veil was created, an opening in the barrier between our world and the Fade. The Inquisitor was somehow transferred into the Fade, then managed to escape again. He, too, lost a part of his memory in the process. He cannot remember how he entered and left the Fade or any of the events leading up to the explosion."

„Didn't he say that I fell out of the Fade as well? Could I have been there? At the Conclave I mean? Could the same thing have happened to me that did to the Inquisitor?", Saga asked. But she was answered with stern silence. Varric shook his head and looked away, starting to play with a silver coin he had pulled out of his pocket.

„Andraste's knickers…", he murmured, visibly uncomfortable. It was unnerving to Saga.

„What? What is it?"

It was Solas who continued to speak. „No, Saga. I am rather confident you were not at the Conclave."

„What makes you so certain? From what you just told me, it fits."

„I was not finished. The Inquisitor bears a mark on his hand since he returned from the Fade. The Anchor. It allows him, and him alone, to close the smaller rifts that have appeared all over Thedas. Rifts through which demons pour, terrorize and kill the populace already under pressure from the war, famine, disease. He was found at the Temple of Sacred ashes, only hours after the explosion. You on the other hand…"

He paused and gave her a curious look. He seemed somehow very interested in her case. Saga shivered.

„…we found you months later. We were on a mission to close the rifts in an area known as the Hinterlands. It was there you literally fell out of a rift we had set out to close. It had opened above a riverbed. You landed hard on the stones. Hence the bruises."

Varric looked at her again, still rolling the coin around on the table with his fingers. „You need to understand, Saga, how unusual this is. No one has ever physically entered the Fade, not since some old Tevinter magisters of legend who are supposed to have brought on the damn Blight when they tried to-… ok, well, different story that. But, Saga, the thing is, when the Inquisitor came out of the Fade, people saw a figure behind him. They believe it was Andraste."

Saga didn't know who that was and shrugged.

„Just our goddess", Varric said.

„There are people who believe the Inquisitor's survival is of religious importance. They believe him to be Andraste's emissary, her herald", Solas explained.

Saga swallowed hard. Varric looked up from his jug of ale and stopped fingering the coin.

„And I seriously doubt Andraste would send two of those only to confuse us and see who wins."

The pieces started to align to form a picture. Now she understood the Inquisitor's hostility, his refusal to even entertain the possibility of her being a mere woman, why he ignored Solas's words. He didn't actually believe she was a demon.

„He thinks I want to take his throne."

Varric let out a pained sigh, whereas the elf just nodded in silent appreciation of her reasoning.

„Again you prove to have a quick mind, Saga."

„That's rather paranoid of him, don't you think?", she asked.

„Is it?"

„Well, illogical at least. Say I was a usurper. Would faking memory loss be the most promising strategy?"

„Who says he thinks you're faking it?", boomed a dark voice from behind Saga.

Saga turned only to look at a grotesquely muscular, naked grey chest full of scars. She had to crane her neck to see who it belonged to. A grey giant of a man stood before her with horns protruding from his head like the prongs of a colossal fork. His right eye was covered by a black eye-patch. He, too, had pointed ears, but they were smaller than Solas's and tucked under the massive horns.

„Tiny, how nice of you to lend us your spying expertise", Varric said.

The giant bowed to Saga.

„The Iron Bull. Always ready to serve."

„I'm Saga."

„I know", Iron Bull answered and winked at her.

„Did I hear correctly? Who are you spying for? And what use is a spy that has been found out?", Saga asked the giant as he pulled himself a chair and sat down. It creaked in protest under his weight, but he ignored it.

„I haven't been found out. I just told everybody."

Saga snorted.

„Why?"

„Well, who would suspect me now, heh?", he said and let out a loud rumble of a laugh, a sound like gravel. „But in all seriousness, Saga, you can't seriously expect him to trust you. The Inquisitor, I mean. Him and the Anchor we can at least explain to some extent. You and that weird-ass uniform however…"

„Bull!", Varric hissed and elbowed him in the side. The giant didn't even notice it.

But it was too late.

„What uniform? What was I wearing?"

„Well it certainly disguised your form. Sadly, I might add", Iron Bull stated without even the slightest hint of bashfulness.

Solas let out a disapproving groan. „Oh please", he chided Iron Bull, before continuing in Saga's direction. „The gear I told you about. We have it in storage. You can have a look at it if you wish."

Saga had completely forgotten about that. Yes, Solas had mentioned it back upstairs in the room where she had woken up. It felt as if that moment had been weeks ago. But she had only even been awake for maybe three hours.

„Yes! Please. Can we go now?", she asked.

„I think it would be best if we waited until tomorrow morning. It has been an exhausting day for you. You don't know how it might affect you to see your things. It could jumpstart your memory, true. But the experience could be difficult, traumatic even. You'll need all your strength."

Saga frowned at that and wanted to protest, but was cut off by Varric and Iron Bull, who almost simultaneously chimed in.

„Yeah, let's show you around Skyhold first."

„First you should get to know the crew!"

The two disparate men looked at each other, then back at Saga.

„Everyone's curious about you", Iron Bull said. „And I can't blame them."

„Who is everybody?", Saga asked wearily.

„My guys. The Chargers."

„They are mercenaries", Solas added dryly.

Saga only needed a second to make up her mind about that proposal. „To be honest, Iron Bull, I've had enough people stare at me like some kind of abhorrent lab rat for one day. No offense, but any people will have to wait just a little bit longer before they can meet the monster."

„Oh please, you're not a monster. Look at him", Varric said, leaning towards Saga and pointing a finger up at Iron Bull's disfigured mug. „That's the kind of face those people have to look at every day. They want to meet you to finally rest their eyes on something beautiful."

„Hahaha!" Iron Bull threw his horned head back and laughed raucously, drowning out the increasingly agonized sighs escaping Solas, who seemed annoyed at the flirtatious assaults of the two men. Or maybe he was hurt they stole Saga's attention away from his important lecture.

„Smooth, Varric", Iron Bull said after he had calmed down a bit. „And true. Listen, I understand, Saga, I certainly know the feeling of being stared at. Don't let it bother you. You can come and find me here whenever you like. We could trade spy tricks."

He stood up and left without another word. Saga watched his back as he trudged to wherever he had come from.

„What the hell was that?"

„A Qunari", Solas said.

„Yep. Our very own Qunari mercenary spy. Good guy actually once you get over all the Qun stuff. So, Saga, are you up for the extended Skyhold tour? I could show you around as long as we still have some daylight."

„Well, yeah. Sure. Why not. You're coming with?", she asked Solas, who shook his head.

„I have heard Master Tethras's stories one too many times already. No offense."

„Pah! You couldn't offend me if you tried, Chuckles."


	6. The Comfort of Darkness

Varric was indeed a bottomless well of stories. And they were great ones, too. Saga found herself enjoying listening to him as they strolled around Skyhold. From the tavern to the smithy, the infirmary, the requisition office, the training grounds and even the prison cells in the upper courtyard, down the stairs into the lower ward with all she shopkeepers and the horse stables. Up another flight of stairs that hugged the outer wall of the central tower. Through the kitchen. Past the wine cellar, a terribly dusty decommissioned library and up the stairs again into the main hall, across it, through another door that opened into an amazing garden, a peaceful oasis of green and dots of color in the otherwise rough landscape. Varric seemed to be known all over, chatted with a number of people, had a story about an even greater number of them. He could tell the most fascinating, funny tales about even the tiniest nooks and crannies of the castle. And finally, Saga relaxed a little. She was glad to learn about things that weren't scaring her. When after about two hours he had finally shown everything to her she was exhausted, but almost content. She felt as if she had made a friend.

The sun had already went down when Varric returned her to her room and bade her farewell for the night. Inside her room someone had lit candles. She dressed for bed and was just about to get into it, but something stopped her. She heard something. Faint at first, but growing louder. There it was again. The high-pitched noise. It didn't hurt this time. But it felt urgent, as if it wanted to tell her something. It was beckoning. Saga felt drawn outside. The confined space of her room unsettled her. Wearing nothing but the midnight blue tunic, she walked up to the door and stopped in front of it. The noise inside her head grew louder, urging her on. She opened the door and stepped through. The courtyard was doused in orange light from dozens and dozens of torches mounted on the castle walls or carried by guards. On the left and right next to the door to her room, large braziers had been lit. Saga grew nervous. Not here. She didn't want to be here. The noise in her head swelled, shoved her forwards. She walked away from her door, quickening her step. Away, away from the light, the light was unbearable, and it was everywhere, no escape from it. The main gate. Saga had passed it with Varric on their tour. Without much further thought, Saga ran into the night, alongside the balustrade through the corner tower, down the stairs and past the tavern. She ran across the courtyard, shielding her eyes from the light, not caring who saw her. To hell with them and whatever they thought. Down the stairs and across the lower ward towards the main gate. When she reached it, she saw to her detriment that it was closed. The noise grew and started to sting her temple.

„Open the gate, please", she demanded with a strained voice.

„My Lady, I must ask you to return to bed", said one of the guards posted there.

„Open it!", she shouted with her eyes pressed shut, gripping her head as the sound grew louder and louder.

„Calm down, wench! The gate stays shut!", said the other guard.

„Let me out! Please! Open it!", Saga wailed in desperation as the high pitched noise raged its siren song inside her head, inaudible to everyone but her.

„Andraste's tits, what's goin' on with that one?!", the guard exclaimed, his voice shaking. „Isn't that the one the Inquisitor told us about? She's not to walk around unguarded. Gareth, get her!"

The guard tried to grip her arm but Saga shoved him away.

„NO! Don't touch me! Open the gate!"

„Oi, feisty! I like ´em like that. Come now, be a good girl."

He gripped her again. Something inside of Saga snapped. Blind with pain but seeing with a different kind of vision, she moved with amazing precision and force. She tore the guard's hand away and twisted his arm, making him wail in pain, kicked him in the stomach to make him double over and then brought up her knee with lightening speed into his face. His nose broke with a satisfying crunch.

„ARGH! FUCK! GET HER!", the guard managed to scream before blood filled his mouth and he collapsed on the ground.

Two more guards came running, their heads and torsos protected armor, but underestimating the woman in front of them. They grabbed her by the arms, but Saga, almost mad with pain from the jarring sound roaring inside her head, landed a flurry of precise kicks on their less protected shins and feet, surprising them just enough so they relaxed their hold on her for a split second. Reflexively, Saga seized the opportunity to pull her right arm loose from one of her attackers and punched the other one in the face, only to whirl around and head butt the first one. They both stumbled away from her.

„Holy shit, wha-… what kind of… warrior b-bitch are you, huh?!", one of the guards stuttered. „I knew you was a demon! I knew it! ALARM! ALARM!", he bellowed, then managed to blow the horn he wore on his belt for just a second, before Saga struck it out of his hand. The poor lad stumbled backwards, terrified, as Saga gripped him by the collar.

„Open… the… gate!", she hissed through clenched teeth, her eyes narrow slits. She barely managed to keep them open against the hellish pain between her temples. She needed to get out, away from the light. She did not now why, only that she had to as if her life depended on it.

Behind her, she heard the sound of footsteps. Backup. Quickly, she put the young guard in a head lock, tore the knife from his belt and held it to his throat.

„D—d-don't! Please don't hurt me!"

The guards came bearing torches, swords drawn, shields up. Commander Cullen stood at the front.

„Saga, what is going on?"

„The gate!", she yelled. „Open the fucking gate!"

„Saga, we can't do that."

She pressed the knife against the guard's throat even stronger. A soft whimper escaped him. „Open the fucking gate or this man dies!", she screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Through all the pain and despair a voice whispered in her mind to stop this madness. Told her she didn't want to kill anybody. Saga began to tremble.

„Let me out!", she cried, an excruciating sound that matched the terrifying screeching inside her, but gripped her hostage even tighter.

„Let him go, Saga. Then we'll open the gate. You don't want to hurt him", Cullen said, trying to keep calm.

But he couldn't reach her. Another voice, however, could. Soft like velvet, but with seams made of glass. Solas.

„Open the gate for her. Saga. Can you hear me?"

Saga strained to let his voice find her.

„Hnngg….yyyessss….", she howled from behind the guard she held in front of herself as a human shield.

„Saga, we will let you out. You do not need this man. I promise you, we will open the gate. Let him go."

Saga panted, tried to fight through the bloody haze of pain that clouded her mind.

„You will gaze upon the stars, Saga. I promise you. You will see them."

A howl escaped the woman's throat as the high-pitched noise roared in hunger and relief.

„What are you doing?", Cullen hissed.

„I'm saving that man. And Saga. Trust me. Let her out of here, open the gate and I promise she will not harm anyone. She will not run away. She just needs to see the night sky.

„The night—?"

„Do it! Now!", Solas commanded.

Surprised by his uncompromising demand, Cullen agreed.

„Open the gate!", Cullen yelled. „Let Saga through! Do not harm her!"

Only a few heartbeats passed and a loud clang sounded as the heavy chains of the main gate started to move and hoisted it up.

Saga waited only until it was high enough for her to slip through, then immediately let go of the guard, shoved him towards the others, turned around and ran.

Solas followed suit.

„Wait here! Do not follow me!", he told Cullen.

„Get her back, Solas!", Cullen yelled. „Or the Inquisitor will have your head!"

Solas stormed through the gate, ignoring the Commander's words, and ran after Saga. Behind the main gate lay a stone bridge, fifty meters long or more, leading towards an old, decrepit watchtower that had not been repaired yet. No torches here. He was sure to find her up there.

Truly, he found her, trying to climb the skeletal scaffolding that lined it on the inside to get to the top. The stairs had rotted away.

„Need any help?", he asked into the darkness, startling her.

„Back off!" Saga pointed the knife she took from the guard at him.

Solas held up his hands in deference.

„I'm not here to stop you, Saga. I helped you get out of the castle, remember? I know what it is you want."

„You know shit about what I want!", she spat with the aggressiveness of a wounded animal, hoping to bite away a predator that had smelled her blood.

„I know you are prone to fits of claustrophobia. I know that the light emanating from the fires inside Skyhold disturbed your night vision."

Saga froze, thunderstruck.

„I want to help you, Saga. But I'd rather do it without a knife pointed at me", Solas said and held out a hand.

Saga hesitated, breathing heavily. She could barely make him out in the dark. But his voice calmed her. She threw away the knife. With a clattering sound it fell to the ground.

„There you go.", Solas said. „Now, let's see if we can't build some stairs."

„What?! We don't have time for that!", Saga protested through clenched teeth.

But then Solas's hands started to glow in that pale white light again, so blinding in the dark Saga had to shield her eyes from it. What she could make out through between her fingers astounded her. The old wooden beams lying about started to float and rearrange themselves, forming the steps of an otherwise immaterial staircase that led all the way up to the tower's upper level. Even after Solas had finished, they hovered there as if held up by an invisible force.

„Magic", Saga whispered. Solas smiled in the darkness.

„After you", he said.

Tentatively, Saga probed the first step and, after convincing herself it would indeed carry her weight, started up the stairs. Solas followed her. With each step towards the hole in the tower's ceiling, the sound in her head grew fainter, and fainter. She was almost there. The volume of the noise quieted down to an almost pleasant level. Just a few more steps. They climbed the magical staircase together, up and up towards the black heavens. Saga could make out the first stars, blinking through the opening.

They finally reached the top and crawled out of the hole on all fours. Solas immediately settled into a cross-legged position and looked up. Saga perched on the ground with her eyes closed, drawing out the moment. She had made it. No need to rush anymore.

When she finally stood, she kept her eyes shut and craned her neck as far as she could. The air was cold and crisp and smelled of tomorrow's snow.

Then she opened her eyes. And cried, silently, as she gazed into the endless void looming over the world. The stars scattered across the black like a spilled jar of glittering tears. Clusters of them formed brighter bands, streaked with black dust. All the emptiness in between them. And behind the emptiness, something more, waiting to be discovered, mirroring the nothing inside Saga's chest, the nodes and cobwebs fading into black inside her soul, wrecked with oblivion. It was all in there. It was all up there. It was all there and she only had to reach into the space between and take it to be whole again. Saga sobbed, her hand grasping at the night sky.

„Where is it?", she breathed. „Please… please, where is it all?"

Slowly, her legs gave away and she sank back to the floor, her arm still raised to the stars as if she could pull the heavens down to cover her like a blanket.

„It is all here", Solas said softly. He spoke as if he knew all the secrets already, but didn't want to deprive her of the joy of finding them out by herself.

Saga let her arm drop to her side as she reclined into his lap, and as they both gazed into the universe, the universe gazed back into them.

The note sang its song inside Saga's head, a caress now. All would be well.


	7. Vipers and Coffee

When Saga awoke the next morning she found herself back in her bed, unable to recall how she got there. She assumed she must have walked back with Solas. Her memory was still full of glitches, it seemed. But she did remember the rest of yesterday's events and, laying there staring at the ceiling, she let them pass before her mind's eye once more. Meeting the Inquisitor and his advisors. Varric, Iron Bull. A cold shower. The Tavern. It was all there. So her memory was able to record new events, which counted for something. With a pang of guilt so painful it made her wince, she remembered what she did at the end of the day. Ran through Skyhold like a raving madwoman, hit four guards, took one of them hostage and threatened to slit his throat. What was going on with her…? The urge to be under the firmament, to have an unobstructed, clear view of the stars, it had been so… visceral. As if her life had depended on it. Yet, it was no excuse for her behavior. People got hurt because she had had a phobic episode. That sound in her head. The pain had been excruciating. Her throat tightened just thinking about it. She feared it. Not so much the pain itself, but what it made her do to make it stop.

She decided to do something about it and seek out the guard to apologize, then go with Solas to look at her gear. If the guard blamed her, she would take it. If she was to be punished, she would accept responsibility. Saga took a deep breath, then pulled back the blanket and got up. Sunlight shone through the small colored glass window embedded in the front wall of her room. She could hear the busy noises of the courtyard. Dogs barking. A smith hammering on his anvil. People talking, laughing, shouting. The sounds of the everyday grind of this world continuing as if nothing had happened yesterday. It left a stale taste in her mouth. But, she mused, those people probably had seen things a lot worse in the civil war between the rebel mages and the Templars than a crazy woman. She took off her tunic and went to the small table in the corner of the room, on which sat a large bowl filled with fresh water. A carefully folded, clean cloth hung over its rim. Someone must have placed it there yesterday when she had been taking the tour with Varric. She took the cloth, dipped it into the water and gave herself a wash. When she looked down at her naked body, the black bruises starting to turn purple, the green ones fading into yellow at the edges, a node flashed in the analyst's lexicon. Sink, towel, water, wash, bath… _mirror_. There were no mirrors. Saga realized she had no idea what her face looked like. She walked back to the sink to look into the water, but it was too dark inside the room to make out much. Her hair was short, curly and dark, that much she knew just by touching it and having looked at the single hairs she had lost while showering yesterday. But other than that, she had no idea. Saga looked down at her outstretched hands, turning them upward and downward to examine the palms and backs of them. No calluses. Trimmed nails with a little bit of dirt still under them that hadn't come out in the quick lathering she had given herself. A few tiny marks on a knuckle here, a finger there. _How did I get them?_ What stories lay hidden in the scar tissue? The backs of her hands were veined, but smooth. Those were not the hands of a farmer or a warrior. Yet she fought off those men yesterday with unsettling ease. _What am I?_ Slowly she lifted her hands and touched her face. It felt soft and even. _How old am I?_

A knock on the door startled her.

„Saga? It's Solas, may I come in?"

Quickly she looked around for her clothes. _That won't happen again_ , she thought.

„Just a second!"

Saga dressed herself in a hurry, stepped into the brown leather pants and the wine red shirt she had been given and threw over the matching leather jacket.

„Come in!"

The door opened and in peeked Solas, a little cautiously, as if he didn't quite trust her to have learned her lesson from yesterday's awkward situation. When he saw she had appropriately covered herself, he swung open the door and took a few steps inside.

„Good morning. How are you feeling?", he asked.

„Fine. Fine, thank you", Saga said hastily. „How are the guards? Do you know?"

„I do. They have been treated. Their injuries were not severe", Solas said. Saga felt relieved. But there was one other matter. „And… the other one?"

Solas folded his arms behind his back. His posture was very straight, almost stiff. Yet, his slender, athletic build lent him an elegant air. He inclined his head ever so slightly. „He is in good health. After all you did not physically harm him. Don't be surprised however, should he steer clear of you. You did give him quite the scare. And not only him, to be honest."

Saga swallowed hard. This was a painful situation. She started pacing around the room. Solas just stood there, proud and regal.

„I'm sorry, I… don't know what happened, I…"

„I think you know very well what happened", Solas interrupted. „It is the why that is still unclear. And since we now know you are quite the capable fighter with a rather stubborn head, I believe it is important you retrieve your memory sooner rather than later. You need to be able to control whatever it was that drove you outside. I won't be able to guarantee your safety otherwise."

What had started as a rather harsh lecture turned markedly softer towards the end, Saga noticed. The elf did feel responsible for her. The reason, however, eluded her. He had been ordered to watch her by the Inquisitor, but Solas obviously chafed at the hierarchical structure of the Inquisition and only grudgingly submitted himself to Ragnar's authority.

„Why is that so important to you? I am of no use to you and the Inquisition. All I do is take up resources better deployed in the war effort, without contributing anything. I eat your food, take up space. Keep you from your other duties, that you must surely have. If it weren't for the Inquisitor's paranoia that makes him want to keep me on a short leash, he'd have thrown me out already. You say you believe I'm innocent. Then let me go! I'm useless baggage to you and I'm nothing but a parasite to the Inquisition…"

Saga had talked herself into an indignant, self-critical rage. Solas had listened to her helpless rant in patient silence, but his features darkened with every word she uttered.

„I decidedly disagree. Right now, however, you are drowning yourself in self-pity, and that is indeed useless baggage. So please, stop it. It is not helping your situation."

Saga stared at him, feeling awkward. What an ungrateful show she had put on.

„You're right. I'm sorry. It's just… I feel lost here, Solas. Nothing makes sense. And last night, I just knew, every fiber in my being just knew that I needed to see… the sky! The stars! They were all that made sense to me then." She looked at him, her eyes glistening with a yearning, a longing that Solas recognized all too well. But he didn't say anything. Didn't show her just how much he understood her feelings, better even than she did. All he decided to give was a small, measured nod, while his heart was weighed down with sorrow.

„There is no need to apologize, Saga. It is understandable you are having trouble to adapt to a land you do not remember, a land you probably cannot remember because you have never seen it before. How about this: Let's move your quarters upstairs. There is a hatch leading up to the top of this tower. You can open it and see the stars, shielded from the fires in the courtyard. What do you think?"

Saga's face lit up with a wide smile.

„Yes! Oh, thank you, Solas!" In an emotional outburst of gratitude she beelined straight for him and hugged the elf.

„Oh! Uh…" Solas stiffened in surprise but when the human woman didn't let go immediately and continued pressing herself against his chest, he gave her a tentative, wooden pat on the back, before finally moving away from her, forcing her to break off the embrace.

She looked at him, wearing a relieved expression. Happy, even. He had not expected his proposal to have such a profound effect and the closeness it had prompted made him uneasy. He liked to keep his personal relationships… austere. Especially with non-elves. But he couldn't help to be touched by this honest, mysterious creature in front of him. There was something strange and fascinating about her. She was… otherworldly.

„Well…", he broke the silence. „Are you ready to go? You can take a small breakfast in the Main Hall on our way to the Undercroft."

„Yes, right away. What is that?", she asked. She sat on a crate to put on her boots.

„You'll see when we get there."

Saga laughed. The sound startled him. No, not the sound. The fact that he found it… pleasant.

„Are you always so elusive? I should remember not to expect any straight answers from you. Is that an elf thing?", she asked while she followed him outside into a crisp and sunny morning.

„Not particularly, no. But I have spent most of my youth and adulthood wandering the woods alone, steering clear of others, and traveling the Fade in my dreams, more often conversing with spirits than with people in the waking world. I guess that makes it my own… _thing_. Impatience however is definitely a human trait, in my experience." There was an ironic glint in his eye. „I just don't see any good reason why I should describe something to you which you are going to see for yourself anyway in a few minutes."

„Very word-efficient of you."

„I choose my words carefully, yes. You think that silly?"

„No, no no. Of course not… touchy.", she said with a smirk.

Harmlessly bantering back and forth, they walked the balustrade, stairs down, across the ward, stairs up and to the Main Hall. Upon entering they were greeted by Varric, who was sitting at a table littered with papers that stood to the right side of the entrance. He interrupted his reading when he saw the two enter to greet them.

„Hey there, good morning! Well, did our little stargazer sleep well?"

„Morning Varric.", Saga said. „Yes actually. I try not to think about the scene I made before though."

Varric waved his hand.

„Ah, don't worry about it. The guards have been hurt worse in their own drunken bar fights and stranger things have happened. Like when that Avvar guy attacked Skyhold with a goat. Come on, grab a bite." He gestured towards another table further into the hall, decked with bread, cheese and fruit.

„A guy rode into battle on a goat?", Saga asked. „Was he a dwarf like you?"

For some reason, this made Varric laugh. „Ha! No, on the contrary, the Avvar are huge. He didn't ride it, he threw it at the castle walls."

An incredulous snort escaped her. „What?!"

„Yeah. See? Don't worry about yesterday."

Saga sat down with Solas and Varric to have breakfast. Solas ate noticeably little, while Varric dug in with the healthy gusto befitting a man who does not spurn worldly pleasures. Saga helped herself to a few slices of freshly baked sour dough bread, its dark crust powdered with flour and the juicy inside specked with caraway seeds, some fruit and sheep's milk cheese. Solas, already finished with his sparse meal, noticed how Saga kept looking over the table as if searching for something.

„Do you need anything else?", he asked.

„Uh… No. I mean, I don't think so."

„Mhwhhy? Mwhhat's the matter? Don't like the cheese?" Varric mumbled while chewing on a slice of cold roast.

„No, it's delicious actually.", Saga said. „I'm sorry, I don't want to seem ungrateful. This is truly a feast."

„Tell us, you look like you are missing something.", Solas encouraged her.

Saga breathed out audibly, as if berating herself for having let show that something was indeed bothering her.

„I get the same feeling like yesterday in the bathhouse. I implicitly expect something to be here, in the context of breakfast, but it isn't there. It's the absence of something that makes me… almost remember what it is."

„Huh." Varric stopped chewing. „Well, what could you possibly miss? We have bread, cheese, sausages, meat, milk, even fruit…"

„Please, gentlemen", the haughty voice of a woman sounded. „It is clear that none of you peasants could possibly know what ingredient a proper breakfast makes." The language she chose was elegant, yet abrasive, like a delicate scarf that turned out to be made of sand paper.

Saga looked up to the where that polite and uncomfortably dismissive voice originated from. Tall and slender, radiant skin like dark chocolate, the woman sauntered towards them, clad in richly ornamented, figure-hugging clothing that emphasized her rather impressive bust and added to her regal aura that immediately told anyone who gazed upon her where their place was in comparison to her. Beneath. She was menacingly beautiful. Saga felt her jaw drop.

„It is a pleasure to finally meet you in an awake as well as coherent state, my dear", the woman said and smiled at Saga like a viper. „My name is Madame Vivienne, First Enchanter of Montsimmard and royal advisor to Empress Celene of Orlais."

Saga regained her composure. Her skin prickled. From the corner of her eye she noticed how Solas and Varric slightly tensed up. The First Enchanter hadn't even acknowledged their presence.

„I trust you are being treated courteously?", she asked.

The elitist air that surrounded Vivienne put Saga off from the start. She couldn't justify it rationally. All she had was the knot that formed in her belly and the tension she felt in her muscles the moment she had heard her speak. Falseness dripped off her gorgeous outer shell like poison glistened on a toad's back. She scared her.

Better say as little as possible. „Yes, thank you. Can't complain."

„Wonderful. If you need anything, please, do not hesitate to come to me, my dear. I understand that some aspects of civilized life are severely lacking out here and I would be happy to help you get accustomed. You will find me just up there, on the balcony", she said and pointed upwards. There was indeed a balcony on the inside of the Main Hall, right above the entrance. It also opened out onto the courtyard, enabling Vivienne to always have an eye on events and not be seen herself as she perched high in her nest.

„That's… very kind of you, thanks", Saga said politely, even though she felt incredibly uncomfortable under Vivienne's intense gaze. A strong tug at her insides told her to be careful never to owe this woman anything.

But then, Vivienne opened the casket. Saga hadn't even realized she had been carrying it in her right hand from the start.

„Let me offer you this as a welcoming present." Vivienne placed the small box on the table directly in front of Saga, who seemed to have fallen into some kind of unresponsive stupor. „Welcome to Skyhold, my dear. Please, enjoy yourself. Gentlemen."

And off she went.

Varric sighed as he watched her take her leave. „Proud as a peacock. Be careful with that one, Saga."

But Saga didn't seem to hear him.

„Saga?", he asked and carefully touched her arm. „Saga, are you alright? What's wrong?

Solas chuckled. Varric didn't find that amusing in the slightest.

„What's so funny? She's not… what's wrong with her?!"

„Nothing is wrong, Varric. Look at her. She is in a better place."

And indeed, Saga had brought up the box to her nose and smelled its contents with her eyes closed, a wide smile on her lips.

„Just because of a few heaps of that disgusting stuff?!"

„I don't see the appeal either, for my own reasons, but Saga obviously found what she was missing at breakfast."

She finally opened her eyes and looked at her two companions with glee.

„Coffee!"


	8. Terror of Light

The Undercroft was two levels down from the Main Hall, larger and better lit than Saga had expected. A spacious cavern opened up in front of her as she stepped through the door with Varric and Solas. It was loud in here. The noise came from a rushing waterfall that gushed down across from the entrance, where a large semicircular hole was cut into the stone. Sunlight was fractured in the spray and bathed the large room in pleasant, indirect light. It also served the purpose of ventilation, which was of crucial importance, given that the Undercroft was also used as a smithy. However, it made for a rather chilly working environment. Ice cones were hanging from the ceiling. Sagas breath condensed in front of her face. It smelled of wet stone and smoke.

„Alright, let's take a look at your stuff", Varric said.

They walked down some stairs from the entrance to the actual workshop. A female dwarf stood in front of a large table with her back to the entrance. A few meters to her right, a human male worked on the anvil. He glanced up at the visitors for a moment, nodded in a curt greeting and then resumed his work without further ado.

Varric introduced the man with a wave of his hand. „That's Harrit, the smith. Been with us from day one. He's like that with everyone. Just ignore him. She's who we wanna talk to. Hey, Dagna!"

The dwarven woman jolted.

„By the stone, Varric, don't scare me like that! I could have been handling volatile substances!"

„But you weren't."

„That's beside the point!", she protested. But all her indignation evaporated as quickly as it had arisen, when something seemed to occur to her. She turned to look at Saga. „Oh! You're her!"

„Saga. Hello."

„Wow, it is great to meet you!" Dagna beamed as if she had just met her favorite person. „Your gear is just fascinating, it's a riddle, and it's fascinating, I love it! I had hoped you'd come down here so you could tell me what it all does."

Dagna rattled on with almost childlike enthusiasm.

„I'm afraid it will be the same riddle to me", Saga said.

„What are you talking about, it's your stuff, isn't it?"

„Yes, but…" Saga broke off, her throat suddenly tight.

Solas answered for her.

„I'm afraid Saga has lost her memory when she fell out of the Rift. The damage is far more extensive than what the Inquisitor experienced. She has forgotten everything. The only thing she remembered upon waking was her name. We came here in the hopes of jolting her memory."

Dagna's shoulders slouched in disappointment. „I'm sorry to hear that. For both our sakes. I mean, more your sake, of course, that sucks. But… well… anyways, your… armor or whatever. It's weird. Any reasonably sharp knife could tear through it like butter. The only part of it that provides any protection at all is the chest plate. And I don't even know what that's made of. Plus, it's white! You'd glow everywhere like a piece of Veil Quartz, anyone wearing it is just a moving target for practice. It's rather ridiculous actually."

„Dagna, just show it to her already", Varric said.

„Oh, yes. Sorry. Sure. Here it is."

The dwarf stepped to the side and showed the three visitors what was laying on the table she had been working on. Pieces of equipment, orderly lined next to one another. The second Saga saw them, a whole orchestra sounded in her head, the full and vibrant music of the spheres, like an organ in full blast. She gasped and swayed.

Solas moved immediately to her side, steadying her.

„It's all right. Take your time", he said.

„It's… mine", Saga said. Every syllable took effort, her lips were refusing to part.

„Yeah, we knew that already", Varric said. „But do you remember anything more?"

Slowly, holding on to Solas's arm, she went to the table to look more closely at the items displayed there.

They were indeed all white. Smudged, dirty, but still mostly white, with some black accents here and there. There was a bodysuit made of some sort of layered cloth. Thick gloves and bulky boots were directly attached to it. Saga tenderly reached out to touch them.

„Talk to me, Saga. What do you feel?", Solas asked.

Saga concentrated. Dagna, Varric and Solas stared at her intently. They heard nothing but the roar of the waterfall and Harrit's hammer coming down on the anvil. But inside Saga's head, the organ was playing the deep notes, humming. Her head buzzed with a vibration that she felt all the way down into her sternum. It seemed to carry her, infused her with a sense of security.

„It feels… inanimate. Not like something feels dead that had before been alive, like leather. But like something that had never been alive ever. Anorganic. This is no natural material. It's called…"

She closed her eyes, feeling the fabric. Searching out the analyst's advice, she floated along the tendrils connecting the nodes that lit up here. Glove, suit, fabric, linings, layers, insulation, _shielding_ …

„…from what…?", she whispered to herself.

„What?", Dagna blurted, which made Saga blink in surprise.

„Hush!", Solas reprimanded her. „We need to give her time to remember."

„Sorry!", the dwarf whispered back.

Saga looked at the rest of the equipment. The chunky plate Dagna seemed to believe was some sort of chest protection had scratches and scorch marks all over it. And there was a large helmet. It was round and smooth, with a visor made of what appeared to be glass. Saga picked it up, turned it around in her hands, weighed it.

Dagna couldn't restrain herself. „I mean, look at that! Who builds a helmet that's half fucking glass? Except it isn't glass, it's something else, which makes the whole thing even more strange. And awesome. Aaand a little disconcerting. I love it."

„Yeah, that is weird", Varric said.

„The suit is her size, but the helmet doesn't even fit her properly! Whatever it's for, it's at least three sizes too large for her! Her head would bounce around in it if she was hit", Dagna said. „It's got to be somebody else's. Maybe she stole it?"

„No. This is mine", Saga said and placed the helmet back onto the table before resuming her examination, touching, feeling, humming to herself the note that appeared in her head with her eyes closed.

Minutes passed.

„What's she doing?", Varric whispered to Solas.

„Unconscious body memory. She's letting her body remember what her mind doesn't have conscious access to."

„I need to wear it. Help me", Saga finally said as she opened her eyes and turned around to face the others. It was as if Dagna had only waited for the go signal. „Yes! Good idea!"

When Saga took off her boots and leather jacket, Solas conspicuously cleared his throat and gave her a telling look.

„I know! Don't worry. I'll keep the rest on", she said.

Varric's gaze jumped back and forth between the two. „Alright, do I wanna know what that was about?"

„Not what you are thinking and none of your concern", Solas said.

„Come on, guys!", Saga said. „Be nice!"

She stepped into the bodysuit. It was rather bulky and impeded her movement.

„How's that?", Varric asked.

„The plate. Help me put it on", she said.

Solas held it up in front of her.

„No, that feels wrong. It… it belongs on my back", Saga said.

Dagna blew a raspberry. „A back plate? Who by the stone needs to protect their back but leaves their belly hanging out in the open?!"

„Someone who does not expect to be attacked from the front?", Varric suggested.

Solas fastened the plate to Saga's back with the respective buckles. „More likely, someone who does not expect to be attacked at all. This is clearly no warrior's armor", he said.

„Ok." Saga breathed heavily. The thrumming of the organ was beginning to give her a headache. „Now the helmet."

„Are you sure?", Solas asked as he picked up the helmet. There was concern in his face.

„Yes, why?"

„You don't generally respond well to confined spaces, remember?"

The hum grew louder, commanding. Her vision started to blur.

„Please, I know what I'm doing. This is right. It feels right. Give the helmet to me."

Solas hesitated for only a heartbeat, then handed it over. Saga took it in her gloved hands, barely getting any grip on it. In the suit, it was difficult for her to raise her arms high enough to put it on.

„What in Andraste's name is this thing built for?", Varric mumbled. He didn't look happy. „This is some weird ass outfit… "

Saga managed to lift the helmet high enough and slid it over her head. It took a little fumbling to align it correctly with the suit's neckline, but finally, it locked down with a click. The organ sound stopped. Saga was encapsulated in perfect silence. She felt her right hand move upwards to the helmet's side, an automated movement without deliberation. Her fingers found a tiny lever there and pulled it. A black shield lowered itself over the visor, completely hiding her face from outside view. She could still see through from within, saw how her companions eyed her. She slid the shield back up. Still, she didn't hear a sound other than her own breathing. A feeling flooded her from the inside, warm and glorious. Remembrance. This was her suit. She had worn it countless times. A lump formed in her throat as an image formed in her mind's eye. A pale blue dot in a vast black sea, calm and featureless. The analyst swirled around it, spinning its web of meaning.

„Paper!", she shouted, her voice muffled in the small round body of the helmet. „Get me a piece of paper and a pen!"

She knew they heard her, because Varric and Dagna quickly sprang into action and scurried away. She saw Solas looking at her, fascinated. Silently, he moved his lips.

„What?", she called out. The image widened and started to leave her mind. It overlay her true surroundings. Slowly but steadily, it swallowed the real world. Darkness crept into her field of vision.

Solas quickly stepped towards her as Saga lost her balance and toppled over, falling into him. She gripped his arms as the elf tried to steady them both, grappling with the weight of her and the suit. She managed to lift her upper body so she could catch a glimpse of his face through the images swirling around her. Closer now, his forehead making contact with the helmet, she could hear him.

„What do you see, Saga?"

She panted as her chest was being crushed by an immense weight that hadn't been there before.

„I….", she gasped. „… I need to draw it… before it's gone… I…."

Her knees gave out. Solas couldn't keep her standing and sank to the ground with her, holding her torso upright.

Saga heard him shout some muffled words, before blackness absorbed all around her. There was just her now, her and the blue pearl, swimming, floating. The weight lifted from her chest and left her light as a feather. She felt how someone took her gloved hand and shoved something in it, which she gripped instinctively.

Another hand guided her arm somewhere and it began to move as if of its own volition while Saga just gazed hypnotized at the beautiful sphere before her eyes, awe and wonder and the purest happiness filling her heart to the brim, overwhelming her until she wept, tears of joy running down her cheeks, joy and something like sadness she couldn't name. The organ sound in her mind played a masterful, magic song that imbued her with a glorious, exalted sense of connectivity with the cosmos.

Something gave her a twitch. A tugging on her head. _No. No no!_

She tried to hit whatever invisible force tried to take off her helmet, but was stopped in her movements by a resistance pinning both her arms to her sides.

„NO! LEAVE ME!", she screamed, but the grip that held her was surprisingly strong.

Her fury was whiffed like a blown out candle when the helmet was ripped off her head and blinding light hit her eyes, making her recoil in pain.

„Saga, calm down! Breathe!"

And indeed, Sagas lungs greedily sucked in the fresh cold air that came rushing back in in large, rattling gulps.

„There. Breathe."

A rocking motion. A cool hand wiping a wet strand of hair from her forehand. She opened her eyes. The wonderful images were gone. She was in the Undercroft again. Solas looked down on her. He was holding her tightly. Varric and Dagna stood behind him, watching her with terrified expressions, the latter holding the helmet in her hands.

„Wha—… what happened?", Saga asked between heavy breaths.

„You almost suffocated in there!", Varric shouted. „What a fucking piece of shit armor is this that kills its wearer!?"

„What? No, I was… fine, I… I saw something.", Saga said.

„Can you get up?", Solas asked.

„You were definitely not fine!", Varric protested. „You were unresponsive. Your eyes rolled back into your head! Looked like a damn demon possession!"

Saga couldn't process all the chatter. She nodded to Solas and let him help her up. Dagna quickly brought a chair for her to sit down in. She felt heavy and weak, as if she had swum a great distance and returned to shore, her body fighting gravity. Solas knelt before her.

„Calm down Varric. This was no magical event, there was no tremor in the Veil", Solas said over his shoulder, a hint of irritation in his voice. „The lack of air", he said to Saga. „It might have provoked a vision of some sort. You asked us for paper, do you remember that?"

Saga shook her head, unsure. „I don't know… I guess so. Did you give any to me?"

„We did", he said. „And you drew something." He was tense, excited.

Solas reached for something on the floor behind him and showed it to Saga.

„Do you know what this means?", he asked.

She took the note from him and stared at the scribbles. And smiled.

„Yes", she said. „Yes, I do!"

Solas let out a satisfied chuckle, while Varric and Dagna, peering at the sweat soaked Saga over his shoulders, urged her on.

„Tell us!"

Saga observed the sketch lovingly. It showed two diagrams. One consisted of fifteen lines of varying length originating from a common, central origin that spread out into all directions. Horizontally cutting across fourteen of those lines in very distinct intervals were smaller lines. The fifteenth line was missing those smaller marks and was also the longest one. The second diagram showed nine circles. The leftmost circle was by far the largest. To its right were eight more of again varying sizes. Three of them were crossed by a line at different angles through their centre. All of them were nondescript. Save for one.

The third one from the right of the large one. Saga let her finger trail over it as if the smudged drawing symbolized something of tremendous worth.

„It's my home address."

* * *

Disclaimer: the description of the two diagrams Saga drew is directly influenced by the look of the real-life Pioneer Plates


	9. Call for Home

Varric shot her a skeptical and worried look as if he thought she might have finally lost her mind after all. „What do you mean, your home address? It's a bunch of lines and dots."

„Not literally, of course", Saga said. „Its a code in a very special language. It's…" she stopped herself. „…Wow, this is… this is a lot. Slow down."

She took a moment to let the analyst sort through the chaos that whirled in her mind.

„Do you remember anything new?", Varric asked.

„Give me a moment, please."

Saga took a few deep breaths, closed her eyes and wiped her face with her hands. It was as if the analyst had suddenly found the key to a hidden chamber in her mind that harbored a treasure trove of memories. But only of a certain kind. There was no biographical information there. She exhaled and looked up into three curious faces.

„I still can't remember any events of my life", she said.

Varric and Dagna groaned. Solas just patiently looked at her, even more sincere and alert as usual.

„But! I remember my _skills_. All of them. And the highly specialized knowledge associated with them."

That caught Solas's attention.

„You remember your profession? That could give us a hint as to how you landed in the Fade in the first place."

„Please don't be a mage", Varric mumbled, which earned him an angry glare from Solas.

Saga laughed.

„No, I'm no mage."

„Which has been clear from the beginning", Solas added prickly. „Mages are inherently connected to the Fade over the Veil and distort it with their mere presence. Which is not the case with you."

Saga grinned at them mischievously. „I may not be a mage, but I'm the next best thing."

Varric raised his eyebrows. „You are enjoying this way too much!"

Saga laughed. „I'm a physicist! And an astronaut!"

When her revelation was met by silence, her shoulders slouched. „You don't know what that is."

„Maybe we just have different terms for whatever it is you do", Solas said. „Can you describe it?"

„A physicist is a scientist who has specialized knowledge in the field pf physics, the exploration of the interactions of matter and energy across the physical universe. I'm a special kind of physicist, too. I work in quantum physics, that's…"

Saga was interrupted by Varric throwing his hands in the air. „Whoa there, stop for a second. I stopped following after the word physics."

„Then shut up and listen, she's explaining it to us!", Dagna said.

„Are you saying you have no concept of physics?", Saga asked, her eyes wide with disbelief.

Varric shook is head. „No, no, of course we know what physics are. In theory, at least. I'm not particularly food of it, but there are some eggheads in the larger cities that crunch numbers all day long. It's all the other words that came out of your mouth that had me confused, _quantum_ this and _astro_ that."

Saga started to fumble with her suit. She was sweating like a pig in that thing. Solas rose and walked around her to help her out of it.

„You don't have to explain what a physicist does, Saga", he said while he unfastened the clamps that held the rigid plate on her back. „Although Master Tethras's talents do not lie in that particular realm, dwarves in generally have a rather firm grasp of the concept, especially the mathematical and engineering aspects of it. Since they do not dream and therefore lack the connection to the Fade necessary to develop magical abilities, they have always been dependent on their pragmatical expertise."

Saga stood up, still a little weak in the knees. Solas shot her a tense look, as if he expected her to fall again.

„I'm good, I'm good. Just help me out of here."

Solas nodded and opened the suit at her back while he continued.

„Humans on the other hand rely on magic for many of the things the dwarves achieved through their mastery of physics. Hence they are much less skilled in the field. We all know what a physicist is. But an astronaut? I have never heard the term, never even come across it during my journeys into the Fade."

Varric let out a warm and raucous cackle. „Wow, if that isn't a first, I can't believe I'm actually hearing you say that!"

Solas just glared at the dwarf in annoyance, which made Varric's smirk widen even further.

Saga stepped out of the suit, holding on to Solas's shoulder for balance. She could feel his muscles work under the thin tunic he was wearing and again broke into a sweat as she became aware of the thought in her head. Once she was out of the suit she quickly stepped away from the elf and began to explain.

„An astronaut is someone who has been trained for spaceflight. Command, crew or pilot a spacecraft."

Dagna's jaw dropped.

„Wait, like… what?! You travel into space?!"

Solas kept his composure, although even he seemed impressed by what he was hearing. „That certainly explains your affinity for the stars", he said.

„How is that even possible?", Varric asked.

„Do you really want me to explain? Because I could", Saga said, grinning. The memories of her mathematical and scientific skillset invigorated her. She had reclaimed a part of herself, an important part. She was no longer an empty shell with a name tag, walking around like an animated corpse. She was Saga, scientist and space dweller. It made her chest swell with confidence and pride.

„I have no doubt about it. But I don't think you should", Solas said in a serious tone that made Saga turn and look at him in bewilderment.

„Why not?", she asked.

Solas sighed and leaned back against the table where the suit had been lying, arms crossed in front of his chest.

„I believe if you remembered anything about the history of wherever it is you come from, you wouldn't need to ask me that question." A cynical, humorless half-grin lined his mouth.

„What is that supposed to mean? What harm does it do anyone to know the physics of spaceflight?", Saga asked, irritated to be thwarted like this.

„I am serious, Saga. Do not tell anyone. The best case scenario would be that people would think you mad. The worst, and frankly, the more realistic one is that people will fear you. And people in power will use that fear to get rid of you and consolidate their authority. You can tell them you are a physicist, an engineer. Mention anything about spaceflight and you will be accused of heresy!"

His voice had started to rise, which alarmed Saga. Solas was not one to dramatize something unnecessarily. He must have had his reasons if he got so worked up. But she still couldn't quite understand what motivated him. It was more than the mere performance of his duty to keep an eye on her as he was ordered to do by the Inquisitor. He truly tried to protect her from harm. Why?

„Ok. Fine", Saga said. She didn't like it, but considering the circumstance that the Inquisitor was distrustful of her as it was, she conceded his point.

„That drawing though", Varric said. „Is she at least allowed to explain that?!"

„I see no harm in it. And I admit, I am curious myself. The bottom part looks like an astronomical chart", Solas said.

Saga gave him an appreciative nod as she unfolded the piece of paper Solas had given her and placed in on the table, so everyone could get a good look at it.

„Indeed it is. It's a sketch of my solar system. There to the left: Sól, our sun. Around her, the eight planets. Merkúr, Venus…" She pointed directly to the fourth dot. „…Mars, Júpiter, Satúrnús, Úranus and Neptúnus. And this…" Saga's finger jumped back to dot number three.

„…is my home planet. Jörð. But the agreed upon scientific term is Terra." She took up the pencil again and placed a single additional dot right next to it. „With her moon, Lúna."

„Ok, now, wait a minute", Varric said. „Sorry for asking the dumb questions here, but… are you saying you're from another planet?!"

Silence.

„I don't know", she said. „I mean. It could be here, right? Thedas could just be your name for the world."

Solas shook his head. „You have drawn eight planets around the star. The Ancient Elves were rather adept astronomers as I have learned during my explorations of the Fade. They tracked the movements of the spheres and had astronomical charts not much unlike this one. Even they only knew four planets orbiting around the sun. Plus, Thedas has two moons."

Saga thought about that for a moment. Nobody else spoke. The idea seemed disconcerting to them, but to Saga, it was just a hypothesis. Without any historical knowledge and context, she was unable to appraise the implications, the _meaning_ of her drawing beyond the scientific information contained in it.

„Ok. So… say I _was_ from another planet. Would that be strange to you?"

Varric guffawed. „Strange?! Strange doesn't even begin to describe it, Twinkles!"

„Twinkles?" Saga frowned at him.

„Well, you're the one claiming to be a lady from the stars, aren't ya?!"

„In case you hadn't noticed, Varric is a friend of nicknames. Irrespective of how fitting they are", Solas said crisply.

„They always fit perfectly, Chuckles, and you know it. Now stop deflecting!" Varric pointed a finger in the elf's face. „You know exactly what I'm talking about. You basically said the same thing earlier, only in more fanciful words!"

„Fair enough", Solas said. „Again, Saga. Be careful with who you reveal this to. The same goes for you two, by the way", he added and looked at Varric and Saga. „We cannot risk anyone getting so much as whiff of this or else they will put Saga on trial for witchcraft faster than you come up with nicknames, Varric, and there won't be a thing I could do to help her."

„Why is my safety so important to you?", Saga asked. The question was asked calmly, yet it boomed in the space between them like a thunderclap echoing in a chasm.

Solas swallowed hard and said nothing, while three pairs of eyes stared at him in anticipation.

He put his guard up.

„The Inquisitor tasked me with protecting you. I take my duty seriously."

„No, he did not", Saga dissented. „He told you to _keep an eye on me_. The Inquisitor couldn't give a shit about my physical wellbeing. So why are you so interested in helping me get my memory back? Why are you so concerned with the possibility I could be lynched by fanatical masses? If your prime objective was aiding the Inquisitor you should deliver me to him right now! Instead, you're undermining your direct superior by encouraging other members of the Inquisition to keep information from him. What do you gain from this?", Saga pressed on. Her conciseness was relentless. She left him no wriggle room.

Solas broke off eye contact as he yielded, then looked up again with a more open expression.

„You are right. I'm sorry. You deserve my honesty. So let me speak frankly. You are the second person within months to have physically entered the Fade and lived, if not to tell the tale, then at least to serve as a living example of what is possible."

Varric groaned as he realized Solas's line of thinking. „Oh shit, Chuckles, you're not fucking serious…"

„I am. Very. Saga, what if you, a scientist, had found a way to actually enter the Fade in the flesh as desired, whenever you wanted! The implications alone…", his voice was thick with excitement. „…it would be a breakthrough of tremendous consequence to all of us, to the whole world! To learn what you know, what you may know? It would be stupid to let that opportunity pass!"

Varric let his fist come down hard on the tabletop. „Except that last time some guys entered the Fade at their own damn discretion the whole world had the fucking Blight to thank them for! Which killed tens of thousands, if I may be so bold to remind you. Andraste's glorious ass, Solas, do you even listen to yourself sometimes?! Like, when you fuckin' talk?!" Varric's face was distorted in a mask of exasperated anger.

„What is he talking about, Solas? What's the Blight?", Saga asked, now equally alarmed by the friendly dwarf's emotional outburst. Something about what Solas said had really rattled his cage.

„Yeah, why don't you explain that to her, huh?! Explain to her what real consequences there'd be to your fuckin' hypotheticals! As if we didn't have enough shit to deal with already! Physically entering the Fade, that's Corypheus's job you're talkin' about! And he's only step by step destroying the world in the process, which _we_ , _The Inquisition_ vowed to prevent!"

A softer voice interfered in the back- and- forth. „Guys, could you maybe not scream at each other like that? It's really loud…"

That actually seemed to calm Varric down a bit.

„Sorry, Dagna. But this smartass here really knows how to put the holy fear of the Goddess into me sometimes!" He took a deep breath, calmer now, but his voice still on edge as he sneered at Solas, who looked down on him in thundering, judgmental silence.

Saga realized how different Varric and Solas viewed the topic of magic and the Fade. It had become apparent the day before in the tavern already, but now she saw the true extent of their disagreement. The emotions that went with it made it clear to her that the difference of opinion on the topic of magic was one of the most defining features of this world. If even people as easygoing as Varric and level-headed as Solas could argue about it so passionately, no wonder there was a war going on. But now, equipped with her scientific tools, all Saga felt was rekindled curiosity. What was magic? What was it, _truly_? Did even Solas know? Or did he use it like people used the ability of speech? Once taught you used it without thinking about it and without needing any deeper knowledge about how it truly worked. Saga decided an outside voice might ease the tension a little.

„Ok, alright, this seems to be a sensitive topic. But I'd still like to understand what it is the two of you are at each other's throats for. What is the Blight?"

„The Blight…", Solas said. „…refers to a period when Darkspawn find and corrupt one of the Old Gods, ancient draconic creatures slumbering in the depths of the earth, into an Archdemon, which then causes the hordes to attack the surface world."

Saga shook her head.

„I didn't understand a word of what you've just said."

He sighed.

„No, of course you wouldn't. I'm sorry, Saga. It's not your fault. According to Chantry teachings, the Darkspawn were created when a few mages of the ancient Tevinter empire, called Magisters, opened a portal into the Golden City, which lay at the heart of the Fade. The Chantry claims that the Golden City is the seat of the Maker, their God. When the magisters forced their entry, they tainted the realm of the Maker with their corruptive presence. The Golden City turned Black, and the magisters turned into the first of the Darkspawn. They've raided the surface three times so far, spreading death and corruption wherever they go, increasing their numbers. Many believe that Corypheus aims to do the same. Enter the Fade to find the Black City and bring about another Blight."

„Wait, who is this Corypheus?", Saga asked.

Varric escaped an incredulous snort. „You haven't told her?! For fuck's sake, Solas!"

„Varric, please…", Dagna interjected and put a hand on his arm. „Calm. Down. You're not helping."

Solas simply continued. „We don't yet know for sure. At the moment it looks like he is indeed one of the old Tevinter Magisters, who somehow cracked the secret of effective immortality. He seems to be part Magister, part Darkspawn. We believe he caused the explosion at the Conclave with the help of an Ancient Elven artifact. An orb carrying immense magical power. He's who we're fighting against. The war between mages and templars was just the beginning. The Inquisition was formed originally to bring peace between those two factions. But it has become clear ever since that neither the Templars nor the rebel mages are the real threat. So the Inquisition refocused its efforts. To fight against Corypheus and stop him from tearing down the Veil, enter the Fade and destroy the world."

Saga summarized what she had heard. „So what you're saying is that whenever someone tried to physically enter the Fade through the Veil, not just mentally in dreams, something truly terrible happened. People died. And you think that I might have found a way to replicate that. And you DON'T want to lock me up but try to find out what I know, but have forgotten?!"

„Now you see why I'm just a little bit concerned?", Varric asked.

Solas shook his head in disagreement.

„No, I do not believe you entered the Fade with malicious intent, if you even did so deliberately. We don't know that. But: assume you did find a way to open the Veil like a door. Isn't there the chance you also know how to _close_ it?"

„We have the Inquisitor's Anchor for that", Varric said. He had calmed down and indeed seemed to listen to the elf quite closely. But Solas shook his head.

„An inefficient method. He can only be in one place at a time and Rifts have opened all over Thedas. Plus we have no way of detecting Rifts that have already formed elsewhere, we stumble upon them like fools. Don't you understand?" There was an almost pleading tone in his voice as he faced Saga. „Hidden inside your mind might be scientific, safe techniques of manipulating the Veil, maybe even without the use of magic. If you remembered, you might be able to help the Inquisition seal the Rifts at a much faster rate than we have been doing until now."

„Come on, Solas, we all know you're just having an itch to enter the Fade yourself to finally party with your spirit friends in person." Varric had regained some of his humor. A good sign.

But Solas let his sarcasm drip off of him unfazed. „Well, that would just be a pleasant side benefit. My main motivation is the same as yours. Defeat Corypheus. If there is even a remote chance you could help us with that, Saga, I believe it is worth taking a risk or two. But the answer is hidden away inside your head. So we need that intact. You can see now why I do not approve of of you being chased by a mob wielding pitchforks who want to see you hang for challenging Chantry dogma?"

Saga exhaled audibly and raised her eyebrows. She shook her head. It was a lot to process.

„Yeah. I guess I do,", she said.

She couldn't help but feel disappointment tug at her heartstrings when she realized that Solas seemed to see nothing more in her than a means to an end. His support for her wasn't born of personal sympathy, but of rational cost-benefit calculations. It… _hurt_. Which only added to her confusion, making her angry on top of it all.

„I… think I'd like to be alone for a while. I need to process this", she said and stood.

Varric squirmed uncomfortably at that.

„You know we're not supposed to leave you alone, Saga."

„I don't give a shit right now what the Inquisitor wants! I'm not some pawn you can push around on a damn chessboard, I'd appreciate some space here!" Saga raised her hands defensively.

„Saga, wait, we—… thanks Solas, really empathetic the way you handled this!", Varric said.

„Just, leave me alone for five minutes!"

„Let her go, Varric", Solas said.

„A minute ago you were raving about mobs and pitchforks and now you just want to let her run around Skyhold? Do you even realize how you've upset her?!"

„Jesus fucking CHRIST!", Saga screamed, her voice echoing in the cavern. The two men froze in place and gaped at her, aghast. Even Harrit the smith stopped his hammering. „You are not my fucking nannies! Stop talking about me in third person when I'm standing right next to you and STOP patronizing me! God!"

Varric stepped towards her.

„Back off!", she snarled at him, turned around on her heels and stormed out of the Undercroft, a large storm cloud over her head, swearing under her breath and slamming the door so violently some ice came lose from the ceiling and rained down on them.

They all knew better than to follow her. Solas and Varric still stood around the table, waiting for a sufficient amount of time to pass so they could themselves leave without giving Saga the impression they were following her and each silently blaming the other for ignorance or lack of sensitivity.

Only Dagna seemed to be concerned with other matters. „Who are Jesus and Christ?"


	10. Sapere Aude

Saga had immediately taken to her tower, climbed the ladder inside it and opened the hatch to its top. There she stood now, furiously throwing stones off the roof into the snowy landscape and cursing dwarves and elves alike. Having regained her practical knowledge now only seemed to contrast the lack of any personal memories, which now pained her so much more. She knew what she was, what she was good at, probably had earned her money with. But she still had no clue _who_ she was. She remembered the name of her home, but still had no clue about her _roots_. And that was precisely how she felt. Uprooted. Transplanted. She had no idea how to live here. In the end, this broadened her emotional range in a way she would have liked to omit. She knew deep in her heart that this feeling of wrongness that accompanied her here wouldn't be there on Terra. Because that was where she belonged. The analyst was so kind to look up the word that went with that sinking feeling in her chest. Homesickness. Saga was nostalgic for a place she remembered nothing about but its name, its location relative to fourteen pulsars in the galaxy and its place in the order of planets.

A thought suddenly occurred to her that made tears tingle in her eyes.

 _Does anyone miss me?_

Was there someone on that planet she had seen in her vision who had noticed she was gone? A father? A sister? A lover? Or was she just as alone in the world where she belonged as she was right here, in this foreign, alien land? Desperation threatened to overcome her as she let the tears stream down her face. She sobbed and sank against the cold stone balustrade, lost in herself.

„Where is everything?", she whispered. „Where am I?"

„In Skyhold, sweetheart."

She jumped up.

A head poked out of the hatch in the floor. A very pretty head. A shock of full, dark hair on top of a sun-kissed face adorned with a regal nose and a stately mustache that swirled around the arguably most kissable lips Saga had ever seen. _Or second-most-kissable?_ , a tiny voice whispered in the back of her head that she quickly tried to silence by loudly speaking over it.

„Who the fuck are you?"

„Whoa!", the man laughed. „Someone's in a mood. May I come up?"

„First tell me who you are."

The man sighed.

„Very well. Though I strongly advise to get a look at the full package to get the proper impression with the name", the head said.

A growl escaped Saga's throat.

„Yes, alright, I heard you." The head harrumphed. „My name is Dorian of House Pavus, or, as some of the folk around here inexplicably call me: the _good_ Tevinter. A horrific misunderstanding, of course, borne of naiveté and idiocy. But well. Dorian to you, sunshine."

Not another nickname. „My name… is Saga!", she grumbled.

„Yes, I know. But calling you the way you actually look right now would not be remotely as flattering. May I come up now?"

„What do you want?"

Dorian grunted.

„Please? Pretty please? I told you my name, you said I could come up after that. My legs are really starting to hurt."

She gave him a curt nod and with a rather excessive groan he climbed up the rest of the ladder and stood.

A package indeed.

Dorian Pavus was a fine specimen. Tall and muscular without being bulky, he was dressed impeccably. The air seemed to glitter all around him, so many shiny bits adorned his elegant outfit of smooth leather, fine cloth and metal clasps.

„That's much better."

His obtrusively good mood severely got on Saga's nerves. She was not inclined to be made fun of right now.

„What do you want, Mr. Dorian Pavus the maybe not so good Tevinter? Wanna be my chaperone, get in line…"

He smacked his lips. „Aren't you a darling. No, thank you, I was never good with cacti. Actually, I just followed the fowl air you dragged behind yourself when you stomped out of the Undercroft, _unattended_ , I might add and decided to save your sorry self from more serious trouble should the Inquisitor get wind of you running around Skyhold without a watchdog."

„I thought you said you did not want to look after me. And apparently I look like a cactus to you."

„You're certainly prickly enough. And no, I have no intention of being your mother hen. You already have two of those. I came here to offer you some diversion from the drab company you've been keeping."

Despite her initial resolution to keep her dark mood, Saga couldn't help but be intrigued by this self-assured man. His sparkly personality seemed to pierce through the dark clouds that she had surrounded herself with like very determined, cocksure sun rays.

„And how would you go about that?", she asked.

„Like this!", he said and bowed down to loosen a piece of rope he had looped around his ankle. Saga's eyes followed it to the hatch, where it disappeared. Dorian stood, rope in hand, and walked back to the hatch, where he carefully began hoisting up whatever was attached to the other end of the cord. Saga heard bright clinking noises. Finally, a basket came into view, filled with two dark green bottles, a pair of clay cups, a loaf of golden baked white bread and some grapes nestled between the folds of a dark blue blanket lined with silver thread.

Saga gaped at the scene.

„Voilà!", Dorian exclaimed. „Straight out of the Inquisitor's stock. Just don't tell anybody, he'll give me hell for going around his back."

That was it. He had her. Saga broke into a lusty laugh. „You stole from the Inquisitor?!"

„You bet I did.", he said. „It's only the right thing to do. Those vintages are wasted on him. The guy is so inhibited, he wouldn't grant himself some unadulterated pleasure if his life depended on it." Dorian sat down the basket and pulled out its contents. „And you, my love, look like you seriously need a drink or two."

Saga sighed. She couldn't really argue with that. She felt like shit. „I don't even remember if I like wine."

„Of course you like wine!", Dorian said. „We just have to find the right one for you."

„But that could take a while", Saga said.

„Wonderful! We'll have time to talk at length about how it's even possible a man with the arrogance of a noble can dress himself in a potato sack."

Dorian had the rare ability to say insulting things about a person without actually coming across as unfriendly. He made Saga frown and smile at the same time. „Who are you talking about?", she asked.

Dorian looked at her as if he couldn't fathom she needed to ask. „Why, Solas, of course. Our beloved apostate Hobo."

Saga giggled at that. Dorian had been right. She had needed some diversion. A moment of respite, talking about something other than impending doom or reeling in a vortex of flashbacks that either left her puking her guts out, taking innocents hostage or suffocating in a suit she didn't remember how to use correctly. She felt her muscles relax and watched Dorian spread the blanket on the stone floor, sit down and open one of the bottles. He sniffed the cork, then wiggled it in her direction, wearing a conspiratorial grin on his lips.

Saga shook her head and grinned but relented in the end. „Ok, I'll bite." She walked over and sat on the blanket across from him.

„Of course you would. Who could say no to me?"

„Wow, you're sure of yourself", Saga said with a frown and a chuckle while Dorian poured the wine and handed her a filled cup.

„Wouldn't you be as well if you had hair like that?", he asked with a glint in his eye.

Saga marveled at his cockiness but couldn't help but like him. Under all this pomposity he had something ironic that made him attractive.

„Unbelievable", she said and shook her head.

„Oh, you better believe it, sunshine." He raised his cup. „To your finest day in Skyhold yet! The day you got to meet me!"

Saga burst into laughter.

„Hear, hear!"

They both sipped the wine. Saga grimaced. Also Dorian wore a rather critical expression.

„Oh… well. Interesting." He grabbed the bottle and turned it to read the tag. „ _Dragon's Piss_."

Saga almost spluttered the wine across the floor. „Who the hell names their wine Dragon's Piss?!"

„Someone with a realistic assessment of their ability to make it. Try the other one?"

Saga nodded, her mouth still filled with a furry sensation. Dorian just threw the contents of his cup over the balustrade with a spirited motion. Saga followed suit.

„So, my dear…." Dorian opened the second bottle and poured the wine. "How do you like our little freak show so far?"

He clinked his cup to hers, plopped a grape into his mouth with his left hand and afterwards propped himself up on it. He took a sip of wine. „Ah, much better."

Saga thought about that question, grabbed the loaf of bread and broke it.

„Well, it's not like I could compare it to anything. But people have been very… patient. Solas and Varric helped me a great deal." A pang of guilt shot through her chest. She lowered her head. „I've been a total ass to them down there."

„What did happen to get you into a foul mood like that?", Dorian asked and picked another grape.

Of course he had wanted to know that from the start. But at least he had made an effort to cheer her up first. Saga decided to confide in him.

„Basically Solas told me that he believes I could help you with your demon problem. Devise a way to close the Rifts that have formed everywhere more quickly. Which then led Varric to accuse him of actually wanting the opposite, a way to slip through the Veil and into the Fade physically. And of trying to use me to that end." Dorian just listened with an indecipherable expression, part earnest, part amused. „The Inquisitor thinks I want his damn throne, Cassandra thinks I'm a demon or a spy trying to infiltrate their ranks, Solas thinks I have some sort of Fade-walker superpowers and Varric just has me down as some helpless pup he can protect from all the other guys." Saga stopped, shaking her head, picking at the piece of bread with her fingers and flicking the crumbs away. „I just… couldn't listen to it anymore. To what plans other people have for me, what motivations they ascribe to me. Without asking me what I want!"

Dorian laughed. „What _do_ you want, sunshine? Do you even know?"

Saga sipped her wine. The taste agreed with her. Dry, yet light. She rocked the cup gently and watched the liquid swirl around. A black hole of blood red wine, sucking her in. She downed the wine in one gulp. When she looked up at Dorian he met her gaze straight, a provocative smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, daring her to answer.

„I want to go home", she said.

He eyed her intensely. „And where is home?"

Now it was Saga to grin at him in roguish anticipation. She said nothing and held out her cup to him. He filled it without a word.

„Well?"

Saga drank, looking straight at him over the rim of her cup, still grinning. She put down the cup and simply raised her hand, her index finger pointing up into the sky.

For a second, Dorian just stared at her in wide-eyed disbelief, then threw his head back in a bellowing laugh.

„Haha! You almost had me there, love! Not bad! Not bad indeed", he said, wiping away tears.

Saga was not amused.

„I'm serious."

„Yes, of course you are, sunshine", he said and raised the mug to his lips.

But when he met her eyes, his countenance froze.

„You're serious."

„I'm serious."

„Ok", Dorian said and sat up straight. „Let's say for a moment I don't believe you're insane. Which you obviously are. How do you think you are going to get up there? You're not a mage, you can't levitate. And I've never heard of anyone, mage or not, who has achieved such a feat, no matter how powerful."

„Who's the one who keeps drab company now?", Saga teased him.

„Still you", Dorian plainly stated. „Honestly, Saga, it seems indeed easier to tear up the Veil and enter the Fade. At least we know two people who have actually, definitely done that. Not counting of course that nonsense about ancient Tevinter magisters creating the Blight by entering the Golden City", Dorian said and began to empty his cup in large gulps.

„Which is why I will get home not by flying up into the sky but exactly the way I came. Through the Fade."

Dorian spluttered the wine all over the floor only to erupt in a coughing fit. Saga felt a few wet drops hit her cheek and simply wiped them away with her sleeve. Patiently she waited for the man to regain his composure.

„You have got to be joking!"

„I'm not."

„Wait— you… you are not Corypheus having mastered the art of shapeshifting, have you? Because by Andraste's perky tits, that would be a hell of a convincing—"

„No."

Dorian groaned at her humorless response and tried again, more sincere this time.

„Saga, there is a reason the whole of Thedas is in uproar because there are holes in the Veil everywhere. Several reasons actually. They're called Rage, Despair and Pride. Hunger and Terror. Sloth and Fear. Demons, Saga! The stuff of nightmares. _Literally_!"

Without being able to consciously explain it, Dorian's words made Saga uneasy, irritated her even. „I think there has to be a more rational explanation of those phenomena. I think Solas might be right. I might be able to enter the Fade without any magic tricks. How else should I have landed here? As you've said, I'm not a mage. I'm a scientist. Maybe I experimented on the Veil and found a way to open it."

„Yes, well, how has that experiment of yours worked out for you so far?"

This shut Saga up. Dorian immediately felt bad for her.

„Listen, Saga. I'm sorry you have lost your memory. Losing it completely must be terrible. I wish you'd have lost only the embarrassing bits, I do. And I will try to help you recover it if that's what you want, if only because I shall not abandon a precious little thing like you to the care of an anhedonic walking fashion disaster and a professional liar too scared of the subject matter to be of any substantial help at all!"

Saga couldn't help but smile at his over-the-top language that went so well with his equally outrageous outward appearance.

„Thank you, Dorian. I guess."

„The pleasure is all mine. Glad to see that the clothes fit, by the well."

Sagas face lit up in surprise. „ _You_ picked them out? For me?"

„Why, did you think the potato sack on legs would have been capable of creating this perfect sonata of rich browns and juicy reds that complement your complexion like dusty red wine does aromatic bread?"

Saga was too stunned to speak for a moment.

„Wow. You do like your colorful superlatives, don't you?"

„Look at me and answer that for yourself", he smirked and flirtatiously cocked one eyebrow. It was simply too grotesque to be taken seriously.

Saga guffawed and shook her head, taking another sip of wine. It was starting to get to her head. A pleasant dizziness, making everything seem more colorful indeed.

„But jests aside", Dorian continued. „Please be careful what you're toying with. The Veil is all that stands between us and a demon army. It's not exactly something I like to think about all day every day, but it is the truth, plain and simple. Without the Veil, we're doomed. So don't tinker with it unless you're damn sure what you're doing."

Saga nodded. She didn't want to endanger anyone. She had had enough of that after last night. She let out a sigh.

„Well… seems I'm stuck here for an indefinite amount of time. Might as well take to the bottle."

„What, giving up so easily?", Dorian asked in feigned surprise, but poured her another glass.

Saga bit off a piece of bread. „If I can't study the Veil I have nothing else to go on", she said, munching.

„Who said anything about not being allowed to study it?"

Confused, Saga stopped chewing.

„You said—"

„I said: don't tinker with it", Dorian interrupted her and chidingly shook his finger at her. „I never said you weren't allowed to analyze and learn about it. On the contrary, I think you should. Like you said, it's the only clue you've got."

„But how do I do that?", Saga asked, broadly gesturing with both hands, cup in one, bread in the other, spilling some of the wine onto the floor. „The Inquisitor has me on a short leash, I have no equipment, no way of conducting scans or experiments. I remember my skills, which is just great, because they're basically useless around here."

She let out a frustrated sigh, ripping off another chunk of bread. Dorian seemed to have fun, at least. His lips parted with a suggestive smile as he plucked another grape and rolled it around between his fingers.

„Oh, the resources are all there, sunshine! You just have to convince the Inquisitor he'd be better off allocating some of them to you."

Saga swallowed the bread and topped it up with a gulp of wine. „And how do I manage that?"

„Easy, give him something he wants! Make a deal!"

„I don't know what he wants."

Dorian sighed. „What do men in power want, Saga?", he asked while he casually examined the small green fruit between his thumb and index finger. „The Inquisitor will leave for a mission tonight and won't be back for about a week or so. You've got time to figure it out."

She looked at him, but her gaze was turned inward, hoping the analyst had something to say on the matter. But he stayed silent. That question required episodic information, personal experience, not declarative information and world knowledge about spaceflight. But Saga was able to reason. So she took an educated guess.

„More of it."

„Yes, exactly!", Dorian exclaimed, closing his hand to a fist and crushing the grape in the process. „So, what in that skillset of yours can be used to give the Inquisitor an edge? Think, sunshine! How can you make yourself essential to the Inquisition, rather than remain just another mouth to feed?"

Saga thought hard about that. It was more difficult than she had anticipated. Without access to her past experiences it felt like she had to conceive every single idea and thought from scratch as if nobody else had done it before. She couldn't rely on knowledge about other people's mistakes and experiences. All she had to address any problem were the tools of her scientific skills, her physics knowledge and her own wit. Luckily, being a scientist came with excellent deductive as well as inductive reasoning abilities. And the analyst provided her with a network she grew increasingly adept at navigating.

„Ok, so the Inquisition has an army, right? An army means soldiers. Primary weaponry consists of batons and stabbing weapons, making body armor a necessity." She remembered how baffled Dagna had been about her suit not offering any protection against the prevalent weapons.

„Don't forget magical attacks", Dorian said. „Body armor is almost useless when it's made brittle by frost spells and the like."

„What is it made of that cold has such a profound effect?", she asked.

„Well, leather and various metals, of course."

„Huh…" Saga's mind raced. The analyst got to work with amazing speed, looking up everything she remembered about temperature effects on various metallic substances. „How do you detect that an armor has been made brittle?"

„The next hit cuts through it like butter", Dorian said dryly. He wiped the grape juice off his fingers on his leg.

„But that's too late", Saga said.

Dorian smirked. „You are a scientist indeed, congratulations, that is excellent reasoning!"

But Saga didn't even hear his cutting remark, had forgotten all about the half finished bread and cup of wine in her hands. She was in another place, staring at a point somewhere in the air between Dorian and her. Hundreds of nodes lit up inside her mind, connections building between them, criss-crossing, piling on top of each other, building up meta networks of meaning, of knowledge, of correlation and causation. Saga's eyes began to jitter.

„…Saga?" Concern crept into Dorian's voice. „Is everyth—…"

She cut him off with a gesture.

From the maelstrom of thoughts that whirled through her brain, a structure began to emerge, visible only to her. A smile dawned on her face.

„Saga? Are you alright? You look a bit… mad. Please tell me in advance when you're about to become possessed?"

„I am", she said, resurfacing into the material world and looking into his eyes.

„You are?"

„Possessed by an idea."


	11. Release from Tutelage

For the second time within twenty-four hours, Saga stood in front of the gigantic wooden door leading to the Inquisitor's war room. But everything was different this time. She was a different person. Not the helpless, empty vessel anymore that shied away from the Inquisitor's vulgar display of power, but a woman armed with knowledge profoundly superior to anyone around her, the will to use it and, most importantly, a mission. She was bound and determined to find a way to return to Terra, the forgotten home that called out to her in every cell of her body. If Saga had to make a deal with the devil in order to get access to the resources she needed to even have a fighting chance at that, then so be it.

Dorian had accompanied her, just in case any guard had felt called to arrest Saga upon seeing her walking around alone. It was against the Inquisitor's orders after all. But not for much longer. Saga was tired of the leash around her neck.

„Go on, sunshine", Dorian encouraged her. „Announce yourself. You don't need me in there."

And so she did.

The Inquisitor and Cassandra were alone in the room.

Saga stood in front of the Inquisitor's snarl without fear, head held high and a bright light in her chest, a smooth, high-pitched note ringing softly in her ears telling her that this was the right way to go.

„Well, well, to what do I owe the pleasure?", the Inquisitor asked. His voice cut like class.

„I come with a proposition", Saga said firmly.

„Of course…", Cassandra said. „…It's what a demon would do. Make an offer too irresistible to refute while concealing the small print. We see through you."

The Inquisitor held up his hands in a redeeming gesture. His tone betrayed his feigned sincerity. „No, please. I'm excited to hear what our guest might have to say."

„But—…", Cassandra protested, but was cut off immediately.

„Speak!", he ordered Saga.

Saga chose her words carefully, keenly aware that the two people standing in front of her were the most powerful in the Inquisition, and neither of them trusted her. The Inquisitor expected a ruse, a trap. He believed her to be a threat to his rule, after all. Cassandra thought her an abomination in corporeal form, Corypheus's spy. Saga was sure it was only thanks to the other advisors that she was even allowed to walk around and not in a cell.

„I know you don't trust me. I understand why you don't. I would like to earn that trust."

The Inquisitor languidly crossed his arms. „Alright. This is a promising start. Rather entertaining, if nothing else. Continue." He eyed Saga like a cat did a half dead mouse it still wanted to toy with. Cassandra made a disgusted noise, but conceded, naturally, to her superior.

„I have no interest in your throne, Inquisitor. I don't lust for power like you do. It's unimportant to me. You can keep it, all of it. Choke on it if you love it so much."

Ragnar cocked an eyebrow. Cassandra continued to glare at her, but said nothing.

„Then what is it you want, woman? Get to the point", Ragnar demanded. His fake playfulness had vanished quickly after Saga's rude words. He was an impatient, ill-tempered man.

„I'm not interested in meddling in your war. Corypheus, Rifts, demons, I couldn't give a shit. But it seems I must. What I want, Inquisitor, is to leave you and your Inquisition to your little war and your beloved throne. I want to go back to where I came from."

„At last we agree on something, it seems, what a pleasant surprise", the Inquisitor said without a trace of humor in his tone.

Cassandra's eyes were narrow slits.

„But—…"

„I knew it!", Cassandra spat.

Saga soldiered on.

„…But! I need help in order to find a way home."

Cassandra's suspicions were not easily dispelled. „And you want us to help you? Hand you over precious Inquisition resources just you can do what? Use them to plot against us?"

„Like I said, interfering with your goals is the last thing I want. I want to go home and be out of your way. And I do not expect you to give me anything without receiving something in return."

„Finally", the Inquisitor groaned. „What do you want? Spit it out already!"

„I want my gear back. All of it. I want your permission as well as free access to Inquisition material resources to build up a laboratory in the tower. And to accompany you on your missions in order to study the Rifts you're closing."

Cassandra shook her head, pushing herself off the table she had been leaning onto and started to pace around the room, bewildered by Saga's audacity.

„Inquisitor, you cannot allow this!"

Ragnar's shoulders bobbed up and down in a quiet laugh. He enjoyed watching Saga squirm under his gaze, the power he had over her, how she desperately tried to convince him.

„No need to fret, Cassandra. I'm curious what comes next."

Now it was all or nothing. The Inquisitor put up a front of sarcastic detachment, but Saga knew if he hadn't been interested at all he would have had his guards drag her away by now. But she was still standing here, cold sweat running down her back, heart racing, with only an outwardly inaudible sound in her mind, clear as a bell, giving her the strength to continue. Ragnar would either bite or he wouldn't. If he didn't Saga wouldn't get a second chance. She would be stranded here and would need to count herself lucky if the Inquisitor didn't have her shackled and thrown into one of his prison cells to rot. Saga took a deep breath. And stated her case.

„Solas and Varric took me to see the suit I was wearing when I fell out of the Rift. It made me remember what I did for a living before I came here. I am a scientist. I have knowledge about the physical world that your most educated scholars couldn't even imagine. I offer you to use that knowledge to help your cause."

No guards yet. The Inquisitor fixed her with his eyes like a cat about to pounce.

„Go on", he said, while Cassandra walked to and fro next to him without letting Saga out of her keen sight.

 _Yes_. Saga licked her lips and continued, her voice loud and clear.

„I offer my technological expertise to make your army the strongest and most powerful since the first war that has ever been waged in this land."

Ragnar said nothing, but his smile had slipped out of place. This had spiked his interest.

„I offer to make your troops near invincible to Corypheus, to his soldiers' swords and arrows, to his mages' fire and ice. You'll be unstoppable."

The Inquisitor's silence grew thick and dense, almost physical. Cassandra stopped her pacing.

„I offer to submit myself to your rule."

Ragnar slowly craned his neck, his pupils widening. She had him. She knew it. The note told her so.

„I want to join the Inquisition."

Of course, he had refused. But that didn't deter her. If he didn't want to listen to her words, maybe he'd be convinced by actions. The Inquisitor had left Skyhold with a small entourage for a mission to the Storm Coast. Saga was determined to seize her chance. With him and Cassandra gone, maybe the more reasonable voices within the Inquisition would be more inclined to listen to her. So she asked for an audience with Josephine Montilyet, the ambassador. She had been the friendliest one of the Inquisitor's advisors and she was a diplomat after all. If anyone would be inclined to deal with Saga, it was her.

However, she was also a very busy woman. Saga was refused entry to Josephine's office and told to wait. So she did. For hours, she waited in the Main Hall, watching the visitors of the court. Nobody approached her. They were shunning her like a leper. When she was finally approached by a guard, Saga was almost startled to have someone talk to her.

„Lady Saga? The ambassador would like to speak to you in her office." The soldier spoke a little louder than she thought was necessary. „Please come with me."

When Saga didn't immediately acknowledge his demand, his eyes started to dart around the room as if looking for a quick exit. Then she recognized him. It was one of the soldiers who had tried to keep her from leaving Skyhold yesterday. The one she had held hostage. A pang of shame tugged at Saga's heartstrings when she realized she had completely forgotten her plans to apologize. When the soldier was just about to turn on his heel and leave, she stopped him.

„Wait, please!", she said. For a shocked few seconds, she didn't know what to say and was afraid he might leave and think her not only violent but also cowardly. But he stayed and turned around, looking at her expectantly.

„Yes, my Lady?"

„I'm sorry", Saga said.

The guard was wary. Saga would have to do better than this. So she took a deep breath and got over her awkwardness. „I was scared and didn't think straight. But that's no excuse. I shouldn't have hurt you. But I did. It's not, I don't…" She broke off and sighed. „I apologize for my behavior that night. I'm sorry that I hurt you."

Much to her relief, the soldier gave her a curt nod. Saga knew that a few words of regret wouldn't make it all good again. But what could she expect? This was all she could do at the moment.

„Would you now please follow me to the ambassador's office", he said, calmer now.

„Yes, sure."

When Saga entered the office, the ambassador sat at her desk. She didn't look up from the letter she was writing when Saga entered but let her wait a little bit longer. The room was doused in warm light emanating from the fireplace and dozens of candles, lending it a welcoming atmosphere. It smelled pleasant, too. Clean and flowery. Saga relaxed a little, but not enough to completely calm her pulse. She felt Leliana's presence before she could actually see the mysterious woman. The spy seemed to appear in the room out of thin air. She was still wearing the hooded robe from the day before. Saga cleared her throat and finally, the ambassador looked up from her document and greeted her with a warm smile.

„Saga! Welcome. I hope your accommodations are to your satisfaction? How are you feeling here with us?", Josephine asked.

Her courtesy threw Saga off guard.

„Uh, yes, thank you, uh… good. I'm good. Thank you." Saga silently scolded herself for her rambling.

But Josephine was a diplomat. If she did notice Saga's nervousness, and Saga was fairly certain that she had, she didn't let it show. „It pleases me to hear that. Please, tell me. How may I be of service?"

Saga composed herself and tried to stick to the point.

„I would like to requisition a room to use as a laboratory."

There wasn't even a twitch in the ambassador's face. She remained her professional, extremely polite, self.

„Ah, of course. Solas mentioned you have regained a part of your memory. You are a scientist, no? How commendable you wish to hone your skills! It is important not to get rusty", she said. „And what a noble profession indeed! I am certain you would be much sought after at the court in Val Royeaux."

 _In other words: no lab for you, sweetheart._

Saga was not exactly surprised. The woman before her was a diplomat by trade. She wouldn't simply grant her the freedom of her own workspace without getting anything in return. As a matter of fact, she probably was under orders from the Inquisitor not to. Saga somehow had to convince her that her use to the Inquisition was worth the risk of clashing with her superior. Still, she grew impatient and did not want to waste any more time playing games.

„Alright, listen. I know that you know the Inquisitor has refused my request to officially join the Inquisition. That's understandable. I get that this must all look strange to you. First I fall out of one of these Rifts, don't remember anything and the moment I do regain part of my memory I start making demands. I'd be suspicious of me myself if I were in your position."

Her bluntness seemed to catch the two women's attention, who exchanged a surprised and faintly appreciative look. Josephine put her quill back into the ink pot.

Leliana crossed her arms in front of her chest. „And now comes the part where you explain to us why our caution is uneccessary. I am intrigued."

„I know you have no reason to simply believe me. But I hope you'll do it anyway. I'm a scientist. Not a spy. You have nothing to fear from me."

„Nothing you remember at the moment, you mean", Leliana said.

Josephine tried to ease the tension. „The two of us do not question your sincerity, Madame. But I would be amiss if I claimed there were no certain… skeptical elements within our organization. Certainly there is a way you could ease their minds."

„Deeds. Not words, Saga", Leliana said. „All we know is that a strange woman who fell out of the Fade now lives in the heart of our organization. Your affirmations are not enough. And if it isn't enough for me, it definitely won't be enough for the Inquisitor."

Saga nodded. And she realized something. They hadn't let her talk to them on her terms, they had made her wait and then had her escorted here. To the other members of the Inquisition and certainly to the court, it must have looked as if they had cited the mysterious stranger to them in order to reprimand her, show her her place. They signaled the others that Saga was being kept on a short leash. They were appeasing these so called skeptical elements. But this meeting had a hidden dimension. They were offering her a chance. During the Inquisitor's absence, they would grant her the necessary freedom to prepare a deal for him. Saga allowed herself a moment to think about this.

„Then let me prove it to you. My scientific knowledge is probably hundreds of years ahead of you. Give me any practical problem you're incapable of solving for technical reasons and I'll solve it for you before the Inquisitor returns."

She was gambling. But she was reasonably certain she would indeed be able to help them with any problems on this level of technological development. After all, where she came from, they had been most likely solved already.

„You don't actually expect us to tell you our weaknesses with only your word to guarantee us you won't use that knowledge against us?", Leliana asked.

They were good. The roles were clearly assigned and split up between the two. Leliana ramped up the pressure. Josephine held out a trusting hand. They were right, of course. Deeds, not words. Saga's mind raced. _What do they need?_

As she thought about that question and gazed outside the window behind Josephine, a crow came flying and perched on the window sill. A tiny roll of paper was wrapped around its twig-like ankle.

 _How odd_ , she thought.

„Ambassador, how far away are we from Val Royeaux?", Saga asked without letting the black bird out of her sight.

Confused, as if she needed a moment to process the question, Josephine looked at her. „Uh, from here to Val Royeaux? About three hundred miles. Why do you ask?"

Saga pointed at the crow. „You're mail's arrived."

Leliana walked up to the bird, who trustingly hopped onto her arm, and took off the small piece of paper. She gave Saga a curious look. „What are you getting at?"

„Well, you seem to have a lot of correspondence to take care of. Suppose you send a message to Val Royeaux and the recipient answers without delay. How long would it take a… carrier crow… to return with an answer?"

Josephine replied immediately. She had done this countless times. „About a day, depending on the weather."

Saga licked her lips.

„Ok, so without headwind, a crow flying at a maximum speed of forty miles an hour needs seven and a half hours one way, so fifteen hours under optimal conditions."

„Which are almost never given", Leliana said.

„Yes. And I guess there's correspondence that doesn't fit around a crow's foot, right?"

„Yes, of course", Josephine said. „We only use the crows for especially time sensitive issues or business that requires a certain amount of… discretion. The bulk of my letters is carried by messengers on horseback and takes more time to be delivered, accordingly."

„Exactly!", Saga said. „A mounted courier can do, what, a hundred and twenty miles per day on even terrain? But Skyhold sits in the middle of a mountain range."

Leliana's eyes narrowed. She began to have an idea what Saga was getting at. „The roads leading away from here are a challenge. Sometimes, they are impassable due to the shifting weather."

„So let's make that six days to Val Royeaux and six to return, if everything goes smoothly.", Saga said. „Which it never does."

The two women looked at her expectantly. Before she had had their interest. Now, she had their attention.

Saga took a deep breath. They would either agree or brush her off. _Here we go, science._

„What if you could send a message from here to Val Royeaux and receive an answer within half an hour tops without a single courier even getting his feet wet?"

Silence.

Then an uncertain laugh.

„Ah-ha… Excuse me, Madame Saga, but how would you accomplish such a feat?", Josephine asked.

Saga heard the unspoken suspicion very clearly.

„There's no magic involved. No magic, no carriers, no birds." A smile crept over her features. „Only the light of technological progress. Literally."


	12. Let there be Light

Saga blinked at the sun with a content smile. Conditions were ideal for her demonstration and despite Skyhold's high altitude in the snowy mountains, the sun was powerful enough today to keep her fingers warm, so she could do some last minute calibrations without effort. It was wind still. Birds were chirping in the trees of Skyhold's wards and garden, workers sawed wood down in the yard. Smoke rose from the tavern's chimney. It was a quaint day, the atmosphere somehow more relaxed with the Inquisitor gone.

Saga stood on Skyhold's northwestern tower together with one half of her setup. The other identical half was on a tower on the opposite side of the fortress, about two hundred meters away. Leliana, Josephine and Dagna were guarding it as to Saga's instructions.

Dagna's help had been indispensable and the dwarf had given it with her special brand of keen, undampened excitement. Her metallurgic knowledge was profound and her talents for engineering and improvisation had truly impressed Saga. She had procured all materials Saga had needed, from copper and mirrors to a reasonable equivalent for the selenium cell she had to manufacture. Nickel and iron hadn't been a problem and Dagna had even been able to craft selenium from iron and gold. But mica slate had been a different thing. This exact kind of crystalline rock didn't seem to exist here. After a few failed attempts the two discovered that Silverite was a close enough match. Without Dagna, Saga's project would have died in its infancy, and the playful genius she was, Dagna had refused Saga to tell her what exactly they were researching. She had wanted to find out herself. Until now, she was still in the dark, but within the next few minutes, the secret would be revealed.

Saga had just finished calibrating the two apparatuses in front on her when she heard steps behind her. She turned and saw the Inquisitor, for the first time in a week, who had returned from his mission a few hours ago. Josephine and Leliana had given him immediate notice that Saga had something important to show him that he should be interested in. Their considerable rhetorical aptitude made it easy for them to convince him despite his aversion to Saga personally. But one look into his arrogant, mustache wearing face betrayed his unwillingness to meet her. He was doing his advisors a favor, but he made no secret of his opinion that this was all a colossal waste of his time.

Despite all this, Saga's heart jumped happily in her chest when she saw that Solas came up the stairs behind the Inquisitor. He had accompanied the Inquisitor, so she hadn't seen him in a while either, not since the events of the Undercroft. When her eyes met his, her initial glee got stuck in her throat. Her smile froze when she saw his face, an unreadable mask. Nothing indicated he was even remotely happy to see her again. What had happened?

The Inquisitor's chilly greeting, however, came as expected. „Lady Saga. Why am I up here after days on horseback and not in a hot tub with a jug of wine in my hand?" The corners of his mouth were pulled down in condescension. He didn't even bother to look at her. Just as the last time she had seen him, Saga felt hot anger erupt in her stomach, but she cautioned herself to remain polite. Josephine and Leliana had given her this chance. Arousing the Inquisitor's interest and more importantly, keeping it was now her job. She must not mess this up. _Start with some narcissistic fodder._

„Inquisitor, thank you very much for taking the time to see this, I appreciate it", she said. When she heard herself speak, she felt sick to her stomach. But it was necessary. If she wanted his approval, she had to appeal to his ego.

The Inquisitor looked right past her with a demonstrative yawn.

 _Breathe, Saga. Breathe._

„Please, if I may direct your attention here." Saga stepped to the side and revealed her setup. He didn't move an inch, but at least he finally met her eyes and then looked at the two tripods with the strange attachments on top. Without even a hint of interest, he shrugged. But Solas was inspecting the instruments closely.

„And what am I looking at here, my dear?", the Inquisitor asked. Saga ignored his condescension.

„Economy of time, Inquisitor", she said. She hoped a cryptic answer would irritate him a little and wake him up. And indeed, he looked at her directly. „This instrument will grant you a considerable tactical advantage. You'll be able to initiate troop movements and exchange information with your agents within minutes, no matter where you are."

This alerted him. Only not in a good way. His eyes narrowed to slits when he hissed at her. „Didn't I explicitly forbid you to practice magic?!"

Saga hastily tried to reassure him. „Yes, you did and I didn't." She refrained from telling him yet again that she wasn't a mage. She didn't want him to get defensive, so she tried everything in her power to avoid him feeling challenged in his authority. That aside, he wouldn't have believed her anyway. „This is a purely technical apparatus relying only on the laws of physics. It doesn't require the use of magic at all. Your advisors supervised the whole research and development process and nothing happened without their explicit approval."

Saga managed to mollify him a little. He was still here. _She_ was still here.

„That's what I was told", Ragnar said. „Not that I was in a position to dispute those decisions given my absence. Believe me, I will have a talk with my advisors about the reach of their authority."

Saga felt his patience waning. His intellectual disinterest made it a moot point to explain the technical details to him. He needed to see what was possible in order to be convinced. Deeds, not words.

„Convince yourself. I don't want to take up more of your time than necessary. Please, step closer if you don't mind."

The Inquisitor hesitated shortly, then complied. Solas stayed where he was and mustered the scene before him with his curious facial expression. His eyes wore a serious, highly concentrated expression. But on his lips, there was this quiet smile that softly tugged at the corners of his mouth. Saga could almost see his mind work. A rather attractive trait.

Quickly, she returned her attention to the Inquisitor. „Can you see Josephine and Leliana on the opposite watchtower?"

The Inquisitor nodded and looked back to Saga. His impatience made him frown.

„Ok, please think of a question you would like to ask them and then speak into this funnel here." Saga pointed at the metal cone on top of one of the tripods. „Don't raise your voice, just speak as if you were in the same room together."

The Inquisitor raised his eyebrows. „What are you getting at? What is this supposed to be?"

„They will hear your question over there, answer it, and we'll be able to hear their answer coming out of the other funnel over there", she said and pointed at the second tripod.

The Inquisitor snorted, but decided to oblige. Whether out of true curiosity or the hope of exposing her as a fraud remained his secret. But Saga wouldn't hold her breath should she ever need to bet on his intellectual curiosity. He bent over slightly to position his face right in front of the funnel and then spoke into it.

„Give me one reason why I shouldn't detract this waste of money from your pay!"

The play of features he presented to Saga when he heard Leliana's voice, a little tinny, but perfectly understandable, repaid Saga for all the ass kissing she had had to engage in.

„That's not a question", Leliana said. „And on the contrary. I think you owe us a raise. And you should think about putting Saga on the payroll as well."

With malicious joy Saga watched the Inquisitor's arrogant grin slip and his eyes widen in surprise, no, shock even. His jaw dropped. She would treasure this look of honest confusion for a long time. Solas on the other had was better at controlling his features, although even he was given a small start.

„How… what…", said the Inquisitor. His eyes jumped between Saga and the apparatus while he tried to wrap his head around what he had just witnessed.

Saga couldn't ban the triumph completely from her voice. „It's a photophone. The first and only in all of Thedas. And you are the only one who knows how to build them. With a little help from me."

While the Inquisitor was still busy digesting the facts, Solas already wanted to know details.

„Impressive. How does your device work?"

He approached to inspect the photophone more closely.

„It transports sound waves on a focused ray of light", Saga said.

The elf was intrigued. „You can turn sound into light and back? I presume that is what the mirrors are for?"

Saga admired his readiness of mind. Solas was much more educated than almost anyone else she had met here. He had an allure, a force like gravity. She had to suppress the impulse to touch him. Instead, she only gave an appreciative nod, while on the inside, she admitted to herself how much she had missed him.

„Exactly."

Saga remembered the Inquisitor was also still there and tried to include him in the conversation. He had recovered from the first shock and actually seemed to listen to her with something akin to guarded interest. Her demonstration had had the desired effect. Now all she had to do was make him see the practical use of the photophone.

„The mirror inside this part, the one you spoke into. It reflects the sunlight all the way to its twin counterpart in the photophone on the other tower. Its a special kind of mirror, it's parabolic. You need that to concentrate the light. See here?"

The Inquisitor bent over and peered into the photophone to see it. He was actually starting to interact.

„At the focal point, the focused light hits a so-called optical-electrical converter. It's a tiny plate we coated with Silverite, right here. We used Silverite because it has a very important property. Its electrical resistance changes dependent on the luminous intensity of the light hitting it."

This was too much. She could see the Inquisitor couldn't follow. Even to Solas, the concept of electrical resistance seemed new. There was no electricity in Thedas. Saga had to find simpler words.

„Alright, so: the mirrors reflect light. When you talk at the backside of this thin mirror, then the sound waves, the… air coming out of your mouth makes it vibrate. Very minutely, of course, you can't see it with the naked eye. But these vibrations of the mirror make the reflected light flicker. So different amounts of light hit the Silverite plate on the other side, in the rhythm of your speech. Sound is translated into light."

„This is astonishing!", Solas said. „And the Silverite cell can turn optical signals into electric ones because of its light sensitivity?"

Saga couldn't contain her excitement anymore. „Yes!" She was positively beaming. How she had missed talking to him. „And these electric signals can be turned into acoustic ones with a few technical gimmicks. The photophone enables you to _listen to rays of light_. You can hear sunlight talk and laugh and sing. You could hear a cloud moving in front of the sun."

Solas's features softened as he listened to her. The mask of detached professionalism was gone.

„It is remarkable indeed, Saga, what you are capable of without the use of magic."

His honest praise brought a broad smile to her face. „I stand on the shoulders of giants. It's not my invention. I just remembered how to build it. But it is magical, don't you think?", she asked.

For a moment, their gazes clung to each other, spellbound by mutual fascination. Solas nodded with measured approval and Saga felt a warm connection to this alert and enlightened mind living behind these serious eyes the color of stone.

Their hidden moment of intimate togetherness was abruptly ended.

„This is all very interesting, but what use is it to me?", the Inquisitor asked. Of course, the obvious had to be explained to him down to the letter. Saga suppressed an annoyed sigh.

„Build a communications network, Inquisitor", she said. „This technology renders your system of couriers and crows obsolete. Once you've built enough towers, you could send orders to your troops within minutes instead of weeks. A photophone is ridiculously easy to build if you know how. You only need a network of towers with a clear line of sight between them. You already have many of those anyway."

The Inquisitor remained skeptical, but his initial hostility had softened considerably. She almost had him. „And sunlight, if I understood correctly", he said. „What use is a communications network that only works during the day in good weather?"

Now came the most delicate part. Saga could see his facial expression shift. He had an inkling.

„Yes, you identified that problem correctly", she said. Against all her inner impulses and feelings of antipathy, she deliberately flattered him to make him more open to what she was about to suggest. „The solution is to use artificial light sources."

„But torches aren't adequate."

Saga licked her lips nervously. _Alright, here goes nothing._

„Yes. Which is why we need something brighter."

Solas noticed her hesitation and spoke the words that were stuck in her throat. „Veilfire. Magical light can be modulated much more precisely and become significantly brighter than regular fire."

With a theatrical grunt, the Inquisitor threw his hands in the air and turned away from them.

„Of course! I knew it! Only the laws of physics my ass!"

Saga quickly interrupted him. „The technology itself is free of magic! There are non-magical methods of creating light bright enough, but that's far more resource intensive and makes everything more error-prone than it needs to be. You're right, to use the technology quickly and easily, magic is necessary. But the strategic advantages outweigh the risks by far."

„I agree with her, Inquisitor", Solas said.

„That's a given, apostate. You're not helping her point."

The tension was tangible. Everything could still go wrong, Saga could still end up as little more than the Inquisition's privileged prisoner.

The rattling sound of the photophone interrupted the erupting argument. A man's voice, slightly distorted by interference, but audible enough.

„Inquisitor! Inquisitor, can you hear me?"

 _Cullen_.

Saga's heart skipped a beat. If the commander of the Inquisition's troops supported the project, she would have won! The Inquisitor froze in his aggressive pose and stared at the photophone.

„Inquisitor…" Cullen stumbled and seemed to mutter something to himself „… This is really incredible…" Louder, he continued. „Inquisitor, we heard everything over here. You know I was once a Templar myself. Underestimating the dangers of magic is the last thing I would do. So I know you'll believe me when I say it's hard for me to admit this."

 _He would do it. Say it. Say it!_

„But not only do I think Saga's plan is doable. I believe her invention would grant us an immense advantage. You can't capture a ray of light on its travels. You can't rob it, can't torture it for information. It needs neither food, drink nor sleep. This method is faster, cheaper and safer than all existing alternatives. Under the supervision of our former Templar soldiers, I think the risk of using a magical light source is worth it. So, I'm with Leliana and Josephine here. We should give Saga's idea a chance."

Saga held her breath. His three advisors had been in disagreement a lot in the past, Varric had told her. Now they were speaking in unison. It would be unusual for the Inquisitor not to follow their advice. Ragnar remained silent for a few seconds and sized Saga up with his cold eyes. She stared back. All arguments were on her side. The Inquisitor smacked his lips and cocked his head.

„What does your generous help cost me, Saga?", he asked.

Saga silently let out the breath she had been holding. „Next to nothing, Inquisitor. The only thing I ask of you in return is to have some space allotted to me where I can set up a laboratory and an opportunity to accompany you on one of your travels. I wish to study the phenomenon that brought me here."

Ragnar's eyes went wide with disbelief. „You want to study the Rifts?!" A barking laugh escaped him. „Ha! Girl, forget it! I've enough on my hands keeping the demons in check without a civilian getting in my way."

„Then you needn't worry. You know I can take care of myself. I took out four of your guards, remember?"

„Yeah, what was that about anyway?", he asked.

Saga shrugged. She couldn't remember where she had learned to fight like that. „I seem to have some sort of close combat training. I don't remember where or when I learned it or why… because all my biographic memory is still lost to me. But my body remembers the moves. If and when I'm in danger, I will be able to handle myself. You don't have to babysit me. You'll be glad you brought another pair of hands along."

The adrenaline in her system made her brisk, but it worked. There was almost something like respect in his eyes.

„You're stubborn, Lady, I give you that."

And after a few endless heartbeats of strained silence, he held his hand out to her.

„Agreed, Saga. We have a deal."

She gripped it firmly and shook it. „Thank you Inquisitor. You will not regret this."

„I hope so, Saga", he said. The threat was looming just beneath the surface of his words. „I'll instruct Cullen to start construction according to your specifications immediately." He withdrew his hand and turned around to leave without another word. When Saga was sure he was out of earshot, she jumped in the air and let out a small cry of victory.

„Yes! Yes yes yes!"

Solas watched her with a mixture of bewilderment and approval. Would she ever be able to read this cryptic elf?

„A formidable achievement", he said. „From feared outlaw to scientific advisor of the Inquisitor within a mere two weeks? I wonder if you are aware of the scope of this engagement."

Saga's head still felt light and dizzy with the excitement. Her skin tingled pleasantly, her insides were flattering. She really convinced the Inquisitor of having her own lab. Of taking her with him. She didn't want to spoil this moment by thinking of some ramifications in the far future.

„What scope? If everything goes according to plan I find a way home. If I make a mistake I'm dead. Nothing's changed, except my chances of not being burnt at the stake just improved."

Solas chuckled. What a pleasant sound. She liked how it changed his hard features when he smiled.

„I'm sorry", he said. _God, you have nothing to be sorry about. Please do it again._ „Nothing is funny about that actually, of course. On the contrary, you have decided to actively interfere in the affairs of this world instead of remaining a passive spectator. I approve of it. It is simply your… directness, as refreshing as I may personally find it, can cost you your head as quickly as being believed to be a demon."

„Directness? I was being diplomatic to him. The direct thing to do would've been to kick him in the face and throw his unconscious body in a cell so he can't bother anyone."

Solas didn't comment on her inglorious rant, but she could see the mischievous glee sparkle in his eyes just before he bent down to look through the photophone.

„The laughter of sunlight…", he murmured. „Your people communicate like this on a daily basis?"

Saga didn't know how to answer that.

„I… don't remember. I just… I know about this technology. I don't know where I know it from. I don't know how old it is. I had other ideas before we decided on this one. It was a matter of available tech and materials, actually. Knowledge just sits in my head waiting to be applied, but I lack all historical context. My first idea was something called the Internet, but I quickly realized that wouldn't work because too many bridging technologies are missing here. My guess is that the photophone is a lot older tech than the other thing. I'd tell you all about it if you have a few hours. But only if you tell me everything you know about the Veil and the Fade and… I want to know it all!"

Carefully, almost tenderly, he touched the complex array of mirrors and metal parts perched on top of the wooden tripod. When he looked back at her, there was something in his eyes. Deferent and playful.

„If there is anyone in this fortress — indeed, on this side of the Veil, who I am confident can approach the subject with the necessary reason and level headedness, it is you."

* * *

Disclaimer: Photophones actually exist, I didn't come up with any of that. They were invented by Alexander Graham Bell and Charles Sumner Tainter. Bell actually thought that they were his greatest invention, not the telephone. Go figure.


	13. Pride and Prejudice

Days flew by. As the week passed and then another, the sun climbed higher and higher over the horizon.

Once the Inquisitor had agreed to her proposal and had the goods she had requisitioned delivered to her tower, Saga worked day and night, only stopping to relieve herself or when her eyes fell shut and she broke down over her desk out of sheer exhaustion. It was as if she had been put under a spell. Had it not been for Varric's almost motherly care, she'd have forgotten to eat. Like Solas had suggested, she had her bed moved to the uppermost level of the tower. The lower level, she used as a laboratory. She had furnished it with a desk and a slate, which was always completely scribbled over with calculations, a chaotic jumble of strange symbols to anyone but Saga herself, who could read the mathematical language like prose. The desk was littered with papers and thick tomes she had borrowed from Solas and Dorian or lifted from the abandoned library in the cellar. She had not been able to read them all, as some of them were written in languages she didn't understand. But some of them at least she could, and others, written in Elven or Tevinter, Dorian and Solas had translated for her. This way she learned not only about Thedas's history, but also about the current level of technological and scientific development. A dismal, sobering affair. It was as if the existence of magic had stalled the evolution of the sciences. Compared to what the scholars of Thedas knew about the physical world, Saga was an omniscient sage. The analyst took notice of this considerable gap and filed it away, a piece of information maybe to be used later.

The history of the Elves touched Saga especially. Apparently, in the distant past they had had an Empire called Elvhenan that had spanned all of Thedas. They had been so long-lived as to be immortal. But their Empire was destroyed by humans, who enslaved their people. The Elves lost their immortality because of the contact with mortal beings, which they derisively called _Shemlen_. Quick children. Bereft of their cultural heritage, their records destroyed, the Elves slowly forgot most about their history. Nowadays, Elves were splintered into two broad groups, City Elves and the Dalish. The City Elves toiled in slums in human cities, mostly as second class citizens, often as slaves. The Dalish lived in woodland clans, steering clear of human settlements, and tried to preserve their heritage through tales and stories. Saga's heart went out to them. She understood what it felt like to lose one's home, to feel alien wherever one went.

On the lower level of the tower, Saga also had put up a small workshop where she tinkered on various models of armor and weaponry, means of transportation and communication.

Her relentless efforts payed off.

She created the blueprints for a new kind of furnace which Dagna then used to forge metals more durable and lighter than anything that had existed before, granting the Inquisition's soldiers increased protection, flexibility and fighting force. The swords that were produced from Saga's blueprints didn't dull. They didn't crack. The advanced arrow tips tore through conventional armor like a hot knife through butter. A simple scanning apparatus Saga devised detected even the tiniest impurities in any metal equipment the Inquisition forces were using, enabling them to repair their armor early enough before it would become too brittle to wear. Magical attacks were still a problem, but still it didn't take long before casualty numbers were plummeting. The changes she effected worked. Saga rose in the Inquisitor's esteem. Even Cassandra seemed to ease up on her, slowly but steadily letting go of her prejudices.

But Saga didn't stop there. The longer she worked with the Inquisition, the more involved she got. It was not as if she had intended to do more than promised or did it out of sheer goodwill. No, she simply enjoyed putting her skills to use. It was a liberating, invigorating feeling that built her confidence and almost made her forget she didn't actually belong in this world. Almost.

The photophone network had had small beginnings, but soon it spread out into all directions, Skyhold being the central nexus where all information came together. Josephine, Leliana and Cullen were pleased to say the least. They could now move their spies and troops with incredible speeds, react to new developments much more quickly, so the enemy had an increasingly hard time luring them into traps. And being his closest and most treasured advisors, they made sure the Inquisitor knew about it.

It did not come as a surprise, however, that not all within the Inquisition were happy about her quick rise in the Inquisitor's esteem or about the kind of help she offered. More than once she had to defend herself against accusations of being a mage. Or worse. Whereas the soldiers largely held her in high regards, some of them literally owing their lives to her efforts, many simple folk shunned her. They didn't understand what she was doing. Creating new elements, scribbling strange symbols everywhere, making light audible. It was obvious to suspect her of magic. And also some of the Inquisitor's inner circle were wary of her, for their own labyrinthine reasons.

After days of ceaseless work, sitting at desks, bending over equipment, her whole body hurt. Her muscles craved some movement. Down in the courtyard, soldiers practiced their fighting skills almost every day in a small enclosed training area. She decided she needed a workout.

As she approached the training grounds, she saw Iron Bull standing at the fence that surrounded it, together with a petite elven woman with short, fringy blonde hair and a muscular young man in heavy armor. They were obviously having an enjoyable conversation with each other and were laughing loudly. The elven woman giggled, snorted and cackled rather shamelessly at Bull's words.

„Care to let me in on the joke?", Saga asked as she approached the three.

„I'd let you in on more than that! Phew!", the elven woman blurted out and shot Saga a clearly ambiguous look. From up close, she looked young and thin. She was dressed in a gaudy mix of colorful rags and tight leggings and quite obviously didn't care about pattern matching, which lent her a playful appearance. Her pouty lips wore a broad, salacious grin, but her large blue eyes were hard. „I'm Sera, nice of you to finally swing ´round, yeah?"

Ignoring her initial request as well, Iron Bull let out a raucous laugh. „Haha! I betcha would! You should _really_ watch your breeches from now an, Saga. But hey, meet my lieutenant", he introduced the other man.

„Hi. I'm Krem", he said with a husky voice and stuck out a gloved hand to Saga, who shook it. „Pleased to meet you."

Krem had short hair that was shaven at the sides of his skull. His face had a peculiarly delicate streak that didn't quite seem to match his low voice. It created an interesting contrast, as if his face were flickering between showing two different personas that somehow were still one and the same. Saga immediately liked him.

„Yeah, yeah", Sera interrupted. „Hey listen, you like cookies?"

The sudden question confounded Saga who didn't know how to respond for a second. But Sera didn't require a response anyhow.

„´Cos I could show you my cookie jar if you like…"

The unexpected flirting made her uncomfortable, so she decided to ignore it. „Actually", Saga said. „I was looking for someone to spar with. Interested?"

Saga immediately winced. An invitation for a round of sweaty action with lots of physical contact was not a good way to discourage anyone from flirting, she realized. Too late.

„Ohhh", Sera said with a quirky giggle that made her voice sound amused and shrill at the same time. „I think she wants _out_ of those breeches sooner rather than later, huh?"

The sound of her voice made Saga's teeth hurt. Sera grinned at her provocatively and leaned against the rickety fence surrounding the training grounds. There was something unusually aggressive about the young elf, dangerously lurking just below her girlish face, like a shark baring its teeth right beneath the water surface. Sera annoyed Saga, yet she felt pleasantly… _baited_.

„Care to try?"

„Haha!" Iron Bull rumbled and playfully smacked Sera on the shoulder. „Oh yeah, this is going to be good!"

„Wha—? Seriously?!" Sera looked shocked all of a sudden. Apparently she hadn't expected Saga to hold her to her word.

„Yep." Saga took off her leather jacket and hung it over the fence, then took off her boots and socks as well. The analyst took note of how automatic these actions were, as if it was only natural she'd work out barefoot.

 _Let's see how far implicit muscle memory will take me here._

Saga stepped into the sparring ring and started warming herself up.

„Can't back out now, buttercup", Iron Bull rumbled. His one-eyed mug wore a gleeful, yet almost fatherly expression.

„Only if I can ride on your shoulders and throw bees at her, I'm no fuckin' close combat Bronto like you, you daft tit!", Sera shot back rather waspishly.

„Anyone?", Saga asked, smiling.

When Krem took of his gloves and began unfastening the clasps of his armor, her heartbeat quickened. He was a whole other league compared to the scrawny elf.

„I'm up for it", he said with his hoarse voice.

Iron Bull and Sera cheered him on as he let his heavy armor plump to the ground. Now only in boots, puttees and pants, Saga could clearly see how fit he was. Krem sported strong, muscular arms and a well-defined sixpack. But he wasn't completely topless. A long cloth was tightly wound around Krem's chest. Apparently he had bruised his ribs in a fight, but still thought himself a worthy opponent. _Cocky._ Saga knew she'd have her work cut out for her and silently hoped her reflexes wouldn't fail her. She had started this, so she needed to pull it through. She'd hate to embarrass herself in front of Sera and Bull. And all the other onlookers who had begun to gather.

As Krem stepped into the ring, Iron Bull, Sera and the others clapped and cheered. A lump formed in Saga's throat. This was more nerve wrecking than she had thought.

„Alright. First blood or until you tap out?", Krem asked and popped his knuckles with a grin.

 _What have I gotten myself into?_

Iron Bull's thunderous laugh sounded at the banter.„Careful there Krem, remember the guards she took out? Pride goes before a fall!"

Saga and Krem began circling each other. The blood was swooshing in her ears. Her skin felt thin and taut.

„Until _you_ tap out", Saga said, hoping she sounded self-assured. Krem smiled broadly at her, pleased by her fighting spirit. He was rather gorgeous, actually, some distant corner of Saga's mind noted. With a deep breath, she pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on her opponent.

That single thought had been enough to distract her and slow her reactions. Saga moved a millisecond too late as Krem dashed forward with amazing speed and precision and landed a painful blow on her arm. Her shoulder throbbing with dull pain, Saga quickly sprang back to bring some distance between them. Her lungs surged in surprise. She had not been prepared for that.

„Wake-up call!", Krem called to her, both arms raised in front of his face to provide cover.

Sure enough, Saga's movements were uncoordinated and sluggish. Krem on the other hand, more light-footed than she had expected considering his build, pranced around her in a veritable dance. Saga fought down the insecurity that was weakening her knees. She knew she could do this. She had won against the guards. Four of them!

She barely had time to assume a more stable stance when Krem came at her again, feigning a hit to her head to make Saga raise her arms but then abruptly bringing his knee up right into her stomach. The air literally beaten out of her lungs, Saga doubled over with a wheeze and fell on her hands and knees. She coughed as she eagerly sucked in the air, breathing in the dust that had been swirled up by their feet.

„Come on, girl, what are you doin'?", Krem shouted. „I thought you wanted to fight!"

Through a haze of dull pain, Saga could hear the cheers and boos of the spectators and felt hot shame flush her cheeks. This was humiliating. Saga laboriously got up on one knee and had just stood up straight when Krem's fist connected with her jaw and sent a stinging ache up her temples. She staggered backwards and fell against the wooden fence, a knot in the wood piercing her back.

Dazed, she shook her head to get rid of the ringing in her ears, when she felt two heavy hands on her shoulders.

„Your head's getting in the way. Gotta let the control go, Saga!", Iron Bull rumbled in her ear. „You got this!"

He shoved her forwards.

The crowd watching the fight had grown considerably in size. Saga was shaking with adrenaline and took a few deep breaths to calm herself. Krem, pacing the ring, was granting her a few seconds to recover. Saga tried to blend out the curious looks and excited shouts of their audience and focus only on Krem as she approached him.

She managed to deflect the next blow by raising her arm, but Krem gripped it and punched her now open flank. Her ribs crunched. Distracted by her aching torso, she lost track of her feet. With a single sweeping motion, Krem had hooked his ankle under hers and pulled her feet away from under her.

With a painful thud, Saga landed on her stomach. Her vision started to blur. Time seemed to slow down. All noise was suddenly dampened as her conscious mind withdrew itself.

And finally, instinct could take over.

Saga felt rather than saw Krem step over and bow down to her. Her elbow shot upward and into Krem's face, who flinched back immediately, giving Saga enough time to scramble up on her feet.

„Ouch!", Krem shouted. His nose was bleeding. The crowd was cheering, happy the fight was starting to get interesting.

Saga was hurting all over. As if her consciousness had taken a backseat, her body began moving with a will of its own. She assumed a wide stance, shifting her weight almost solely to her back foot and raised her arms, hands flat.

Krem came at her again. But this time, she evaded with ease just by pivoting to the side and brought up her leading foot to kick Krem in the chest with a snap movement from the knee. The soldier huffed and tumbled, stupefied, but didn't go down. Saga switched her stance and attacked again.

Krem ducked away as Saga tried to chop his neck with the edge of her hand, blocked as she raised the other and then tried to kick her in the back, but Saga quickly turned around her axis, then lashed out at him again in a flurry of kicks and punches. Krem took the punishment, protecting only his head with his arms, then suddenly grabbed Saga and locked her in a tight grapple. They both grunted with exertion as their scuffling feet made the dust rise from the ground. Saga struggled and could barely breathe, but Krem wouldn't ease his grip on her. Panic started swelling in her throat when he increased pressure. He was so much stronger that her. Saga forcefully let her heel come down on the back of Krem's foot, but he was protected by boots and barely flinched. Instead, Krem let himself fall to the ground, taking Saga with him. Rolling around in the dirt, sand and dust getting in their mouths and hair, they wrestled and panted until Krem managed to get Saga on her back and forced her to straddle him. She was trapped under his body. For barely a second, he shifted his weight to get a grip her wrists. That small mistake was all Saga needed. In a flash, she bucked her hips, making him fall forward over her head and release his hold on her wrists to keep his balance. Her hands freed, she gripped his shoulders and threw his body off her. Quickly, she wrapped her legs around him to press his torso on the ground, twisted his left thumb and wrist and leaned backwards with all her strength and weight to twist his arm behind his back. She could feel the resistance of the tendons as she overstretched his shoulder joint. Krem groaned in pain.

The crowd began to boo. It was clear where their sympathies laid.

Brow sweating with the effort, Saga kept pulling at Krem's arm. He was unable to move and indeed finally tapped the ground with his free hand. Immediately, Saga let go of him, the air escaping her lungs in a sigh of relief.

With a strained groan, she got up and held out a hand to him. He let her help him up and rolled his shoulders. Without thinking about it, Saga closed her feet together, pressed both arms flat against her sides and bowed to him. She didn't remember why she simply believed this was the appropriate action to end a sparring match. Krem replied with a nod.

„Well fought", he said, as they left the ring, both panting. Krem wiped his nose with his sleeve. The bleeding had stopped. A wry smile crept over his even features. „But that kick in the boobs was harsh!"

Saga stared at him, dumbfounded.

„The boobs?"

Iron Bull threw his horned head back as he laughed loudly. „Oh man, you should see your face!"

Krem let his eyes drop to his bound chest before looking back up at her with a mysterious smile.

Then it dawned on Saga.

„Oh!"

Iron Bull found it hilarious.

„Sorry, I didn't realize that", Saga said. „Did I hurt you bad?"

Now it was Krem's turn to laugh. „Ha, you're a sweet one! Almost breaks my nose and dislocates my shoulder without batting an eye and feels bad about a low blow." He playfully jabbed her shoulder. „No worries. Nobody gives a shit on the battlefield either. Which is just the way I want it. Nothing worse than someone coddling you in a fight. You're alright, Saga."

When Saga automatically smiled with relief, a sharp pain shot through her jaw and made her wince. „Ouch!" She rubbed her face. „So are you. Care to repeat that in a few days?"

Krem grinned. „You bet!"

When he turned to don his armor again, and the crowd of onlookers slowly began to disperse, Sera chimed in. „Tell me in advance, yeah? Love to watch."

„So", Saga said to Sera, still panting. „Have I earned one of those cookies?"

Sera giggled dirtily. „Both your butts earned one, you got that right."

„Why only watch, Sera?", Bull asked. „Get in there with her!"

Sera guffawed. „Nah, I'm good. Wanna keep my teeth. Need teeth for cookies."

„Sera's better from a distance. She's an archer, you know", Bull explained, which riled Sera.

„What the fuck does that mean, better from a distance? I'm _really_ good at _really_ close quarters, but no closed fists involved there, ya?!"

Bull's chuckled rumbled again, his massive shoulders heaving like moving mountains.

Saga had been working on some new bow designs for the Inquisition, so this piqued her interest.

„An archer? What kind of bow do you use?", she asked while patting the dust from her clothes.

Sera seemed irritated by her question. „One that puts arrows in idiots."

Saga tried not to let herself be put off. Sera did not seem to care much for politeness and her rude tone of voice didn't necessarily mean she didn't like a person. It just seemed to be the way she talked.

„If you let me have a look at it, I'm sure I could improve it. I noticed that the Inquisition bows are pretty heavy. Dagna and I are trying to create a lighter material for them. I'm also working on a redesign so the power needed to span is non-linear."

Sera wrinkled her nose. „Non-lini-what's 'er face?!"

„Nonlinear. Means that when you pull the bowstring, the power needed to hold it abruptly decreases, making it much easier to hold and aim in a spanned state."

The elf shook her head. „Yeah, thanks but no thanks. You go enchant your own linibilly strings." Her face had taken on an almost disgusted expression. Saga didn't understand.

„Enchantment? What, no! It's just simple physics."

„Yeah right, until my own bow shoots my own arrows at my arse when I sleep. Nope."

Saga sighed. Her jaw had stopped pulsing and her heart rate had normalized. The effects of the adrenaline slowly waning, she noticed her sweat-soaked clothes sticking uncomfortably to her skin. She needed a shower.

„How come everyone keeps suspecting me of magic no matter what I do?", she asked.

„People love their prejudices", Krem said. He was back in his armor. „Makes them feel secure. I believe you, if that counts for anything. You definitely didn't use any magic in our fight, at least."

„Thanks, Krem", Saga said. „I have the feeling many in our audience seemed to think otherwise."

„People are just scared", Iron Bull said. „Many have suffered at the hands of mages. It's not so harmless as Solas makes it out to be, you know."

„I know it's not. And he doesn't pretend its harmless", Saga retorted. „But even though I have never even once used magic, because I _can't_ , people still seem wary of me. I don't know what to do, I can't prove a negative."

„How about stopping to think you need to prove anything to them", Krem said. „ _You_ know what and who you are. That's all you need. Fuck them!"

Krem was right. Saga nodded.

„Hey Chief…", Krem said directed at Iron Bull. „Chargers still in need for a close-combat specialist?"

Bull's chuckle reverberated through his chest like the growl of a dragon. „Keep it in your pants, Krem!"

Krem laughed and shrugged. „Just askin'… she's gonna be one helluva fighter once she remembers what she's doing." He winked at Saga, who took his words with a grain of salt. She hadn't known what she was doing at the beginning of the fight. Only when she had been so pressed that some sort of survival instinct threatened to take her over had she… or rather, her body, remembered her moves.

„I'll make sure to apply once I do", she said.

Krem smiled at her. „You're a strange one. You'll fit right in."

All the way to the bathhouse and back to her lab, Saga was hyper aware of the looks people shot her. In most eyes, she thought she could see disapproval, fear, mistrust.

Krem's words echoing in her mind, Saga tried to stop reading other people's thoughts. Let them think what they wished. She needed to focus on what was truly important: gaining the Inquisitor's trust, so he'd let her accompany him on his missions. She needed access to a Rift. And she needed a device to be able to analyze it. Just looking at it wouldn't help her much. She knew what she needed, but there was a problem.

Back in her tower, her rumination began anew. Her mind felt less cluttered than before, thanks to the physical exertion and the cold shower that had followed.

The technology she needed was so much more complex than anything available to her that she had no chance of constructing it. The bridging technologies were simply missing. And even the Inquisition's resources weren't enough to develop those. Plus, such an endeavor would have taken years, if not decades. She didn't have that kind of time. Hence, she needed to improvise.

And finally, she had an idea.

She decided to loot her suit.

It was packed to the brim with technology from her world, basically a wearable computer, all chips and precious materials that were impossible to produce under current circumstances, like aluminum, silicone and fiberglass. On the right arm of her suit, a digital display had been let in. She tore that off, too. Tinkering day and night in her lab, she finally managed what she herself had thought nearly impossible.

Thedas's first portable, computerized scanning device. The ultimate tool. Too bad it was basically useless. Saga had been so convinced of her own grand idea she overlooked something essential. Once the battery she had looted from the suit would be drained, she had no way of powering the thing. And power hungry it was. One charge would maybe last her twelve hours, sixteen tops. Not enough even by a stretch in order to obtain, safely store and analyze the data she needed. Nevertheless, she turned it on. Who knows what she could find stored on it? The display lit up and showed her several icons she recognized as comms, life support, diagnostics and settings. She could flip through those freely. But the one that said _data_ was inaccessible to her. It demanded a password. Her password. Which of course, she didn't remember.

With a frustrated groan she sat back in her chair, the Tool laying on the worktable in front of her and rubbed her eyes.

„Stuck?", Solas's voice suddenly sounded from the entrance to her workshop. Saga turned around in her chair to face him.

„Yeah…"

He walked up to her. „What's the problem?"

„You guys haven't invented high-frequency alternating currents yet."

The elf tilted his head.

„Electricity."

„Oh. You mean this?" He held up his index finger. A small lightening bolt suddenly sparked out of his hand and arched to Saga's shoulder, making her flinch as a sharp pain shot up her arm.

„Ouch! What the hell, Solas!" She rubbed her biceps. „Do that again!"

He raised both his hands and placed them opposite one another, creating a net of cackling flashes between his fingers. It didn't seem to hurt him at all.

„Wha—" Saga looked up from Solas's hands to his face. „Why haven't you ever told me you could do that?"

„You didn't ask. How should I know electricity magic was of any relevance to your studies?"

„This is…", she broke off, unsure whether to be mad at the elf or throw herself around his neck in relieved gratitude. „So you people know what electricity is but still use bloody torches to make light? I don't believe it!"

Solas stopped his little show and eyed her with interest. „Well, you already know about Veilfire, it is used to power the photophones you've built."

„After we both had to have an hour long talk with the Inquisitor so he'd allow magic light to be used, the superstitious prick."

That earned a smirk from Solas. He and the Inquisitor didn't exactly see eye to eye on virtually any topic, but magic was a particularly touchy issue with the Inquisitor. The elf approved of Saga's open attitude towards his abilities.

„But Veilfire isn't electrical light either. How come nobody has thought of that yet? Not even mages? Why are there no lightbulbs?", Saga asked. This still baffled her. Magic had so many possible practical applications, yet all it seemed to be used for was making fire, move stuff around and kill people. Maybe also heal from time to time.

Solas smiled slightly, ignoring her use of a word he didn't know. He had become used to it. But the expression in his eyes was one of sadness. „Most people are afraid of magic. You know that."

„But mages aren't."

„Wrong. Mages have been held captive in Circles for so long, submitted to the Chantry's indoctrinations, that most of them indeed fear their own abilities. Which is what the Chantry wants, of course. Makes them easier to control."

Saga shook her head in disgust. „This is wrong. Nobody should be taught to fear themselves. Just imagine what this world could be if mages were allowed to just be themselves."

Solas raised his eyebrows in appreciation. „It would be a different world indeed. I have seen it in my journeys of the Fade. Worlds where magic and spirits were a part of nature, unrestrained by the existence of the Veil. It was indeed something to behold. Just please don't let the Inquisitor hear you talk like that."

Saga let out a humorless laugh and turned back to the device on her desk, a dead-end made visible. She had isolated herself for so long, barely interacting with anyone that she had maneuvered herself into a deadlock without noticing it. She hadn't even thought of asking anyone for help with her experiments, believing in her arrogance that nobody had anything worthwhile to contribute. Solas had proved her wrong with nothing but a sparking twitch of his finger.

„Thank you, Solas", she finally said and looked back up to the elf. He jerked his head.

„What for?"

„For coming to talk to me. For sharing your wisdom. For being a friend."

Solas shifted from one foot to the other, looking uncomfortable.

„There is no need to thank me, Saga, really. We are the ones who should be thanking you. What you have done for the Inquisition in the past few months has exceeded any expectations. Even mine, if I am completely honest. What you achieved without the use of magic is truly remarkable."

„I not only mean that little show of yours just now, I mean…", she stopped, unsure if she should continue. She looked at him how he stood there in front of her, intelligent like no other she had met in Skyhold to this day. Always composed, endlessly patient, but with a cold fire in his eyes that sent shivers down her spine. A tingling sensation on the back of her head reminded her of how his hands had held her, ages ago, up there on the decrepit tower under the stars.

„That night, when you helped me get out of here and up to the tower, I… I fear I would have killed that man if you hadn't come. And then they'd have killed me. I might be dead if not for you."

The elf broke off eye contact, apparently embarrassed by her gratitude. „You don't know that", he said.

„And I'm sorry for how I treated you and Varric in the Undercroft. I was ungrateful. You helped me recover a part of my memory, an important part. Without you, none of this could have happened", she said and made a gesture encompassing all of her equipment and the whole laboratory. „That's what I want to thank you for. The credit is yours as much as it is mine."

Solas had managed to collect himself again and looked at her with calm friendliness, inclining his head.

„Thank you, Saga. It has been my pleasure. But may I remind you that I did not help you out of pure altruism, even though that makes me appear in a light far less chivalric than the one you are trying to depict me in."

Saga smiled. „Always so modest."

„No, not always. Believe me", he answered and, too, gave her a small smile that brought a slightly shyster look to his face. It suited him, Saga caught herself thinking.

„This brings me to the reason I wanted to talk to you in the first place.", he added, more sincere now.

„Oh?"

„The Inquisitor asked me to convey to you he is going to honor the deal you have made. Tomorrow we will ride out to fulfill a mission in the Exalted Plains. You are to accompany us. You shall get your chance of studying a Rift."

Saga beamed with delight and jumped out of her chair to embrace Solas in a bold hug.

„Yes! Oh! Finally!"

Solas endured her show of affection with stiff dignity. Saga's proneness to spontaneous physical contact rattled him, so after he had waited what he believed was a proper amount of time, he carefully plucked her arms from around his neck and gently pushed her away.

„You hate it when I do that, don't you?", Saga asked bluntly.

Solas jolted, feeling caught.

„Hate it? No! Well.. Uh…"

„Alright then!", she squeaked and hugged him again, ignoring his gobsmacked grunt, then quickly released him and turned around to fly up the stairs to her study.

„I have to pack my stuff!", she called down to a thoroughly baffled Solas who didn't remember how to move yet. But Saga remembered something. She stuck her head down from above.

„Oh and we need to figure out how to recharge the battery of this thing with that electricity spell of yours, ok?", she said, pointing to the dead tool on her desk. „Tonight!"

Without leaving Solas time to answer she disappeared into the upper level again and started to climb up to her bedroom, cheering to herself.

She couldn't see how Solas gazed after her, raptured. And ashamed.


	14. Discoveries

Solas left, Saga packed her things. When she had finished, she returned to her work. Solas had lit a torch of Veilfire for her, and Saga decided to try out her new Tool for an hour or two and do a spectral analysis. While the Tool did its computations, Saga waited.

She was startled by a the sharp-edged voice of a woman she hadn't heard in quite a while.

„There you are my dear", said Vivienne.

Saga had already wondered when the First Enchanter would come see her again. After she had learned about the Circles of the Chantry, where mages were kept as de facto prisoners, Lady Vivienne had become that much more of a riddle to her. She was something like the head of the Orlesian Circle mages and a strong proponent of the Circles in general. Saga had a hard time understanding how someone could approve of their own group's oppression. But here she was. All glamour and dominance, wearing her jeweled leash with pride. Saga figured it must be her privileges that made her blind for the suffering of her fellow mages in the other Circles, just regular people, who did not share a bed with a powerful Orlesian noble, like she did. Deep down, Saga believed, Vivienne felt thwarted and offended despite her high rank and influence, because after all, she was still seen as a second class person. A mage. The chains that constrained her might have been of satin and gold, but they still marked her a prisoner.

„Madame Vivienne", Saga said.

The First Enchanter casually glanced around as if nothing about Saga's lab was particularly worth her attention, neither the tech nor the Veilfire, and displayed a perfect mask of distinct politeness.

„My dear, do you require assistance? I see you are fiddling about with magical artifacts."

Ignoring her condescension, but chafing at the misplaced term of endearment, Saga politely declined. But Vivienne wasn't easily deterred. „Please, my dear, don't be shy. Your security has to come first. After all you have already done for the Inquisition, anything happening to you during your… experiments, would be a truly tragic loss. By virtue of your skills you have made yourself virtually irreplaceable."

Saga felt her stomach tighten more and more with each word Vivienne spoke. It all had some hidden meaning, some subtext that somehow meant the exact opposite of the words themselves. Involuntarily, Saga checked if the door was open. It wasn't. She swallowed and silently scolded herself. She was being paranoid.

„Worried about my safety, huh?", she asked.

„Of course, my dear. You work with magical artifacts you lack understanding of. It would be grossly negligent on my part if I didn't offer you my help."

Saga couldn't help to feel like she had just been insulted. Vivienne wove condescension and courtesy together so seamlessly it was difficult to decide which one to listen to. The mage leaned elegantly against one of the beams that held the ceiling and idly twirled the magical flames of the Veilfire around her finger. Saga felt tense and annoyed. Vivienne had waltzed into the lab as if she owned the place. Somehow, she managed to make Saga uncomfortable in what she considered her sanctum, her own room.

„That's, uh… kind of you. I'm currently doing a spectral analysis of the Veilfire. Later on, maybe you could help me determine the probability density of the photons' wave function?"

Vivienne stopped playing with the Veilfire and looked at her in feigned surprise. „Oh no, my dear, you misunderstand. Physics is naturally your undisputed metier. I don't mean your little experiments. I'm talking about the profound consequences they might have, regardless of scientific outcome."

Now Saga wasn't doubting it anymore. The First Enchanter had come here to intimidate her. It was interesting to learn what it was like to run into a rhetorical knife. In her effort to embarrass Vivienne, Saga would have sounded arrogant to anyone who might have overheard their conversation. Not witty, as she had intended.

„I don't know what kind of value is placed in the natural sciences where you are from, my dear, but in Orlais, also the sciences are always political. A fact that strangely enough oftentimes eludes these brilliant minds. It is a remarkable amalgamation of intelligence and naiveté, wouldn't you agree, my dear?"

When Saga took a breath to furiously disagree, Vivienne simply talked over her, all smiles and radiant skin. „It is indeed reassuring that despite your foreign birth, you don't seem to differ too much from our own thinkers and tinkerers."

Saga's eyes had darkened with rage and she tried mightily to control her breathing.

„It pleases me just as much how politicians like yourself continue to selflessly look out for the good of the small folk like me." She paused to emphasize her point and glared at the other woman. „Madame Vivienne."

Vivienne's smile didn't reach her eyes.

„How nice to see that despite your unfortunate condition you haven't completely lost your grasp of the intricacies of political culture."

Saga decided to play along for a little longer. „Tell me, First Enchanter. How did I earn your consideration? What consequences could my work have, in your opinion?"

Vivienne frowned and tilted her head, a motion like a raptor with its eyes on its prey. „Why, the same that threaten mages, who indulge their dispositions without being embedded in a structure that protects them."

She was good. Saga's mouth went dry. Her confidence was waning in the light of Vivienne's superficially harmless words. She surpassed the swelling desire to stand up and move around. In an effort to hide how intimidated she was, Saga demonstratively leaned back on her chair.

„Protection from who? Themselves? The mob? Or you?"

„My dear, do not worry your pretty head, it has more important things to do. Nobody has anything to fear from me, least of all you."

She could say one thing and mean the other, so finely tuned was her tone and facial expression. Saga could read her words like a threat. Or not. Saga couldn't help but be afraid of the woman and have a twisted kind of admiration for her at the same time.

„We have something in common, my dear", Vivienne said. „The mob doesn't understand us. The plebs doesn't understand what we do. And what they don't understand, they fear. But we are also different from each other, because there are thousands of mages in this world. We understand each other, control and protect one another. By contrast, there is only one scientist like you and nobody really understands your craft. Right now, you have the Inquisitor's protection. I came here to make sure you understood that and to let you know you can rely on my support. It'd be a shame if you found yourself isolated, should the tides change."

Saga held her own under Vivienne's snakelike stare, but her heart was beating in her throat. Not trusting her voice, she remained silent.

„Well, I have kept you from your work long enough, my dear." Vivienne smiled broadly and displayed a perfect array of bright white teeth. „You know where to find me. And I look forward to our journey together." Saga's face derailed. Vivienne would be coming with them?! „We leave early tomorrow. Make sure you get your beauty sleep."

 _Well shit._

Dagna had been so kind to put together a package for Saga, containing all the basic necessities for a trip into the wilderness, bed roll, waterskin, knife among other things. Dorian provided a change of clothes of the latest fashion, naturally. Saga herself had added a stack of clear paper sheets, a small inkwell and a quill. And, of course her Tool. She was ready for everything, or, almost everything. Nothing could have prepared her for the discovery she made upon walking up to the Inquisitor and his companions, who were already saddling their horses at the stables.

She was terrified of riding. The analyst orbited the concept excitedly, but there was a black hole where the reason for her fear should be. She deducted that she must have had an unpleasant experience with horses in her life. Whatever the cause for her apprehension, it seemed to amuse Vivienne visibly, who swung herself up into the saddle with expected grace. The First Enchanter was only one of four who made up the Inquisitor's small entourage. They would also be accompanied by Cassandra, Solas and a slender, alarmingly pale young man who hid his face under the broad brim of a ridiculously large hat. Strands of greasy blonde hair hung in his face.

As Saga stood a few meters apart from the horses, clutching her bag and staring in terror at the huge beasts, the young man approached her cautiously, as if Saga was some sort of rare, shy animal he didn't want to scare off. He could not be older than twenty.

„You don't have to be afraid", he hushed, his voice like soft wind through autumn leaves. „They're only excited because they sense you know the feeling they feel when they fly, fleet-footed as the flotilla of fire, forever fleeing. They want to share it with you."

Saga peered at the young man.

„Uhm…"

„Ah, Cole!", Solas said. „I see you're getting acquainted."

„If you say so", Saga and Cole answered in unison, though the subtext in their words could not have been any more different, irony in one voice and the striking lack of it in the other.

„It certainly looked like it. Saga, meet Cole."

„Pleasure", she said and stuck out her hand, because the analyst told her this was the appropriate script for greeting a stranger. Cole just looked at it hover there in the air in front of him. Different script, apparently. Saga let her hand sink.

„What were you on about just now? And why haven't I seen you around before?"

„You have seen me. You just don't remember."

Saga sighed. „Oh… sorry, my memory is still a little glitchy."

„No, it isn't", Cole said.

Saga frowned at this, entirely confused, while Solas chuckled knowingly.

„Cole is a spirit of compassion, Saga. He can make people forget him. Among other things. It has nothing to do with your memory."

„An actual spirit?" Saga incredulously looked at the boy. „I imagined spirits to be a little more… ghostly. You look like a regular human to me."

„This form is how I exist here, not over there", Cole breathed. Underneath his hat and greasy hair, all that was visible of his face were his nose and mouth.

„Often, spirits are pulled through the Veil against their will and subsequently twisted against their original purpose, turning into demons. Cole is unique in that he decided to enter our world and consciously took on human form", Solas explained. Or rather, translated.

Saga was fascinated, her fear concerning the horses suddenly blown away.

„Wow… a spirit. Of compassion you say? So… how does that work?", she asked Cole.

Solas gave her a content grin when he noticed the relaxed manner she spoke with Cole.

„I simply go where the hurt is hidden, untie the knots of nots, the could not, should not, must not of the past and then, they let it loose.", Cole said.

Saga tried to get the gist of it between all the rhymes and syllables. „You… sense emotional trauma?" Suddenly Saga understood. „You felt that I'm scared of the ho—…" Her eyes widened, her mouth frozen in the o-shaped position as she broke off her sentence. „It's gone! It's… Where? I was scared of the horses!"

Cole suddenly seemed to get nervous, his fingers nestling at the dirty leathers he was wearing. „It didn't work! Let me try again!"

But Solas quickly interceded. „Wait, Cole! It did work."

„But she remembers!", the spirit in human guise protested.

„I remember what?", Saga asked.

„This is truly remarkable", Solas said and looked at Saga. „You seem to react differently to what Cole does than the others."

„How so? What did he do?"

„I helped", Cole said.

„Cole is a spirit of compassion", Solas said. „He is drawn to emotional hurt. Healing it is his purpose. He sensed that you were scared of the horses and took the fear away. Normally, people do not remember what he does. You on the other hand, do. I wonder why."

Saga was confused by all of this. The analyst couldn't make sense of it. What had just happened was completely out of her experience and none of her physics knowledge could provide her with an explanation, which bugged her. „But how did you do that, Cole? And what was that about a flotilla?"

„Ships, sailing on silent sun-storms, golden wings of light. It should not have been you."

Thunderstruck, Saga stared at Cole. A vibration, low and forceful, started reverberating in her gut.

„What…"

Cole audibly sucked air in in shock. „It tore off!"

Suddenly the low vibration turned into a searing hot pain and made Saga double over in agony. „Ah!"

„Oh no!", Cole said, fidgeting. „I can fix it!"

„Cole, no! I know you mean well, but Saga's connection to the Fade is obviously different", Solas said. He placed a hand on Saga's back and bent down to her.

„Saga, can you hear me?"

„Yesss… Ow!", she pressed through gritted teeth. It felt like her insides were on fire.

„Listen to me, this might hurt a little. I apologize in advance."

„It already hurts! Whatever it is, do it!"

A green light began shimmering in Solas's hands. One hand still resting on her back, he let the other hover over Saga's own hands, which she pressed tightly to her belly. Suddenly, a burst of greenish energy erupted between the mage's palms, tearing right through Saga's torso. As her spine snapped upward she let out a surprised shout. Out of her back, Solas seemed to pull a twitching mass of nebulous black tendrils, thrashing around like the arms of a kraken as he retracted his hands from her body and threw the strange tentacles away from her into the air where they vanished like smoke. The spook was over as quickly as it had begun.

„What the fuck!", Saga shouted, panting.

„Solas! Cease this at once!", the Inquisitor bellowed as he marched towards them, his attention caught by Saga's pained noises. „What was that?"

„It is peculiar indeed how you first order me to stop doing something and only second think of asking me what it is", the elf said in a provocatively calm voice.

„Don't push me, elf! I demand to know what is going on here!", Ragnar warned, pointing a gloved finger at him. He was in full armor, which made his already large figure seem even more massive, but Solas didn't even blink.

Saga was slowly recovering. The pain in her gut was gone, together with her fear of horses. She noticed that Cole was nowhere to be seen.

„Cole was drawn to Saga's fear of horses, which he successfully relieved her from, by the way. Unfortunately, he seemed to sense something else in the process, a deeper hurt, and tried to heal that, too."

The Inquisitor let out an angry growl. „I knew I should have sent that demon away long ago…"

Solas raised his voice now. „He is not a demon and you know it! Do not use this as a pretense to get rid of him when all he tried to do was help."

„Didn't exactly look like helping from where I was standing! What did you just pull out of Saga?!"

Saga kept her mouth shut, not wanting to get between the lines of this old conflict, but that question was absolutely on her mind as well. She looked at Solas pleadingly, who let out a sigh and continued, visibly forcing himself to keep his voice calm.

„Saga's mind was not ready to give Cole access to the hurt he had sensed. When he tried to… reach that pain he sensed in you, he… well, to put it in understandable terms, he accidentally tore open the wound he intended to close, allowing demonic fragments of the Fade to get caught in the fabric of our reality. Inside your body, Saga, to be precise. I dispelled them."

Thundering silence.

The Inquisitor glared at Solas with unconcealed disdain.

„Cole is to keep his hands off of her. In fact, he is to keep his hands off everyone, you hear me?!", the Inquisitor hissed as he slowly crept closer to Solas until he almost loomed over him. Solas didn't give him the pleasure of craning his neck, only raised his eyes to look at him, a dangerous glint in his eye that made even Ragnar stop at arm's length.

„I don't care about his fucking purpose. He wants to help the Inquisition, I need his daggers, not his pity for every single heartbreak he encounters. If anything like that happens again, he needs to leave." Ragnar lowered his voice to a threatening growl. „And you better be glad you stopped this filth from spreading. If anything happens to Saga under your watch, I'll have your fucking knife-eared head."

Saga saw Solas's chest heave with barely contained anger. It must have taken him immense effort not to escalate the heated argument. Standing behind him at a slight angle she could see how he closed his hands to fists behind his back, the knuckles turning white with pressure.

When Solas finally answered, his voice was a menacing whisper. „I think we should ride now, Inquisitor. Before we lose too much daylight."

„My thoughts exactly", the larger man hissed back. He stared at him wordlessly for another three heartbeats, then turned around and walked back to his horse. „Saddle up! We're leaving!"

Saga looked after him and noticed Vivienne high up on her horse, looking down at the scene like an ice-queen. She was smiling.

„Well…", Saga said and walked up to Solas's side. „…Not exactly how I imagined my first outing."

He chuckled, but it was mirthless.

„No? It is exactly how I had imagined it. Come on, let's go."

„Where's Cole?", Saga asked, suddenly worried about him. „Did I scare him off?"

„He's around. You needn't worry about him."

Saga followed Solas to the horses. And indeed, she wasn't scared anymore. She huffed, astonished.

„I should thank him. Without his help I might not be able to do this today."

Solas swung himself up into the saddle with one fluent motion.

„He knows you're happy. That's all he needs."

Saga put her left foot into the stirrup, grabbed the saddle and pulled herself up with an ease that surprised herself. The horse remained completely relaxed.

„Well, what I need is a more in depth explanation of what you said earlier, about my connection to the Fade."

Solas shot her a grim look.

„What?", Saga asked. „What did I do?"

„Nothing", Solas said and kicked his horse into motion to follow the Inquisitor, Cassandra and Vivienne, who had already went ahead. Saga followed suit. „I am not angry with you. On the contrary, I am pleased to see you so unperturbed by what happened and find your open-mindedness admirable. One would wish more people in this world were as free of prejudice as you are."

„Flatterer!", she taunted him as they rode through the main gate onto the long bridge leading to the decrepit watchtower. „What good would panic do? You avoided any serious harm from happening to me. Now we must analyze what happened to understand it. Otherwise how should we know what kind of action, if any, is appropriate to take?"

Solas smiled faintly. „Your calmness is almost disconcerting. Are you sure you are not in fact a mutilated elf?"

Saga guffawed. „Wow, you must have a low opinion of humans to think that more probable than me just being a rational representative of my species!"

„A joke, of course. And no, not low, but realistic. Most humans decide to act first and ask questions later. Very few, however tolerant before, remain so after experiencing pain in the context of magic or the Fade."

Saga had nothing to add to that. But she couldn't shake the feeling that something else was gnawing at Solas.

„Something else is bothering you. What is it?"

They neared the tower. Just a few more meters and Saga would be farther away from Skyhold than she had ever been. Excitement mixed with worry as she waited for Solas to answer her. When he finally did, the expression he regarded her with was difficult to interpret, too many different emotions mixed in his sharp features. Saga thought she could read some sort of frustrated fascination, a streak of hope and the glitter of amusement in his eyes, a hint of fear even and… something else still.

„Our mission in the Exalted Plains. It contains a… personal matter."

Saga pricked her ears. „Oh?"

„A friend of mine is in terrible danger. It called out to me while I slept."

It didn't take much for Saga to put together the pieces.

„Your friend is a spirit? What kind of trouble?"

Solas hesitated and looked at her in mild surprise. She'd done it again. Simply accepted what he had told her without any condescension. „I do not yet know. I only sensed my friend reaching out to me in my dreams, calling for help. I hope we will get there in time to find out, before it is too late."

Saga had a worried look about her. Empathic, even. „I'm sorry to hear that. I'll help in any way I can."

„Thank you.", Solas answered.

After that, silence fell down between them, but it was a nervous calm, jittery like a dog hiding from a storm. His jaw clenched, gaze kept stoically ahead, but his eyes darting back and forth, Saga could see that there was still something else, but didn't dare to ask. She didn't want to intrude. However, Solas noticed her staring of course and decided to tell her out of his own accord.

„You are a strange woman, Saga."

Saga was not particularly surprised by that. Most people around here found her strange. When she said nothing, Solas continued.

„You are a riddle to me."

Side by side, they rode past the tower and over the threshold. All that came now was unknown land. Saga's heart quickened.

„By outward appearance, you are human, as far as we know. Yet, you are different from all humans I have ever met, and not only in terms of character. Truly, profoundly different. The event we witnessed before is irrefutable proof of that."

The path snaked down the mountainside behind the tower. A fresh wind blew and made snow dance around their mounts' hooves. Saga shivered and pulled her fur coat tight around herself, the other hand maintaining a lose grip on the reigns.

„You make that sound like a bad thing", she said.

„I do not mean it that way in the slightest. It puzzles me. My travels of the Fade allowed me to see more than most. Things that most people could only dream about. Literally. But nothing in even my deepest journeys into the Fade even hinted at the existence of a creature like you."

„A creature like me?", she asked, not sure what to make of that choice of words.

He shot her a glance from the side, before concentrating again on the path.

„You are an anomaly. A unique event. Unforeseen by anyone. Discovering the unknown has always fascinated me, and the reasons behind your sudden appearance are a great unknown to all of us, including yourself."

Being called an anomaly was only marginally better than being referred to as a creature, and Saga's retort turned out accordingly dry.

„Huh. Glad I make an interesting case study. Just don't dissect my brain in my sleep or anything."

„I would not even dream about harming that which harbors your intelligence, Saga. Unlike certain others, I do not make a habit of destroying the wonders I encounter in order to understand them", Solas replied smoothly.

That made her raise an eyebrow at him.

„Are you suggesting I have a sharp intellect?", she asked with a smirk.

„No", he stated, eyes straight ahead. But when he continued, his voice dropped down to a velvety timbre that made Saga's neck tingle. „I am _declaring_ it. There was never any room for debate."

„Hm-hm…", was all she managed to get out and they rode into the unknown next to each other in verbose silence.


	15. Losing Game

They reached the valley within a few hours and continued straight west for three days until they entered the woodlands of the Dales, then turned north and rode on for another three. Cole had indeed reappeared on his own mount as miraculously as he had vanished. Cole, Saga learned, was strange, but endearing, almost childlike. His tendency to take everything anyone said literally made him seem a little autistic at times. He was like a mirror to her that showed her immediately when she hadn't been precise enough. The scientist inside of her liked this about him, even though it did annoy her sometimes, especially on an empty stomach. But overall, Saga found that she was not at all bothered by his company, unlike certain other party members, who did not see anything human in him and treated him with suspicion or outright hostility. Vivienne especially showed nothing but cold dismissal towards him.

The group rode at a stiff pace, only stopping once or twice a day to feed or water the horses or make camp for the night. Saga's back had started to ache on day two. But release was almost in sight.

Tonight, they had made their camp one last time before they expected to reach the forward camp in the Exalted Plains some time around noon the next day. The Emerald Forest, grand and green, had started to thin out. They had made their camp in a clearing where large boulders had fallen down a rock formation, offering them shelter from the elements and protection from possible attackers, and started to go through their usual routine that had established itself on their journey. Cassandra and the Inquisitor had collected wood, lit a fire and sat around it cleaning their weapons and armor. Vivienne and Solas had put their long-range magical attacks to use in hunting them some food. Separately. It also went without saying that Vivienne wouldn't get her hands dirty in actually skinning and gutting the animals or lower herself to preparing the food like the uncivilized peasant she believed Solas to be. But he had spent most of his life wandering the woods and knew no such queasiness. Cole's and Saga's job was to tend to the horses. The irony of the situation, that she who had been so afraid before was now taking care of the large and gentle beasts, did not escape her.

When the sun was already standing low, Solas returned from his hunting trip, carrying three dead and rather stiff looking hares. He preferred ice magic when he hunted. Vivienne just emerged from her small tent smelling like a whole perfumery after having washed the day's sweat from her body. Saga stood by the horses, fidgeting with the fastenings of her horse's saddle, while Cole perched on the ground and regarded the grass with utmost concentration, when Saga had an idea.

„Cole? Can I ask you something?

„You already did", he said.

Saga laughed.

„Yes, I did. I want to ask you another question."

Cole didn't answer and didn't look up from the grass. She took that as a yes.

„Would you allow me to scan you?"

He hesitated, then finally raised his head, almost high enough so she could see his eyes twinkle behind the strands of ashen blond hair. Saga wondered if he ever took off the hat.

„I don't know", he said.

Vivienne's arrogant voice tore through the cool evening air like a fingernail over a blackboard.

„You would do well to keep your distance from the demon, dear. Or have you forgotten already what it did to you, back at Skyhold?"

Saga bristled at her tone. Vivienne had ignored Cole most of the time, but always reacted with bone-chilling condescension whenever he had addressed her.

„He's not an it, Vivienne", Saga said.

She elegantly poised herself on a large rock that lay next to the fire they had built.

„I understand how this fact might be confusing to someone inexperienced with magical affairs and the Fade, my dear. But you are a scientist. You should know better than to anthropomorphize the subject of your study."

Saga turned to look at Cole, who still sat on the ground.

„Cole, which pronoun would you like me to use when I address you?"

„This body is male. I exist in it", he said.

„So, should I use the male pronoun? That what you're saying?", Saga asked.

„I guess."

„Ok, so we'll go with he/him/his until you say otherwise, alright?"

„Alright", Cole whispered, then returned his attention to the grass.

Saga turned back to Vivienne and gave her a cold triumphant stare.

„I rest my case."

The woman answered with a derisive chuckle.

„Oh, my dear, you are surprisingly clueless. I sincerely hope your naiveté does not get you killed."

Cole finally had something to say on the matter as well. „Solas doesn't fear spirits, Vivienne. Why do you?"

Vivienne flicked some dirt off her robe without looking at him at him. „Your apostate friend did not benefit from formal training in a Circle."

„How unfortunate for me", Solas commented, flipping the knife in his hand to begin skinning the first hare. Rather pointedly, Saga thought.

„The Circle makes you afraid? Are demons stronger there?", Cole asked Vivienne.

When Vivienne finally descended to actually turning her face in Cole's direction, her gaze was hard as stone. „The Circle taught me the tricks demons play to gain the trust of any mage foolish enough to listen. Solas seems to trust you. How long before you turn on him?"

„Solas is my friend!", Cole exclaimed.

„But you'd like to be more, wouldn't you?", Vivienne said. Her voice was bereaved of all warmth or empathy, yet eerily suggestive and sad, as if she was trying to get Cole to say something he didn't want to. „You could be together forever if you possessed him. Is that not truly what you want? A body to claim your own, so you never have to return to the Fade?"

That was it for Saga, who angrily let the saddle slump to the ground and fully turned around.

„Vivienne, would you stop it already? You think I'm an idiot, I get it. You don't trust Cole, we know it. I don't give a shit. I asked Cole a question, you interfered. Mind your own business!"

For a the next five seconds, tense silence reigned, as even Cassandra stopped sharpening her blade, the absence of the grinding noise betraying that she had been paying keen attention despite trying to look uninterested.

Vivienne's face however was a perfect, smiling mask of detached arrogance.

„Oh, but my dear, your flight of fancy about conducting experiments on a demon, without proper consideration I might add, is a matter of security and therefore of interest to all of us. Someone has to take on responsibility to protect us from any unforeseen consequences of your rash dalliances."

Saga glared at her. How masterfully she twisted her answers around, sculpted her words to convey layers upon layers of subtext that allowed her to place the blame on the other the second things got heated.

„It's a scan. Vivienne. A scan. Do you even know what that is?"

„My dear, it is clear to even the most ungifted observer that you lack the emotional distance needed to objectively judge how dangerous your proposal truly is. Wouldn't you say so, Inquisitor?"

Ragnar interrupted his task with a reluctant grunt. „Saga has proved unexpectedly useful to our cause, Lady Vivienne, I believe your lack of faith in her scientific abilities is misplaced."

Saga lifted her chin in premature triumph.

„But I agree with you that you…" He looked at Saga. „…need to be more careful. I don't doubt your proficiency in matters of the physical world. As far as magical phenomena are concerned, however, you frankly have no clue what you're talking about."

Saga sighed in frustration. But she had to admit that he did have a point.

„Ok. Alright."

Vivienne raised an eyebrow.

„Good. Admitting one has to adjust her premises is key to scientific success. I am glad you are able to see reason."

„Yes. Which is why Solas will supervise me while I will do my best to increase my understanding of the subject matter." She made a point of looking directly at Lady Vivienne before she continued, overemphasizing every word. „By making a scan! If Cole allows it."

„An excellent idea", Solas said.

„A _terrible_ idea, child", Vivienne chided.

„You betray that Cole was right in his assessment, Lady Vivienne", Solas said. „What is there to fear in a simple, noninvasive procedure that serves the purpose of educating the woman you have accused of knowing too little about the subject?"

„Exactly!", Saga exclaimed.

Cassandra entered the conversation with a loud clatter as she put her sword down with a disgruntled noise.

„For goodness' sake! What are you even talking about? Am I truly the only one who does not know what a scan is?"

„A scan is, like Solas said, a noninvasive procedure of gathering information about something. I use this device for it." Saga pulled out the Tool.

„What in Andraste's name is that?" Cassandra wrinkled her nose as if Saga had held up a rat corpse by its tail.

„I built it out of components of my suit. It's basically a small sensor array attached to a tiny computer and a screen."

Telling silence.

„Ok, yeah, sorry.", Saga cleared her throat and she walked over to Cassandra to show the device to her. The woman recoiled as if the thing could bite her any moment.

„What does it do?", she asked.

Saga held it out to her but Cassandra remained skeptical. „Go on, take it", Saga said. „It's just a dead piece of metal right now, it won't do anything. Just don't shake or drop it, it's sensitive."

Carefully, Cassandra took the Tool and slowly turned it in her hands to look at it from all sides. The Inquisitor peered at it from the sidelines. _Curious after all_ , Saga noted in her mind.

„What will it do when you…"

„Turn it on? Depends on what I tell it to do", she said.

„You _talk_ to it?" Cassandra looked at her curiously, then gave the object to Ragnar, who began to scrutinize it as well.

„No, I tell it what to do in a special kind of written language. It's called programming. After that it can do a number of things. Before we left I programmed it to detect various forms of radiation", Saga explained.

Meanwhile, Solas had come closer as well to get a better look at the device.

„Radiation?", the Inquisitor asked.

Although Saga knew by this time that Thedosians were lightyears away from acquiring the kind of scientific knowledge she possessed, sometimes, she forgot that certain concepts they were simply unable to grasp. She took the Tool back from his hands and tried giving examples that they could understand.

„Like, uhm…" Saga looked around, then noticed the obvious as she saw rays of light of the setting sun shine through the branches. „See the sunshine? That's radiation. Light is radiation. Temperature is radiation. Radiation is invisible to the naked eye, but sometimes you can feel its effects on your body. When you stand in the sun for too long, your skin gets burnt, right? That's because the cells in your skin get damaged by a special kind of radiation that is produced by the sun. It's called ultraviolet radiation because…"

Cassandra held up both her hands.

„Ok! Thanks! That would be enough. And this… thing here can make radiation visible?"

„So to speak", Saga said.

„Why do you want to know if Cole… radiates?", Cassandra asked.

Cassandra's question only stood to reason, but still caught Saga by surprise. Or maybe it did because it was so obvious. The pause it gave Saga was all Vivienne needed to re-enter the conversation in force.

„Excuse me, dears, if I again have to spoil your fun, but someone must be the responsible adult around here it seems."

Without further warning she threw a magical energy wave in Saga's direction, making her lose her grip on the Tool and with a twist of her finger, sent it flying off into the twilight on a bright wing of magical light.

„NO!"

Cassandra and the Inquisitor both jerked in surprise and reflexively reached for their weapons.

„It is enough to have one dangerous thing in our company, we certainly do not need two of it", Vivienne said.

„YOU STUPID BITCH!", Saga screamed and moved to attack Vivienne but was stopped in her tracks by Solas, who stood in her way and grabbed her by the arms.

„Saga, don't! It is not worth it!"

„You have NO IDEA how important this was!", Saga spat, pressing against Solas who had to take a step backwards to keep his balance, so much force her anger gave her.

Lady Vivienne just smiled in icy triumph.

„It was a catastrophe waiting to happen, my dear."

„If I get my hands—…"

Solas cut her off. „Look at me!" Saga's eyes darted to his. „Do not give her a reason."

Bewildered with a pounding heart, she stared at him. But he was right. What was done was done. She had lost that round of the game. Attacking Vivienne now would harm her cause and she could not allow herself that kind of weakness. Not after all the work it had taken to get to where she was now. Plus, she would lose in a match against the First Enchanter. That was just the dismal reality of the situation. She had just managed to calm down enough to stop struggling against Solas's grip as a slow clapping noise sounded from behind her back.

„Well if that wasn't a show to behold. Ha!" The Inquisitor's sardonic laugh made Saga sick to her stomach. „Thank you, I haven't felt as entertained in weeks. Now if you'd be so kind Saga, stop waisting time and finish your fucking job with the horses!"

Solas let go of her.

„With pleasure! They need water anyway!", she spat and trudged off, seething.


	16. Compassion in the Cosmic Dark

Saga sat on a large boulder by the river and stared into the current. The horses had finished drinking long ago and were grazing boredly at the river shore, but Saga couldn't bring herself to return to camp yet. Night had fallen and cold had started to seep into her bones, but she didn't care. The heat of her anger had passed and left her with the heavy hearted feeling of blooming despair. All she could think about was that now, everything was pointless. She had searched the area where she believed the Tool must have fallen but had found nothing. Even if she were able to find the Tool in tomorrow's daylight, it was almost certain it had been damaged in the fall. Together with the Tool she had lost her only chance of gathering data about the Rifts and the Fade. Without the data, she'd never be able to learn how she got here. And if she never learned how she got here, she'd never find a way home. It was over. One stupid argument with that arrogant, elitist fascist of a mage, one unmindful moment, and all she had worked for so hard all those weeks - no, months now! - had went down the drain. Saga felt devastated.

While she sat there, contemplating the depths of her defeat, she suddenly sensed a presence and turned around. No-one was there.

Feeling around for a stone to use as a weapon she shouted into the dark. „Who's there?"

She found one and closed her fist around it. Her pulse began to rise again, dissipating the feelings of depression that had crept into her limbs.

„It's me", a familiar voice rang out of the darkness. „I thought I might find you here."

Saga exhaled deeply and let go of the stone.

„Solas. You scared me, can't you wear shoes? I couldn't hear you."

Solas came closer. „Being able to move silently is part of the appeal", he said. „How are you feeling?"

Saga sighed.

„I'm fine… no. I'm not fine. I'm…"

She broke off.

„May I sit?", Solas asked.

„Sure."

The elf sat in a cross-legged position beside her on the boulder.

„You're angry", he offered. „Desperate even, I imagine. Afraid you will never see your home again."

Saga felt tears prick at her eyes. She swallowed hard and tried to focus on the steady lapping sounds of the river against the stones.

„But you do not have to be", Solas said.

„I lost the Tool, Solas. Even if I find it, I don't have the means to repair the damage, it's an extremely complex piece of hardware. It's over. I'm stranded here, forever", she said.

„I beg to differ. It is a setback, true. But you are resourceful. You will find a way."

He spoke those words with such relaxed conviction, as if he were as sure of their truth as of the sun rising in the morning. His trust and confidence in her touched her and she felt tears swell up in her eyes.

„What if you're wrong?"

„Then you will make a new home. In this world, or the next", he said. „You will adapt and continue to explore the unknown, pushing its boundaries, widening your horizon and that of anyone willing to listen to you. This I know to be true, because it is simply who you are. It is your purpose. Do not let the words and deeds of one ignorant mage who has been twisted by Chantry indoctrination and taught to hate everything she does not understand take that away from you."

His words lifted Saga's spirits like only he could. From the moment she first opened her eyes in this strange world, he had always stood by her side, guiding her patiently. Never judging her. Solas had become a mentor of some sort and she valued his opinion above all others. If he hadn't lost his faith in her, then how could she? In that instance, Saga silently swore to herself she would not disappoint him.

„Thank you", she whispered softly.

„I only say what I believe to be true. You do not have to thank me for merely speaking my mind."

„I value your opinion and want you to always tell me", Saga said. „Especially if you disagree with me. I prefer even a harsh truth over comforting lies."

„I would never insult you by trying to shield you from criticism."

„Good."

With a sigh she reclined on her back, exhausted by the emotional turmoil. She could see Solas's silhouette against the backdrop of the night sky, the elegant curve of his bald head, the sharpness of his jawline. The clouds had passed, revealing the stars and the dancing lights of an aurora.

„Wow, look at that!", Saga whispered. The Aurora flowed across the sky like a silk scarf fluttering in a soft breeze, a dazzling display of color and movement.

Solas craned his neck to look up. „Hm. They are beautiful, aren't they."

„Yes. How do the Elves call them?"

„The Ancient Elves called them Tarasyl Numin. It can roughly be translated as _Tears of the Heavens_."

„Hm. Interesting to give something so beautiful a name denoting sadness."

„Why? The tears you have cried just now were none of sadness, were they?"

Saga felt a tight knot suddenly form in her belly. It seemed nothing escaped the elf's attention, even if he didn't make his mind known all the time.

„Your night vision's pretty accurate", she said, trying to hide her nervousness. This conversation was taking a rather personal turn. She was not sure if she liked it. Solas took the hint and retreated to a topic he knew Saga felt safer with.

„What is the… scientific term for them on your world?", he asked.

„Aurora Borealis. The Northern Lights. On Terra, they can only be seen at the poles. Has to do with Terra's magnetic field. Thedas's seems to be different if we can see them in these parts."

„Mh."

They sat next to each other in silence, watching the spectacle overhead, surrounded by the soft noises of the night creatures and the flowing creek.

„It is rather fascinating to see such a display of color on an otherwise black canvas", Solas said.

Saga smiled in the dark.

„Although that black canvas is actually the more fascinating of the two."

Solas turned his head to look down on her with his mysterious expression she found so attractive, eyes intense and serious and the hint of a smile playing around his mouth. It created a strange anima. Cool, detached but at the same time almost… lascivious. An inconsistent, heady mixture. Saga found herself eager to hear his voice, a pleasurable shiver running down her spine when he spoke.

„Alright. I'll bite. Tell me why you think that is."

„Ever wondered why the sky is dark at night?"

Solas flinched as if she had asked him why water was wet, a frown appearing on his face along with a broadening smile.

„An interesting question, and yes, I have. I figured it must be because of a conspicuous lack of… let's see… light, maybe?", he asked and made a face so excessively ruminative the irony in his words was anything but subtle.

Saga let out a laugh and playfully punched him in the shoulder.

„Oh come on! Stop sabotaging me!"

Solas chuckled.

„I am sorry, you simply seemed to enjoy this a little too much."

She grinned up at him. _So that's what this is about_. „Oh, I see! Feeling uncomfortable you're not the smartest smartass in a field?"

Solas cocked his head in mock outrage, but couldn't keep the grin out of his face.

„Are you accusing me of pride?!"

„You? Proud? Far be it from me…!", Saga said and put up her hands defensively. „But you see, if you think you're the smartest person on a boulder, you're on the wrong boulder."

He laughed a second time. Saga felt pride swell in her chest herself.

„Point taken. In that case, why don't you enlighten me? No pun intended", Solas said and raised an eyebrow at her. „Why is the sky dark at night? What mystery lies hidden in the space between the stars that not even the wisest of the Ancient Elves have uncovered?"

„You're unbelievable."

Again, he chuckled, a pleasant sound, warm and ironic.

„But alright, since you've asked, I shall let you in on one of the most well-guarded secrets of the universe!", she said and spread her arms as if embracing the whole wide canopy of space that stretched out above them.

„Oh, then I guess I should feel honored."

„Shut up now and listen!"

He smiled at her before he turned his gaze back up to the sky. It was different than before. Relaxed. Until this moment Saga had never seen him like that. It softened his sharp features slightly, diminished the serious, at times arrogant air that usually surrounded him. Solas enjoyed her company and yes, he was curious about the knowledge she possessed. She impressed him. Although he wouldn't openly admit to the latter.

„There was a time when, although I can't remember yet when exactly, my people believed that the universe was infinite. But if that were true, then a black night sky wouldn't be possible. An infinite universe would contain an infinite number of stars. An infinite number of stars in the sky would mean nights would shine bright as day. But that is not what we see."

Solas leaned back and braced himself on his arms behind his back to better be able to look up. Saga paused to check his face for any signs of boredom but found none. So she continued, but instead of watching the stars watched his features, wondering how he might react to what she would be telling him.

„It took humanity's most intelligent minds hundreds of years to figure that problem out, but we finally managed it. The reason why the sky is dark at night is that the universe isn't infinite after all… it is expanding. Once, all of the universe had been concentrated in a single, infinitesimally dense point before it exploded in what we called the Big Bang. It has been expanding ever since, gaining speed. It is expanding so fast that the light emanating from the most distant stars has not had time to reach us yet."

She saw how his brow furrowed just the slightest as he concentrated on her words. Without looking at her, he spoke.

„You are saying that light has a speed? That it… travels?"

„Yes. And we have measured that speed. Light travels at the speed of about hundred eighty six thousand kilometers per second. Always, no matter how you look at it, no matter how fast you move relative to it. Nothing in the universe travels faster than that."

She paused to let that sink in.

„But as the universe expands further, the distance the light from the farthest stars has to travel in order to reach us grows as well. So the black you see up there is the absence of light, true. But not because the darkness is empty. There is light hidden on the other end. Darkness is the place where we wait for the light to find us."

His lips parted, but he didn't say anything.

„Unfortunately, this doesn't mean, as one might be inclined to think, that we'd only have to wait long enough for a point in time to occur where the night sky would indeed be ablaze with the light of all the stars in the universe. Because the universe will keep expanding faster and faster, the distance between our galaxy and the others will continue to increase as well. The stars we see up there that don't belong to our own galaxy will start to fade away and finally disappear, one after the other. So the sky will in fact darken even further as the universe ages. In the far future, we will be very alone in a vast and darkening universe."

When Solas suddenly tore his gaze away from the sky and looked straight at her, sincere and grim, she interrupted herself.

„That… turned out a little more bleak than I had planned. Sorry, I was babbling…", she said.

„No, you were not", Solas said, surprisingly softly. She thought she might have bored him with her momentous narration, but he wasn't annoyed, she realized as she looked at him. He was awestruck.

„How do you know this?", he asked, his voice so low it was barely more than a whisper.

Saga didn't know the answer to that. The knowledge just sat there inside her brain, ready to be used and shared. „I don't remember how I learned these things, but I know the mathematical proofs of it and that my people spent centuries of research to arrive at these conclusions."

„And all without the use of magic", Solas said. He breathed out audibly and shook his head. „The complexity of your people's reasoning must be truly wondrous. I have not encountered such an eagerness for knowledge, such a hunger for understanding and exploration since…", he halted just for a heartbeat, scrambling for words. „…since I journeyed the Fade to find memories as ancient as the fallen Elven kingdom of Elvhenan. But not even them had that kind of knowledge."

The look he shot her when he uttered that last sentence was so intense it made the hair on her arm stand up in alarm. Still lying on her back, she suddenly felt vulnerable and nervous, so she chose to flee forwards and talk over her fluttering insides.

„It's just that whenever I can talk about these things I somehow feel more alive, more present and I just can't stop myself. It's as if I'm conjuring up this visceral cosmic connection with the world around me, like a… " Saga trailed off, unable to find the right words to describe her feelings.

„A magic spell?", Solas asked.

„Yes!" She almost gasped with relief and sat up again, now too excited to keep lying still.

„When I think about all those wonders out there, when I try to pervade the cosmos with my mind, to understand how everything works, it's… the awe I feel, that humbling feeling, it just grows and grows with each puzzle piece I discover and it fills me with a… a joy I cannot even begin to describe", Saga said and looked at the elf, wide eyed and raptured.

„And it angers me so much how people like Vivienne try to cage and destroy what they do not understand, because they take beauty away from the world, they make the world lesser, and poorer, all in the name of security, that age-old cry of the oppressor, when all they needed to do to leave their fear behind was to look at the world just as it is. Science breeds wonder, it doesn't destroy it, and when she took the Tool from me, she—…"

Saga stopped herself then and there, heart pounding, breathing ragged with rekindled anger.

„Sorry."

Solas smiled his strange sad smile at her in the dark.

„Don't be. You have an interesting way of looking at the world, Saga."

She gave him an uneasy smile. His compliments made her feel strangely self-conscious.

„I try."

„If I may be so bold to ask one favor of you, it would be that you never let anyone cage your inquisitive spirit. Questioning authority in the face of oppression is a noble act of rebellion, and you perform it each time you challenge the so-called truths propagated by those in power. I find it… admirable."

Solas then became unsettlingly taciturn, so that for a moment, the two of them just looked at each other in silence, just half a heartbeat too long, so that when Saga could feel a gravitational force build up in the space between them, she quickly averted her eyes.

She was saved from upwelling panic by a certain kind spirit, who abruptly appeared behind Solas as if he had been part of the darkness that surrounded them.

„Why are you awake in here?", Cole asked.

Saga's eyes darted from him to Solas and back to the boy.

„I… don't understand that question on basically all of its levels", she said.

„You are asleep like the others out there but you are not in here. You're upside down!", he said. „Like a butterfly that wears its cocoon on the inside."

Saga laughed, now at a complete loss for words.

„Solas, what is he talking about?"

The elf gave her a mysterious look.

„Where did you think we were?", Solas asked.

The smile froze on Saga's face.

„What do you mean, where we are? We're right here, we're—…" The Aurora disappeared. Not faded away slowly but flicked off like a switch. The sound of the flowing creek stopped.

„What the—…?" Then she suddenly became acutely aware of her surroundings. When Saga looked down at the creek she saw it had stopped flowing. Its waves looked like a smooth glass carpet. But is hadn't turned into ice. It was merely standing still, frozen in time. „I'm… dreaming? Are you saying that nothing of this is real?"

„That is a matter of debate", Solas said, smiling. „But I believe that would be better discussed after you… _wake up!_ "

With a gasp, Saga awoke and shot upright, panting. He breath was condensing in the cool morning air. She looked around. The fire had gone out and dawn had already advanced. None of the others were anywhere to be seen.

„Good morning", she heard Cassandra's voice and turned around in her seated position to face her. „I believe this belongs to you?"

She handed Saga her Tool, who couldn't believe her eyes. Almost as if she feared it was all just another dream, she warily reached for the object, mouth opening in disbelief. But when her fingers touched the cold metallic hull, wet with dew, and she felt the scratches on the Tool's surface from the fall it had taken yesterday, she knew she was wide awake now.

„Where did you find it?", she asked, amazed.

„I stumbled upon it in the bushes."

„What were you—…"

„That is all I am going to say on the matter."

Saga looked down on the object, still light-headed from the very vivid dream she had had and quickly turned it on. A small green light on its side lit up. Saga sighed loudly and almost felt like crying again, so great was her relief.

„Thank you, Cassandra.", she said and looked up to the woman, clutching the Tool. „You have no idea how much this means to me."

Cassandra's fierce features softened just the slightest bit.

„It was my pleasure. I thought it was an over-reaction on Vivienne's part, what happened yesterday. And I believe you when you say that the device itself is harmless. You have done much for the Inquisition. If this is what you need to find a way home, I think you deserve the chance to put it to use. And an ounce of trust. On my part at least."

„Thank you."

Cassandra nodded sincerely.

„Get ready. The others have scouted ahead to look for an easier route towards the forward camp. The ravine we planned to cross suffered a cave in. We must go around it."

Saga got up and rolled up her stuff into a tight bundle. When she was done she saddled her horse and together with Cassandra caught up to the others who had waited for them a short ride ahead on a small hill where all trees had been cut down. When Cassandra and Saga came up the slope and could overlook the landscape before them, Saga inhaled sharply in surprise, only to immediately recoil in horror as her mouth filled with the sickening sweet aroma of rotting flesh.

Before them lay the edges of the Emerald Forest and behind that, their destination. The Exalted Plains. The name could not have been more misleading. There was nothing exalted about them. A wasteland stretched before them as far as their eyes could see. The wind that blew up here on the hill, unencumbered by the thick vegetation of the forest, carried a stench so foul and horrid that Saga was afraid she might throw up. The analyst told her immediately what the reason was for the barrenness of the land. They were riding towards a battlefield.

* * *

Quote: _All in the name of security, that age-old cry of the oppressor_ \- Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Season 3, Ep. 11


	17. Exaltation and Ignorance

The sun burnt hot as they rode through the last outskirts of the forest. In its heat, the humid air was growing fouler by the minute. Solas steered his horse next to Saga's and gave her a curious smile.

„Sleep well?", he asked.

Saga rose an eyebrow at him. „Do you do that a lot? Invade people's dreams like that?"

Solas cocked his head in surprise. „I did no such thing."

„No? I don't recall inviting you into my head", Saga said. Maybe a whiff too sharply. The whole affair was strangely embarrassing to her. Who knows what other kind of dream he might have stumbled into?

It was Cole of course who managed to make an already awkward situation even worse by innocently stating the obvious.

„The smell of leather and linen, cool hands on my neck, the only tangible thing in the void, please, don't leave me alone in the dark", he muttered under his breath. „I don't understand. He is always there. Why do you say you didn't invite him if you pull him in all the time?"

That hit closer to home than Saga had been aware of. She squirmed in her saddle and tried to deflect the question.

„You, too, Cole. I just met you a couple of days ago, what were you doing in my dream?"

„I exist there."

Saga snorted and shook her head. „Spirits…"

„Yes?", Cole answered.

„No, I didn't mean—…" She sighed in frustration. „Just explain to me how that worked, Solas? Please?"

The trees became fewer and fewer. Vegetation became sparse quickly as they rode on and so their protection from the sun was waning. Saga felt a bead of sweat form on her neck and travel down her back between her shoulder blades. Solas on the other hand looked fresh as spring.

„When we dream in this world, our mind enters the Fade, which is formed by the dreamer's emotions and expectations", he said. „I have been traveling the Fade for many years, managing to experience it with waking clarity."

„Lucid dreaming, yes. I already knew you could do that, but sharing in a dream? How?"

„Like I said. Both our minds entered the Fade in our sleep independently from one another. I just… found you there."

She squinted at him. „Not a particularly scientific explanation."

Solas chuckled. „Maybe not. But as you're no mage, I doubt you would understand it if I phrased it in vocabulary more suited to a more in-depth explanation of those kind of phenomena."

But Saga wasn't going to be fobbed off with this less than satisfying statement. She was incapable of accepting that a phenomenon should be inexplicable. Solas's refusal to give her a more thorough explanation tickled her insides. It was maddening. All of this, she put into a derisive snort. „Alright. Challenge accepted."

„That wasn't a challenge." Solas remained unfazed, as if continuing the conversation could impossibly stand to debate. This riled Saga even more.

„It is now. Just wait until I point my scanner at your beautiful magical brain, you… shifty mage!"

Solas raised an eyebrow, a smile playing around his lips. „Hm-hm…"

„Solas?", Cole asked. „When did Saga ever see your brain?"

Solas and Saga both let out a heartfelt laugh at the spirit boy's remark, but the relaxed moment of camaraderie was cut short by Vivienne, who just could not seem to be able to help herself.

„You should not encourage that thing."

„Saga is not a thing", Cole said.

Solas tried to hide a spiteful grin. „Well said."

That shut her up. Head held high, she steered her horse past them. Saga shot Solas a gleeful smirk, who answered in kind.

They arrived at the forward camp only a short time later. It lay on the brink of the forest, the ruins of formerly grand stone arches providing cover towards the Northwest, where the wasteland began. Saga looked around, craning her neck. The vivid and humid smell of wood and leaves decomposing on the forest ground mixed with the heady tones of dew and flowers. It must have been beautiful in the past. A living, breathing forest that intertwined in an equitable dance with architectonic wonders. Now all that lay beyond the forward camp were dead stones and barren soil. When the wind from the North picked up, it blew away the peaceful aura with the putrid smell of rotting flesh. Saga brought a hand up to cover her nose. When she turned away from the forest and looked North, she saw smoke rising in the distance. The rancid stench that had grown as they had come closer was almost unbearable here. Saga shuddered at the thought of anyone still being alive in that cesspit that awaited them past the camp. The conditions had to be terrible.

The party was greeted by Scout Harding, a female Dwarven archer, who filled the Inquisitor in on the most important strategic aspects of the region. The warring factions here were Orlesian soldiers of Empress Celene and rebels. Saga only half listened, still gazing around in a reeling mixture of awe and disgust. But when Harding mentioned something about Dalish elves that had been sighted by her scouts, she pricked her ears. She had never met other elves besides Solas and Sera, who both claimed to have little to nothing in common with the Dalish. Sera had steered conspicuously clear of Saga since their first meeting in the training grounds. For a moment there, she wondered why, but her attention was refocused on the mission when the Inquisitor signaled her to get ready for the expedition. After a moment's respite while eating a small lunch, which was difficult to keep down while breathing air that smelled of corpses, they left again, this time on foot. Vivienne and Solas each had a magic staff at the ready. Ragnar and Cassandra wore their heavy warrior's armor and were armed with shields and swords and Cole wore the same ragged leathers he always had on. On his back, he had strapped two intimidatingly sharp looking daggers. Saga, with nothing but her fists and a scientific instrument, was very aware of her vulnerability. She had nothing to protect herself with, especially against long range attacks. She had to rely on the others to have her back.

As if to emphasize the point, their small party was immediately attacked as soon as they had left the camp. Rebels had hidden behind the ruins of a large stone archway and were coming at them, weapons drawn, from both sides and the front. Her heart skipped a beat and then resumed its work with double speed. The adrenaline rush that followed made Saga dizzy. Disoriented and surprised, she froze in place and just watched the attackers rush at them.

„Get back!", Solas shouted.

Saga quickly sought cover behind him as an arrow hissed by her ear, missing her by a mere inch. A fraction of a second later she and Solas were surrounded by the soft blue glow of the magical barrier he had cast. For now, they were protected. But it would decay over the next few seconds and had to be constantly renewed.

The Inquisitor and Cassandra stormed forward and attacked the rebels head-on. They hacked and slashed with their swords, drove them back with their shields mercilessly and never paused, never tumbled, as if imbued with a mysterious power that lent them tremendous strength and stamina. Saga had never seen them fight before. Not without awe, she watched them throw themselves at the enemies without hesitation or regard for their own welfare. The intensity and abandon of their movements impressed her, irrespective of her personal dislike of the Inquisitor. Solas and Vivienne picked off the long-range attackers with their magical attacks, raining down ice and fire on them. Saga realized that Cole had again disappeared. She turned around to look for him and let out a gasp of surprise when she saw the soft spoken spirit-boy reappear out of a black cloud of dust right behind one of the rebels and stab him in the back with his daggers, only to disappear again within the blink of an eye. Captivated by this conniving, yet eerily elegant and definitely effective display of combat skill, Saga barely noticed, out of the corner of her eye, something coming at her at great speed. Quickly, she ducked away and evaded Solas's staff by a hairbreadth. The mage swung the staff around his own axis in a wide movement and then with a snap movement locked it under his right arm to point directly at one of the rebel archers. A ray of frost shot out of its tip and engulfed the rebel, who then sank to the ground motionless. Solas had almost hit her with the rear end of the staff. If she wanted to stay inside the protective barrier, she couldn't stand too far away from him. But watching the fight had distracted her. She needed to pay more attention to her immediate surroundings. Otherwise, she'd just get in the way — and she didn't want to give Ragnar even the tiniest reason to regret taking her along.

One more shield bash and another ice cone shot at the attackers, and after little more than a minute, the rebels were all dead. Ragnar and Cassandra looted them for valuables in a routined, almost professional manner, as if the dead men were nothing more than organic supply caches, and left their bodies there to rot in the sun. The stench couldn't get any worse anyway. But an intense feeling of disgust made sure Saga kept her distance when they walked past the killed rebels. The analyst took note of the fact that nobody seemed to waste even a single thought on the fact they had just killed several people. They were used to it. Saga wondered if in her life she had seen a corpse up close in personal before.

Cole had his own thoughts on the matter as usual. „Too many people hurting, harming, hacking open a hole for demons to pour in."

Hadn't Solas talked about how he loved to sleep on ancient battlefields because the Fade was ripe with memories of war there? That spirits and demons were attracted to human emotion? And what emotion was there more intense than mortal fear? If all of that were true, the Veil must be threadbare here. Saga swallowed hard and tried to maintain what she believed to be a composed face.

They proceeded along the path that led away from the camp in a northwesterly direction and approached the collapsed archway. To the left and right, statues were standing, cut from light grey stone. Some of them were badly damaged. But the plaques on their fronts were still legible. It told of the war between humans and elves that had raged here ages ago and how the elves refused to set down their arms and accept the human God as their own. Saga let out a derisive snort.

„Waging wars about who has the better imaginary friend… what a waste."

Cassandra heard that and was not amused. „I respect that you do not believe in the Maker, even as I do not claim to understand it, Saga. I would appreciate it if you didn't mock my faith."

Saga felt a pang of guilt. She hadn't wanted to hurt Cassandra's feelings. „I apologize, Seeker. That was not my intention. Religious belief is… alien to me. Of course you may believe whatever you want."

Cassandra bristled at that. „I do not require your permission, Saga. I am asking for your respect."

„Of course. I'm sorry", Saga said, not quite meaning it. She guessed it must have shown, because Cassandra regarded her with narrowed eyes.

Saga tried a more authentic approach. „Do you believe in any of the elven gods, Cassandra?"

„I do not."

„Or any other God besides the Maker?"

„No!"

„Then look at it this way: you're almost as atheistic as I am. I just believe in one God less than you. We're not so different."

Cassandra gave her a serious stare, but the disgusted streak around her mouth had disappeared. She seemed mollified that Saga at least tried to foster something like understanding between them. „I haven't looked at it this way before. I appreciate you trying to build a bridge between us. But I still believe that this one God makes a rather large difference."

Saga was just about to say something, when they were interrupted by Ragnar.

„Demons!"

The whole party reeled around. When Saga turned to look in the direction Ragnar was standing her heart dropped like a stone. A fiery monstrosity was snaking its way across the path straight at them, its eyes like two burning jewels of lava. The ground at Ragnar's feet was moving as corpses began to rise from the earth with horrible wet sucking noises, their skin tearing off and sticking to the gravel as they reared their broken limbs. Saga only awoke from her horrified stupor when Solas shot a clashing bolt of ice in the demon's direction. Having been primed by the rebel attack, she was quicker to react than before. She fumbled out her Tool and turned it on.

„Stay behind me!", Solas shouted, threw the barrier around them and immediately started waving his staff in powerful swings, shooting magical energies at their attackers.

But if she stayed here, Saga would remain out of the Tool's scanning range.

„I have to get closer!"

„Do not approach the demon!" His voice was warning and urgent. But Saga was already sneaking around to get closer.

„Saga!"

She ignored him. This was fascinating! An actual demon from the Fade! She couldn't let this opportunity pass. Slowly sneaking up the Hill she circled around the zombies and cowered behind a large cubic piece of rock that had fallen from the collapsed archway. The Inquisitor and Cassandra were making short work of the living dead while the demon was under attack by Vivienne's and Solas's spells. Saga peeked out of her cover and focused the Tool on the demon. She was so close she could feel the heat radiating off its fiery body. The demon only vaguely resembled human form. It had a pair of glowing, white hot eyes, but no face. Long, thin arms with horrible flaming claws for fingers, but no legs. It seemed to sprout out of the ground like a geyser of fire. It appeared as if it was particularly vulnerable to Solas's cold attacks. From time to time he would completely encapsulate it in a sheet of ice, rendering it immobile. This gave Ragnar and Cassandra precious time in order to deal with the shambling corpses and allowed Cole to quickly attack the frozen demon with his daggers before disappearing into invisibility again. Vivienne supported the two warriors with a barrier and otherwise attacked the fire demon with short bursts from her staff. Saga hoped that the Tool would actually record all this. The fight was over faster than she anticipated. The corpses had died a second death and crumbled into ashes on the ground while nothing but a gleaming heap of plasma remained of the demon. Saga got up and walked around the boulder to join the others, beaming with excitement.

„That was incredible!"

But Solas would have none of it. „I told you to stay in cover!"

„Why, my dear Solas…", Vivienne said. She sauntered past him and smiled arrogantly. „How odd to see you care so deeply for an actual, living human being. I am touched."

He ignored her cutting remarks and went up to Saga.

„I understand you want to conduct your scans. But I must implore you to stay within the barrier. You were completely unprotected. If the demon had noticed you, you could have been severely hurt."

„But he didn't, did he? I was careful", Saga said. Clearly, Solas didn't agree with her justification at all.

„You were being reckless!"

„I'm doing science. There's risk in that and I am willing to take it."

Solas glared at her and wanted to reply, but the Inquisitor beat him to the punch.

„But I am not", Ragnar said severely. „I need your pretty little head intact, Saga. You are the only one who can repair and maintain the machines you have built for the Inquisition. And I expect you to keep up your good work. No more unnecessary risks. That is an order. You'll keep close to Solas at all times, understood?"

Saga boiled on the inside. She was being treated like a child and didn't like it one bit.

„Understood?!" The Inquisitor snapped as she didn't acknowledge him.

„Yes, sir, understood, sir!"

Great. She was behaving like a child after all. Saga breathed out to calm herself.

Ragnar fixed her for a few more seconds then turned around, the rest of the party following. Vivienne breezed past them.

„It was remarkable indeed the demon didn't notice you, Saga. I wonder why.", she said.

All Saga could do was stab her back with her gaze and silently curse the First Enchanter for her arrogance and opaque power play.

„Bitch…", she muttered to herself.

They continued along the path. The forest now lay completely behind them. The lush green had been pushed aside by the dead ochre tones of the Plains that had been burnt down so many times nothing dared to grow there anymore. Black skeletons of formerly grand trees, probably hundreds of years old, were the last reminders of the richness of life that had once covered the earth here. Before humans had destroyed it all, vying for power. It was a sad and torrid place. The party made a turn around a barren rock formation and continued towards the shore of a river. If she squinted, Saga could make out its waters glistening in the sunlight in the distance.

After a while, Saga noticed Solas growing nervous.

„Thank you for this, Inquisitor", he said. „We are not far from where my friend was summoned."

„Everything here is blurry. It wants to forget, but now the rocks are solid", Cole said.

As they walked over the dead, dry grass, Saga wondered about something.

„Summoned? Don't spirits generally want to leave the Fade?", she asked.

„Some of them do, certainly", Solas said. „Just like many Orlesian peasants wish to journey to exotic Rivain. But not everyone wants to go to Rivain! My friend is a spirit of wisdom. Unlike the spirits clamoring to enter our world through the rifts, it was dwelling quite happily in the Fade."

Now Saga understood. „So it was summoned against its will and wants your help to return to the Fade?"

„I'm afraid so. Yes", Solas said.

Saga thought about that for a moment. „So, a spirit of _wisdom_ was summoned against its will and is calling out for help because it is being… tortured? Seems like whoever is holding it captive is out for some pretty rare and valuable information."

Solas shrugged. „It knows a great deal of lore and history. But mages could simply learn this by speaking to it in the Fade."

„So they want some other information from it that it doesn't want to give", Saga said.

Surprise and approval were alternating on Solas's features. He had not expected her to analyze the situation so quickly.

„Yes. Precisely", he said.

Their conversation was stopped short as the Inquisitor halted to look at the corpse of a man on the ground. It was ornately robed. And covered in blood.

„One of the mages", Solas said. „Killed by arrows, it would seem."

„Bandits, most likely", Cassandra said.

As they continued, they came upon more corpses.

„These aren't mages!", Solas said. Alarm had crept in his voice. „The bodies are burnt, and these claw marks…" His voice trailed off as a horrible apprehension dawned on him. „No. No, no, no…"

Saga felt unnerved. She had never seen Solas so tense before. They quickened their step when they went ahead and finally, they saw it.

Solas let out a gasp. „My friend!"

A ring of tall stones protruding from the ground like stalagmites surrounded a huge scaled creature, which had horns on its head that sizzled with electricity. Its gaping maw was filled with hundreds of razor sharp teeth. The demon had sunken down on one knee, panting, as if it had been fighting and was near the end of its strength.

Solas grunted in frustration. The Inquisitor was seething. His voice was barely more than a threatening growl when he adressed Solas. „Spirit of wisdom my ass!"

„This is not its natural form! It has been corrupted!"

„Corrupted?!", Ragnar bellowed.

„Twisted against its original purpose!"

Never before had Saga seen Solas so rattled, almost… desperate. He began to pace back and forth and raised a hand to the back of his bald head in a gesture that made him look helpless. The sight scared Saga terribly.

„What did they do?", he asked himself, pacing. „What did they do, what did they do?!"

A rustle made them all stop and turn.

A man had crept closer without them noticing. Carefully, he approached the party, clad in obviously expensive clothing and looking rather inane with his tiny eyes, set deep in his fleshy face like raisins in dough. A fuzzy beard on his upper lip completed his disagreeable, rather stupid impression. Whoever that was, he had no idea was he was doing.

„Maybe we should ask!", Solas said.

„A mage!" The stupid man almost cried in relief. „You are not with the bandits? Do you have any more lyrium potions? We are all exhausted, we have been fighting that demon—…"

„You summoned that demon!" Solas was fuming. His raised voice was quivering with barely contained anger. „Except it was a spirit of wisdom at the time! You forced it to kill! Twisted it against its purpose!"

Obviously realizing how much effort it took Solas not to hit him, the stupid man raised his hands defensively.

„I…I… I understand how it might be confusing to someone who has not studied demons, but after you help us I can—…"

„We are not here to help you!", Solas growled and crossed his arms in front of his chest, whether as a gesture of defense or to keep his anger in check before he did something rash was difficult to distinct.

„Word of advice", Saga chimed in. „I'd hold off on explaining how demons work to my friend here. He's smarter than you."

But the Inquisitor seemed to see things differently.

„We are here to help everyone involved, Solas."

Saga saw how Solas tensed even more. He closed his fists so tightly the knuckles turned white.

„I seriously doubt this man has summoned the demon on purpose", the Inquisitor said.

„Of course not!", the stupid man said. „Do you think me insane?"

Solas fought to keep his voice low and steady. „I think you stupid! That is much worse! You summoned it… to protect you from the bandits!"

The mage suddenly lost all his silly bluster. A rueful look crept over his pasty face before he lowered his head in shame.

„I… yes", he said.

„You bound it to obedience, then commanded it to kill! That was when it turned!", Solas shook his head in utter amazement at the brutal ignorance of it all, when suddenly, his features brightened. He had an idea. „The summoning circle! If we destroy it, we destroy the binding. No command to kill, no conflict with its nature, no demon!"

The stupid mage's jaw dropped in shock. „What?! The circle is all that is stopping it from killing us! Whatever it was before, now it is a monster!"

Saga was astounded by the hubris of the man. He obviously had no idea what kind of spirit he had summoned and how his magic would affect it. He had been messing around with something clearly out of his league. Like a child with a gun.

„Inquisitor, please!", Solas pleaded. But Ragnar remained skeptical.

„It is a demon, Solas, it has already killed people! We cannot risk our lives in the hope you can make it turn peaceful again!"

Solas was sobered by the Inquisitor's reaction. His features turned solemn and sad. Saga's heart ached for him. No matter how demonic that creature in the summoning circle looked, it was his friend underneath and he cared for it deeply. „I understand", he said. „But if it can be saved by destroying the summoning circle! Please, at least take the possibility into consideration!"

All further discussion was cut short by the demon's furious roar.

Ragnar drew his sword. „We're running out of time!"

With a battle yell, Cassandra and Ragnar stormed towards the demon and directly began to attack it. They weren't going to respect Solas's wishes.

Solas gasped. „No!"

Saga looked on in horror as the two warriors hacked and cut into the demon's body, the body of who Solas claimed was his friend. The heartless disregard of even the slightest chance to save it made Saga's blood boil. Cold rage started to rise inside her chest at the bloodshed she witnessed, born of ignorance. Solas ran towards the summoning stones and began to attack them, and also Cole appeared out of thin air at a second binding stone. But they'd never make it in time. The demon roared and growled as if its whole existence was never-ending torture while Cassandra, Ragnar and Vivienne continued their unyielding assault.

Saga made a decision. She ran directly towards the middle of the battle.

„Are you insane?! Get back!" Ragnar screamed at her as she stopped and stood directly before the huge panting beast, its massive body heaving with ragged breaths as it fell down on its knees. He grabbed her by the shoulder and ripped her around, but Saga shoved him away angrily.

„Get your hands off me! Back off!"

„Saga, it's a demon, it will kill all of us! If you do not get out of the way I won't guarantee your safety!", the Inquisitor warned. Saga knew that he would take a loss if he had to. Even if it was her life. Better her life than his or Cassandra's, or Vivienne's.

For a moment, she wavered, but then she saw Solas in the background, who had managed to destroy two of the summoning stones in the meantime and was getting to work on the third one. She had to buy him some time.

„Let me scan it first! Once you've reduced it to a stinking pile of plasma it's useless to me."

The Inquisitor's eyes bulged.

„You are unbelievable! Move out of the way, now!"

„Look at it! This creature will not attack anyone anymore. You did a rather good job at rendering it harmless, Inquisitor!", Saga shouted. „I need it alive for a few more seconds."

Ragnar snorted. It was almost a laugh. „You've got gall, Saga, I give you that."

Saga glanced to the side. The fourth summoning circle was almost destroyed.

„All in the name of science, Inquisitor."

„Well, go ahead. You have thirty seconds. Then we kill it."

She turned around to the dying creature, a growl vibrating in its lipless mouth as it bared its teeth, and took out her Tool. A strong smell of ozone and tar emanated from the demon. With shaking hands she pointed the Tool at the demon, who was trembling as spasms of pain shot through its body, and started her scan.

„Fifteen seconds", Ragnar said.

„Yes, alright, alright."

She moved around the demon and tried to block Solas from the warriors' view as best she could, steadily pointing the Tool at the demon, when it suddenly let out a dangerous growl, trying to rear its head. Hastily, her eyes searched for Solas. The fifth one. Almost done. Only a few more seconds.

„Andraste's ass, Saga, get the hell away from it!"

„Wait! Wait!"

„Screw this! Cassandra! Let's finish this!", Ragnar grunted.

„No!" Saga held onto Cassandra's sword arm.

„What in the Maker's name are you doing?!" The warrior pushed her away. Saga stumbled backwards and bumped up against the demon with her back.

But those few seconds were all she had needed. When the last summoning stone finally shattered, the resistance in her back suddenly vanished. Saga tumbled, but managed to catch her balance. She turned around and saw the dreadful creature disappear into black smoke.

„Wha—…" The Inquisitor gasped, then glared at Saga, his face a wrathful mask of anger. „You deceived us!"

„I stopped you from needlessly killing Solas's friend!"

For a split second Saga thought Ragnar would just punch her in the face. Then Saga saw Solas sitting at the riverbank and ran towards him, ignoring the baffled shouts of Cassandra and the Inquisitor.

He knelt by the water. And a woman sat before him, clad in black shadows, her eyes glowing in an eery green light. They were talking to each other in a soft and flowing language Saga did not understand. But she didn't have to understand the words in order to understand what was happening. Solas's expression was so profoundly sad, so full of sorrow and regret there was not much room for doubt. They had been too late. The woman's voice was equally commiserate, but a softness rang within it that made her sound… content. Solas dropped his head, then looked up again and raised his hands in a pleading gesture. Then, as if given loving permission, the woman gently disintegrated into specks of black dust that blew away with the breeze across the restless waters.

A lump in her throat stifled Saga's voice. „I'm sorry, Solas", she said.

Silently, he turned his head in her direction and stood.

„Don't be. She did have a last moment's peace. More than she would have had otherwise. Thanks to you." The hint of a smile lightened up his deeply saddened features for the fraction of a moment, before revengeful anger darkened on them again.

„Now all that remains is them…", he said. Solas turned to face the mages, who had been cowering behind a rock during the fight. The men and women who had summoned and broken his friend. Who were at least partly responsible for her death. Solas approached them with clenched jaw and fists.

„You! Tortured and killed my friend!" When he growled at them, his intentions became all to clear and the mages shrank back in fear.

But they should get lucky once more. The Inquisitor's order echoed through the valley.

„Stop right there, Solas!" Solas stopped in his tracks. His shoulders were heaving. Saga could almost see him tremble with the effort of restraint. She had had enough of this.

„Inquisitor, I—…"

„Silence!", Ragnar snapped, but Saga soldiered on.

„Solas was right, destroying the summoning circle did break the binding! You'd have slaughtered his friend without need!"

„You shut your trap right now, Saga, or I'll make you regret having ever met me!"

His unreasonable ignorance only fueled Saga's contempt.

„Oh I know exactly what you'd like to do to me! I've seen it! You hide your fear of the unknown behind careless brutality that you disguise as determination! Instead of listening to those of your people who have an actual understanding of the things that scare you so! It's your ignorance that's dangerous, yours and that of those idiots who did this ritual!", she spat.

A thin, stuttering voice chimed in. „We did not know it was a spirit of wisdom, the book said—…", the fat mage said.

„Shut! Up!" Solas pressed out the words between clenched teeth.

The Inquisitor held Saga in his icy gaze like a snake hypnotizing its prey. The situation could still go either way. Solas was a mere inch away from murdering the mages who had summoned his friend, but he wouldn't do it unless the Inquisitor allow it. And Saga in between, trying to find some middle ground. Surely, the Inquisitor couldn't let this go unpunished. But repay murder with murder wasn't an option either.

„Are you quite finished?", Ragnar asked.

„Yes! For now!", Saga said.

He turned away from her and faced the mages.

„You can go."

The mages didn't move an inch.

„Fuck off already!", Ragnar shouted and they scurried away like mice clamoring for a hole to hide in.

Saga was speechless. He let them go. Just like that. A smack in the face for Solas, who had turned to the Inquisitor for help, who had confided in him despite everything. And this is how Ragnar had repaid his trust. By betraying it to the fullest.

Saga wanted to say something, comfort Solas however she could, but he just turned away.

„I need some time alone. See you at Skyhold."

As Saga watched him leave, she swore to herself she would keep in mind only treachery awaited when you trusted the Inquisitor.


	18. All New, Faded For Her

They continued without Solas in a northeasterly direction, following the river. The mood was tense. Saga had repeatedly disobeyed the Inquisitor's orders and insulted his honor, alienated Cassandra with her headstrong and, she had to admit herself, rather haughty dismissal of her religious beliefs and Vivienne… well. In the eyes of the First Enchanter, everything had surely gone according to plan. Saga's position within the Inquisition had taken a hit, there was no doubt in her mind about that.

The only one remaining party member who did not punish her with defiance was Cole, who treated her the way he had before. Saga and Cole made up the rear end of their small trek, with Cassandra and the Inquisitor walking ahead and Vivienne in the middle. Where she could hear everything.

Cole walked beside Saga, looking down at his feet like he always did. Saga had never seen his whole face. „You were trying to help make the rocks less real", he said. „She died but she died as more of herself, not as a monster."

Saga glanced at him sideways. „You think that made her happy? She died nonetheless. We weren't fast enough. Or rather, some of us were too quick." A sour note entered her words while she was staring ahead towards the rest of the party. Considering their intense gestures, the Inquisitor and Cassandra were apparently arguing about something, but Saga wasn't close enough to clearly make out their words.

„She was herself when she went away. That was enough", Cole said.

Saga's heart was heavy with worry about Solas, but the words of the spirit boy soothed her bitterness a little. Ahead in the distance, a large rock formation shot up into the sky. At its foot, a ruin stood, not much more than a few pillars arranged in a vaguely rectangular fashion. They were heading straight for it. A queasy feeling made itself known in Saga's belly. Something was lying in wait ahead. A presence. She squinted at the decrepit structure, still a good one hundred meters away and wiped sweat from her forehead. Without any trees to provide shade, the sun's blaze was punishing. The continuing fires burning all over the Plains made the air taste dry and ashen. She was parched. Saga took her water skin from her belt and took a few sips.

„You…" Cole started in his trademark tremble, but seemed hesitant. „…You can scan me, if you want. I promise I won't tug at the hurt anymore. Solas said it is something you need to find yourself. When I tried to help before I tore it apart, it was fraying at the edges and I… hurt you. I did not want that. I am sorry. You can scan me if that makes it better."

Saga smiled at him, the ghost boy, the sweetest and deadliest being she had ever met. How could such empathy and coldheartedness exist within the same person? Or was he? Coldhearted? How, she wondered, did he rationalize his killing of the bandits? That it was mercy after all? The sick feeling in Saga's stomach grew stronger. Fifty meters to the ruin.

„Thank you, Cole. I appreciate that. And I don't blame you for what happened at Skyhold. I knew you only wanted to help. Maybe one day you can try again, when the pain is not stuck anymore."

„Yes. I would like that", he said.

No, not a sick feeling. A hum, deep in her gut. Saga wrinkled her nose as a dull pain started to bloom in her abdomen. They were coming up to the ruin. It lay before them deserted and cold, but Cole sensed something was wrong.

„It's brighter here", he said. „Glittering. Glaring. Gleaming. I can't…"

„I feel something, too", Saga said. „But it's not visual, it's visceral. Like a…"

Cole suddenly grew tense, letting out a startled gasp and began a hectic monologue, words sputtering out of his mouth in a terrified, urgent staccato. „…The judder, violent spasms of the machine, like an earthquake without the earth, makes my ribcage hurt with the pressure…two gees… three gees… when will it stop."

When the Inquisitor and Cassandra crossed the boundaries of the destroyed outer walls and entered the decrepit ruin, the pain exploded in Saga's body like a dying star. The dull pressure burst into a bright hot sting that pierced her insides and made her fall down on her knees with a yelp, just as a Rift opened inside the ruins with a loud bang that echoed back from the slope of the rock.

„Get ready!", the Inquisitor shouted and drew his sword. Cassandra, Vivienne and also Cole fell into battle positions.

Saga could barely hear him. This was different from the battle encounters before. She tried to raise her head in the direction of the Rift. All she could see through the tears streaming down her face was a blurry green centre mass. The acrid smell of ozone stung her nostrils and almost took her breath away. This was it. A gateway into another world, just like the one she had fallen out of. This was her chance. Get up, she told herself, get up and get out the Tool. With all her might, she stemmed herself against the pain tensing up her body, fought down the impulse to curl up into a ball on the ground and managed to put up one knee, resting her elbow on top of it. Her body felt supermassive, as if an immense weight had been dropped on her. The tiniest movement was pure agony. Her chest was so tight she could barely breathe. But she had to get closer. She had to.

Then the Rift cackled, sprouting tentacles of green Fade energy in all directions that opened up six portals on the ground. That was when the note returned, high and crystal clear like an organ pipe, its bright and healing sound floating above the thrumming between her ribs. Detached from a body reeling with pain, the analyst in her mind hovered above it all, noting all the impressions and feelings of the body that housed it with perfect clarity. With a pained grunt, Saga heaved herself into a standing position, swaying so dangerously she had to lean against one of the stone pillars, and defiantly wiped tears from her eyes. Corpses were staggering around, stumbling towards the fighters, their flesh hanging from their emaciate forms in grey flaps. There were two more creatures, tall and spindly and their skin a sick green color, like moss pulled over the frame of a skeleton. They were eyeless, but had a mouth filled with sharp teeth. They clumsily stalked the ground on their reed-thin limbs like terrifying spiders that had some of their legs ripped out.

Saga shuddered. With trembling fingers, she managed to fumble out her Tool, turn it on and direct the scanning beam towards the Rift, the noise in her head growing louder by the second. What had begun as a pleasant ringing was now a storm of sound inside her brain, as if an organ player had fallen asleep on the keyboard. The full sounding noise inside her, stupendous and wonderful, drowned out all the screeching and shouting around her and disconnected her more and more from the real world. Nothing seemed to be able to touch her as she watched the events around her. As if time had slowed down she could see every detail in crystal clarity. Vivienne's hand sizzled with a bolt of electricity that arched over from her to a walking corpse, then to a second and a third one. Their dead bodies cramped and shook as the current zapped them. A vein bulging at Vivienne's delicate neck betrayed the immense strain her body was under. Cassandra's face was distorted in a raging battle cry, thin threads of spit between her lips, like a rabid animal overcome by bloodlust as she raised her shield and sword against one of the larger creatures. Ragnar's arm trembling as he impaled a corpse with his sword and the force of his strike heaved it above his head. Cole dashing to and fro with amazing speed, his daggers needling the demons and distracting them. But Saga remained detached. Her hands were holding and pointing the Tool all by themselves. She saw the Inquisitor, shouting something in her direction, his mouth moving silently and sluggishly in her distorted perception. Her eyes turned to the Rift. It had changed. The sick green shimmer had turned into a bright white light blazoned with bluish filaments.

It was beautiful and seemed to call out to Saga.

Slowly, she walked towards it, drawn to the light like a moth to the flame. The pain faded. The chaos of sounds formed itself into a structure.

 _This is right._

The impact threw Saga to the ground. Suddenly, everything was very real and fast again and the battle noises assailed her with bone-crushing force.

„Saga what are you doing!" Cassandra screamed at her. Her sword and shield were slick with a slimy black substance. Saga didn't understand what she meant. She shook her head to try and get rid of the disorientation, but the dizziness persisted. „Were you not listening to me?! Don't approach the Rift! I literally had to run you over so you'd— damn!"

A second wave of demons appeared from the small anomalies on the ground as the main Rift cracked like a whip. Cassandra pulled around hard and raised her shield.

„Revenant!", the warrior shouted, and ran back to the others.

Saga's mind disappeared again, turning her into a distanced observer. She moved to her own rhythm, dictated by the thrum and hum of the deep, the epiphanic sonority of the music of her mind that once more drew her towards the light. And she listened to what it had to say, approached the Rift once more, unheeded by the monsters fighting around her. Someone called out to her from far, far away. A woman's voice, sharp and warning. She saw how Cassandra stormed towards her, her movements viscid as tar. Saga stood under the Rift, its glorious light surrounding her.

Her whole body seemed to oscillate in strange unison with the pulsating light above her. Tenderly, she raised her hand and reached for the Rift. A whisper.

The spark of a connection as she touched the Rift in the Veil.

Saga fell upward, up, up, up, higher and higher into the light, weightless until the bright nothing around her suddenly began to recede like the tide, revealing the structures of the ground underneath.

A carpet of beech leaves covered the stones, glowing a fiery yellow in the weak autumn sun. Blackbirds were chirping above. The smell of vegetation, of recent rain and earth flooded her lungs. Saga raised her head. Before her lay a castle's courtyard, surrounded by sandstone buildings partly covered in wine ranks. The setting sun painted their fronts a warm and homely orange. A small roofed well sat in the middle of the ward. No people. She turned around. There was the statue of a woman, head bent down, a soft smile on her stone face. Her hands, folded in front of her chest to form a cup, were filled with golden leaves. She seemed to cradle them like a gift waiting to be received.

Two thunderous claps in rapid succession boomed above her head and made her flinch. She craned her neck to look up into the clear blue sky and just managed to catch a glimpse of the jet fighters that flew over her with supersonic speeds before disappearing in the distance. She raced past the statue and up the stairs to the balustrade. When she looked out over the landscape, her breath caught in her throat. Below and before her, a landscape was being engulfed in flames as an enormous mushroom cloud grew into the sky above it. A wall of heat hit her face and she reflexively closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again only a few seconds later, she could just see a wall of ash and fire race towards her before the scene changed around her as if a switch had been pulled.

The courtyard disappeared into nothingness and was replaced by the ruins of a vast city scape. Great towers of steel and glass soared up into the sky all around her, partly covered with vines as nature slowly took back the land that some civilization had rung from it. There were large holes with ragged edges in the buildings, rubble littered the ground. Burnt out vehicles stood about. And still, no people. The silence was complete and terrifying. Even the music in her brain had fallen silent. With her heart anxiously hammering against her ribcage, all Saga could hear was her own blood rushing in her ears and her ragged breathing. She took a few tentative steps further down the broad abandoned streets, which at some time before must have been bustling with activity but were now mere shriveled arteries in this massive corpse of a city, clogged with countless burnt out skeletons of vehicles. Saga immediately felt the truth in her gut. This was her home. A catastrophe of apocalyptic scope had befallen it, still without a name. But she knew it was true. She knew because she didn't feel out of place anymore. This landscape of destruction was familiar. She belonged in it.

The rustling noise of paper made her stop. Saga looked down. She had stepped on the crumpled, singed pages of a newspaper. She bent down and picked it up, shook off the dust and pebbles that had covered it to look at the headlines. _Hope_ , it read simply.

The city fell away around her like water pouring down a drain.

Muffled sounds of a quiet conversation in the room next door. The smell of lilacs. How much she had loved that smell. After today, it would forever be tainted. The smell of death. Saga sat on the kitchen chair and looked down at the floor. A clear liquid was dropping on the white tiles beneath her feet. Saga was crying, silently. She didn't know why. But she knew it would be the last time for a very long while. Bits of the conversation from next door floated towards her.

„ _I'm sorry for your loss_ ", someone said. A woman.

„ _Thank you_ ", a man answered. Saga recognized the voice as her father's. His name lit up in the node next to that. Jon.

„ _She was a remarkable woman_ ", the woman continued.

Saga heard the endless seconds that passed before her father replied, witness to his pain.

„ _She was. We will miss her._ "

„ _I hear the Church has condemned their actions and distanced itself from them. Maybe they were rogue terrorists after all_ ", the woman said.

„ _The Church of Renewal has no another choice but to renounce their actions, Marie_ ", her father said icily. „ _At least not yet._ _We both know it was them._ "

„ _I'm sorry, Jon, I did not want to upset you. I respect your grief._ "

„ _This is more than that!_ ", Saga heard her father shout. Her fingernails dug into her palms until they bled. She didn't flinch. She didn't look up. She sat there and watched her tears mix with drops of her blood on the floor, swirling and growing into a maelstrom that swallowed the world, when it was suddenly and painfully ruptured by a clarion crack, like a whiplash. The Inquisitor had closed the Rift with the Anchor. Saga screamed out in pain, as if something had been brutally ripped out of her, and broke down on her knees, clutching her arms around herself. Rocking back and forth, she cowered there, whimpering. The feeling of loss was profound.

„Fighting, free-falling, forever afraid, force fading…", Cole whispered as he came closer.

The singing of the note in her head and Cole's breathed whispers guided Saga into the dark.

„Can you hear me?", he said.

Saga's jaws were painfully locked, but she managed to press out some words, her voice trembling with pain. „In the endless night…"

„…Alone…"

„…I'm… calling…"

„I'm calling you home.", the spirit-boy whispered.

Darkness.

* * *

Citation: _Can you hear me / In the endless night alone / I'm calling / I'm calling you home_ are lyrics of the song Calling you Home by the band Blaze Bayley.


	19. Rebirth

Saga opened her eyes and looked out into the world. Skyhold. Something was different. A feeling of satiation, of fullness that she had never felt before. It quickly turned unpleasant. Bitter gall crawled up her esophagus. Saga jumped up, stumbled across the bedroom floor, grabbed the brink of the washing basin and vomited. She remembered a part of herself. The process could not be described as a soft emergence from the fog of oblivion but rather a violent penetration of memory into her consciousness, a burst of images and feelings, like her life flashed before her eyes in the moment of death, except the sweet release of unconsciousness would not come. She stayed wide awake the whole time. Saga sunk to the floor, whimpering, gagging, saliva dripping from her mouth in mucous threads.

Death had befallen her home in slow motion, leaving all of them clinging to one last, desperate hope. The outlines of memories came flooding back into her mind in a torrent of emotion that filled it so quickly she thought her head might burst open. She grunted and gripped her head as she breathed raggedly through the pain. After what seemed like an eternity, the flood of remembrance began to subside, waves coming and going like a pulse now, throbbing and hurtful but manageable. Saga leaned on the washing cabinet behind her, eyes closed and wiped the spit from her mouth. The images slowly began to sort themselves, forming a preliminary, sketchy narrative of her identity. Saga shivered and trembled in cold sweat, but the pain had almost gone, leaving behind only a mild headache and the kind of gut-wrenching wisdom born from the mistakes of a lifetime.

She swallowed hard and waited, simply sat there on the ground and waited for her brain to adjust the neuronal connections.

And then, Saga Jónsdóttir opened her eyes once more.

She had regained another part of herself. The first pieces of biographical data.

How she had played in the cooled, moss covered lava fields of Eldhraun as a child, despite her parents' warnings of the treacherous clefts between the rocks.

How her mother had taken her out for endless stargazing sessions in the long nights of winter. The smell of the Rooibos tea she had brought with them to keep their fingers and bellies warm while they calibrated the telescope and how it had mixed with her perfume of lilac and gooseberries under the dazzling silken dance of the auroras. _My elska_ , her mother used to call her. My love.

How her hair used to become stuck at the rubber of the gas mask she had to wear on her way to school.

How she had thrown a single branch of lilacs into an empty grave on a rainy day.

Her stomach cramped up again. The analyst spun her web further and further, the nodes of fact knowledge intertwining with the bits and pieces Saga now remembered of her own life. The most vivid memory was the visceral feeling of hunger. They had all been hungry a lot. They had been running out of time. Millions had died, were dying, were going to die. Why? What had happened? How had she ended up here? She had been wearing a spacesuit… but Saga still couldn't recall her mission.

Elves. Dwarves. Qunari. None of them existed where she was from. The heavy impact of the sudden realization that indeed humans were not alone in the universe threatened to make her sick again. She held a hand to her mouth and tried to take deep, deliberate breaths. Slowly, the feeling subsided. Where was she? Another planet? Another dimension? How was this possible?

Now capable of putting her situation into context, everything she had come to accept about her circumstances shocked her.

„The Rift", she whispered. She had touched it. She had scanned it! The data would provide the answers she needed.

She scrambled up on her feet and flew down the stairs into her study to the table where she usually placed the Tool. But it wasn't there. Stunned, she stood at the empty desk.

„Wha—… where… where is it?"

Frantically, she wiped off the papers and books that were piled on top of the table, looked under and behind it to see if maybe it had fallen, but no. It was gone. Panic began to swell in her throat and threatened her with dizziness. Where had they taken it? Had she lost it in the Exalted Plains? When had they returned? What day was it?

Saga reeled, aimlessly spinning through her room in helplessness. _Where was it?_

She ran down the second flight of stairs into the workshop, hastily put on her boots, threw over her jacket and stormed out of the tower.

It was sunny outside, almost warm, but Saga didn't even feel the sun rays tingling her skin. She needed to talk to the Inquisitor, right now. She ran across the upper courtyard and up the stairs towards the Main Hall, but froze midway when she saw a familiar figure entering the lower courtyard out of the corner of her eye.

Solas came walking through the main gate. Saga turned around on her heel and ran down again to greet him. His face was a polite mask of calm, but Saga could clearly see the sadness in him. He had been in a bad place when he had left them on the Plains. Saga suppressed the urge to hug him. He had needed space, time for himself. Her need to feel close to him didn't overrule that.

„Solas, how are you feeling?", she asked.

When he answered, his voice was uncharacteristically muted. The pain was still fresh.

„It hurts. It always does. But I will survive."

„I'm so… glad to see you", she said, though the word didn't do her feelings justice. It was like seeing him for the first time again, with new eyes. Finally she understood the importance of his looks. His strange face, human, but unusually so, not quite hitting the mark with its elongated shape and the high cheekbones, the outrageously sharp jawline. And the ears of course, long and tapered off like a knife. His alienness seemed more pronounced to her than ever before. She marveled at him.

„You were a true friend. You did everything you could to help. I could hardly abandon you now", Solas said, a faint smile playing across his features and lifting up the sadness for a microsecond.

 _He's so beautiful…_

Saga cleared her throat, when she noticed she had been staring at him.

„Where did you go?", she asked.

„I found a quiet spot and went to sleep. In the Fade, I visited the place where my friend used to be. It's empty. But there are stirrings of energy in the void. Some day something new may grow there."

The Fade. What was it _really_? Saga's mind was working with a completely new level of focus. There were so many questions. But they had to wait just a minute longer. For now, here, all that mattered was Solas. Her friend.

„What happens when a spirit dies?", she asked.

Saga feared that he might regard her probing questioning as improper, but Solas looked at her with slight approval. Solas had liked that about her from the start. Her inquisitive mind. Yes, she might be insensitive at times. But her curiosity showed the intrepidness of her character, her impartiality that made her, at her core, innocent. A true seeker, and a sceptic. Someone who believed those who were in search of the truth, and who doubted those who claimed to have found it. He would never admonish her for wanting to know more, especially if it concerned the Fade and magic.

„It isn't the same for mortals. The energy of the spirit returns to the Fade. If the idea giving the spirit form is strong, or if the memory has shaped other spirits, it may some day rise again."

„You're saying your friend might come back?"

A shadow hushed over his face. „No, not really. A spirit's natural state is peaceful semi-existence. It is rare to be able to reflect reality. Something similar may reform one day, but it might have a different personality. It would likely not remember me. It would not be the friend I knew."

Her heart ached for him.

„Solas, if you need to mourn… next time, you won't have to go through it alone."

„Thank you. It's been long since I could trust someone. I'm working on it."

He tilted his head and looked at her intensely. He smiled slightly as if recognizing something in her.

„Something's happened to you. You look… different."

Saga looked straight at him, shaken and unafraid, savoring the feeling of finally feeling home inside her own self again, to perceive the world around her through a lens of her own past experience, the analyst whirring and roaring through a network ablaze with meaning and subtext and structure and emotion, as an amazing high built up in her neurochemistry that made the colors glow around her.

„I…", she halted, her voice catching in her throat. „…remember."

The elf's expression suddenly darkened.

„The Veil is trembling around you. That has never happened before. As a matter of fact, it shouldn't, since you are no mage. What happened while I was gone?"

„I retrieved my memory from the Fade, Solas!" Her features lit up with excitement as she waved her hands around in sweeping gestures. „It's all there again! Almost all of it, I remember where I come from! Can you believe it?! I remember my home!" Saga smiled broadly. But Solas remained stern.

„How did you enter the Fade?"

„I touched a Rift", she said.

Solas stared at her in amazement.

„Quite the risk…"

Saga shrugged it off and finally gave in to her impatience. „Worth it. I have to tell you all about it, but first, we must see the Inquisitor. My Tool is missing but I am one hundred percent sure I had it on me when I touched the Rift. I pass out after that and wake up back here in Skyhold maybe twenty minutes ago, the Tool's missing. I guarantee you Ragnar has it. Or knows where it is. The data on there is invaluable!", she rattled and turned around to leave.

„Coming?" She looked back over her shoulder when she noticed Solas wasn't following. „I'd like you there when I analyze the data."

Solas bowed his head in an elegant gesture of thanks, but there was an ironic glint in his eye when he looked back up.

„You want me to witness you unravelling the mysteries of the Fade? I would not miss it for anything."

It turned out that Saga had been half-right. The Inquisitor had indeed taken her Tool into his custody, but it had not been his idea. It had been Cassandra who had convinced him to preserve it rather than leave it lying in the dirt of the Exalted Plains where it had slipped out of Saga's hands as she had fallen unconscious. Ragnar would have preferred to forget the thing and tell a convenient lie to Saga afterwards, but Cassandra's code of honor forbade it. She had promised her a chance, and even though she might not agree with her methods and found her lack of faith disturbing, she admired Saga's unrelenting search for the truth. In a way, she was a seeker like her, only searching for a different kind of truth.

With Solas by her side she entered the War Room. The Inquisitor and his advisors stood around the War Table in the middle and looked up when she entered.

„Inquisitor, I need my Tool back, where is it?" Saga's impatience made her blurt her words out in a rather demanding fashion, but the Inquisitor of course would not let her rush him.

„Well, look at that. Anyone else having a sense of déjà vu?"

„I'm serious", she said.

„So am I." Ragnar squinted at her. There was an air of self-assured determination around her. That steady nervousness, as if she was always expecting a loud bang at any moment, which he had come to associate with her, was gone. „Something's changed. What did you see in the Fade, Saga?"

She had come to expect the Inquisitor to be more observant than she used to give him credit for. Of course there would be questions. Saga hesitated. What should she tell those people? How honest could she be with them, products of a world that had barely escaped its scientific infancy and was currently trapped in a war of ideologies. Her head hurt. It was all still so chaotic.

„It's alright, Saga", Solas said. His voice was silken and soothing as ever. „Take your time. Then tell us what you saw."

Saga took a few deep breaths. As she collected herself she noticed how calm she became. She revisited the scene she had experienced in the Fade, when she had learned of her people's fate. Nothing had changed. She needed the Inquisition's resources. She needed Solas's help to understand the Fade. Her mission remained the same. Find out what happened and return home. She had no choice. Saga straightened her shoulders, raised her head and looked the Inquisitor straight in the eyes, her heartbeat steady and strong.

„My name is Saga Jonsdottir. My home is Terra, the Earth", she said, her voice loud and clear. Her audience tensed as they all realized she remembered more than the last time.

„I have never heard of a land called Terra", Josephine carefully stated.

„Terra is no land, no continent. You won't find my home here, no matter how far you travel", Saga said, a bright and powerful light in her chest. Determination flooded her veins.

„Then where is it? Speak clearly!", the Inquisitor demanded.

„Terra is neither a place on this planet. Nor is it a place in the Fade. It is a place among the stars", she said. „Terra is another planet."

Silence. Saga looked at the people before her who stared at her in disbelief. All, except one. Solas was the only one who already knew about this and he listened to her very intently.

„You mean to tell us…", Cassandra said. Her eyes widened as she spoke. „…That you and your people live in the sky?"

„No, Seeker. I'm telling you that we live on a planet not unlike this one. But that we have the capability of space travel. We can leave our planet."

The Inquisitor let out an incredulous laugh that echoed from the stone walls of the War Room.

„You expect us to believe that?"

„No", Saga said. „And I don't need you to. I am telling you the truth. Your belief has no bearing on it. My people are far more technologically advanced than anything you have ever seen, you already know that is a fact. But magic doesn't exist in my world. We are a people of explorers, always pushing the boundaries of the unknown. Our drive to make sense of the world around us has led us to amazing discoveries without any need for magic."

Saga paused and swallowed before she continued.

„And it seems, terrible ones. I think that my people has met with a deadly fate, although I can't yet recall what kind. But somehow, that… danger is reason for why I'm here."

„So you're a refugee?", Cullen asked.

„Or a scout? Maybe you're on a rescue mission.", Leliana asked.

The Inquisitor interjected. „I think the more sensible question posing itself here is, what in Andraste's name did your people in, being oh-so far ahead of us? Must've been pretty bad if it has _you_ running from it."

The question hung there in the silence for a few heartbeats. Saga had to weigh her words carefully. It had taken her months of hard work to win something resembling like trust from the Inquisitor. It was all being questioned again. She could see Ragnar's mind working behind his strong forehead, his brow furrowed. He was wondering whether she was the spear tip of an invading force. But the truth of the matter was, Saga didn't know the answer to his question. She might be. But something told her she wasn't.

„All I know", she said „is that for some reason, I was in space while my whole planet was going down the drain. I don't know if I ran or if I was sent there for some reason or if all of this was just a damn accident! I need to find out what happened. I need to remember my mission, what the threat was about, everything. I need my Tool for that. Where is it?"

Saga rolled her shoulders to get rid of some of the tension that had started to knot her muscles. She was at his mercy. And she didn't like it.

„Not so fast, my dear", Ragnar said. „You barge in here, drivel about how your people is basically on the brink of extinction, but don't remember the details, then go on to tell us something probably went wrong. That little something might not have anything to do with the Fade Rift you fell out of, huh?!"

„I don't know! I don't remember! Which is why I need that instrument back!", Saga said. Tensions were rising. She realized how this must sound to the Inquisitor, who had suspected her to be a Fade creature from the beginning.

„And then what? You tell your people where you've gone and they come pouring through, a horde of refugees fleeing from a threat so great you aren't safe from it anywhere on your whole fucking planet?" His voice grew louder and louder. „A threat your people might even bring here, to Thedas?! Are you insane?!"

„I won't bring it here!", Saga shouted. Her defiance prompted the Inquisitor to slam down his fists on the War Table with a bang.

„How can you be so sure if you don't remember?!"

He paused to let the silence that followed his question speak for itself. Saga bit her lip. He was right. She was unable to make a convincing argument. All she had was a gut feeling. Pitiful, especially for her, who had prided herself from day one for her scientific view of things.

„You have just claimed yourself you don't remember what the true reason for your being here actually is! Could be escape, could be an accident. It could just as well be conquest!"

Saga felt her resolve crumble. The feeling inside of her she could not put into words. It was so close, the memory… so close she could almost taste the words in her mouth but it just wouldn't come to her. She was so sure that she was no danger to Thedas, but she was unable to explain it.

The Inquisitor had calmed down again and now stood before her shaking his head. There was almost something like sympathy in his eyes. Somehow, that was even worse than his anger. It meant that he felt for her. He wished he could grant her her wish, but his priorities were understandably different. Saga understood him, too. Which is why she already knew what he was going to say and that she wouldn't be able to dispute it. Her heart went heavy. Feeling defeated, she bowed her head.

„I cannot let you continue your research, Saga. We have enough at our hands with the threat of Corypheus. Thedas does not need another front, and I cannot permit to waste any resources. You show me that your experiments help the Inquisition and I may let you continue. Until then, you are to cease."


	20. Moving Mountains

Saga and Solas left the War Room and then stepped out into the courtyard together. Saga couldn't believe she should regain part of her memory only to be stumped like this in her progress. She needed to think this through. There had to be a way to convince the Inquisitor.

„Would you walk with me? I need some fresh air."

Solas nodded and went with her.

They left Skyhold and while they made for the valley at a leisurely pace, they settled into a familiar silence. It was pleasant, having Solas walk next to her. He didn't push, didn't judge. He'd there for her whenever she'd be ready to speak. For now, they just walked together, each of them clinging to their own thoughts, the snow crunching under their feet. Apart from that, there was no noise. Nature was still asleep up here in the mountains, where winter still lingered. As they continued along the trail that slowly threaded downward, the air grew milder. Down in the valley, spring was already unfolding and the sun shone stronger with each passing day. Only a hundred meters further down, the snow was even beginning to melt, forming small runlets that snaked through the mountainous landscape. They had crossed the tree line. The spruces and firs that grew here were already free of ice and boasting an animate, new green. Saga saw some squirrels jumping their branches in a playful race. They stopped at a precipice overlooking the valley. Lush and green, dotted with young flowers, the Hinterlands stretched out before them as if bathed in eternal springtime. The beautiful sight got stuck in Saga's throat like a stifled scream. Life was returning.

 _To this world at least._

Inexplicable grief and anger tightened her chest. She turned to face Solas.

„That ancient elven city. You mentioned it sometime. What was its name?"

There was the smallest hesitation before he answered, a flicker in his eyes.

„You mean Arlathan."

„Yes. You saw it in your dreams, right?"

He nodded. „Yes."

A chilly wind picked up. Saga shivered a little and pulled her coat tighter around herself before returning her attention to the valley. „Could you tell me about it again?"

She counted the seconds until Solas started to speak. He sounded calm and reverent, as if he could see the images clearly before his mind's eye. Saga was fairly certain that indeed he could. She closed her own eyes and listened to him.

„Imagine spires of crystal twining through the branches, palaces floating among the clouds. Imagine beings who lived forever, for whom magic was as natural as breathing."

He paused.

Saga swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat when the images he conjured in her mind with his words twisted and turned and morphed into the familiar shapes and forms of her own world. When she reopened her eyes, a tear struggled free and ran down her cheek. Her skin stung where it left a wet path as the cool wind brushed against it.

„That is what was lost", he said.

Not trusting her voice, she whispered. „It must have been something to see."

„Indeed", Solas said. „But Elvhenan was no more innocent than your world, I imagine. Romanticizing it is pointless."

His sudden change of tone startled her. „Still, if there was a way to return to it, to get it back… wouldn't you take it?", she asked.

Solas gave her a quizzical look. „A mere hypothetical. Elvhenan was lost millennia ago."

„Yes, but…" Saga sighed. How could she make him understand? „Imagine it wasn't. Imagine Arlathan was your home. Imagine you go to sleep there one night, in your home, everything you've ever known, for better or worse. And wake up the next day in a vastly different world where nothing is like it was before and nothing makes sense." The hurt made her raise her voice. Like a hot stone it seared her insides that cramped together painfully with the memory. „Everything suddenly torn and ripped away from you, like fate had amputated a part of your soul. That's what it felt like when I woke up, Solas. And each time I remember more about my home, it hurts even more."

Somehow, her words struck a chord with him. When she saw his eyes starting to glisten, he averted his gaze.

„And then later on you realize that maybe you've lost it all for good. That it might even be your own fault!"

„Stop, Saga", Solas said. His eyes again met hers. They were the deepest well of grief she had ever seen. Had she said too much? Had she hurt him? A pang of guilt pulled at her insides.

„I'm sorry", she said. „I shouldn't have brought up Arlathan. That was insensitive."

To her surprise, he shook his head and smiled at her. „No. I understand. There are few regrets sharper than watching fools squander what you have sacrificed to achieve. You will find a way to convince the Inquisitor. I am sure of it."

Then, a hidden door opened in her mind. Her eyes defocused as her gaze turned inward.

Seamlessly, the puzzle pieces clicked together and all of a sudden, the solution was right there. Returning to the here and now, Saga looked straight at Solas, who raised an eyebrow at her. He had learned to read her with increasing accuracy.

„I know that look", he said. „You've got an idea."

Saga started to pace around and spoke faster. „So far, I've recovered parts of my memory one of two ways. First, through contact with an object from my world, my suit. Second, through contact with a Rift. I've exhausted the first one, because my suit is the only object from my world and I've already unlocked the memories connected to it. The second option is unavailable to me as long as the Inquisitor won't take me with him because going alone is too dangerous. But there's a third option."

Intrigued, Solas urged her on. „What do you have in mind?"

„We don't need the Inquisitor's permission to sleep, right?"

That baffled him for a moment. Then, realization dawned on him. A stern frown darkened his face as he shook his head.

„No. No, Saga, you do not know what you're asking."

Saga soldiered on. She needed him for this.

„But you do! It makes sense!"

„It is not up for debate", he said. Solas turned to leave, but Saga reached out to stop him.

„Wait, Solas, let me finish!"

Solas sighed, but turned around again. His discomfort was clearly written on his features, but he was at least willing to hear her out, so she let go of him. Deep down, Saga knew, he was curious about her proposal. He was an explorer of his own kind. She just had to tease him enough.

„You told me that the Fade is a reality that is formed by dreams and memories. But it is also a physical dimension, otherwise the Inquisitor and myself couldn't have entered it bodily. So it's both, a physical dimension and a state of consciousness. Correct?"

Reluctantly, he confirmed.

„Yes, you are right." And added, with a twinkle in his eye „As I have come to expect from you."

Saga smiled and licked her lips. He was listening. Good.

„So if the Fade somehow stores events from this side of the Veil and makes them accessible in the dream state, you could help me variate my brain activity so that I could dream lucidly like you do and let my mind basically discover itself."

She paused to let that sink in. It didn't take long for him to react. He had known she wanted to propose another shared dream like they'd had on their travels to the Exalted Plains before she had even uttered a word.

„Your hypothesis and line of thinking are both… fascinating, Saga, and I freely admit it is a taunting proposal. But you lack any experience with the Fade. What you are proposing is dangerous. A shared dream specifically aimed at memory retrieval could uncover traumatic experiences that would create intense emotions in you and—…"

„—And demons love mortal emotional drama, yeah I know. But you will be there to keep them off our backs."

He wasn't entirely convinced yet, so she adapted her strategy.

„Imagine what you could see of the Fade. Areas that would otherwise remain forever outside your reach because nowhere on Thedas could you experience what I've experienced on Terra. You could discover a whole new world. My world."

He tilted his head, slouched his shoulders and gave her a pleading look. _Almost there._

„And you would help a friend find a way back to the home she's lost."

She could hear his resistance dissolve in the sigh that escaped him. Shaking his head, more in wonder than in reluctance now, he smiled at her.

„We will still need to let the Inquisitor in on it. It would be preferable to have his help should we need it than the other way around."

Back in the War Room, Cullen was shaking his head.

„I don't like this."

Ragnar seemed equally skeptical as the former Templar, but he decided to hear Saga out.

„Go on."

„Both of us fell out of a Rift and we lost our memory in the process. My memory loss was far more extensive, obviously, but I regained a part of it when I touched the Rift in the Exalted Plains. Since the Fade is a plane of existence shaped by dreams and memories, I believe it would be possible that the rest of my memories are still lodged there."

Ragnar sighed impatiently. „Just spit it out already, Saga. This is no time for a lecture."

Solas, wrinkling his eyebrows, obviously disapproved of that lack of curiosity just as much as Saga did, but she sped up her train of thought nonetheless.

„I believe there is a possibility Solas could help me retrieve my memory, or at least another part of it, by mentally entering my version of the Fade with me. As my guide so to speak."

The following silence was interrupted by Josephine coughing slightly. „Ahem. Would you care to clarify that? For regular people, if you don't mind."

„Solas has the ability of lucid dreaming, which means he can enter the Fade while he sleeps like all of you do, only he does it while being fully aware he is asleep. So he can control the dream to a certain extent. Now, I can't do that, so I'm proposing he…"

Saga halted, only now realizing how intimate that was going to sound.

„…enter my mind while I sleep."

She looked at Solas. He smiled softly at her and gave her a nod. Immediately she knew she would go ahead with it, no matter the risks. She trusted him.

„How will that help you recover your memory?", Cassandra asked.

Solas explained the procedure further.

„We cannot be completely sure it will work. But in theory, I should be able to find Saga's mind in the Fade, then guide her into lucidity without waking her. Since it will be her dream, the Fade will adapt to her mind. I hypothesize that her memories are not erased, only buried deep within the Fade. If this premise were true, it should be possible to recover them. And since Saga will be lucid, she will remember her experiences when she awakes."

„As will you, I presume?", the Inquisitor asked. „If I understood you right you do plan on… melding minds, right?"

„Yes. I will remember as well. Which will give you the guarantee you need about the truthfulness of her motivations. If she is indeed a threat to us, I will know and I shall tell you. She won't be able to disguise or lie about her intentions.", Solas said. „Our minds will become one for the duration of the dream. But I will only be a passenger. Saga's mind will be the only one effecting the Fade."

„Maker's breath…", Cullen murmured. „This in unholy. Are you sure about this, Inquisitor?"

Ragnar only raised an eyebrow.

„If it finally gets us the answers we need, I'm all for it. I believe you should ask Saga that question. It's her sanity we're talking about. Or rather, what's left of it."

„My mind has not been as clear in months, Inquisitor.", Saga said. „I trust Solas and I trust his abilities. I think this can work."

She turned her head to face Solas.

„I want to try it."

He replied with a nod.

Ragnar looked at them thoughtfully. He did not make light of Solas's proposal. Even if they only entered the Fade mentally, it was Fade magic they were talking about.

„What are the risks?", he asked. „Give me the worst case scenario."

Cullen was quick to answer that. „Demonic possession of Saga _and_ Solas. Magical mind melds were outlawed under Chantry law for a reason. It only takes one weak link in the chain of minds for it to break. Saga has no training whatsoever, she'd be easy prey. Should she fail to withstand the demon, she could pull Solas's mind down together with hers. I'll let you picture what it would mean to have Solas possessed."

Josephine sucked in the air audibly and held a hand to her mouth. Her eyes were as wide as a doe's.

Solas shook his head. „I'm afraid your past as a Templar is clouding your judgement, Commander. The scenario you are painting is a huge hypothetical, a scary tale told to keep Circle mages in check. The probability of that happening are negligible. I have been traveling the Fade almost all my life. Demons are no more tempting to me as a ripe fruit is daring you to eat it."

„Because you're too much _like them_ ", Cullen mumbled.

Leliana chimed in. „Then what do _you_ think could realistically happen, Solas? Surely such an experiment is not without its risks."

„A Rift could open", Solas said.

Gasps and murmurs cut through the air as all attendees reacted to this revelation.

„And you think _that's_ the less terrible outcome?", Cullen asked.

Solas remained calm and unfazed. „I do. You use the Anchor on your hand to seal Rifts all the time, Inquisitor. Nothing you couldn't handle."

„Let's put this whole affair into perspective", Cassandra said. The Seeker had said nothing until now but once she did, she had everyone's attention. „It seems to me that this is not a matter of feasibility. If anyone can navigate the treacherous trails of the Fade safely, it is Solas. I believe we can all agree on that. No, this is a matter of trust. So let us examine if we have grounds to trust Saga."

She moved around the table so that she stood next to Saga and faced the others, then pointed at her. „Do we think it is a coincidence that this woman literally fell into our lap just when Corypheus threatens the whole world with extinction? A woman whose people might be struggling with a similar threat? Who has a whole different form of power at her disposal? A power singular in this world! She has provided us with a unique network of communication, made improvements to our armor and weaponry. Her inventions have saved countless lives. These are facts. Isn't that enough to meet her with at least a modicum of good will?"

The advisors and also Ragnar listened intently.

„Look at us." Cassandra gestured around the room. „Remember our humble beginnings. The Inquisition didn't start with an army of loyal soldiers. It started with us." She looked each and every one of them in the eyes. „Solas, an apostate mage. Cullen, a former Templar who has renounced his allegiance to the order. Varric, a conniving rogue and you, Inquisitor, a noble, both were my _prisoners_. We suspected _you_ , Inquisitor, to be responsible for the explosion at the Conclave, before we heard of the woman in the Rift behind you. Before it was made clear to us that you are the Herald of Andraste. We _chose_ to trust each other based on our deeds and a shared goal, not because of our origin."

The woman was on a mission. Saga had never expected her to come to her aid. Not after alienating her so much. But Cassandra's words had the desired effect. Everyone got to thinking.

„In the end, that trust and faith in each other is all we have. We won't know for sure if it is well placed in this case, not until we help Saga regain her memory. Think of what we could gain. What other technologies Saga might remember that could help us. At worst, she will be unmasked as a deceiver. In that case, we shall act accordingly. At best, she makes a strong and powerful ally Corypheus won't reckon with."

When she had finished, Cassandra returned to her place at the War Table. She exchanged a look with Saga, who nodded at her in thanks. A faint smile appeared on the Seeker's normally severe face.

Ragnar eyed Saga and Solas hard for another moment and then finally came to a decision. He fixed his eyes on Saga. She stood completely still, but her heart was pounding as if she had run ten miles.

„Two conditions", he said.

Relief flooded her veins and made her knees weak, but she held her chin high and patiently waited for him to continue.

„First. I want your word, Solas, to tell us the truth of what you found inside that… strange little head here. If what she discovers makes her a direct threat to Thedas or the Inquisition, I want your word you will kill her immediately, without hesitation."

Saga couldn't help but let a gasp escape her. She was not surprised, not really. It was only reasonable. But to hear a man utter those words in her presence, to speak a precautionary death sentence was… chilling. Yet, she said nothing. She kept holding her head high in defiant determination. She was no threat to these people. Solas's hesitation did not go unnoticed by her. For the fraction of a second, a terrified expression flit across his face, but it was gone just as quickly.

„If Saga turns out to be a danger to our mission to defeat Corypheus, I promise to render her harmless", he said.

„Not what I demanded", the Inquisitor barked.

„All I am willing to promise", Solas replied sternly. „Who knows what forces lie in wait before the Rift in her world, waiting to follow her? If she poses a threat, we need to know and we need her alive."

The Inquisitor smiled at that, while Saga sincerely hoped Solas was only trying to create room to maneuver.

„Well, if you put it this way… alright."

„There was a second condition, Inquisitor?", Saga asked.

„Yes, and it concerns you", Ragnar said. He bent over to rest his hands on the table, spreading his fingers. „I want you to do something for us in return. You claim you were sent on a mission to save your people from an unknown threat. I am willing to give you yet another chance at finding out what went wrong. I want you to swear you will return the favor. You claim your people possess knowledge and technology the likes of which this world has never seen in any Age. I want you to use that knowledge to help us defeat Corypheus. I want you to take an oath, here and now, in front of these men and women as my witnesses, that you pledge your services to the Inquisition's cause and not return to your world until this one is saved. If you are willing to accept this, I shall allow Solas to help you recover your memories. And if you find what you seek and live to tell us, I shall return your machine to you."

There was no hesitation, no doubt, only the strong beating heart of determination. Saga would have sold her soul if it had meant even a fighting chance at remembering her original mission.

„I hereby pledge myself to the Inquisition", Saga said, her loud unwavering voice echoing through the stone hall of the war room and her heart burning with the cold, angry fire ignited by loss and courage.

„And I swear on my life as well as that of my people to do everything in my power to help the Inquisition defeat Corypheus."


	21. Frontiers

After their joint meeting in the War Room, Saga had set out to grab a bite to eat at the tavern, then withdrawn to the Garden in order to pick up on some reading about the Fade. It was still early in the afternoon. She wanted to use the time she had left for research in order to prepare for when she and Solas would share a dream and enter the Fade together. She carried a cold chicken pie and, habit winning over time of day, a cup of coffee from the tavern with her in a basket, a bundle of books and a warm blanket under the arm and found a sunny spot in the garden to sit. A cool wind was softly blowing, but the sun was already providing enough warmth not to get uncomfortable.

Dorian had provided her with a whole pile of books and manuscripts on the Fade. She had already read „ _From Tranquility and the Role of the Fade in Human Culture_ " by First Enchanter Josephus, but thought it was a little narrow in its outlook and clearly stumped by Chantry dogma. The same held true for „ _From Beyond the Veil: Spirits and Demons_ " by Enchanter Mirdomel. What Enchanter Ephineas Aserathan had to say about how the laws of nature behaved in the Fade seemed more objective, so Saga paid closer attention to his book, „ _The Shape of the Fade_ ". But they were all Enchanters, all members of a Circle. Their writings were sure to be monitored and quite possibly censored by the Chantry. She couldn't expect to get a balanced view from reading only their accounts.

Luckily, the mages of Tevinter provided a much different perspective. Tevinter magisters, so Saga had learned from Dorian, were free to study all forms of magic. The Circles there were prestigious institutions, much more like universities, not mage prisons as in these lands. For her lecture today, she had decided to read the writings of Magister Callistus of Taraevyn, also known as Callistus the Fade-Touched. As she read on, she noticed the author sounded reverent, even humble, as he described his experiences in the Fade. It didn't scare him. But he respected the forces at work there and recognized he was only a guest in a realm that belonged to others. She learned that the Fade was a highly adaptive reality, almost like something alive in its reactions to its visitors. Like Solas had said, the Fade and its inhabitants reacted to the emotions, thoughts and motivations of the one who entered it. A dimension where your thoughts became reality of course meant you needed a certain degree of mental discipline if you didn't want to get stuck in your worst nightmare literally becoming true. Saga recognized how the Fade could scare people, especially in an unenlightened age as this one. In a culture that systematically taught people to be afraid of magic and imprisoned those who wielded it in the name of security, people who would try to study the Fade outside of the Chantry would have to fear for their lives. So that was the choice of many mages. To be either hunted or imprisoned for life. Reading what arcane and terrifying rituals that imprisonment entailed made Saga's skin crawl.

On a piece of wrinkled parchment that had been folded between the pages of Callistus' book was a copy of the unnamed accounts of a mage's Harrowing, the test of willpower the Templars subject their wards to in the Circles. Fail the Harrowing and the Templars would either kill you or, some would argue the worse fate, make you tranquil. In other words, turn you into a mindless automaton without will of its own. Saga shuddered at the thought of what kinds of abuse the Tranquil must suffer at the hands of the Templars, drunk with power. The mage, whose name was lost to time, described how her mind was sent into the Fade during the ritual, while her unconscious body remained on a pedestal in the Circle, where it was surrounded by Templars, their swords pointed at her heart in case she failed and became possessed by a demon. How in the Fade, she had found herself standing on a rock, her feet lost in a dense fog that covered the ground. With each step, she had to _believe_ there was a ground or else she'd fall into nothingness. The demon she had met had spoken in her mind and tried to manipulate her, tried to seduce her and break her will. Apparently, she had survived the Harrowing. But her accounts closed with a damning judgement of the rite. One more example of how mages were being grossly mistreated in these lands.

But what did Saga know, really?

The more she read about magic and the Fade, the more she realized how little she truly understood about it. There were no scientific accounts. Nothing but anecdotes and verbose descriptions that read more like experiential reports or dooming sermons, depending on the political views of the author. The low academic standard of her reading, the huge gaps in the available knowledge were frustrating, yet oddly titillating. She remembered what her astrophysics teacher had told her at university. _How many books are there about finding happiness in a random bookshop? Endless meters of them, shelf after shelf! But how many books can you find about the laws of gravity?_

The number of books, he had told her, was an indicator of how well understood a topic was. The more books, the fuzzier the knowledge, the more numerous the hypotheses that hadn't been tested and discarded yet, the larger the amount of interpretations and theories and analyses.

Once you had indeed understood something, the amount of stuff there was to know and say about it became finite.

Judging from the pile of books and manuscripts that lay scattered around her and bearing in mind this was only a fraction of her reading list, she was at a scientific frontier. _Right where I belong._ She smiled to herself and sipped her coffee.

The rustle of someone walking over the grass made her look up. Her content smile broadened as she saw the stocky frame of her favorite dwarf.

„Oh, hi Varric!"

„Hey there Twinkles. Got a minute?"

She scooted aside and stacked her readings to make room for him on the blanket. With a groan, the dwarf settled down on the ground. His colorful coat of leather and cloth had a deep v-neck line that showed off his broad, hairy chest. It added a hint of sexiness to his self-deprecating, ironic persona. Normally, he had a playful aura around him, but now, as he suspiciously eyed her books, there was a disconcerting look of worry in his eyes. He had come to have _a talk_. So Saga simply waited for him to get it, whatever it was, off his chest.

„So… after you've fought some demons, faced off the Inquisitor and touched a Rift your next stop is the Fade, huh? Some people might have stretched that out over a little more time. How are ya holdin' up?"

Saga smiled at him. Under all his inclination to hyperbolic lies and sarcasm, what a heart of gold he had. „Thanks Varric. I'm fine. Better than ever since I've woken up here actually."

He nodded, but the creases in his forehead only deepened. „Yeah, I've heard. What _do_ you remember? About your home, I mean."

Saga didn't immediately answer. She still hadn't sorted everything. Memory fragments were tumbling around in her mind, some in the right temporal order. Others she still couldn't place. But there was one that made her smile.

„I remember how I was able to fight off those guards back then."

Varric grinned. „Oh really? This should be good."

„Yeah, guess what—I know martial arts! I've trained it since I was a kid!"

Varric let out a raspy chuckle. „Ha! No kidding!"

„My karate trainer was this huuuge guy, bald, had a very intimidating mustache. And he'd always wear these giant tracksuit bottoms with some truly horrible print. Plus suspenders!" When Saga let the memory fully take form in her mind, she started to laugh.

„He looked ridiculous! And his name… was _Walter_!" She couldn't continue. Varric was infected as well and they both laughed until finally, Saga could speak again. Calming down, she wiped a tear from her face. „But he was super stern and demanding. He'd really drill you. When I was late for training or forgot to bow before I entered the training grounds or was being silly, he'd make me run laps or do pushups until my arms gave out. I didn't mind. The more he demanded of me, the louder he shouted at me, the more I knew how much he believed in me. It was when he'd coddle you that you knew you really sucked."

A sudden sadness made her taciturn. She bent her head and picked at the grass.

„Sounds like he was a great teacher", Varric said. She couldn't see his face, but she heard the compassion in his voice.

„He was."

A pondering silence lowered itself between them. When she continued, all joy from before had disappeared from her voice.

„I remember dust was everywhere. Whole cities deserted. I remember my father's face when he saw me playing outside in the snow as a kid. He looked horrified. Because it wasn't snow, but I was too young to know that. It was ash from the crematorium. There were just so many dead we ran out of room to bury them."

„By the Maker… I'm sorry, Twinkles."

She sniffed and looked up again to get away from the images inside her head. She concentrated on the buzzing of bees and other insects. Birds chirping. The soft smell of lilacs soothed her nerves especially. Looking around the beautiful garden and all the colors it housed, she was able to stem the flood of bad images that threatened to overcome her.

„Don't say that yet", she said. „I don't remember what happened. Maybe they deserved it."

Varric looked concerned.

„Well, you're about to find out, huh?"

„I hope so."

Again, they were silent for a while. Saga looked at Varric sideways. It was odd to see the dwarf at a loss for words. Did he feel uncomfortable around her?

She gave him a playful push. „Penny for your thoughts, Master Tethras."

Varric looked at her and sighed.

„Huh… I'm sorry, Twinkles. It's just… to be perfectly honest, you scare me a little bit. Not a lot. But a teeny tiny little bit."

Saga was shocked. She didn't know how to respond. Realizing he'd upset her, Varric hastened to clarify.

„I don't think you'd ever hurt any of us, but… there are so many unknowns. Those machines you've built, the weird… calculations you do and leave lying around everywhere… now your revelations about how your super-advanced people has been decimated by God-knows-what… you gotta admit, it's not exactly reassuring."

„Oh… so the Inquisitor's already told you? That was quick", Saga said.

„Are you surprised? There's a lot going on in Thedas right now apart from your mystery. The mage rebellion. The explosion at the Conclave that basically destroyed the whole Chantry hierarchy. Corypheus wanting to raise a demon army through the fucking holes in the sky. I'm just trying to figure out how you fit into all this."

His concerns were understandable of course. But still, something seemed to be lurking between the lines, something maybe Varric hadn't even intended to convey, that made Saga uneasy.

„I'm beginning to think I don't", she said.

Varric frowned. „What do you mean, you don't?"

„I don't fit into any of this. I'm not supposed to be here."

Then she heard a familiar, icy voice.

„Maybe you indeed aren't, my dear", Vivienne said. „Although I would like you to stay, of course. For your own safety. Like Varric said, current events are turbulent and largely unforeseeable."

Elegant as ever, she approached them with swaying hips and a waving robe.

„I wanted to speak to you. About your upcoming plans for an experiment with our dear Solas. I strongly advise against pursuing it", she said.

Saga had no intentions of letting that snob dissuade her. „Noted."

„Careful, Twinkles. Beware the schemes of the Iron Lady."

„What a surprise to see you out here in the sunlight, Varric", Vivienne said. While Varric and Saga were sitting on the blanket, she remained standing and looked down on them smiling, all beauty and teeth. „Don't you have a book to write about me?"

Varric demonstrably reclined on his arms to show her he didn't intend to leave. „I think I'll stay here to listen to you making veiled threats", he said. „For research purposes, you know."

„As long as you make sure you describe my gown in the appropriate terms", Vivienne said.

Having concluded her banter with Varric, she refocused her unnerving gaze on Saga. „My dear, whatever you think you might gain from that endeavor, think again. It is not only your own safety that is at risk here."

An age old survival reflex turned Saga's stomach painfully acrid at the First Enchanter's words, sizzling with accusations. But she wouldn't back down, nor be dragged into a fight, so she bit back the cutting remark that sat on her tongue.

„I am aware of that."

Vivienne smiled broadly. „Marvelous. Then we understand each other. Rest assured that however you decide, I will do anything in my power to ensure your well-being."

She bowed graciously and left again, leaving Saga's skin tingling with adrenaline. Varric broke the silence and sighed in relief.

„Gotta watch your back around her."

Saga grimly stared after the First Enchanter. „No shit."

„You gotta hand it to her, she's in it for the long haul. But it makes her predictable. Whatever her plans, she's gonna try and make sure she comes out on top after all of this. Be careful, Saga. I mean it."

After Varric had left, Saga started packing up her things. The whole conversation had made her restless. She wanted to proceed sooner rather than later and decided to go and seek out Solas to discuss the details with him. More and more it seemed to her as if he was the only one around who actually understood her. Him and Varric, maybe Dorian were the only ones who she could really trust.

She returned her stuff to her tower and was just about to go down the stairs into the courtyard when an aspirated voice behind her made her abruptly turn around.

„Old pain, shadows forgotten from dreams too real. This side is slow and heavy. But here is what can change."

Saga relaxed when she saw the pale boy with the large, droopy hat hiding his face. „Cole. You startled me."

As if she hadn't said anything, Cole simply continued muttering to himself. „Voice, ringing with fullness from both worlds, like the wolf, but different, from the other side of Higgs' mirror."

Saga pricked her ears.

„ _Higgs_? Did you say Higgs?"

She remembered the physicist as the name giver to the pervasive field of energy that caused everything in the universe to have mass. But how the hell did Cole know about the Higgs field?

Cole suddenly raised his head and looked at her through greasy strands of blond hair. „The ninety-five are all around you."

And with a poof of scarab blue smoke he disappeared, leaving behind nothing but flickering air, as if he'd only borrowed a moment's existence from the cosmos.


	22. The Joining

Saga found Solas in the Rotunda. He was standing with his back to the entrance and faced the concave walls. He didn't notice her when she came in. Saga came closer in order to greet him, but stopped when she saw that he was… painting. The wall was ablaze with a breathtaking mosaic of color, complex patterns overlapping and fracturing each other to give rise to new structures emerging from them. Saga was stunned for a moment. Such creativity, such emotion inside that calm head. She watched Solas from behind, who was still seemingly unaware of her presence. Saga could just imagine his expression of stern concentration and maybe, should he be content with his work, the hint of a proud smile tugging at his lips. She enjoyed watching him like this, absorbed by the elegant movements of the brush he swung with determined, broad strokes. He knew precisely where to guide it, the finished picture already complete in his mind. He had rolled up the sleeves of his tunic to protect them from the paint, a circumstance that allowed Saga to see his naked forearms and wrists, all lean muscle and sinews. Her throat went dry and made her cough slightly, drawing Solas's attention to her presence.

„Hello.", was all he said once he'd turned around and seen her, brush still in hand.

Saga licked her lips, feeling caught and stumbled over her own words. „Hi, sorry, I… you… looked like you didn't want to be disturbed." Hot flashes tingled in her cheeks as she admitted to herself that this was not at all the reason why she had not said anything.

A smirk on the elf's face told her he had his suspicions as to the candor of her statement. Saga wished the ground would open and swallow her whole.

„You're no disturbance." He picked up a piece of cloth and wiped his slender fingers on it, leaving behind blotches of color on the fabric, and walked towards her.

Saga craned her neck to look at the full mural. „This is incredible."

„Thank you. It's an ancient Elven technique.", Solas said. „I decided to document the Inquisition's deeds."

Saga tried to take off the edge she felt with some playful banter. „Ancient Elven, huh? Picked that up in the Fade?"

He tilted his head and looked at her for a few seconds with his half-smile, making Saga's heart beat faster, then threw the cloth over the armrest of the chair that stood by the table next to them.

„You could say that. And I'm guessing you're here to talk about our upcoming joint journey into the Fade?" He leaned onto the table in the middle of the Rotunda, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Above them were two more levels of Skyhold's main tower. They were open, so the ceiling was a good fifteen meters up. Saga and Solas stood on the bottom level. Anyone who wished so could just stand at the rails, look down and watch them. And listen.

Acutely aware that they might have an audience, Saga swallowed hard and tried to ignore how his pose emphasized his lower arms even further. Was he… flirting? Deliberately tempting her? No, that couldn't be. She tried to find a hint of innuendo in his features but he looked at her like he always did. Calm, eyes serious. It must be his lips with their naturally raised corners that got her confused. He wasn't _smiling,_ and even if he was, it would not be because of her, and even if it was because of her, it wouldn't be like _that_. She had read about Elves, they tended to keep to themselves and were generally not attracted to members of other species. And Solas was just about the elfiest elf she could imagine.

Saga realized she still hadn't answered his question. „Uh, yes, actually.", she said. „I mean, I know the basics already. After all you did pay me a visit while I was asleep before."

„Ah." Solas nodded, only to shake his head immediately afterwards. „No, this time, it will be different. When last we were in the Fade together, our minds were there in parallel. This time, it will be your mind only doing the traveling."

Saga frowned.

„But you said that you would find my mind in the Fade and then follow along."

„Yes. But that is all I am going to be able to do. I'll be a passenger, an onlooker. Otherwise, the Fade would not only reflect your memories and feelings, but mine as well, muddying your focus and making it harder for your memories to reemerge. My mind will enter your mind and… attach itself to yours. But you will be the one in control. Our minds will meld to a certain extent."

Saga felt a weirdly inappropriate tingle in her belly.

„This… sounds… I'm not sure how this sounds."

„Vaguely sexual? I know.", Solas said.

Saga couldn't help but burst a grin and raise an eyebrow at him.

„Vaguely?"

Solas chuckled, which only increased Saga's nervousness. How she loved to hear his voice like that. Shame and excitement mixed in her stomach.

„Alright, yes. It sounds definitely sexual. But it isn't. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Maybe it would help if I explained the procedure in more clinical terms."

„Oh, I don't mind your wording." Saga blurted out the words and immediately regretted it when she saw Solas tilt his head at her with a rather intrigued look on his face.

Saga cleared her throat. „Ok, well, that didn't help…", she said. „Please, just get on with it, just tell me how this is going to work, I don't care how you phrase it."

He nodded. „Of course. Imagine it like the two of us traveling on the same horse cart with your hands on the reigns and me sitting behind you with the cargo, marveling at the landscape you decide to take us through."

Now that sounded a lot more innocent. Saga relaxed a little.

„Ok."

„There will be some differences compared to last time back in the Exalted Plains.", Solas said. „We will have to be in closer proximity to each other, preferably in the same room. And I am certain the Inquisitor will want to have us monitored, in the unlikely event his paranoia turns out to be justified. So, you will go to sleep. I will then cast a spell on you to open up your mind to… accommodate a visitor. Then I will join you."

„How will I know you're there?"

„The same way you noticed me last time. I will approach you and guide you into lucidity. Once you have reached this state you will be aware that your body is in fact asleep."

„So you'll just… be there right in front of me like you are now. Not a voice inside my head. I will be able to see and touch you."

„Yes. If you wish."

 _He did it again._

Saga squinted at him. He had to realize he was being suggestive. Or wasn't he? Saga's palms were getting sweaty. Her body's signals were starting to confuse her.

„Any further questions?", he asked. There was not even the tiniest reaction to her change in expression.

„Yes. What if something goes wrong? It's the Fade we're talking about, there's got to be dangers…"

„Fewer to you than to me.", he said. „Since my spirit will be a part of yours, I will experience your emotions almost as if they were my own. This means that specifically very intense emotions like rage and fear can have physical effects in the waking world not only on your body but on mine as well. Anyone less versed in the magic of the Fade than I could easily get lost in that kind of entanglement. But do not worry. You and I both have disciplined minds that are not easily dominated. As… fascinating as that concept might be."

The drop in his voice as he spoke those words made Saga seriously doubt she was imagining things. He _was_ flirting. She had just been too dense to fully realize it.

„Mh-hm. Yeah. Right. Very clinical. Anything else?"

„Yes.", Solas said. All innuendo was gone from his voice as quickly as it had appeared. „Once the link has been established and synchronicity is achieved, we must not be woken from the outside under any circumstance. Severing the link abruptly and forcefully could do immense trauma to our minds, especially yours. So if you are willing to proceed with this, we must make sure we remain undisturbed, no matter what happens."

Saga was unnerved by his sudden severity.

„I'm beginning to think that just looking for another demon-teeming Rift and putting my hand in it seems like the less dangerous option of the two."

Solas shook his head, unsmiling.

„No. There are dangers to a mind-meld, true. All jests aside I do not take them lightly. But it is a miracle you survived direct contact with the Rift in the Exalted Plains. I must strongly advise against repeating it. If you want to recover your memories faster than your mind is willing to reveal them on its own, entering the Fade in a shared dream is indeed the only option."

Saga thought about this for a moment. This was a more complicated endeavor than she had thought, but not exactly a surprise. Magic was a complex thing. It was Solas' métier, not hers, and she knew she could trust his mastery of it.

„Who will be present? As guards, I mean."

„Whoever the Inquisitor wishes to have there. Cassandra as not only his closest advisor but also his most capable warrior equipped with the ability to nullify magic. Dorian or Vivienne to monitor the Veil for any unforeseen convulsions, possibly both of them."

Saga nodded. It sounded reasonable, but the prospect of having Vivienne sit next to her unconscious form made her skin crawl. She decided not to dwell on it. There was much more she wanted to know.

„About my memories. How am I supposed to find them? Are they going to just magically emerge from my dreams? What do I have to do?"

Solas moved his arms to brace himself on the tabletop he was leaning onto, but Saga forced her eyes not to follow his motions and to stay fixed straight at his face.

„You just go to sleep, Saga. If you need help falling asleep we can either have a concoction brewed for you or I can use a spell. Once the joining is complete, you will be able to walk your dreams with waking clarity and react to what your subconscious reveals. This will stimulate the Fade to adapt to you and, hopefully, reveal what your mind has deposited within it."

„But how will you know when I'm in the correct sleep phase? How—…?"

He moved too quickly for her to react in time. Before she knew it he had pushed himself away from the table and took her hands, bringing them up between them. He looked directly at her.

Saga could only stare at him in utter shock and awe. He was very close. She could feel the heat radiating from his body, the strength hiding in his elegant, cool hands. When had he started to have this effect on her? A shudder ran down her spine.

„You won't be alone. I will do all I can to guide you.", he said. „You will be in control. And if you do not wish do to this, then we won't. Maybe your memory will return by itself, given time."

She managed to nod. He let go of her and stepped back. Her heart was racing. She could still feel the touch of his fingers on the back of her hands where he had held her. Saga knew she would be in good hands, so to speak. The fog of arousal slowly lifting from her mind, she could trust her voice again.

„I want to go through with this. I need to. I need to remember. And I can't wait forever until Ragnar trusts me enough again to return my Tool to me. Let's do this as soon as possible."

„Very well. I need some time to prepare. If you wish we can start tomorrow."

She felt the tension leave her body. She'd have a little time to get accustomed to the idea. „Alright."

„Try not to sleep too much tonight. It will be easier for you when you're tired tomorrow."

Somehow Saga thought that staying awake tonight would not be difficult for her. Whether it would make it easier for her to fall asleep later though she seriously doubted.

„Yeah.", she just said. „Thank you, Solas."

„What for?"

„For everything. Your patience, your support. For listening. You've been there for me since day one. I want you to know I am grateful for that. Without you, this whole experience would have been a whole lot more confusing for me."

Solas lowered his head in acknowledgement.

„Thank you, but there really is no need. Accompanying your recovery has been a rather fascinating journey for me as well."

Saga began to walk backwards as she took her leave.

„So, see you tomorrow night then?"

„See you tomorrow, Saga."

She turned around to leave the Rotunda, a bright light in her chest and a warm feeling in her belly.

As Saga left the Main Hall and went down the stairs to head for her tower, she was stopped by a startling voice behind her.

„I was this close to throwing a book down at you."

Saga turned around abruptly to find out where the words came from. Dorian was leaning against the staircase, hidden in the shadows. Dusk was already well advanced.

„Dorian! Man, you scared me." Saga let out the breath she had sucked in in surprise, her pulse still racing from the suddenness of his appearance. „Why would you throw a book at me?!"

„Not only at you. At both of you." He pushed himself off the wall and sauntered towards her, a coy grin twirling his lips and raising his mustache.

Saga shrugged her shoulders.

„What are you talking about?"

He waved her off and without further ado linked his arm with hers, pulling her with him across the courtyard. „Oh please, don't play innocent with me, there is really no need. I saw how you've been looking at him. Really, I am deeply disappointed in your sense of fashion. Though it is fascinating, isn't it? The undeniable elegance of his frame and colorful art…"

Saga groaned, but Dorian remained unfazed.

„… vis à vis the breathtaking blandness of his wardrobe, exciting as sawdust. The parallel of irreconcilable contrasts creates a certain morbid attraction, I guess. Like watching a corpse decompose on a bed of wilting flowers."

Saga jerked her head back.

„Whoa, where did that come from?"

„Exactly what I've been asking myself.", Dorian said. They approached the stairs and began climbing them to the balustrade.

„Dorian, ugh…", Saga sighed. „Could you please tell me what you want?"

As they reached the top of the stairs and stood on the walkway, overlooking the mountains on one side and the fortress on the other, he became uncharacteristically grave and forceful.

„I want you to be careful, Saga. Solas is, and I am for once being sincere here, so mark my words, a mystery to all of us and yes, I understand how that can be attractive to an impressionable young woman such as yourself. But letting him into your mind? We know next to nothing about his past. We know even less about the kind of Fade magic he uses in his… travels. You are aware there is magic involved, aren't you? A very specific kind of magic at that, which can have rather detrimental side effects if not used responsibly. Are you sure about this?"

Saga twisted free of his grip, which he loosened immediately when he noticed she was getting uncomfortable.

„You have been eavesdropping on us?!"

„I live basically right on top of Solas' shiny skull, sunshine. And the Rotunda has rather amazing acoustics. Not that I tested that personally in any way. It was impossible to _not_ hear the two of you."

Saga huffed at that and shook her head.

„You're unbelievable.", she said. But there was no anger in her voice. She wasn't angry. She was embarrassed.

„Unbelievably attractive, yes. Not that you'll ever reap the benefits of that, which is your loss, I'm sorry to say."

She snorted at his bluster.

„Alright, I get it. I know you can't say it, but I get it. You're worried about me and only want to help. That's sweet. Thank you. Now would you mind keeping your nose out of my private life and buzz off? I need to go to bed."

„Me? Worried? About a mere non-mage mortal like you? Ridiculous." Dorian huffed affectedly and immediately continued his relentless rattle. „Just don't come running to me if you wake up to find yourself possessed by one of Solas's friends! Also, you don't have a private life in this castle, especially not if you continue to ogle Solas the way you do."

Saga audibly sucked in the air to protest but was cut off by Dorian's wagging finger.

„Ah-ah! Don't you deny it, I know it when I see it, believe me. You and I, we need to have a serious talk about cross-species romance. So no, you are definitely not going to bed, you're going to have a drink with me, right now."

„Bu—"

„Nope!"

Saga's shoulders slouched in defeat as Dorian pulled her after him into the next tower and through the door that entered the tavern on the uppermost level. At least she would be really tired the next day.


	23. A Few Words in Friendship

„Thhhrrrppt!" Sera blew a raspberry at everyone and no-one in particular. „Solas is waaaay too elfy for a human kink, he'd never get it up with ´er!"

„Well, thanks for that image", Dorian said. „But I have to admit, you do have a point. It is remarkable that he is so obviously interested in you, Saga."

Iron Bull's deep voice rumbled his own opinion on the matter before Saga could answer. „Is it? He's basically her Elven counterpart, always theorizing and burying his head in a book."

Dorian nodded reluctantly. „Yes, of course, seeing her as an object of study, his interest makes perfect sense. But it is clearly more. You haven't seen what I've seen a mere two hours ago in the Rotunda. I thought they'd rip off each other's clothes any second."

Saga groaned. „Jesus H. Christ, Dorian, please! That's just ridiculous!"

They had been talking about this for what felt like an eternity and the ale which had been pouring constantly was starting to get to Saga's head. The cozy atmosphere in the tavern, the air thick with delicious smells and the bard's beautiful music didn't exactly help to keep her head clear.

Dorian shrugged. „I agree that it's ridiculous, but it's true nevertheless", he said and buried his mustache in the foam of his beer.

Saga leaned back into her chair and crossed her arms. „We had a talk about tomorrow's project, that was all!", she said. „There might have been some… subtle innuendo, I admit."

„Ah-ha!" Iron Bull let out a rumbling laugh and peered down at Sera, who shook her head with something in-between amusement and annoyance.

„She's so innit…" Sera wrinkled her nose and looked up to Bull. „This is just wrong. And a little sad. I had high hopes for her, y'know."

„But!", Saga said loudly and raised a warning finger. „I don't see how this is anyone's business but ours. Don't you have anything better to do? You're behaving like tattling old women." Saga had another drink to drown out the embarrassment she felt about being quizzed like that.

„Ha! I don't think you can appreciate the singularity of the whole affair, sunshine", Dorian said. When he cleared his throat and sat a little more upright, Saga knew he was about to begin another verbose monologue. With a groan, she braced herself for what was to come.

„This is Solas we are talking about", Dorian said. „The man prefers his own company to that of any other living being. His favorite pastime is sleeping, for crying out loud! Party in the Fade! The fact he has spent an increasing amount of time awake — with you, to cap it off! Voluntarily!" Dorian raised his voice and bent over the table for emphasis. „It speaks volumes, sunshine. Volumes!"

Exasperated, Saga facepalmed, then let her arms drop into her lap with a disgruntled noise. They were relentless. All the more relief she felt when she saw Varric entering the tavern. Glad to have a reason to interrupt this embarrassment of a conversation, she waved at him.

„Varric! Over here!" She had to shout to overcome the buzz of conversations and music that filled the room.

When he saw her, he approached the table.

„Well, who have we here?" Varric pulled up a chair and sat, jug of ale already in hand. „Hi guys and especially good to see you, Twinkles, I'm glad you're finally getting out more." The dwarf grinned at her before looking around to the others. His grin had turned dangerously roguish. Saga had a sense of foreboding. She immediately regretted inviting him to sit with them. Not that he wouldn't have approached them anyway.

„So, I hope I didn't interrupt anything important? What were you guys talking about?"

„Nothing! Nothing at all!"

But Sera wouldn't let her off the hook so easily.

„Saga's in some serious heat." Her face distorted into a mask of disgust as she came closer and closer to Varric's with each word, over articulating each single syllable. „ _Elfy_ Heat. The _elfiest_ heat. _The_ _elfiest_ …. _baldest_ …."

Saga rolled her eyes. „Ugh!"

„… _Heat_."

Saga put her head down on the table. She felt a hand patting her back as Varric let out an amused chuckle.

„Well, well, what else is new? Finally figured that out, huh?", he said. „Oh come on, Twinkles, don't let them bother you. Skyhold's a cesspit of rumors, they were bound to find out sooner or later."

As she sat up again his hand slid off her back.

„It seems that I am the last to find out", she said.

Varric got out his cards and put them on the table.

„What's the problem? Good for you. Go for it."

„You can't be serious!", Dorian exclaimed.

Varric shrugged and frowned at the Tevinter. „Why not? Are you really going to argue about _taste_ in matters of the heart as well?"

„Normally, no, but in this case, I am willing to make an exception. He is dressed like a homeless shepherd! Saga deserves better."

Saga tried again to make herself heard in this conversation that was taking place about her with her sitting right next to all of them.

„Hey! Don't talk about me like I'm not here! You are all blowing this way out of proportion. Even if you were right and I was in fact attracted to Solas—…"

„And how!", Dorian blurted.

„…Which I am not!"

Iron Bull just laughed. „Yeah… right."

Saga was starting to get seriously annoyed. Who did they think they were to interrogate and judge her like that?

„Alright now, Twinkles, calm down now. How about we all back off for a minute, huh? Anyone up for a round of cards?"

Dorian would have none of it.

„I'm sorry Varric, but despite some of us not taking this issue seriously I believe we need Saga to hear us out."

„I strongly disagree…", Saga grumbled and glared at Dorian.

„Yea, yea, we get it, snowflake!" Sera, rocking her chair back and fourth, one foot braced at the table's edge was almost sneering at her. „Listen, I don't care who you bump bits with. But this ain't gonna end well for you and it serves you right, right?! Just sayin' so you won't come running to me once you get your heart ripped out and thrown in your face! `Cos that's what's gonna happen when you fuck around with demons and magic and stuff, y'know? And we can all see it. You're just about the length of a knife-ear away from literally fucking around with demons and magic and stuff. But you go ahead. Whatever rocks your boat. Just won't be your consolation fuck, all teary eyed and raw, cryin' and comin' and gettin' snot and whatnot all over the sheets. Shitballs…"

For a moment, nobody said anything. They were all just staring at Sera.

„Alright, that was… kind of sexy actually", Iron Bull said.

„In a broken, morbid way. Yes", Dorian added. „Like necromancy."

That was as far as it went for Saga. She sprang up and let both her fists hit the table with a bang, making Varric flinch in his seat and spill the ale he had been sipping.

„For fuck's sake, would everyone please get out of my shit!"

Dorian immediately raised his hands in an effort to deescalate the situation.

„Alright, ok, you're right! Sorry, Saga. You're right. I apolo— WE apologize! We're sorry." He gestured to encompass everyone at the table.

„I'm not", Sera said.

„Shush! We were being disrespectful. Please. Would you sit down?"

Saga stood there breathing heavily, leaning into her fists and over the table. She growled at Dorian.

„Why the fuck would I sit down and listen to your vicious gossiping for even another second?!"

„Because behind all that childish arrogance I use to distract myself from my obvious commitment issues, this is actually important to me."

That had the intended effect. Saga gaped at him.

Dorian looked at her intensely.

„I don't care who you want to sleep with, Saga. None of us do."

„I do", Sera said.

„Ok, Sera does, but that's not the point. Please, Saga. Sit down?"

She hesitated, but didn't back away when Dorian carefully touched her hand to motion her to take her seat. Finally taking heart, she sat down again.

„Thank you", Dorian said. „Listen. What I truly want to say is that whatever magical experiment you are agreeing to do with Solas in order to retrieve your memory, you have to be cautious. Do not let your feelings for him make you blind for the fact that what he is proposing is dangerous."

Saga listened to him in grim concentration.

„I'm the last one to judge, Saga, so don't get me wrong here. I mean, look at us", Iron Bull said and pointed at himself and Dorian. „But I think we do have some reason to be concerned. Not because he's an elf, not even because he's a mage. Think about it. What do you actually know about him? Precious little, huh? Don't you find that… strange?"

„Only a few days ago I knew even less about myself, so, no, I don't", Saga answered.

„Well, I think you should", Bull said. „You've lost your memory. He hasn't. So why don't we know more about him?"

„He's a private person, doesn't like to talk about himself", Saga said. She caught herself being defensive.

Dorian's loud laugh explosively cut through the air, dripping with sarcasm.

„Oh yes, right! _Humility_ is a trait that fits Solas about as well as the word _frigid_ describes my sex life."

Saga shot him a warning glare. Dorian cleared his throat and pulled himself together right away.

„Sorry."

„Alright, you're worried about me. Thanks. But you won't talk me out of it. And I'd appreciate it if you'd all keep your opinions about who I am allowed to have which kinds of feelings for to yourselves."

Varric nodded at that.

„Sure, Twinkles. I think we can all see the reason in that." He elbowed Dorian in the side as the mage opened his mouth to contradict.

„I will go forward with the experiment", Saga said. „I know you don't trust Solas, you've made that pretty clear." That earned her a slightly guilty look or two. „But I do. And right now, there's nothing you could do or say to change my mind about that. So, you want to help? Then be there with us when we do it."

Dorian and Varric stared at her in disbelief. The broad grin that appeared on Iron Bull's face made Saga realize her poor choice of words.

„Ugh, I don't believe this…", she said. „Listen. The Inquisitor will monitor the experiment, which means he'll want to have templars present. Now I don't like the idea of strange people who hate magic staring at me while I sleep _next to_ a mage. So, if what all this is really about is you guys being concerned about my wellbeing, then I'd rather have you sitting beside me."

Varric spoke first.

„You want us to be there with you when you enter the Fade with Solas in your sleep?"

„Yes", she said.

She looked around at her companions. She could tell that despite all the bluster and raucousness, they actually did care about her.

„Only if you want to, of course. But I know I'd feel a whole lot safer with a few people in there who actually give a damn about me."

Dorian seemed to be seriously considering it.

„Think the Inquisitor would agree to that?"

„Why not?", Saga asked. „You're a mage, you can deal with any problems that might arise."

Sera let her chair rock back to the floor with a loud clang.

„Nope. Sorry. Don't want nothin' to do with any of this pissbag fuckin' Fade crap shit. Have a nice life, yea? Bye!"

And off she went.

Saga's gaze traveled to Iron Bull next, who shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

„Saga, sorry, but I'm out of this. I don't think you should go through with it. I won't sit next to you only to watch you being swallowed by the raw Fade if something goes wrong."

„That's alright Bull. You don't have to be there. None of you do if you don't want to. I won't blame you."

Dorian straightened his shoulders and raised his mug.

„You can count on me, sunshine! Should any demon dare to even harm one hair on your head I shall drive it back into the stinking abyss whence it came from!"

Saga nodded at him.

Now the only one who was left was Varric.

„Well, shit", he sighed while shaking his head, and slouched his shoulders. „You know my answer. I can't let you alone in a room with two insane mages and _Cassandra_ now can I? I'll be there. Fade crap and all."

Saga smiled.

„Then it's settled. See you tomorrow night."


	24. States of Consciousness

As she had expected, Saga had not been able to find sleep by herself, so she had asked Solas to assist her with a sleeping spell. Now she found herself sitting on her bed cross-legged and with a nervous lump in her throat. Solas stood behind her at the bed's head end. He was going to use magic to literally render her immobile and unconscious while in the presence of not only himself but five other people whose feelings towards her were ambivalent to say the least.

Varric sat on a chair next to the bed, trying his best to look confident and assertive. He gently patted Saga's hand.

„I'll be here the whole time, Twinkles. If anything happens, Bianca will be awake long before you, so once you wake up, everything will be peachy. I promise."

Dorian graciously leaned at the wall behind him and winked at Saga encouragingly, while the very serious faces of the Inquisitor, Vivienne and Cassandra all looked down on her from their standing positions at the bed's foot end.

„This is no time for jests, dear", Vivienne said icily. „This whole endeavor is extremely dangerous. I advise you to stay out of it and let the adults in the room take care of the situation. It was right of you to bring me in, Inquisitor."

Saga and Solas protested simultaneously.

„Against my will."

„Against my explicit advice."

Ragnar was not deterred.

„Your concerns have been noted", he said. „But I have decided that since we do not know how long this is going to take or what to expect exactly, we need all the magic and nullifying power available to us. Cullen unfortunately is unavailable at the time, so Dorian and Cassandra will take the first shift in watching the two of you. They will be relieved by Vivienne and me after five hours. If anything unplanned happens, I want Varric to come fetch us immediately. Is that clear to all of you?"

„Naturally", Vivienne replied.

Cassandra and Varric confirmed as well.

„Pavus?", Ragnar snarled. „Are we clear on that?

„Of course", he said and nodded, but once the Inquisitor turned away from him to face Solas, he rolled his eyes and grinned at Saga. She smiled back at him. It was good to know he'd be there.

„Solas", the Inquisitor said, „Explain again how this experiment is going to progress. I want to make sure everybody understands exactly what is going to happen."

„I will put Saga to sleep with a spell, then use a different one to facilitate the synchronization of our minds in the Fade. After that, I will go to sleep right next to her. Once the mind meld has been initiated, it is important you do not wake us under any circumstance. If you force us awake, you risk serious harm to the both of us. You have to wait for us to wake on our own. However, you need not worry to wake us by accident. It would take a strong magical intervention to pull our minds out of the Fade and into consciousness."

„So I don't have to whisper all the time or be afraid knocking over a glass will result in crippling your minds?", Varric asked.

„No."

„Well, that's a relief."

„How will we know the meld has been achieved successfully?", Dorian asked.

„Yes, an important question. As a mage, you should notice the effect my presence has on the Veil to diminish significantly as my mind is being co-opted by Saga's. A slight synchronized movement of our bodies, like a twitch of our hands at the exact same moment, might be visible to all of you."

Varric tensed visibly.

„Andraste's frilly pants, that doesn't sound eerie at all. So you're saying your mind is basically _getting lost_ _inside_ Saga's!?"

„To a certain extent, yes."

Varric groaned with barely controlled distress.

„Aaaalright then, nothing to worry about here."

„On the contrary", Vivienne interjected. „The tremors in the Veil created by the emotional turmoil that inevitably ensues when two minds are joined in this manner will be like a honeytrap for demons, impossible to resist. They will press against the Veil here, inside Skyhold, with intense force. The truth is that this is a ridiculously reckless enterprise that should not be encouraged. So you see, my dear, there is a great deal to be worried about. Which is why you'd do best not to interfere."

Varric threw his hands up in the air.

„I'm just a simple dwarf, all this dream business is a riddle to me. I'm just here so Saga knows there is one other person in the room who's as freaked out about the whole thing as she certainly is and who'll contribute to any possible kicking of demon-ass that may or may not ensue. There's strength in being scared shitless together, you know?"

Saga laughed at that.

She squeezed his hand. „Thank you, Varric."

Solas was riled by Vivienne's remarks.

„Reckless, you say? Only for someone who doesn't know what they're doing. So better stay out of it, Enchanter, before you wrinkle your dress."

„Oh please!", Dorian said. „Inquisitor, if I may? A voice of balanced reason is desperately needed here."

Ragnar nodded gravely at him.

„Lady Vivienne is right when she says this kind of magic isn't child's play. There are dangers. It could attract demons, although I believe it rather unlikely it will cause the apocalypse to start inside Saga's bedchamber. Demons either possess a host body or need a breach to enter our world. There's no breach here and with my and Cassandra's magic negating influence, none will form. That being said…"

Dorian seemed to be forcing himself to overcome a huge internal obstacle.

„…I can't believe I am about to say this…"

„Ugh, spit it out, Dorian", Cassandra grunted.

„Yes, this could all go horribly wrong, which is why me and Cassandra have volunteered to be here the whole time to ensure it doesn't."

„You are repeating yourself. There's more. You're starting to test my patience.", the Inquisitor urged him.

Dorian made a pained face, then sighed in defeat.

„Aaand I know of no mage more capable than our favorite apostate hobo hedge mage Solas here to use that kind of Fade magic and protect Saga from possession. There it is. I said it. I won't repeat it."

„Nobody is going to lose their mind", Solas said with an irritated sigh. „It would take too long to explain the intricacies of the procedure to you in exhaustive detail and even then you might not fully grasp the complexity of it, so please, may we proceed now? Any more questions?"

„Indeed", Cassandra said sternly. „You two are asking a lot of us, as I am sure you are both aware. You want us to trust you, Solas, to safely conduct an experiment, the precise functioning of which you are refusing to explain to us. I agreed to help not only because the Inquisitor needs me here but also because Saga has asked me to partake. My concern is for her, Solas. Not you."

Solas respectfully inclined his head to her. „I can say without scorn that I do not expect anything else from you, Seeker. It honors you to see past your mistrust of Fade magic in order to help a friend."

„I do not require your approval, Solas", she answered sternly, flinched, then continued more softly. „But thank you. So, I am certain you will understand that while I see you cannot explain this experiment in all its detail, there is one thing I demand to know."

Everybody looked at her expectantly.

„If something goes wrong, my first duty is to protect the Inquisition", Cassandra said, then paused.

This was hard for her, Saga realized. It slowly began to dawn on her what the Seeker was about to say. And not only on her, as she saw Varric slowly beginning to shake his head.

„Oh no! No no! You're not serious!", he said.

The warrior shot the dwarf her signature look of stone cold determination, then looked first straight at Solas, then at Saga.

„I'm afraid I am. Should this experiment go awry, should neither me nor the mages be able to contain any damage that might happen, I need to hear you say that you are aware I will not hesitate to kill you both."

Nobody said a word as all eyes turned to Saga, who sat in the middle between them all.

„I understand, Cassandra", she said. „And if you had not decided to tell us this now, I would have insisted on it myself. I do not wish to endanger anyone. All I am trying to do is retrieve my memory, so I can learn what happened and, hopefully, find a way home. But not at the cost of anyone's life. Anyone's but mine."

She turned around on the bed to look at Solas.

„But I can't speak for you. If you don't want to continue under these circumstances, I—…"

„I was aware of this possibility from the beginning, Saga. And even though I am as certain as I ever was that it will not come to this, I consent. Do what you must, Seeker. I only ask you to find enough trust to place in my abilities to not act prematurely."

Cassandra nodded.

„I promise you that."

„Andraste's golden buttcheeks, it looks like you've all lost your minds already", Varric mumbled. „If we all make it out of this alive I'm writing a story. Nothing you guys can do about that. I'm gonna need to work through this therapeutically."

„Then it's settled", the Inquisitor said and signified Vivienne they were going to leave the others alone. „You have my permission to proceed."

He looked at Cassandra.

„I hope to see you in five hours. And not a minute earlier." His voice was surprisingly soft. Cassandra smiled at him.

„Yes. All will be well", she said.

Ragnar smiled down at her for the shortest instance, then abruptly raised his eyes at the rest of them one more time.

„Alright. You're in good hands, Saga." He stepped to the bed and stuck out a gloved hand to her. She took it.

„Good luck", he said. „I hope you find what you are looking for."

„Thank you, Inquisitor", Saga said. She was agreeably surprised by this show of respect.

Then he turned around and left, followed by Vivienne, who hadn't said another word.

Saga let out a sigh of relief.

„Alright, let's do this. You all ready?"

„As ready as I'll ever be", Varric said.

„Am I ready to partake in a magical experiment the consequences of which are unknown and possibly disastrous? Absolutely!", Dorian said.

Cassandra just nodded seriously.

Solas replied with a grave nod himself, then turned his attention to Saga.

„Lie down."

She complied, reclining on her back and looking up at Solas.

„Relax. This will not hurt", he said. Then he held up his hands on both sides of her temples.

„Are you ready?", he asked.

Saga licked her lips nervously. Better get this over with quickly. At least she wouldn't be aware of three pairs of eyes staring at her unconscious body for the next couple of hours. A flash of the nameless mage's Harrowing appeared before her mind's eye, the Templars' swords pointing at her heart. She mentally shoved it aside and nodded.

„Yes. Do it."

„I will see you on the other side", Solas said. It helped to know he'd be there. She replied with a nervous smile. Then his hands began to glow in a pale blue light. The last thing Saga saw before sleep claimed her was a warm smile appearing on his lips as he guided her into the realm of dreams.

—

„…that's it?", Varric asked. „She's out?"

„She is fast asleep, yes", Solas answered. „I will now use the second spell to help her mind with synchronization."

He held out his left hand over her forehead for a few seconds, an expression of calm concentration of his face. Thin light blue rays of magic exited each of his fingertips and touched Saga's forehead, softly flicking over her skin.

Varric wriggled in his chair and held Saga's hand until the mage had finished.

When he had, he walked around the bed to sit next to Saga's unconscious form.

„Take care of her, Solas", Cassandra said. „Or I will throttle you with my bare hands."

„…After which I'll have Bianca riddle you with arrows…", Varric said.

„…and finally reduce your bloodied corpse to ashes, which I will then scatter—…"

Solas interrupted Dorian. „I believe you have all sufficiently made your point. _Fenedhis_ …"

Solas lay on his back next to Saga, who had remained undisturbed in her slumber by the exchange of words around her, and closed his eyes.

Within seconds, his head was slowly falling to the side.

„… _is he asleep already?!_ " Cassandra's astonished whisper made Dorian chuckle softly.

„Practice makes perfect I guess", he said.

Only a minute later, both sleepers suddenly twitched simultaneously, then returned to their completely immobile state.

„There we go", Dorian said aloud. „They're synchronized."

„Shhh, don't wake them!", Cassandra hissed.

„They're so far gone, Seeker, they wouldn't wake up if a pride demon showed up and wrecked the place. I could get Bull up here and join them in bed, they wouldn't—…"

Cassandra abruptly raised her hands. „No! Stop right there! I get it. So what do we do now?"

„Now? We wait."


	25. Dreamscapes

When Saga became lucid, it felt as if she had just closed her eyes a second ago. She found herself looking at Solas, standing right in front of her.

„There you are", he said. Solas wore a relaxed half smile. This was his turf, after all.

Saga felt disoriented for only a moment before she realized where they were. Or rather, where her mind was. Her subconscious was walking the Fade. She was dreaming. But her body was still lying on her bed in Skyhold. And the body of the man before her was lying right next to hers. With three other people standing around the two of them, watching. One of them being Dorian. She cringed at the thought of all the dirty jokes she'd have to put up with once this was over.

She chuckled nervously. „Sooo, back in the Fade, huh?"

„Indeed. Why don't you have a look around?"

„You don't know where we are?"

„This is your mind. Your memories." He folded his hands behind his back. „I'm just along for the ride. The Fade reflects the thoughts, emotions and memories of those who enter it. Thanks to the synchronization spell I used before I went to sleep myself, the Fade will emulate your mind alone, not mine."

Saga started to turn around her axis and took in her surroundings. They were decidedly nondescript. They were surrounded by concrete walls. The grey room was lit by a single striplight embedded in the ceiling and completely empty except for a metal table with two chairs in the middle. There was a door behind Solas. No windows. The space was so bland even their voices sounded flat.

„Ok, now what does an empty featureless room say about my mind?", Saga asked.

Solas chuckled.

„Be patient. It's not that easy. Why don't you try the door?" He took a step to the side.

Saga shot him a glare for pointing out the obvious and looked past him. She hesitated. What waited beyond?

„You're wondering if you really want to find out about your past", Solas said, always the keen observer. „That's understandable, given what we know so far. But you are a woman too curious to be intimidated by the unknown."

She snorted.

„You kidding? I love the unknown!"

With a cocky grin she strode past him, opened the door and stepped through.

The noises and flurry of activity hit her like a blow to the head. She gasped and swayed back, bumping into Solas who breathed in audibly as his senses, too, were assaulted by the hectic rush that greeted them on the other side.

There were hundreds, no, thousands of people. All different sizes, colors, genders and cultures, rushing past and around them like a current of bodies. A rowdy soundscape hit their ears, conversations in a dozen languages, people shouting and laughing, horns honking, strange music blaring thumping rhythms, the roar of hundreds of engines as traffic wallowed through the urban canyons that stretched on for miles like a churning, sluggish river. As Saga looked up into the sky she realized it was nighttime, but the darkness was driven away by the bright city lights, blinking and flickering all around them.

„Spirits…" Solas craned his neck as he looked around to take in the immensity of the scene, jaw dropping slowly as he discovered taller and taller buildings around him, culminating in a tower that soared up into the sky as if to pierce the very heavens with its tip. Then he heard Saga laugh, a bright, wonderful noise he knew could only mean one thing. She knew this place.

„Oh my God! I can't believe it!", she shouted, whirling around with a beaming smile on her face.

„You remember!" Solas smiled broadly himself as he felt her joy dance within his own heart.

„Yes!", she cried. „Yes! Toronto! We're in Canada!"

Uncaring that Solas was still trying to get accustomed to the sheer volume of his surroundings alone, Saga threw her arms around him. This time, he didn't flinch away. He yielded to Saga's astonished happiness echoing within his own mind, even permitting himself to return the embrace for a moment.

„Solas, this is amazing!" She pulled away to look at him. Tears were streaming down her cheek. He raised a hand to wipe them away, then stepped back.

„I know, I can feel it", he said. He took a deep breath to calm himself before he continued to look around, shaking his head in awe. „So many… people and the architecture is… this is remarkable. I would never have thought you were able to dream with such focus, without magical abilities, without an Anchor like the Inquisitor. You cannot imagine how—"

„Awestruck and fascinated and grateful you are?", Saga finished for him. He looked at her in surprise. „I can", she said, a wide grin appearing on her face.

Solas frowned at her, amazed and at a loss for words for a couple of seconds.

„You are saying you can… huh. This is unusual. A reciprocal feedback loop seems to have formed between our minds. I had not planned for that to happen."

Saga was unsure of what this would mean for their endeavor. „Is that… bad? You're surprised."

„Yes, I am. It's not bad. Not necessarily. Not unless we recover a truly traumatic memory. In that case, the feedback loop would amplify the emotions you would be experiencing to a much greater extent than anticipated. We will have to wait and see what happens."

Saga smiled at him and touched his arm. He didn't back away.

„I'm not afraid as long as you're here."

Solas did not reply to that. He didn't need to. Saga could feel her trust in his abilities pleased him.

„This place must be very important to you if this is the first thing you remember", Solas commented as they let themselves be carried along with the crowds. He didn't know where to look first, so full of life and strangeness were their surroundings. And the noise! He saw waves and waves of strange vehicles rolling down broad streets, a mind boggling number of people from all walks of life flanking them. None of them seemed to take note of the strangely dressed man with the long, pointed ears. The Fade was strictly sticking to Saga's expectations in its emulation of reality.

„This city must be sprawling…", he said as he looked around. They reached a promenade bordering on a vast mass of water. Glass towers shot upwards into amazing heights and surged right to the brink of the land. Solas had seen many awe inspiring places during his travels of the Fade. In fact, he remembered some rather astonishing civilizational accomplishments from his own experience, even though he kept that to himself. But this city was of a quality and size not even he had been able to imagine. It was strange to him, alien. The architecture and technology, the materials, even the smells and noises were completely new to him. And the light, so bright it blocked out the stars and tinted the night sky an orange hue, all without the use of magic… he was impressed. And that counted for something. But still, at least to him, the city had an aggressive air to it. It was a stark contrast to the soft lights and ephemeral soundscapes of Arlathan, the greatest city of the Ancient Elven empire.

„What can you tell me about this place?", he asked.

„It is a city on the North American continent, the largest in the nation of Canada. Four million inhabitants when I lived here for a while."

Solas had expected a large number, but this he found hard to believe.

„Four million in one city?"

Saga simply continued.

„And… wow…", she gasped. Bits and pieces of information were coming back to her. Her heart beat faster with the excitement of finally remembering her world. „It's not the largest city on Terra by far. The largest is the Guangdong megacity, that's in a country called China, sixty million people live there."

Solas's mouth opened silently. He was stunned, and luckily so, because for the shortest moment, he felt the impulse to tell her about the largest cities he had known. An imprudence that would have cost him dearly. His wordlessness saved him from being asked dangerous questions. It saved him from having to lie to her. He felt relieved when Saga continued to talk. She didn't seem to be surprised by the echoes of his emotional ups and downs that she surely felt. She obviously attributed them to him being overwhelmed.

„When I was still a child I lived here with my parents for a while. I have fond memories of it. Kensington market. The underground city. But it was only a short while. We moved again a few years later", Saga said.

„Where to?", Solas asked.

With a loud swoosh the city around them suddenly disappeared like water down the drain, making Saga gasp in surprise.

—

Outside, in the waking world, a sudden jolt went through the two bodies lying side by side on the bed. It didn't go unnoticed by the three onlookers, who kept a watchful eye on the sleepers.

„Did you see that?!" Varric had been anxious about the whole affair form the beginning. Anything to do with the Fade mildly perturbed him. During his adventures with a dear friend, he had had the dubious pleasure of having come into contact with the Fade. He did not harbor any particular desire for repeating it. He found the fact Solas loved to spend his time in the Fade odd, and even though he respected Saga's decision, he disapproved of Solas dragging her into it. He was afraid for her.

„Yes, Varric, we saw it", Cassandra said. Her voice was kept deliberately calm. She hid her emotions better than the dwarf and at least as well as the Tevinter mage, albeit by different means. Cassandra's mask was peppered with thorns that made those who wanted to know her true feelings shrink away from her. Dorian however played a less obvious game of hide and seek with his innermost nature. He knew how to appear so smooth anyone who tried to get closer to him would simply slide off his sleek veneer. His tone of voice betrayed nothing of his thoughts.

„Solas said this could happen. Nothing to worry about, there are no tremors in the Veil" he said, completely blasé. „Relax."

It was that pause, that last single word that made Varric's chest feel suddenly tight.

—

Untouched by what was happening on the other side of the Veil, the two dreamers were engulfed by a silence equally booming as the city noise before.

They found themselves standing in a barren, rocky landscape. Nothing but reddish brown gravel wherever they looked. Saga shivered as an icy, howling wind tugged at her. There was no sign of life.

But the night sky above them shone with a splendor so unrivaled it made up for the lack of beauty on the ground. The Milky Way stretched from one side of the horizon to the other, its dark texture of dust meandering over the glittering band of stars that made up one of the galaxy's spiral arms. There was only one place on Earth that was like it.

„Hawaii", Saga whispered, and in the moment of her remembrance, the Earth beneath their feet started shaking and trembling so fiercely that Saga almost lost her balance. With a loud rumble, two gigantic silver domes began to rise up through the ground in front of them.

„What the hell is happening?!", she shouted over the grumbling noise of stone being ground to dust.

„It's working", Solas said. He was utterly unaffected by the surrealism of their situation. „The Fade is adapting to your resurfacing memories."

With a strained moan that echoed over the lifeless plains, the metal domes came to a rest. Twenty meters in height and almost the same in diameter, they were now standing before them in all their silver glory. Saga stared up at them, mouth agape. Solas eyed her from the sidelines with amusement. He found that, as an experienced Fade traveller, he enjoyed the almost childlike wonder it evoked in her. To see the Fade once more as if for the first time, even if it was only by proxy, reminded him of its preciousness. Its magic. Of course, he did not tell her any of that.

„This is formidable workmanship", he instead stated soberly and slowly began to walk towards the domes, fingers interlaced behind his back. „I have never seen one so large. Not even when I dreamed in Ancient Elven ruins."

Saga turned her head and stared at him in disbelief, not understanding in the least what she was seeing and how Solas could know more than she did.

„This is like a stroll through the park for you, isn't it?", she asked.

Solas stopped and looked back at her.

„I have been traveling the Fade in my dreams almost all my life. Its spontaneous quirks do not unsettle me anymore, true. Think of it as a living, breathing organism, changing in response to how you confront it."

Saga stood as if riveted to the ground. They had gone from the bustle of downtown Toronto to the bleak emptiness of a rocky desert in a heartbeat. The physicist in her was still trying to wrap her head around this fact.

„I did that? I made those things appear? How… what…"

As he saw - _or felt?_ \- she was having difficulties coming to terms with the changed parameters of the reality surrounding her, Solas walked back to her. The Fade was known terrain for him. For Saga, it was uncharted territory. He had promised to guide her, to provide orientation. He gently gripped her arms.

„Look at me", he said.

Saga complied, confusion, anxiety and fascination alternating on her features.

„You're doing fine", he said and stroked her upper arms, smiling at her. „I expect more of these sudden changes to happen, since you are not able to consciously manipulate the Fade. Nothing about this is abnormal behavior for this reality. We are here to discover your memories, after all. They will reveal themselves before you can consciously access them. This is all within expected parameters."

Saga breathed out audibly. She seemed to relax.

„Keep calm and enjoy the magic?", she asked.

A chuckle.

„Yes, maybe I should have phrased it like that."

Saga nodded. He felt the tension leave her muscles. With a pang of shame, he noticed how acutely aware he had been of that sensation and let go of her.

„Alright", she said, her composure regained.

They approached the domes together, the vast canopy of stars stretching out in all directions above them, dwarfing the two massive buildings.

„Bear in mind, this is not necessarily a realistic depiction of your world. There might be details that are distorted, not in the right place or temporal order. Try to focus your attention on the essence of what the Fade presents to you. Do not try to force anything to happen. Relax and open your mind to what it whispers."

Saga watched the dome in front of them and tried to think of nothing, to concentrate only on her perceptions without interpreting any of them. And indeed, something happened. The dome's upper half started to rotate. Two slits emerged in its silver cap, one surrounding the dome radially around its equator, the other one opening vertically on its roof, extending all the way down to the foundation it was resting on.

„Very good!", Solas said. „You are a fast learner."

When a thin, orange beam of light suddenly shot out of the vertical slit and up into the sky, the memory finally began to take shape in Saga's mind.

Solas, eagerly awaiting her reaction, watched closely as Saga's face brightened with an infectious, starlit smile.

„Gemini North", she whispered. „This is the Mauna Kea observatory! My parents used to work here!"

Solas gave her a satisfied smile. Everything was working as expected. The Fade functioned as an emulator for Saga's buried memories, building affective bridges into her past.

„But how did you recognize these structures?", Saga asked.

„I'm not a complete ignoramus when it comes to science, Saga", he told her. „The Ancient Elves used telescopes to chart the heavens, albeit none of this magnitude. Judging from the size of your people's cities, it makes only sense to build an observatory here, where light pollution is not an issue."

Saga nodded at him approvingly.

„Well, well, Solas. I see spending time with me hasn't hurt you."

„On the contrary. So far I have found myself enjoying every second of it. Much to my surprise."

The words were out of his mouth too quickly to stop himself. Hot regret made his insides cramp immediately. Socializing had always been easier for him in the Fade. But he knew he must not let himself get carried away by the ease he felt when in this reality. Too much was at stake.

It was not surprising to him then that she raised an eyebrow at his sudden fit of ill-worded self-revelation.

„What is that supposed to mean?"

Solas decided that fewer words were the safer option.

„You are human, after all", he said.

When a wry grin appeared on Saga's face, he knew he wouldn't be able to undo the effect his words had had.

„Am I?", she asked, clearly enjoying the role of the ambiguous stranger, all mystery and allure. And not unjustifiably so, Solas admitted to himself.

„A fair point… maybe if one expanded the meaning of the word to encompass creatures from far away planets whose way of thinking reminds me more of what I learned about the Ancient Elves than actual… Thedosian humans."

He remained stern, but the twinkle in his eye betrayed his irony.

„Would you rather I refer to you as Terran?", he asked.

„You can refer to me however you like, as long as we're clear all that matters is that this…"

Saga made a back and fourth motion with her hand between the two of them.

„… this is what's really important."

Solas waited a few seconds before he answered, watching Saga very intently. Right there, right now, a precipice, demanding a decision from him. He could cut her off, could even still let her down gently if he chose the right words. But…

„I can agree to that, Lethallan."

„Lethallan?"

„An Elven word."

„No shit."

„It is a casual term for someone with whom one is familiar."

Saga chuckled. He had such a roundabout way of explaining things sometimes.

„Like a friend?"

„Yes. Among other things."

Saga grinned. She was starting to enjoy this playful banter.

„So, what did your parents research here?", Solas asked, signaling her that he would not continue to explain the other potential meanings of the word. They came up to the door of the observatory.

„I don't yet remember", Saga answered. „Maybe if we went inside?"

„Naturally", Solas encouraged her. „After you."

—

Varric yawned and stretched, his initial unease dampened by the banality of natural biorhythms. Two hours of staring at sleeping people in the middle of the night had rather foreseeable effects. He smacked his lips. „Anything happen?"

„It's quite fascinating actually", Dorian said, very much awake. „They certainly seem to be enjoying themselves. Just look at them. They're grinning like idiots."

Cassandra rolled her eyes. „Ugh…"

—

Saga and Solas entered the main observation chamber of Gemini North. It had opened its wind vents and observing slit. Nobody else was there.

„A remarkable machine", Solas commented while he looked up to the huge telescope in the middle of the room. His voice was echoing under the tall, curved walls and ceiling of the chamber.

„It's an eight point one meters Cassegrain reflector", Saga explained as she approached one of the operating consoles to the side. „Its mirror is coated with a thin layer of silver instead of aluminum. Catches more light. Especially powerful in the infrared."

„While I don't understand the implications of what you've just said in the least, I nevertheless admire your obvious level expertise", he said, distractedly stroking the telescope's cool metal frame as he walked around it. It was clear to him that this was no optical telescope. This was technology far more complex than what he had ever seen.

Saga snorted. „Nerd…" She sat down at the desktop and focused her attention on the computer screen on it. „Solas?"

He managed to pull himself away from the telescope and joined her at the console. „Yes?"

„You said that my memories might have become lodged in the Fade, right? Buried deep in my subconscious."

„That is a simplified way to describe it, but yes", he said.

„Ok, so let's see if my subconscious knows how to use a computer." She pressed the power button. With a fanfare sound, it turned on.

„A computer?", he asked, very much intrigued. „Another one of your machines?"

Intrigued, he braced his arm on the backrest of Saga's chair Saga, bowing down over her shoulder to look at the screen in front of them. His bone necklace bumped into her. He was so close she could smell him. Feel his breath on her neck. Her body reacted without any room for ambiguity.

„Wow", it slipped out of her mouth.

„What is the matter?"

„This Fade experience is… lifelike indeed", she said, trying to concentrate on the task at hand and not let herself be distracted by that very distracting feeling between her legs.

„Yes, your focus is impress—… oh." Solas head snapped around to look down at her before he abruptly straightened himself and walked away.

„What?", she asked as she watched Solas grab a chair. He put it down next to her and sat on it, now a good meter apart from her.

„Feedbackloop", was all he said.

Saga's cheeks immediately turned hot with shame.

„Jesus H. Christ…", Saga muttered with her eyes closed. This had not just happened.

Solas cleared his throat, trying to keep a straight face. On principle, he was rather nonchalant about the issue, but Saga's acute embarrassment amused him. Although it was not only amusement he felt.

„Just explain to me what you were about to do", he said, trying to ease the tension.

„…Not even vaguely sexual my ass…", she mumbled as her fingers started to fly over the keyboard, powering up the telescope.

With a loud whirr it began to move.

„Alright, so I thought that maybe, if an important memory is connected to this place, we could find it by looking through the telescope. So I told it to target the last coordinates that were put into the system. It's just a hunch, but I figured I'd simply take the hint by my subconscious."

„A reasonable idea. Let's see what it does."

And indeed, it worked. The instant the telescope was aligned correctly and the data transferred to the terminal, blurry images of its target in space started to pour in.

With the images, the note returned. And the pain started.

Solas hissed painfully as it shot through his head the first time.

„Ah!"

Saga was immediately alarmed. „You can hear it, too?"

„Yes. Or rather, I feel it. Like a hot needle piercing through my eyes."

„Welcome to my world for the first couple of months in Thedas. I heard that noise almost all the time."

—

Varric jumped up from his seat. „There! Something just happened!"

„What? What is it?!", Dorian exclaimed, startled by the alarm in Varric's voice.

„I don't know, they both… hissed or something", Varric said and gestured helplessly at Saga and Solas. He had known from the start something bad would happen. Now it was all going to go bad.

But Dorian did not seem impressed. „They hissed? That's all?"

„Looked painful to me", Varric said, rather defensively, but failed to convince the mage.

„Relax, Varric. And don't do that again. You're like a mother hen, scaring the hell out of everyone around you over nothing", Dorian said and pulled the dwarf back onto his seat by the bedside. Reluctantly, Varric sat down again.

Cassandra on the other hand, was a good deal more apprehensive. Nothing of consequence had happened yet, true. But that did not mean nothing dangerous could still transpire. While she may not have been as distrustful of magic as a Templar, she was not one for downplaying the inherent unpredictability of this experiment.

„I heard it too, Varric. We must remain vigilant."

—

„In the past, this sound used to indicate to me that something… important was going on, something that required my attention. I believe this means I should continue to look at the pictures."

Solas, rubbing his temples, did not look happy about that, but nodded nonetheless.

When Saga returned her attention to the computer screen and the object depicted on it, the noise in her head softened.

„Yes… I have seen this…"

Solas let out a sigh as the pain receded.

„But it didn't look like this. This is in infrared. Let's see if we can't look at it in another spectrum…"

Her fingers darted across the keys in a flurry. When she hit the final button, the image indeed changed and without delay, a memory burst through the surface of her subconscious like a sword through brittle armor, making them both double over in pain.

The smudgy image sharpened to reveal a green glowing tear in the blackness.

A Rift in spacetime.

—

Varric jumped up from his seat so quickly he made the chair fall over as all the muscles in Solas's and Saga's bodies cramped simultaneously, making them arch their backs in convulsions.

„Shit!"

Dorian gasped. „Oh my, he said there'd be a twitch or two!"

„This is not a twitch!", Cassandra shouted.

„Yes, I can see that, thank you!"

„We must do something!" Varric flailed his arms helplessly.

„No, we must not!", Dorian said. „Waking them up by force could do more harm to them than this!"

„But they're in pain!" Varric gestured at the two sleepers whose whole bodies were starting to shake and tremble with the spastic tension in their muscles.

Cassandra carefully held the dwarf by his shoulders. He let out a frustrated groan and stopped fidgeting.

„They knew the risks. Solas will help her. So far no threat to us has emerged, so we will keep our word, Varric. We will not wake them."

Varric shook his head as he watched his friends writhing in what sure must be pure agony.

„Andraste have mercy…"

* * *

Disclaimer: Gemini North / Mauna Kea Observatory on Hawaii is not my invention, it actually exists. So does Toronto. Just in case someone didn't know ;).


	26. Death in this Life or the Next

Saga broke down to the ground and let out a loud gasp while Solas had managed to hold on to the console to keep his balance. They were drowning in violent noise, as if a terrible storm was raging around them.

„Focus, Saga!" She heard his voice through the static of a million memories. „Focus on my voice! Stay with me!"

Somehow, she managed to heave her body up far enough to grip his hand.

„It hurts! God, it hurts!", Saga wailed as the Fade shook and spasmed around them, the metal walls starting to drip to the floor as if melting in hellish heat.

„Do not fight it!", Solas shouted. „If you try to bar your mind to it the pressure will only increase. Open! Let it flow through you!"

Saga thought her skull would split in two.

„I can't!"

„Yes you can! Listen to my voice. There is no pain. Your body is not here. You are not being hurt", he shouted over the screeching of the telescope's steel frame being bent by the invisible catastrophe raging around them and loosened his grip of her hand.

„No! Don't let go!"

„You will not be alone", he said. „Let go! Calm your mind. There is no pain."

She held on to his hand like a lifeline.

„Trust me, Saga!"

And then she let go of him and the world ended with a big bang.

—

Their bodies suddenly went limp.

„Wha—…" Varric scurried to the bedside. „… are they alright?"

„I don't know", Dorian said. „Looks like they're still breathing."

„But this didn't look normal, is that normal?! Solas said there'd be a twitch at most, this looked like a full blown seizure!"

„It's over now. Look. All good. Breathing's normal. No one hurt themselves." Dorian felt Saga's pulse on her neck. „All good."

Varric slumped down on his chair and buried his head on the mattress with an exhausted groan. „What the hell did I get myself into?"

Cassandra looked at Dorian, who nodded knowingly.

„Yes, I felt it, too."

Varric's head shot up from his folded arms.

„What? What did you feel?!"

„A slight tremor in the Veil", Dorian said. „Nothing to be concerned about. But it was there."

—

The void greeted Saga like an old friend.

A dead land lay before her. The bright note inside her head seemed to be the only living thing. But it had changed. Before, it had rung like a light in the dark. Now, its echoing sound made the vastness of the barren landscape before her seem desolate and bleak. What before had felt like the sound of a birthing star was now the cold end note of a lifeless symphony. The world was bathed in a yellowish, foggy light that oozed around the skeleton trees like pus from a wound. Saga shivered. The naked trees stood in orderly rows before her, their bark ashen, brittle, their roots withered in the dusty soil, like ground bone. When Saga raised her head to look around, the high-pitched note suddenly dropped down to an industrial whirr, like a giant machine animal howling in mechanical labor. The black surfaces of the concrete skyscrapers shot up into nothingness like impenetrable walls, their sooted glass veneers indifferent to the death below them. That was all there was. Concrete. Steel. Soot. And the chill of the utter absence of life.

„What is this place?", Solas asked. The soft shaking in his voice betrayed he indeed had never seen anything like it. He had seen destruction of terrible immensity in his journeys. He had seen ruins and battlefields. He had seen death. He had watched people die. But he had never stood in a place as hostile as this.

Saga had imagined this moment a hundred times. She had expected her breath to catch in her throat. She had believed that regaining more of her memory would shake her, frighten her. That it would be painful. But it was not. Instead, she felt as if an invisible rope that had been tied around her ribcage for such a long time she had barely even noticed it anymore was suddenly loosened. There was no more violent blast of memory. No emotional drama. There was only a gentle glide into the gap inside her mind that had her shape. Like letting herself be embraced by a warm current, Saga became one with this dying world.

„Home", she said.

The sick fog lifted slightly and gave way to the silhouette of a vast city, a forest of concrete slabs and steel towers that shot into the clouded sky like broken bones sticking out of the dead body of the earth. Cathedrals to the pain Saga's people had caused to each other, and everything else.

Solas felt her remember and shivered. „What happened?"

The machine howl continued to drone over the diseased cityscape as the ulcerous fog flowed through its streets. Saga remembered. It made her feel heavy and strong. She remembered the sound of the industrial air filters, too, losing the fight against the smog but mindlessly refusing to give up their work, creating the sound of inevitability.

„What do you see, Solas?"

The elf let his eyes roam the skyscrapers, hundreds of meters high, their skeletal frames of steel, their faces of glass that had turned blind with age. There were dusty plains between the houses, a dried out lake, barren trees, like gaps between bad teeth. Not so long ago, those empty patches must have been islands of green in a moloch of a city. Off the facades echoed the ghostly wail of a tortured machine. And the sticky glow dousing it all as if the sun herself had fallen ill at the sight of what her light revealed.

„I see the carcass of what must have once been a magnificent civilization."

Without looking at him, Saga answered.

„Not so magnificent after all."

Her eyes met his, sharp and wide awake even in this dream. In her mind, Saga could feel a faint echo of her companion's emotions through the feedback loop. What he saw did shock him. But the feeling was layered and had a different shape and color than she would have expected. It was not the extent of destruction that shocked him. It was the fact that he _recognized_ it. Surely from his voyages through the Fade.

Side by side, they walked through the empty streets. Their steps echoed too loudly in the canyons in this distorted, amplified version of truth. The ground was littered with rubble and the burnt out shells of cars. Whoever had been the drivers had just left them there. But no, Saga reminded herself. Nobody had left those cars here. They were in the Fade. Nothing of this was real. And yet, it was. Somewhere.

Something caught Solas's attention and made him stop. A voice. No, many of them, but one was louder than the others. Saga heard them, too. They were coming from behind one of the buildings. They went towards the source of the commotion and found a dense crowd. People seemed to be agitated, but despite the tension in the air, Saga and Solas edged forward through the bodies that were standing almost shoulder by shoulder. Some of the people were carrying signs that protruded out of the masses like antennae. But they couldn't read any of them, because they were facing away from them. In fact, all the people were facing the same direction. Saga followed their gaze and then realized they were standing in front of a small makeshift stage. She could have sworn it hadn't been there before. But the Fade was governed by different rules. A tall, slender man was standing on the stage, his long white hair open and flowing around his angry face as he moved and gestured passionately. He was giving a speech, and Solas and Saga were part of his raptured, furious audience.

„…And they failed!", the man shouted. „Those are the same people who, again and again brought us to the brink of destruction!" His face was distorted into a mask of disgust and righteous outrage, the main ingredients of religious zeal and ardor. „They polluted our air, poisoned our water!

Saga and Solas exchanged a quick look and returned their attention to him. The preacher looked straight at them, as if he knew they had just intruded into his realm. Saga's skin tingled. He meant her, personally.

„Now, these _scientists_ …", he exclaimed and pointed at them in a dramatic gesture. He had put all the disdain he could muster into that one word and paused to give the mob time to focus their indignation on them. Dozens of angry eyes were turning on Saga and Solas. „…have had their chance. Are these the kind of people that you want talking to your God for you?"

There was a rumble going through the crowd, a threatening growl from hundreds of hateful mouths as they realized there were traitors right here in their midst. This had all happened. Saga remembered the scene from her past and what had come next. Her lizard brain sent clear signals. Adrenaline started coursing through her veins and burnt away her skin until she felt as if the dozens of eyes pricked right at her muscles. The urge to run was almost overwhelming.

„Let's get out of here", Saga said urgently and pulled Solas away from the stage.

They could feel the speaker's cold stare burn into their backs, hear the subdued curses of the mob as they pushed past them.

„Who was that?", Solas asked as they squeezed through the crowd.

„Church of Renewal", Saga said. An explanation had to wait. People were standing so closely it was difficult to get ahead. They pushed and shoved, ignoring the hisses and curses spat in their direction and ultimately broke free. They quickened their steps to bring some distance between them and the hateful mob. Fortunately, nobody followed them. Not in this reality, at least. Once they'd slowed down and caught their breath, Saga told him what more she remembered.

„People were desperate. The world order was crumbling. The Church provided a scape goat and easy answers in chaotic times. They blamed scientists and technology for everything."

Solas' face darkened. „That trope does sound eerily familiar."

„Exactly my thoughts", Saga said. She took a moment to catch her breath. „I mean, they kinda had a point. We did use science to destroy and kill, just as magic can be used as a weapon. But the problem with religious zealots is that they're a little deaf to nuance. And they hate being wrong. The Church of Renewal hunted scientists. The Templars of the Chantry hunts mages. Different reality, same story basically."

„Had the Church always been so powerful? What were they afraid of exactly?", Solas asked.

„Well, as a religious institution, they deferred their right to exist and their power by selling a story that isn't allowed to be contradicted as undeniable truth. But science is the philosophy of ignorance. Because science accepts that we know nothing with 100% certainty, it inoculates a society against dogma and any form of ideological guess, then we think about what the consequences should be if our guess were true. Then we experiment. And then we compare our guess with the experiment's results. If it contradicts experiment, it's wrong. Doesn't matter how beautiful our initial guess was, how good it made us feel, who made it. If it contradicts experiment, it's wrong. But in the decades before, scientific literacy had declined constantly for a number of reasons. So when the whole world started going to shit, the Church of Renewal exploited people's fears. By the time my parents discovered the anomaly around Ganymede they'd had a huge following. When my parents and other scientists spoke up about their discovery, that there might be a way out for us, the Church felt their position of power threatened. They told the people that armageddon was near, the end of the world. They told them that their souls would only be saved by God if they stuck to their teachings. They taught that science was to blame and sabotaged all efforts of turning the Terra's fate around, claiming it would only make things worse and would make humanity ultimately fall from God's grace."

As they continued to walk through the empty streets, a soft melody came floating with a foul breeze and grew louder with each step until Saga could make out words.

 _Behold the new Christ._ _Behold the same old horde. New beginning, new word._

She stopped to listen more closely.

 _And the word was Death. And the world was without light._

She knew the song. The hymn of her world's lost youth who knew they were going to die before they would have had a chance in life. Whose future had been taken by the mistakes of generations that had come before them. Doomsday Rock'n'Roll.

 _Blessed are the fornicates. May we bend down to be their whores._

 _Blessed are the rich. May we labor, deliver them more._

 _Blessed are the envious._

 _Bless the slothful, the wrathful, the vain._

 _Blessed are the gluttonous. May they feast us to famine and war._

Saga's smile carved painfully into her face like a knife. She remembered she had loved this song when she had been younger. The bitter resentment and nihilistic hedonism. She had danced to it countless times, bought into its fuck-it-all message.

„Counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums", she quietly sang to herself.

Solas looked at her quizzically.

„Just another favorite song of mine back then", she said.

„Gallows humor, I presume", Solas said. „Judging from the rather explicit lyrics."

„Well, at least humor is the most mature kind of psychological defense mechanism." Saga pointed at something behind Solas. „You're left with nothing else against these."

The pungent stench of machine oil and caustic fumes suddenly filled their lungs. When Solas turned around he recoiled, his ears flattening against his head. Behind him, a colossal black machine of steel and carbon fibre peeled its spidery legs out of the darkness, its dozens of eyes glowing a crimson red, and with a screeching whirr turned its machine gun turrets towards them. Saga remembered how the rattling sound of its firing had hurt her eardrums even when she had held her hands over her ears. But she remained perfectly calm as the monstrosity stomped towards them on six multi-jointed legs, exhaust fumes flowing around it like acrid breath. Just as she felt Solas getting anxious, she held up a hand.

It froze mid-movement as if time had come to a halt.

But the music was still playing.

 _The new beatitude._

 _Good luck, you're on your own._

She looked up to its dead spider eyes. Just a heap of metal now. Tenderly, she reached out and touched its metal carapace. It was cold and smooth. If only she'd been able to do that in the real world. If only she'd had an Anchor like the Inquisitor to stop the demons.

„Scientists helped to build this", she said. „A war machine to more effectively kill each other. We had thousands of them."

Solas remained mute. Saga felt the chill in his heart. Blooming anger. Or was it hers? It was getting difficult to distinguish whether an emotion she felt actually belonged to her or him.

„Remember that next time some Chantry idiot claims mages need to be locked up for their abilities", Saga said and let her hand drop. „Without magic, my people could do a lot worse than set a few villages on fire and blow up a single temple."

„Why did your people build machines like this? What did you fight over?", Solas asked. He seemed even paler than usual, but maybe it was only the strange yellow light that still permeated this place.

„Survival."

Immediately after she had uttered that word, the irony of it hit her. She snorted humorlessly. „We killed each other by the millions because we were afraid to die."

Solas nodded. „The enemy you were trying to get away from. Do you remember who it was?"

Again, Saga let out a bitter chuckle. „Not _who_. _What._ "

Solas cocked his head with an unspoken question, but Saga just turned her back on the mech and him and continued to walk. Solas followed.

Dwarfed by the huge monuments to the apex of human civilization, they exited the street canyons and stepped into the remains of a park. The former oasis had been reduced to a wasteland. It smelled of chalk and burnt tires. And across it all, the eerie melody continued to echo like a cynical requiem.

 _What of the pious, the pure of heart, the peaceful?_

 _What of the meek, the mourning and the merciful?_

 _All doomed._

They took a few steps forward until Saga stopped, looking at the ground in front of her.

Solas watched her from behind.

Saga's knees buckled. She fell down on them on the floor. Carefully, she picked something up and placed it on her palm. Her shoulders were heaving. Solas walked around her and saw that she was crying silently while cradling a tiny thing in her hands like a precious gem. The elf knelt down beside her, feeling his friend's heavy grief tighten his own throat. He said nothing. She needed to decide when to talk.

Saga let her hands sink and he could finally see what she was holding.

Lying in the palm of her hand, dead as everything around them, thin legs pulled close to its tiny, furry body, was… a honey bee.

Solas didn't understand immediately. But when Saga finally looked up and at him, he felt his own eyes tear up. He knew that look in her eyes. The sadness. The loss. He knew it so well. And in this moment, he felt a connection to this strange and marvelous being, hurt and lost, kneeling in the ruins of her world, like he had never felt with anyone since he had awoken himself, a connection he could not ignore or fight. The feeling stared him down like an irrefutable fact of the universe that would not go away simply because he refused to believe in it. The feeling that pulled at his heartstrings didn't care about her origin, the shape of her ears, his own plans. It was there to stay. His heart turned cold with fear and shame and burned, painfully, with something else he was too afraid to call by name.

„First we killed our planet. Then it tried to kill us. And finally, we killed each other. The rest of us had to leave", Saga said. „I think I remember my mission goal now."

Solas's heart beat faster. _Do not say it, lethallan,_ he pleaded silently, hoping against all his body, mind and soul told him, that he was wrong about her. That her otherness could overcome the closeness he felt. That he would still be able to escape the pull of the abyss. _Please don't speak._

„I need to save my people."

And in that moment, Solas felt the whole world change.

—

„Maker's breath, what is that smell?", Cassandra asked and gasped, clutching her hand over her mouth and nose.

„What smell?", Varric asked.

„Don't tell me you can't smell that!?"

„Hey, if you'd spent most your adult life in Kirkwall your nose would have developed means of self-preservation, too!"

Dorian's suspicious silence made them interrupt their banter. It was unusual for the Tevinter to miss an opportunity for sarcasm. He only eyed Saga and Solas with suspicion.

„What's wrong, Sparkler?"

„The smell. It's not coming from anywhere around here."

Stunned silence.

„What are you saying?"

„The tremor we felt before? I thought it was a harmless side-effect of the magic being applied here. But now Saga's sensory experiences seem to… become real here, outside of the Fade."

„What do you mean? Speak plainly!", Cassandra demanded.

„I don't like where this is going…", Varric mumbled.

Dorian continued to watch the two sleepers, tension forming around him like a cloud.

„The Veil is… weakening."

Voicing his thoughts out loud gave it a much more real, disconcerting quality. Cassandra made a disgusted noise.

„Ugh! Maybe Vivienne was right after all…"

„Let's not jump to desperate conclusions, shall we? These are echoes. I can sense no demonic presence." Dorian immediately tried to qualify his suspicion, but his objection came a little too quickly to camouflage the beginnings of doubt that formed in his mind. „Saga is no mage. It's ridiculously improbable she has the ability to rip open the Veil in her sleep."

There was a moment of thick silence, broken by Varric's exasperated snort.

„You've gotta be shittin' me!"

—

Solas swallowed hard. „How? How did your people destroy their own world?"

„How didn't we destroy it? We fed on our planet like flesh-eating bacteria on a body. There were so many dangers… in the end, our attention was focused on the wrong ones. We thought we'd kill each other in a nuclear world war. Or that some mediocre artificial intelligence tasked with finding a cure to cancer would suddenly decide the easiest way to achieve that goal was to get rid of all humans. Or that climate change would push our societies into chaos, drowning them, scorching them, overburdening the rest with refugees… It's… funny, in a way that we thought the fruits of our own famed intelligence would do us in. We're a narcissistic bunch."

Saga stood and walked towards one of the dead trees. There, she carefully placed the bee in a hollow between its roots. It was a futile and ridiculous gesture, but somehow this small animal symbolized everything that had gone wrong on her planet, her people's arrogance and suicidal hubris. Their guilt. Saga sniffled and wiped her face with her sleeve. The chalky dust everywhere made her throat feel dry. She shook herself, realizing that this was of course nonsense. She wasn't really here. She had to remind herself of this fact again. Composing herself, she continued.

„A bug, Solas. Humanity, which had gone from cave paintings to the first attempt at establishing a colony on another planet within a measly three million years, was brought to its knees by a fucking billion years old lifeforms without a proper nervous system."

His face remained stern and grim. „I do not understand. If that organism had been around that much longer, how come it hasn't attacked you earlier?"

„It's… complicated. I don't know if I should even tell you this, but you've already seen so much, so…" Saga sighed. „It's a mutation. Mutations happen all he time in all living organisms, so that itself isn't a problem. But our medicine relied heavily on a special kind of treatment called antibiotics. It kills bacteria, so it's useful against bacterial infections. The problem is, antibiotics were used so excessively that the selective pressure on bacteria increased very fast. So that's how you create drug-resistant superbugs. We'd known about them for a while, but, I don't know… there were so many problems! It just… the scientists warned and warned, but were ignored. And then it was too late."

Her limbs feeling heavy, she leaned against the tree. The dead garden was breathing its dusty breeze against her back, and as the silhouette of the black skeleton city rose in front of her, sadness tightened her throat.

„So what do we get? Global warming means rising sea levels, means displacement, automated warfare over dwindling resources means refugee movements, modern agriculture and medicine killing off the pollinators means less food, means more global migration, means fear, means a rise of authoritarianism, means war, means…" She stopped and swallowed hard to fight back the tears. „… _this_. We could have survived all of that, but a rampant, infectious disease on top of that? Those who had survived until then killed off the refugees from the infected zones to save their own skins."

She dropped her gaze when she caught a glimpse of Solas' horrified expression, somehow suddenly deeply ashamed for being human. „I know what you're thinking. That human nature was the original enemy. That maybe we're not worth saving. I've thought about that a million times myself. Maybe this is all just evolution and I shouldn't get in the way. Maybe my species has just won the ultimate Darwin Award and should just lay down and die already."

When she felt his hand on her shoulder she almost flinched. She hadn't heard his approach. But when she looked in his eyes she couldn't find any silent reproach in them. On the contrary, what she saw and what she felt in his gentle touch as well as through the emotional feedback loop was something entirely different. _Understanding._

„Do not blame yourself for the stupid actions of shortsighted people, Saga", Solas said. „A single woman can only do so much. You are living example of what is worth saving about Terra. And I respect you for trying."

A sharp pain shot through her heart and made her wince. Alarmed, Solas tightened his grip on her arm. „Another memory?"

Saga gripped his hand and pressed it, as if holding on to him could ease the pain. She had tried to help, yes. But before she could remember how, the dread of a shapeless memory settled in her bones that made her blood run cold.

* * *

Disclaimers and quotes:

The character and the words of the blonde religious zealot is taken and quoted from the 1997 movie _Contact_ by Robert Zemeckis.

Saga's thoughts about science being the _philosophy of ignorance_ etc. are heavily influenced by the writings of Neil deGrasse Tyson and Richard Feynman.

The music Saga hears is the song _The Doomed_ by A Perfect Circle. Lyrics in cursive are quoted directly from that.


	27. Negative Return

Within the blink of an eye, their surroundings changed. The city and the dead trees were all gone. Instead, the two Fadewalkers stood at the back of a large, windowless room. It smelled of hot cables, cold coffee and the stale sweat of too much overtime. They were overlooking twenty-four rows of computer work stations, all fitted with four to five displays each and manned with human personnel going through their respective checklists in tense concentration. Three large digital screens on the wall across from them showed various calculations and computerized depictions of a planet. On the left screen, five people in white spacesuits with huge glass helmets were cramped together in a confined compartment. They were strapped into gimbal-mounted seats. Touchscreens hung in front of them, each filled with a puzzling, yet elegant array of buttons and glowing lights.

„Fascinating", Solas muttered to himself, his eyes darting around the room. „Saga? Are you—", he halted as he felt it creeping in, the heaviness, weighing down on Saga's heart like a stone.

„What is it?", he asked softly.

„This is wrong… this is the wrong one…" Her voice was thick with fear.

„What do you mean, the wrong one?"

„This is the wrong one! I'm not in it! I'm on the outside, why am I on the outside, Solas?"

The words came faster and faster, like the bullets of a gun turret. Solas saw the metal devil before his mind's eye again. The line between their minds was blurring.

He felt her panic when she shouted. „I don't want to be here!"

Solas was starting to worry. A dreaded feeling he hadn't had in a long time. He fought it down and tried to reassure her. She mustn't take notice of his state.

„I'm sorry", he said. „But you cannot wish this away. If your unconscious is trying to tell you something you need to listen to it."

Saga wailed as if in terrible pain. „This is a bad place, please let me go!", she pleaded and gripped his tunic. „Let me go, let me go, let me go…."

Solas helplessly shook his head as she pulled herself to his chest.

„I… can't!"

It was heart wrenching to see her like this, like a child, abandoned and scared. He raised his arms to embrace her and she leaned into him, weeping. He stroked her back.

„It's alright."

A tinny voice suddenly blared out the loudspeakers.

„ _T minus five minutes and counting._ "

—

A tear rolled down Saga's cheek and seeped away into the blanket.

Varric stopped his pacing and leaned over her face.

„That doesn't look too good", he said. „She's crying."

Cassandra came closer and looked back and forth between Saga and him. „Well, your memories surely aren't all sugar either, are they? Let's give her some privacy, if at all possible under these circumstances."

Dorian seemed to disagree. „On the contrary, I think we should watch all of this very closely. The various emotional responses she has shown can serve as an indication of the experiment's progress. If trouble should indeed advance, it would be wise to notice it as soon as possible."

„I don't like it but I guess you're right" Varric said. "What do you think is happening in there? It's been about four hours."

Dorian looked at Saga and Solas, breathing in perfect harmony. If he didn't know any better one could think they were just that, two people sleeping next to each other. But the outward calm of the scene was an illusion, as he well knew.

„They're in the Fade, Varric. Literally anything could be going on."

—

The stupendous rocket glistened in the sunlight like a tower of gleaming white marble. White vapors from its liquid oxygen tank flowed around it as it hung over the launch pad, a massive block of concrete studded with cameras and water distribution systems. It was still tethered to a steel tower that would fall away to the side and release its grip at precisely the right moment once its boosters would ignite. The proud machine stood there, patiently waiting for its moment of glory.

The busy soundscape of Mission Control suddenly gone, Saga dared to haltingly raise her head off Solas's chest. He eased his embrace as he felt her stir. A soft wind tousled her hair. Gently, he tucked a stray lock behind her ear.

„It won't start until you are ready", he said.

She turned to look at the rocket. It was a monument to all Saga admired about her people. Their intelligence and inventiveness. Their curiosity and courage. But it was also the symbol of a speechless terror that lay hidden deep within her soul, buried under layers of guilt like a crime. Hot regret sent a shudder through her body. „Why do I have to see this again? Something terrible is going to happen, I can feel it."

„Because you need to remember", Solas said. „You won't become whole otherwise. The pain wants to be part of you. It belongs to you."

She stayed silent.

„You won't be alone this time", he said.

„I'm scared still", she whispered, not looking at him but at the huge arrow shaped structure protruding from the ground that stood in an empty landscape by the sea under a clear blue sky. It had been a beautiful day. And it had been the most terrifying day of her life.

„I know", he said. „But you have lived through this moment already and survived. It is part of your existence and you must reclaim it. Mala suledin nadas, Lethallan. You will endure."

A tremor as the sound suppression system was activated and millions of liters of water gushed into the flame trench below the rocket's boosters.

Saga stood there gazing onto the scene, still held in Solas's embrace. The simple touch of him created a full, warm feeling of security.

„I will endure", she said.

A sizzle as sparks started to rain down under the booster array, burning off all stray hydrogen that might have accumulated there.

„I already have."

With a roar that made the ground tremble beneath their feet, the engines started firing.

—

Varric jumped. „Did you hear that?!"

„Ugh, what is it now?", Cassandra chided him. „Stop fretting."

„Are you not hearing this? Where is this coming from?", Varric asked.

„What? What am I supposed to hear?"

„Wait, I hear it, too!", Dorian said. „No, it's a feeling. Like a vibration! The Veil is trembling slightly. Nothing to be concerned about, but it is there!"

—

A huge flash of light as the engines ignited with a hot yellow flame that punched through the blanket of water underneath and brightened rapidly, burning fuel at a rate of thousands of liters a second, until the water vapor turned as clear as the air around them and the engines stabilized, its immense heat only visible by the flow phenomena inside. A hellish glow shone up from the flame trench as a giant plume of water vapor shot out to the side.

Saga remained unfazed, her stare hard and empty, but Solas flinched at the thunder of the ignition. Never in his life had he ever witnessed such raw, undiluted power, and he marveled at the poignant scene in terrified exaltation.

He gasped.

„Din' aleban…"

—

There was no room for doubt anymore as the noise started to grow louder and louder. The floor started vibrating so violently it made the glasses jitter on the table.

„What the shit!?"

„Alright, now I am concerned!", Dorian shouted over the drone.

„What in the Maker's name is going on?!"

„I don't know for hell's sake, I don't know!"

—

Solas's wide-eyed whisper was drowned out by the deafening boom of the engines. The exhaust plume shot away from the rocket through the flame trench and off to the sides, increasing at an amazing speed, engulfing the launchpad's floor and hundreds of meters of the ground around it like an enormous storm cloud had fallen from the sky. The Earth shaking, his eyes tearing up with the sheer force of the acoustic noise alone, Solas watched in shock as the giant rocket lifted off the launch pad on screaming pillars of fire as bright as the sun. No dragon's breath, not the deepest pits of the Fade had ever seen raging hellfire such as this and his soul wept with awe as the rocket spiraled upwards like a wrathful God assaulting the very heavens.

When the magic of the Fade carried the chilly breath of an impossible whisper over the noise, he felt as if he had been stabbed in his heart. It was Saga's voice, detached and devoid of all emotion, like a ghost was moving her lips.

„Five…", she said.

—

The glass shattered on the stone floor. Varric backed away from the bed to the wall, feeling the urgent need for something stable behind him.

„Everybody keep calm!", Dorian shouted. „There is obviously some seepage of Fade energy, but there is no sign of demons!"

„WHAT?!", Varric screamed.

„Do not be afraid, Varric!", Cassandra said. „Have faith!"

„Say that again when whatever is making this hellish noise comes flying through the torn fucking fabric of reality!"

—

„Four…"

The rocket continued its climb into the sky and was still gaining speed. Solas had to crane his neck to follow its ascent.

„Two… One."

Time seemed to come to a halt as an agonizing pain shot through Solas, punching the air from his lungs and making him yank his arms back from Saga just as she began a continuous, bloodcurdling scream. An invisible blow to the pit of his stomach made him double over and fall to his knees while Saga stood beside him as if paralyzed, howling like a banshee at the empty sky. The rocket was gone.

—

Solas's body jolted violently. He spat blood as if struck across the face.

Varric cursed over the booming sound that surrounded them, coming out of nowhere.

„Varric, you're not helping by spreading panic!", Dorian shouted.

„He said nothing about any of this shit and if Solas didn't expect this shit to happen then this shit's definitely reason to panic!"

And then, the Veil tore open. The room was engulfed in a blinding light and the deafening noise made the walls tremble, while the two sleepers lifted up from the bed and magically began hovering in mid-air.

Dorian immediately threw up a barrier around himself, Cassandra and Varric to shield them from the immense heat that was filling the air.

—

Through the thundering symphony of noise and a haze of pain, Solas managed to straighten himself. „Saga!"

She didn't hear him. She just stood there, rigid as a statue, only a shadow against the burning sky and screamed. She screamed and screamed as if the pain of all her life coursed through her veins and erupted out of her in an invisible fountain of awful sound. He strained against the crippling pain and reached out to her, but froze inches before his fingers could touch her hand as the boom of an immense explosion raced through the atmosphere, the shockwave hitting them only seconds later and swept them both off their feet. The screaming stopped as Saga fell to the ground with a heavy thud, skidding across the concrete floor.

—

„Purge it Cassandra!", Dorian shouted over the maelstrom of noise around them as their vision was blurred by green filaments of the Fade intruding into their world of flesh and bone.

„I'm trying!"

The sleepers hung in the air horizontally as if still lying on the bed, unmoving, untouched by the chaos around them.

Cassandra mustered all the faith and will she could find within herself and concentrated on dispelling the magic seeping through the widening Rift. It howled and shuddered, but didn't close.

„It's too powerful!", she shouted. „We need more time!"

„That I can provide! At least, relatively!", Dorian yelled and cast a spell that increased their movement speed, making everything around them seem to slow down by comparison.

„Varric, get the Inquisitor and Vivienne! NOW!", Cassandra shouted.

„No! He mustn't leave the barrier!"

Much to his disapproval, Varric found himself stuck between realities. They couldn't do anything but wait and keep up the barrier for as long as possible before they'd be swallowed by a Rift.

—

Solas robbed over to Saga, who lay on her side with his back to him, motionless. He grabbed her shoulder and shook her.

„Saga? Saga, talk to me!"

A whimper.

„Saga!"

With immense effort he managed to get up on his hands and knees and knelt beside her so he could see her face.

„It should have been me", she stammered, tears streaking her cheeks. „Not her. Not her…"

As the memory emerged in her mind, so could he finally sense it in all its painful ugliness. A gasp escaped him. He raised his head only to see the burning debris of the rocket rain down from the sky.

„I'm sorry", was all he could say, her hurt tightening his throat. „I am so, so sorry…"

The dreamers cowered there, as they both looked into the fiery chasm of grief in the sky, ripped open by the death of a mother.

—

„By the Maker…" Cassandra felt her reserves wane. „We need to stop this!"

„Wait!", Dorian shouted. His arms trembled with the exertion of keeping up the barrier and stabilizing the Veil. „Solas said not to wake them!"

„And he agreed that our safety takes precedent!"

„If you stop dispelling now, I won't be able to keep up the barrier! We'll be exposed to the raw Fade!"

„I can't let this Rift grow until it swallows Skyhold! I have to—"

The timing for Varric to have an idea couldn't have been better. „Wait! Both of you, don't stop what you're doing! With all this chaos and noise, shouldn't people outside be able to hear us and send for help?", he shouted. „But nobody's coming! Maybe we're not in danger after all! Maybe this is all an illusion?!"

To his horror, Dorian strongly shook his head. „This is the real thing, Varric. But it's Fade magic. Just because the Fade might swallow us here doesn't mean anyone on the other side of that door would take notice." Beads of sweat appeared on the mage's forehead who tried with all his might to concentrate on maintaining the barrier spell.

They were trapped.

„Trust him, Cassandra! Have faith in _them_!"

—

Saga and Solas found themselves in a seated position, equilibrium playing tricks on their senses. They were looking down on their feet, except their inner ears told them that _down_ was actually _up_. Their feet were above their heads. Gravity was pulling their backs into the chairs they were strapped in, their bulky suits making it almost impossible to look around. But Solas knew immediately where they were. He raised his hands in front of his face. They stuck in massive white gloves that were seamlessly attached to what appeared to be a suit exactly like the one Saga was wearing when she had fallen out of the Rift. Compared to the cacophony before, it was eerily silent here.

„What…", he murmured.

Solas craned his neck to look around. The inside of the capsule was confined, but not cramped. There was room for five seats, three of them empty. The silver-gray walls were rounded and covered with some sort of metal web of interwoven octagon structures. Above his head were more of those strange displays, like little portals into a world of symbols and data he was unable to read. Next to him was Saga, similarly strapped into a chair.

„We are not inside that machine we saw taking off before?!", he asked, not even trying to keep the disquiet out of his voice. „That would be impossible, because you couldn't have been in it! There is not a chance anyone survived that explosion!"

„You're right. Nobody did", she said blandly.

„I'm sorry… Your mother…"

He broke off. He didn't need to say it out loud. They both knew.

„My mother was part of the first mission of Project Athena. Send people into space to fly through the Rift in the hopes of finding a way to save the few rest of us from the disease. The Church of Renewal thought it had to take matters into its own hands. They sabotaged the rocket."

Saga swallowed hard.

„No more dancing to the rhythm of the war drums. It was that day I decided I would join the project. Not for revenge. For seeing to it that her death would not have been in vain. And that is why we have to be here. On the second launch of Project Athena."

A tinny voice sounded through the speakers inside their helmets. „ _T minus one minute and counting. Dragon is in startup._ "

Muffled through the hull, the air and cooling systems steadily hissed around them.

„I understand", Solas said quietly. „Thank you."

„For what?", she asked.

„For this. It is an honor to share this memory with you."

In the space between their words, the countdown continued in the background. But Solas and Saga didn't listen to it. They didn't have to. All of this had already happened and it would happen again.

„ _Stage two, ready for flight._ "

„Why?", she asked.

„I am about to travel to the stars", Solas said and she could see how moved he was as he uttered those words. „Not even I could have imagined I would ever do that. Because no spirit has ever touched the Fade carrying memories like yours."

A faint smile lifted the sadness in Saga's face.

„ _T minus thirty seconds._ "

They said nothing more. They just hung on each other's words like they were all the life support they needed.

Saga felt a single tear rolling down her temple, her head lying on the side as it was, gravity pulling it down.

„ _Dragon of Project Athena is go for launch to the Kairos._ "

The other seats were empty. During the actual launch, her colleagues had sat there. But here, in the Fade, the two of them were alone. Saga remembered how scared she had been that day. How alone she had felt despite the others. The feeling of loss had been a gaping hole in her heart, a wound so deep no companionship could ever fill it. She remembered how much she had missed her mother that moment. How proud she had been of her. And how desperately she had hoped she would have been proud of her as well.

„She was", Solas said and smiled sadly at her.

„ _T minus fifteen, stand by for terminal count."_

Saga started to cry silently.

A loud vibration travelled along the rocket's hull and into their helmets and suits as the water rushed out of the tubes below them. Saga and Solas looked into each other's eyes the whole time. She could feel the pain it caused him to see her like this, grief-stricken and alone in her heart, waiting and hoping to survive the launch. Saga's heart was pounding. And a second one echoed within her, beating in unison, a counterpoint to the deep visceral vibration blooming in her stomach, flooding her veins with warmth. No more fear.

„I wish you'd have been here with me", she whispered.

„ _T minus ten…_ "

„I am here", he said and held a gloved hand out to her. She took it and he pressed it tightly.

„… _eight… Side booster ignition…_ "

„Thank you."

As the tremors of the booster ignition travelled through the hull they held on to each other, resting in each other's gaze. No more sadness.

„… _Six…five…_ "

A loud splutter and the machine jolted, shaking them in their seats. But they would not break contact.

„… _Two… one…zero…ignition._ "

With the force of over three atmospheres they were pressed into their seats as the rocket lifted its massive body off the ground, the force crushing their ribcages, the vibrations rattling them in their seats as they soared up into the sky, reaching for the stars. The tinny voice was heard over the loudspeakers again. „ _Dragon, negative return._ ", it said.

Negative return. When Saga's body had physically sat in this seat, she had had no idea how true these words had been.


	28. Dust in a Sunbeam

As the rocket climbed higher and higher, the vibrations and the noise grew fainter until they disappeared completely and they were surrounded by silence. Solas couldn't feel the seat in his back anymore. A strange sensation gripped him, as if he was falling. His stomach turned.

„This does not feel like magical levitation in the least!", he said with some disquiet.

Next to him, Saga pulled up a large bag and held it over her head. Much to Solas's surprise, it didn't sag. It just… stood there, upright as if stiffened. Bemused he saw that when Saga twisted her helmet at the collar, it just floated upwards into the bag, which she then brought in front of her chest, closed it and fastened it to a small hook at the spacecraft's inner wall. He gaped at her. Saga's curly hair looked even more voluminous than usual.

„Welcome to space, Solas", she said. Saga had never seen him so out of his depth. It was cute and softly blew away the fog of sadness that had masked her face until then. „We're in free-fall. You're experiencing weightlessness."

She released her seat buckles, and indeed, she simply floated out of the chair as if underwater. Carefully gripping one of the handles that protruded from the ceiling, if that word made any sense anymore, she moved her body towards him.

„Free-fall? Where are we falling to?", Solas asked.

Saga laughed, braced herself against his seat and came to a halt. She was hovering right in front of him. Or was it over him? His inner ears threatened him with utter disorientation.

„The capsule is now orbiting Terra at a speed of around eight kilometers per second. That's about the distance from Skyhold to Haven. In a second." She snapped her fingers. „The speed is what's keeping us from being pulled back towards Terra by its gravity. It's as if we're endlessly falling over the horizon, and because there's no difference in speed between our bodies and that of the spacecraft, you don't feel anything."

„This is… intriguing", Solas murmured as he watched Saga hover close to him. Her even face was relaxed. She looked at him with her innate alertness, intelligence and will power that he found so surprisingly, almost shamefully dazzling. The memory of her mother's death didn't seem to weigh on her anymore. It had glided into the gap inside her mind seamlessly. An effect much like when Cole made people forget about their pain, only that in Saga's case, remembering it clearly had helped make her better. She had already worked through all this. Once she had remembered, the pain was not stuck anymore. It still hurt. But the pain was an old, dull one now, not the sharp sting of a fresh wound demanding immediate attention. Like a scar that only throbbed when prodded too much. She could handle that.

He was interrupted in his musings of her spirit when Saga reached for his helmet and turned it. With a click, it came lose. She bagged it the same way she had her own, then began unfastening his seatbelt.

„There you go. Be careful now. Don't make any sudden movements. This will take a while to get used to."

Solas carefully pushed himself out of the chair and floated towards Saga's outstretched hand. He gripped it, but continued on his trajectory.

„How do I stop?" He couldn't fully keep the panic out of his voice. Saga found it hilarious. She giggled as she watched him float around helplessly.

„Use the handles!"

Solas managed to get a grip on one of them and bumped against the wall.

„This is surprisingly difficult", he said. Seeing him so unguarded made Saga smile fondly at him.

„You'll get the hang of it. Come on, just hold on to me and be mindful of your feet. Let's get you out of the suit."

After Saga had taken off her suit she helped Solas get out of his without floating around too much. The jawbone he was wearing around his neck began floating around once it was freed of the confines of the suit.

„You should take off your necklace and maybe tie it firmly against your wrist", she suggested. He complied.

„Follow me. I want to show you something."

—

Everything stopped.

For a moment, the group was frozen in surprise.

„It stopped", Cassandra said.

„How sure are you about that?", Varric asked. When Dorian simply let his hands drop and stopped the barrier, he almost squeaked at his recklessness.

When nothing happened, Varric let out a sigh of relief. „I don't even know what part of Andraste to bless right now…"

But his words were premature.

The dwarf sucked in the air in shock when his feet lost contact with the ground. The furniture, the shards of the glasses that had shattered on the floor and also Cassandra and Dorian were starting to hover.

„You gotta be shittin' me!"

—

Saga floated to the underside - _the backside?_ \- of the small capsule, where it had been attached to what the tin voice had called the _second stage_. An airlock had appeared that hadn't been there before.

„I think I'm starting to get the hang of this", Saga said. „I was just thinking about the Kairos, you know, the actual spaceship we flew to the Rift. This was just the transport capsule. I remember it took several hours until we docked with the ship, but now we're here already. Just by wishing it!

„You are indeed getting quite proficient at this", Solas said. He barely moved and looked rather stiff, still wary of the quirky way his body behaved under these unfamiliar circumstances.

Saga opened the airlock.

„Hold on to my shoulders", she said.

She navigated their two bodies in weightlessness with ease, floating from handle to handle as if she had practiced this all her life. They floated through the bowels of the spacecraft, taking turns into the floor, into the ceiling, and after a while, Solas stopped tensing whenever Saga suddenly pulled them in a direction his brain told him they should not be able to move.

„You're a fast learner, too!", Saga approved.

Solas was actually starting to have a good time. He even dared to let go of her.

„This is fascinating!", he said as he spun around his axis, marveling at the complexity of the machine they were inside of. There were tubes and switches and cables everywhere. It was rather chaotic. He wondered how an incredible machine like this, the apex of Terran engineering genius could be so messy. It was as if they were in the bowels of some magical metal devil. „Your people, they did this a lot?", he asked.

„No, not really. It was reserved to specialists who received years of training for this. Astronauts. Sending someone into space is expensive, you know? And ridiculously dangerous."

They stopped at a crossing where corridors went in all six directions.

„We're almost there", Saga said. "Now take my hand and close your eyes."

Solas regarded her suspiciously.

„Why?"

„What? Don't trust me? I won't push you out of the nearest airlock, I promise." She smiled at him mischievously.

Solas hesitated for a heartbeat, then complied.

„Don't look until I tell you!", she said.

He sighed. „Alright."

She took his hand and stole a moment of regarding his face in peace, his sharp features, so grim in one moment and soft in the other, sincere most of the time. She loved looking at it. His eyes still closed, Solas cocked an eyebrow when he noticed she didn't seem to be doing anything.

„Well?"

„Oh, uh, not yet!", she stammered, then began to pull the two of them upward into a small, oddly shaped cupola. It was completely dark save for the cool shine of hundreds of status lights and a couple of flatscreen displays showing various data streams. Saga made them both stop.

„Not yet", she said as she gently pushed Solas upward and turned his weightless body around ninety degrees, so that he was positioned perpendicular to the corridor they had come up. She was hyperaware of where her fingers touched his weightless body when she moved him. When she noticed how much pleasure it gave her to feel the firm shape of his arms and legs, she quickly withdrew. Thanks to the feedback loop, her sensations would not remain private for long, she knew by now. She left her position below his back and hovered next to him at a right angle. „Keep your eyes closed."

„Saga, what are you doing?"

The elf was getting a bit annoyed. _Don't like not being in control huh?_ , Saga thought. She caught herself enjoying this a little as well.

„Just another few seconds. Now don't get startled, there's going to be a noise. Don't look yet!"

„Yes, yes."

Saga pushed a few buttons and the shutters around the cupola opened. „Now."

When she heard him gasp in surprise she knew he had opened his eyes. Intently, she watched his face as he gazed out into space onto the great blue orb of Terra spinning before them. White clouds streaked its thin atmosphere as if a giant had left his thumbprint on a cosmic marble.

Solas said nothing. He just stared out of the windows in awe, turning his head to take in the immensity of the scene. Saga saw him shake his head slightly, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. With what looked like an exertion of will, he turned his head to face her. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again and turned his face back towards the universe. Saga smiled at his speechlessness and searched for the echoes of his emotions in her heart. All that time ago, when this memory had been the present, she had felt exactly the same. Humbled and exalted, small and big at the same time.

„Vhellalim den'ashevas, Lethallin….", Solas whispered. He motioned himself closer to the windows.

The Kairos began to move. Faster than anything Solas had ever believed possible, it flew away from the planet, which grew smaller and smaller with each second.

„Changes your perspective just a little, huh?", Saga said quietly and remembered the words of one of Terra's greatest minds. She had listened to him so many times as a child she knew them by heart.

„That's us. That's our planet", she said. „On it, everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there. On a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam."

Solas silently looked out the window, raptured as Terra's moon rose over the planet's distant horizon. A tear was rolling down his high cheekbone. Saga hovered next to him and followed his gaze. They were so far away now that Terra was barely larger than her thumbnail. I tiny blue marble in a great black expanse.

„Just think of that. And Thedas is no different I'm sure", she said. „Just like Terra, it is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and in triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of the dot on scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner of the dot. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light."

As the Kairos accelerated and the distance grew, Terra fell away behind them until it was only a barely visible disc of light.

„This planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us. To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly and compassionately with one another and to preserve and cherish that pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."

And gone it was, swallowed by the dark. A heaviness descended on Saga's heart and settled in both of their souls like mold.

„If we fail, then in the near future, somewhere on that planet the last human will take their last breath. And like a huffed out candle humankind will cease to exist."

Solas turned his face towards her, but Saga didn't react. She just stared into the middle distance, lost in a view only she could see.

„Despite all the cruelty and shortsightedness, my mother thought we were worth saving. She saw something in us. Something that the fanatics of the Church of Renewal refused to believe in, and that made her dangerous to them. That's why she died. She was one of the best of us, and she was killed by one of the worst of us. It has always been like this. She gave her life for that mission, because she believed we deserved yet another shot at survival. And if that… selflessness and purity of heart isn't worth saving us for, then what is?

Solas nodded. He knew that in order to achieve what one knew was right, oftentimes one had to pay dearly for it. „And that is why you accepted the mission, knowing it may come with a heavy price."

„I have to finish what she started, Solas", Saga said and faced him, her eyes glistening with the intensity of her determination. „But I won't be able to do that as long as I'm stuck on Thedas."

—

Varric, Cassandra and Dorian flailed their arms helplessly and only managed to make their situation worse. They bumped into the walls and each other, hit their heads on floating objects and almost collided with Saga and Solas, who were hovering, but at least stayed in one place.

The circumstance was only aggravated by the arrival of the Inquisitor and Vivienne, who came to relieve the other three of their shift in watching the two sleepers.

As soon as the Inquisitor and the First Enchanter stepped over the door threshold, they lost touch with the ground.

„What in Andraste's name is going on here?!", Ragnar boomed. „I told you to come fetch me immediately if the experiment went awry!"

—

Solas was sympathetic, but he was also realistic. „It is clear to both of us you will never be able to leave Thedas the way you left Terra. I see no way for you to construct a… vehicle like this one", he said. „You assume that because you fell out of the Fade you must take the same path back. But do you know how to navigate it? Also, you don't yet remember how you entered the Fade in the first place, so you don't know where the way back would lead you."

„No, I don't", Saga answered. „I don't know how the Fade works."

Her ready admission was perplexing, but he began to understand that about her. Not knowing didn't scare her, it enticed her to get to work and bring light into the dark. _I don't know_ always contained a fourth, unspoken word when she said it. _Yet_. Solas felt a nervous jitter in the pit of his stomach when he thought of all the things she didn't know about him. _Yet?_ It felt dangerous and yet oddly thrilling. He admitted to himself that he was indeed attracted to her thoughtfulness. But the thought of her unlocking his secrets, of penetrating his own mind scared him. No. It scared him that he might even _want_ her to do it. Sharing his burden would bring such exquisite relief…

„But neither do you", Saga said with a grin and interrupted his grim thoughts.

Solas felt a pang of outrage at that assertion. „Excuse me?" When he moved his head in indignation, the momentum made his body slowly float away from her. In the restrained space of the cupola, he didn't get far. When he bumped into the wall he flinched, still easily confused by the strange effects of motion here, and held on to a laptop to stabilize himself. He forgot his hurt pride over the task of keeping his sense of orientation in check.

"Your skills of magic are masterful, there's no doubt about that, but they don't require any knowledge about the physics behind them", Saga said. „I mean, I can walk and talk, become a rhetoric genius, learn how to shoot a bow with amazing precision. That doesn't mean I have any understanding of the neurological basis of speech or of mechanical physics. You have trained your will to withstand possession and manipulate the Veil. But do you _understand_ the magic you use? Do you know what it is in a mage's body that gives him these abilities? The Veil, the Fade, those are just labels."

His eyes narrowed in a mixture of misgiving and curiosity. „What are you saying?"

„You know what I'm saying. I know you know because I just felt my heart skip a beat and a knot of excitement form in my belly and I don't usually react with surprised disbelief to my own thoughts."

Solas chuckled. She thought he was nervous about the prospect of her tinkering with magic. He was relieved about her misinterpretation of his emotions. But still, he reprimanded himself silently to more carefully guard his feelings. Because of the feedback loop he could easily betray too much. „Well, then you can surely understand my skepticism. I sympathize with the fate of your people and your mission. That you know as well. But the fact remains you are no mage, Saga. I highly doubt it is possible for you to manipulate the Veil like a mage can."

„You're right. Which is why I need to break it down to the physics. And why I need you."

„What precisely do you wish me to help you with?"

„To find a way to open up the Veil in a controlled manner, slip through it, physically, into the Fade and close the door behind me."

The shock failed to appear this time. On the contrary, Solas remained unsettlingly calm, considering she had just proposed to replicate what the Inquisition's enemy Corypheus was trying to do. And he was endangering the whole world in the process. Now it was Saga's time to feel nervous about the elf's ongoing silence. She tried to feel for him inside, but it was like he willfully retreated from her whenever she thought she could catch a glimpse of his emotions.

Solas looked out into the vast expanse of space through one of the cupola's tiny windows. Terra was invisible, its sun one star among many in the cosmos. The vivid colors of a glorious nebula had started to appear to their right and doused the blackness in warm red and golden hues. The enriched guts of a dead star, scattered across the galaxy, bringing food to the universal cycle of life.

„You realize there are already doors of a kind in the Veil. They're called Rifts. Demons pour through and wreak havoc on the land." He looked at her again. His expression had changed. It was hardened, but a yearning hid behind his wolfgrey eyes. Saga recognized it as a desire she had felt not so long ago when she had watched her mother die. The desire to be wrong. „You showed me how your people destroyed their own world through their carelessness and hubris. Are you willing to risk the destruction of Thedas, too?", he asked. „All in the hopes of making things better for Terra?"

Saga gave her answer readily and quickly. A single word catapulted from the deepest convictions of her heart.

„No."

Solas stared at her, confounded. „Even if that would condemn your people to certain death? Even if as a consequence, you would betray your mother's legacy?"

„No, on the contrary. In that case, not saving my world would _preserve_ my mother's legacy. Humanity is only worth saving as long it holds on to certain values and principles. Reasonable people can disagree on what those are. But _I_ believe that some sacrifices are so large, accepting them calls into question what you are fighting for."

Solas received her words sternly, but he was highly alert.

„If saving Terra meant the destruction of another civilization, then the core values I believe in dictate that I can't do it."

„Even if there was a way to save them you would rather let your own people die than endanger someone else?"

Saga couldn't decide whether he was impressed, incredulous or angry.

„You're thinking in tribal categories. I don't think that way. The peoples of this world have the same right to live as mine does. I can't simply offset the two. No being is so important that it can usurp the rights of another. I won't help rebuild human society on a pile of corpses. Because that's exactly the kind of vicious cycle that led to Terra's destruction in the first place. Why begin it anew? If a civilization cannot ensure its continued existence without brutalizing everything in its path, _which inevitably_ _includes itself_ , I believe it is only a natural consequence it go down."

Now she waited for his decision. Seconds passed as they hung in zero gravity together, their faces painted by the reflection of the nebula's colors that seeped in through the cupola's small windows. His hesitation was strange. Hadn't she just reassured him? Told him that he had nothing to fear from her?

But then she realized the reason for it. The Elves have lost so much over the centuries at the hands of human invaders. Their empire, their longevity. Most of their culture nowadays was a fragmented mosaic of ancient tales, more lore than history. They were divided among one another, city elves looking down on the Dalish as savages and the Dalish full of reproach for the City Elves' oftentimes almost submissive acceptance of a servant's status in human culture. Slaves in many corners of the world, outcasts for the rest. Elven culture in today's Thedas was a rag tug of its former greatness. Solas had seen the ancient elven kingdom in his travels of the Fade. Surely, he had strong feelings about the topic. Saga couldn't blame him for the vain phantasy of getting the chance to turn back time and start anew. She wondered, in a corner of her mind, what he would do in her place.

„Listen", she said. „I meant what I said. I won't be able to do this without your help. You're the most experienced expert on Fade magic in the whole world. And I trust you."

It was then his expression seemed to crack at the edges, like an invisible sheet of glass had been covering it that was now splintering under the pressure of his decision. Saga could feel the resistance of some unknown considerations he had been making crumble inside him like an age old wreck hauled from the depths of his soul into the brightness of her enlightened spirit. All that remained was an eagerness that echoed inside her as an impulse to close the distance between them. She - _or was it him_? - fought it down. She needed to hear him say it first.

When he finally spoke, his voice was warm, soothing, the glass shards in its seams shattered. He covered her with his words like a blanket promising protection of woe and pain.

„I do believe in the strength of your convictions, Lethallan. Your determination to uphold what made your people grand is so strong you are willing to sacrifice their physical existence in order to preserve their spirit's essence. I cannot say I find this is without ambiguity or contrariness, yet I see no reason to stand in your way. Your rare and indomitable spirit, unwavering in the face of tremendous sacrifice, I find more than admirable. Once Corypheus has been defeated and his orb reclaimed, I promise I shall be by your side in your endeavor to unlock the Fade,."

—

„We didn't get you because we have the situation under control", Cassandra said while floating upside down under the ceiling.

„There is no imminent danger", Dorian added, who looked to be standing on the wall, his feet hooked into a candle holder that was mounted there.

Varric was hovering horizontally in the air and holding on to a bedpost. All color had left his face.„Yep. All fluffy."

Vivienne and the Inquisitor had managed to get a hold of the doorframe to stabilize themselves. The First Enchanter's icy gaze remained unfazed and yet spoke volumes as she took in the bizarre scene. But her fine antennae for social hierarchy made her contain herself, lest she gave off an air of _I-told-you-so._

„The experiment is weakening the Veil to a dangerous extent, Inquisitor", she merely said. Sometimes, stating the obvious was simply the safest thing to do. „What do you propose we do?"

„This stops right now", he growled.

„Wait, Ragnar!", Cassandra interjected. „We chose not to intervene for a reason. Yes, the Veil is weakening, but nothing dangerous has happened. There is no demonic activity. Don't you remember Solas's warning? If you wake them now, by force, you risk harming them. You might even kill them! You need Solas to keep the Anchor on your hand stable. Without him, it will kill you."

Reluctantly, Ragnar had to agree. It wasn't worth the risk. He exchanged a glance with Vivienne.

 _Not yet,_ her snake eyes whispered.

* * *

Disclaimer / quotes:

The long monologue Saga holds when she and Solas gaze out the cupola's windows onto Terra is one single, slightly shortened direct quote of Carl Sagan's _Pale Blue Dot_ speech, from the original _Cosmos_ TV-series.

 _No being is so important that it can usurp the rights of another_ \- Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Season 2, Ep. 6


	29. Philosophy of Ignorance

„So, now that is settled. Tell me what you have in mind", Solas said.

Saga beamed at him. She had feared he would disapprove of her recklessness in dealing with magic, admonish her for taking such a risk. Now that he had agreed to help her even now, she felt tremendous relief coarse through her veins. Had she not hovered in zero-gravity, her knees might have buckled. The rush of happiness made her feel light-headed, almost high. When her gladness rippled through the feedback loop and reached Solas, she heard his beautiful chuckle.

„Pleased to please you", he said, and also his pleasure floated back to her.

„Likewise", she said. They allowed themselves a few seconds of this strange and enjoyable back and forth of emotion, before Saga got into motion again.

„Alright, I'm going to tell you about my ideas. Come on, follow me."

They floated down from the cupola and back into the labyrinthine bowels of the spaceship where the floor and the ceiling were to the sides, front was up and back was down. As Solas dragged his free falling body from one handhold to the next, careful not to make any sudden movements or gain too much momentum, he noticed chairs were mounted to the walls here and there and metal lattices broke the corridors into segments at regular intervals. They each had a ladder in the middle, but the way they were oriented right now, it was running along the floor.

„Your people employed a rather peculiar architecture in this vehicle. Why is that?", he asked as they passed through another lattice, using the ladder's steps as handrails to pull themselves forward.

Saga seemed surprised. „Why? Oh! That's for when the Kairos builds up thrust for acceleration. The drive is at the bottom of the ship." She gestured behind them. „Once it's activated, the whole ship will push against us. It's a way to create a form of artificial gravity. What are now the walls will become the floor and ceiling, respectively. That's why the workstations are arranged like that. But wait until you see the lab!"

They continued in what was now a forward direction until they reached an airlock. Saga opened it and floated into a large dome-shaped room that was spinning around the extended lateral axis of the ship. Solas stopped himself at the airlock to give his brain a few seconds to get used to the sight. Saga was floating towards some ladders, which protruded from the dome's rotating walls into in the middle of the room and just ended there mid-air.

„Don't worry, you'll get used to it!", Saga shouted down to him as she carefully held on to one of the weird ladders and slowly brought her body down until she could set her feet on its steps. She immediately began rotating with the whole arrangement. „Just remember that _out_ is _down_ in a spinning room that's not under thrust."

He did manage to get his feet on the floor, however futile that word seemed to be in this environment. It was dizzying to stand on the outer wall of the ring. The floor curved up and away to both sides until it came together again right above his head, with chairs and workstations hanging from the ceiling. No, the floor. They were hanging from the floor. Until they went there. He decided that it would be better for his inner ears and his bowels if he just kept his eyes fixed on something that didn't seem to be moving, so Solas locked onto Saga. She was smiling like she couldn't be happier. This was where she felt at home. Strange surroundings, even outside of the Fade.

„This is where we worked and spent most of our time during the two years it took us to reach the Rift around Ganymede."

„Ganymede?"

„That's one of Jupiter's moons. The anomaly my parents picked up with the telescope at Mauna Kea I think turned out to be a Rift. Although my parents probably called it an Einstein-Rosen-Bridge. A wormhole. Think of it as a shortcut through space."

She motioned him to join her at a free-standing workstation. Her fingers darted over the glowing symbols that were let into the smooth surface interface and brought up a colorful, brightly glowing, semi-transparent projection of a grid in the air over the table. The almost ghostly display caused Solas some pleasant surprise that didn't go unnoticed by Saga.

„Impressed by my magic tricks?", she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

„For actual magic a few glowing lights in the air would be a little bland", he said with equally playful irony. „What impresses me is the fact that it isn't magic. Setting aside the present context of a magical Fadewalk of synchronized minds, of course."

Saga's expression turned conspiratorial. „Any technology sufficiently far advanced is indistinguishable from magic."

„Maybe." He provocatively raised an eyebrow. „To someone who isn't a mage."

Saga laughed without scorn and conceded the point. „Alright, fair enough." She returned her attention to the workstation and the glowing grid. „So, about the Veil, the Fade and physics. What do we actually know about it? The Fade is a reality that is separated as well as connected to the reality of Thedas through a phenomenon you call the Veil. Mages can manipulate the Veil and these manipulations have effects on both realities. The Fade reality and its inhabitants react to the thoughts and emotions of those who enter it either mentally or physically. Correct so far?"

Solas moved his head in a relaxed so-so manner. „Your phrasing makes the Veil sound like a physical barrier, but it is not. It is more akin to a magical vibration that repels the Fade."

„Yes, I thought it's more like that. Ready to go down the rabbit hole with me?", she asked. Solas frowned. „A figure of speech. I'm gonna tell you a little bit about a very strange reality that does indeed surround us all, yet cannot be seen. That is only observable by its effects on the universe. What to you is the magic of the Fade, to us, is the bizarre strangeness of the Quantum World."

Solas tilted his head. His eyes narrowed and the corners of his lips curved upward slightly, creating his strange signature expression of disapproving approval. Saga knew by now that this simply meant she had piqued his curiosity and now held his undivided attention. She put some new commands into the console and the grid filled with symbols.

„We know that the universe and everything in it is made of a number of different kinds of tiny particles and certain forces of nature. We have figured out the mathematical equations that describe how the universe behaves and we can make accurate predictions with them. We understand the motions of the planets. We understand gravity. All in all, we have a pretty good idea about how the universe works. But scientists who came long before me discovered something odd when they were studying _light_."

A few button presses later, a bright ray of light shone out of the surface of the workstation. Saga gave Solas a prism she had seemingly pulled out of thin air. It was uncanny how she was becoming exceedingly adept at manipulating the Fade to do her bidding. He held it into the beam, splitting the light into a rainbow pattern.

„Looks like a smudgy, continuous color spectrum, right?", Saga asked. „Now check this out." Her hands darted across the user interface and the projection changed to show a glass vial, which she told him was filled with gas that was being heated and began to glow. Again, she told him to place the prism in the light. It didn't look like a smooth gradient anymore at all. Instead, they could see pencil-like lines of very distinct colors interrupted by black gaps where there seemed to be no light at all. Solas frowned.

„Odd", he said.

„Yes!" Saga's face lit up. Solas could feel her heart dance and sing with excitement. The scientist in her was a curious child, and he happily drank in her enthusiasm, which seemed to dispel the utter sadness in him like magic.

„That's because the gas is made up of tiny tiny particles, we call them electrons, that sort of _orbit_ around a center nucleus made of different tiny particles. Imagine them like small pearls. The whole arrangement is called an atom and atoms make up everything in the universe, including you and me. And the Veil, I guarantee it. Now here's the curious thing: the electrons that orbit the nuclei of atoms can only exist in very specific orbits. When the gas is heated, the electrons instantaneously jumpfrom one orbit to the next _without_ crossing the space inbetween. And when they do, they release energy of a very specific wavelength, which our eyes pick up as light of a certain color. The electrons _cannot exist anywhere in between those allowed orbits_. Hence the gaps."

The display changed to show a long smooth path with two walls on it, one at the end, one on the middle of the path. The one at its end was solid, but the wall in its middle had two gaps at the bottom. From the beginning of the path, small balls came rolling. Some of them made it through one of the two gaps of the middle wall and then smashed through the wall at the end. Some missed the openings in the middle wall and bounced back from it. But all that made it through always hit the back wall in exact the same two spots that corresponded to the positions of the openings in the middle wall. Not one of the balls landed somewhere in between.

„Hmm", Solas made. „Alright, I can follow you so far. If these electrons behave like… particles, they can only appear here or there but nowhere in between."

„Yes. However, it turned out we were wrong about our assumption that an electron is a particle. Some intimidatingly intelligent people did experiments on that and found that the results didn't fit with the particle assumption. And like I've said—…"

„…if it contradicts experiment, your assumption is wrong."

„Exactly, very good. You're already a scientist! What they found was not this pattern, but this."

The display of the path with the two walls remained the same. Only the pattern of holes in the back wall changed. Instead of two distinct holes, it now revealed a pattern of parallel, vertical stripes of different width, much like the pencil-like shapes the light split by the prism had shown.

„There is only one phenomenon that can explain this result. Electrons behave more like waves than particles. If waves crush into one another they can cancel each other out or add to one another, creating peaks and valleys."

In the air between them, a simplified depiction of an endlessly rolling wave appeared, with crests and valleys. It rolled towards the middle wall, crushed against its two openings and was split into two waves, whose peaks and valleys interfered with one another as it continued to roll towards the back wall. And indeed, the amplitude of the wave's valleys corresponded to the width of the stripes at the back wall. The higher the wave, the longer and wider the stripe.

„The peaks of the wave are not where most of the electrons are, it's the probability with which one electron is going to be in that place at a given time. A particle is not this… certain, definitive physical _thing_ , i's a jumble of _possibilities_."

Solas shook his head. „But… you said earlier that everything in the universe is made up of particles. If particles are not… sure to exist in one place at a time… would that not mean that the existence of everything in the universe was only a matter of probability? Yet, I am rather sure I do exist right here, right now."

She could empathize with his confusion. Even some highly skilled physicists had difficulties wrapping their heads around this bizarre, ridiculous truth. „You're right about that. It's baffling. Science taught us that we could understand the universe by making predictions with absolute certainty. But Quantum mechanics took that away from us, because there was no way for us to predict with certainty _where_ a particle might pop into existence. When I throw a ball, I can use classical mechanics to make an exact prediction of where it's going to fall. I can't apply that to the world of the very small. Things there behave totally different from anything big."

Solas wore a strained, skeptical expression. „But how can there be no certainty in the world of the very small but in our visible world of larger things, there is?"

„Like I said, that's an excellent question. Tell me when you know the answer." Saga shrugged. „We still don't know why all this weird, jiggly fuzziness disappears as things increase in size. Some say that there is some mechanism we haven't yet found that eliminates all other probabilities as you increase the size of stuff until only a single one remains, and this last remaining possibility of existence is the only one we see. Others believe that the weirdness doesn't go away, that all the different outcomes do happen, only in different, parallel realities. We don't know. But as long as we stay in the realm of the very small, it seems that when you try to observe a particle, to find out where it is, you force it to relinquish all the other places it could have been and sort of _choose_ , ok, I'm certainly here in this place now. But as long as we're not looking, it could be anywhere. Could be here, could be over there, could be somewhere else completely."

Solas chuckled sarcastically. „Your people believe the existence of everything in the universe rests on the question of whether or not you have your eyes open to see it?"

„Oh please, don't go all Einstein on me!"

„Who is that?"

„A physicist who believed he could shoot down Quantum mechanics by confronting it with one of its most ridiculous predictions. Entanglement. Entanglement happens when two particles are close together and their properties become linked. The crazy thing is that the equations of quantum mechanics predict that these two particles would remain inextricably connected even if you sent them to opposite corners of the universe and even though there is no physical link between them whatsoever. So if I measure one particle here and force it to _choose_ a state of existence from the probability wave, I can state _again with certainty_ the properties of the _other_ , _entangled_ particle. Even if I haven't directly observed that other particle. I measure one particle and automatically change the state of the other. Starting to smell like magic, right? I do something in the real world and the Fade goes all crazy and vice versa? A mage _dreams,_ she _thinks of something_ and swoosh, she's set her curtains on fire? For people without any clue about quantum physics, that's spooky as hell. We actually call this phenomenon of informational exchange between two entangled particles _spooky action._ Not kidding."

Solas didn't seem convinced by her explanation. „It sounds overly complicated. Wouldn't it be more probable that the states of the two particles are determined already in advance, unbeknownst to you, and you simply discover through observation what has always been?"

„How would you test that assumption?"

Solas thought about that for a moment and quickly realized the paradox. „By observing it. To which you then reply that it is the act of measurement that determined the state of what I was measuring. I see."

„It took a while, but a scientist finally figured it out. Funny thing was, he thought quantum mechanics was probably wrong, but ended up confirming it. A perfect example of the power of scientific thinking. He built an experiment and the results consistently confirmed the theoretical predictions of quantum physics about entanglement. Measuring one particle can effect its entangled partner as if the space between them didn't even exist. Sound familiar? How you can slip across the Veil with but a thought? How the Fade and the real world are separated and yet exactly in the same place? How doing magic or even only dreaming in the real world affects the Fade?"

—

„Inquisitor, I implore you", Vivienne said. „This is madness!"

It was. But Ragnar was trapped. Cassandra was right, he needed Solas alive. And by the holy Maker, how he resented the apostate for that. Maybe he could find someone else capable of keeping the Anchor from killing him?

Cassandra's eyes went wide as she saw his inner fight play across his features.

„Inquisitor", she said, then paused and began anew. „Ragnar, I know you're having a hard time to trust Solas. I know you had reservations concerning this experiment and you were right to be cautious. But please don't do anything you might later regret. That _I_ might later regret. The world needs you. You need him."

There was a rumble as a strong vibration shook the Veil and brought the pungent smell of ozone. The air became charged with electricity and pricked their skins. Softly glowing, green Fade filaments crept over the walls like snails and left slimy trails behind them.

Cassandra's eyes pleaded with the Inquisitor. „Have faith, my love."

—

„Yes, I am beginning to understand where you are going with this", Solas said. „You believe you can apply the laws of quantum mechanics to explain magical phenomena."

„Yes! I suggest that magic is the conscious manipulation of particle probability waves. It is the act of making outcomes that are so ridiculously improbable as to be virtually impossible become certainty. It is creating fire and ice out of thin air, it is suspending gravity, it is the mending of flesh. A mage's brain is _entangled_ with the Fade through the Veil. That's also why severing this connection through the Rite of Tranquility causes severe brain damage.

The Fade is simply another dimension that is entangled with ours. And the Veil, which you describe as a magical vibration, is the spooky action that links the two dimensions together, so that when something happens in the real world, it affects the Fade and vice versa. Magic is created by warping the Veil. It is the manipulation of the spooky action that links entangled realities. I wonder if the Veil, this Entanglement has always been there… or if the two realities have once been truly separate."

Solas tensed perceptibly at her words.

„You disapprove?", she asked.

The feeling was gone as quickly as she had noticed it.

„No", he said. „Not in the least. I do not claim I understand your hypotheses in every detail, but what I do understand of it I find plausible. You may use different intellectual instruments to approach the subject, but your conclusions are the same as mine. The only question that remains for me is how all this will help you in your mission."

„I don't know yet. But I strongly believe that I have the means to truly understand the physics underlying magic, the Veil and the Fade and that this might enable me to, well, to do what you do. To do magic, only… without magic. And to use it to return to my reality through the Fade."

"Which brings me back to my former question. You still don't remember how you ended up in the Fade in the first place. How do you know there is anything left to return to?"

„I—…"

A loud klaxon drowned out her words as the room abruptly darkened and red emergency lights doused it in bloody hues. The cold, artificial voice of the Kairos' computer system echoed repeatedly through the ship.

„ _Warning_. _Hawking radiation detected. Warning. Hawking radiation detected."_

* * *

Disclaimer / Quotes:

 _Any technology sufficiently advanced is_ _indistinguishable from magic._ \- Arthur C. Clarke, Profiles of the Future, 1973

Everything about quantum physics is a horrible, mangled mess of twisting information I collected from reading, among other things:  
Stephen Hawking's _Universe in a Nutshell_ ,  
Neil deGrasse Tyson's _Astrophysics for People in a Hurry,_  
Brian Cox's / Robin Ince's _How to Build a Universe_  
and a highly recommendable comic book about Quantum Physics called _Mysteries of the Quantum Universe_ by Thibault Damour and Mathieu Burniat.  
Plus, you know, youtube.

The bit about the spooky action / entanglement alludes to experiments done by US-American experimental physicist John Clauser in 1972.


	30. Waking Nightmare

Varric groaned as if he had only waited for the inevitable downturn. As a storyteller he knew that there could be no adventure without some unforeseen danger threatening the heroes with utter destruction.

A deep, guttural growl emanating from the other side of the thinned out Veil put the fear of the Maker into his soul.

If only it didn't have to be demons.

„Get ready!", Cassandra shouted.

—

The blood left Saga's face as her brain was flooded with stress hormones. A detached sensation made the blaring alarm and the computer's incessant warnings sound very far away, her movements seem sluggish and stringy until Solas grabbed her by the arms and shook her. She snapped out of her dissociative state.

„Saga, this is your subconscious telling you something, you should not turn your mind away."

Shaking her head to clear her mind, she remembered again what had happened.

„A black hole. The Rift had suddenly turned into a black hole. It hadn't been one before, but it was threatening to pull in the Kairos and crush us all. I was in the engine room."

One frantic heartbeat and the lab around them was gone and replaced with the engine room, a cramped compartment full of tubing and computers. Saga was reeling around on the machine deck, and turned on the engines. As they fired up, gravity returned and shifted.

„We need to escape its gravitational pull!" She was talking in the present tense, as if completely absorbed in the playback of her memory. The drive core was operating at maximum already, but she overrode its security protocols to exceed the safety limits. If they couldn't get out of here, everything would have been in vain. She had come so far. She didn't understand how this was possible. Nothing in their measurements had hinted at a black hole. How could it just appear out of nowhere?

Ignoring the glaring warnings on the monitors, she turned up the core output. Under the increased stresses on the ship's integrity, pressure valves released hissing steam into the room. The Kairos quivered and groaned as it was threatened to be torn apart by the black hole's gravity pulling them in one direction and its engines pushing back. Vibrations travelled through its hull and created eerie sounds, as if they were stuck inside a giant, singing metal whale. Saga had never been more aware of the thinness of the hull protecting them from death by instantaneous decompression. They were riding in a glorified tin can. Closing her shaking hands into fists, she fought down the burgeoning dread of mortal fear and tried to concentrate on keeping the ship and them alive. Sweat streamed down her forehead. She let it drip off her without noticing it. The realization that the survival of not only herself and the crew, but also quite possibly the fate of humanity rested on her shoulders infused her with supreme focus. It was all or nothing.

And then, through the haze of steam and the rush of adrenaline blurring her vision, she saw her mother. Clear as day, she appeared before her, seemingly unaffected by the chaos around Saga, alive and well. Her wavy long black hair, streaked with grey, pulled back into a ponytail. Her intense green eyes that always seemed to sparkle with a serene irony as if the universe had let her in on a secret, cosmic joke. Her beautiful voice. Down to the birthmark on her left cheek, it was all there, it was all her.

„Saga!", she shouted. „Saga! I thought I had lost you!"

Stunned and shocked, Saga stood rigid as a statue and stared at her mother, who she had seen die in a fiery explosion all those years and yet only moments ago.

„I…", she stammered, an inexplicable anger at the woman who had dared to die before her eyes fighting for dominance with sadness and relief. Her heart threatened to be ripped in two like the ship. „I saw you die…"

„No you didn't", her mother merely said, alarm quickening her words, but yet her voice sounded as warm as she remembered it. „You saw a rocket explode." Her mother came up to her and took Saga's hands in hers. They were dry and warm. She could feel the callouses on her palms from climbing all those mountains. Saga was too terrified to pull back. She just stared at her, shaking, lost, hoping this was a dream and not a dream.

„Listen to me, elska", her mother said, using the Icelandic term of endearment she had always called her Saga since she'd been a child. „Listen to me very closely. We don't have much time. You're being pulled into a black hole and have fired up your engines to escape its gravitational pull. You need to stop."

Saga's head was reeling. Everything was happening too quickly. „What?" Her mother's words made no sense. Was she suggesting they stop fighting? To give up and die?

„You need to reverse thrust", her mother said.

Confused, Saga shook her head. „What, fly _into_ the hole? We'd be crushed!"

„No, you won't! I know how crazy this sounds, but it's just as crazy that I am here, isn't it? I'm here, elska! I didn't die in the accident. Neither did the others. We were transported into another reality. It is safe there. And you need to go there, too. But you will only survive if you reverse thrust right now and fly directly into the black hole."

„But—…"

„Do you feel this?", her mother urged her, and pressed their hands together. „This is real. Trust your senses! Trust me! Reverse thrust! And we can be together again."

Her mother's eyes were imploring her, her voice pressing, but Saga was still like paralyzed. Through the utter chaos surrounding them, the blaring klaxons, the chillingly impassable computer warnings, the hissing of steam and dangerous creaking and moaning of the ship, Saga could even perceive her mother's perfume. Lilac and gooseberries. The smell unlocked the door to all her cherished memories with her, and with those memories came a feeling of the deepest love and trust that can only grow between mother and daughter.

Saga made a decision and nodded. Her mother smiled and softly stroked her face, sticky with the cold sweat of fear. „That's my girl. Do what's right."

After a moment's hesitation for fear her mother could vanish as suddenly as she had appeared, Saga let go of her hands and turned back to the workstation. She would save humanity. She would have her mother back. She could save them all.

—

On the other side of the Veil, as the demon's growl turned into a hungry roar and its ugly shape began outlining in the fabric of reality, a decision was made as well.

„This is it! This has to stop now!", the Inquisitor said. „Vivienne!"

The First Enchanter didn't need to be asked twice. Letting go of the doorframe and balancing her body elegantly in the magical weightlessness, she held up both her hands, which immediately began to shine in a bright green light and threw out a wide pattern of magical energy that seemed to engulf the levitating sleepers like a fisher's net.

—

„Quickly, strap yourself in!", Saga shouted over the drone.

It took her only seconds to program the computers to reverse thrust and another few to strap herself into one of the gimbal mounted seats that would protect them from being tossed around the room once gravity would shift when the ship flipped itself around and fired its engines in the opposite direction.

When the ship executed her commands, she was pressed firmly into the seat. As the ship fell closer to the event horizon of the black hole, where gravity was so strong not even light could escape it, she became heavier and heavier until she couldn't move a limb.

Her blood froze when she saw her mother stand right next to her. With a calm smile, she looked down on Saga.

„Thank you, elska. I couldn't have done a better job myself", she said and bowed down to kiss Saga's forehead. A tangy ozone smell was on her breath. When Saga remembered where she knew that smell from, it was too late. In terror and helplessness, she watched her mother's smile widen. And widen. And widen until the corners of her mouth split open and continued to tear through her face to reveal rows and rows of sharp teeth. Madness threatened her with a blackout, but that kind of peace was not granted to Saga's mind. Gravity pushing down on her ribcage and taking her breath, she was forced to watch the face of her mother disintegrate into a mass of bloody shreds of flesh. Yet, she would not die. Wet gurgling sounds escaped her throat, while the immense pressures started to make the ship's hull buckle. Electric explosions let sparks rain down on Saga. The ship was disintegrating. They were being sucked into the black hole. They would all die. Her mother's voice distorted into a low growl that was barely recognizable as human anymore.

„My elska, my elska… look what you've done in your _pride…"_

And with that last word, the demon fully shed her mother's skin.

—

As soon as the magical glow surrounded their whole bodies, Vivienne made a forceful yanking motion with her fists, as if brutally pulling at a leash around Solas and Saga.

With a soul-wrenching howl of pain, they both resurfaced into the waking world. Solas fell on the stone floor, his whole body shaking as he tried to put himself up on his hands and knees. He spat out blood. Saga landed on the bed and coiled up into an embryonic position, trembling and whimpering as if afflicted by horrible cramps.

Cassandra shivered. „Maker have mercy…"

The Inquisitor raised his arm to the Rift and used the Anchor on it. A ray of green Fade energy shot out of his hand and connected with the cackling tear in the Veil. Energy built up with a howl that grew louder and louder until the Rift closed with a loud bang like a thrown door. In the same instance, the Fade energy, the opening Rift, the noise, the faint images, it was all gone. As if it had never been there.

There was but one sound that filled the silence. The uncontrollable sobs of mourning that rang louder than all the Fade chaos before. Solas had managed to straighten up. He went back to Saga as quickly as he could, and took her shivering body into his arms. She pressed herself against him seeking his warmth, the age old reflex of any being in the face of death.

„It was a lie!", she cried. „She was a lie!"

„It's alright, Saga, you're awake. You're safe."

As she pressed her face against his shoulder, he held her tight and stroked her hair with a trembling hand. His heart was racing, his thoughts tumbling, his body shaking with physical, mental and emotional exertion.

„I'm sorry", he whispered and swallowed hard as a lump formed in his throat.

The others just stood there, breathless and wide-eyed.

In the stunned silence, the waking sleepers held each other, bonded by memory.

* * *

Disclaimer:

 _Lilac and Gooseberries_ is a nod to The Witcher series (Yennefer of Vengerberg).


	31. Awakenings

The silence was thick, thundering. It left a stale taste in Saga's mouth, like the words she had just spoken were covered with the ashes of the dead.

They were all still in her room. Saga and Solas were sitting on the bed next to each other, exhaustion lining their faces. The Fadewalk had drained their energy emotionally and physically and the forceful end of it brought upon them by Vivienne's magic had added to their strain. It was as if ages had passed.

Varric sat on a chair across from Saga and gave her a cold, damp cloth with which to wipe her sweaty brow. She took it with a weak thanks, but her arms were too heavy to lift it. The invisible burden of memory weighed down on her shoulders like a boulder. Now that she had reclaimed it, a part of her wished she could pause from it and forget again for a while. All she wanted was to curl up and drift away into a dreamless, empty sleep. Solas didn't feel much better. She could still feel echoes of their emotional connection. In a way, his mind had been buried even deeper in the Fade than hers. His had been ripped not only out of the Fade, but out of her mind as well. Another layer he had been pulled through by Vivienne's spell that had dragged them violently back into consciousness. Still, they could count themselves lucky nothing worse had happened.

Cassandra, Dorian and the Inquisitor stood around them. Vivienne kept her distance. Gracefully as always and as if nothing could ever shake her otherworldly composure, she leaned against the door and eyed them, her face an unreadable sculpture of sharp angles and beautiful lines.

„Fifty thousand…", Cassandra whispered, wide-eyed. „…of almost ten _billion_?"

Saga felt her last reserves waning. The Inquisitor hadn't allowed them a moment of respite, had demanded immediate answers, regardless of what terrible shape Saga and Solas were in. So she had told them what memories the Fadewalk had brought forth. Now, she was spent. Saga swayed on the edge of the bed.

It took all her remaining strength to speak.

„You see, Inquisitor…", a heavy breath. The almost impossible effort to raise her head, „…you have nothing to fear from us. We're dying out."

The words were made of rusty metal and cut painfully into her throat. She winced and coughed. Varric got up to get her a cup of water. The shards of the glasses that had been shattered before crunched under his feet.

„Is this true?", the Inquisitor asked Solas. His sternness had softened, his anger relented in the face of a tale of immense destruction and death. After all, he was trying to prevent a catastrophe of similar magnitude befalling Thedas in his fight against Corypheus. Even he could empathize to some extent. „A Rift has formed as a door into yet another reality on the other side of the Fade? And her people, these… Terrans… sent Saga to it to determine whether it could serve as a means of escape from their own demise?"

Solas nodded weakly.

„Yes", he said. His velvet voice was cracked and rough. „I saw their downfall with my own eyes. There is nothing left of their civilization but ruins. Their world cannot sustain them any longer. If those remaining few want a chance at survival, they need to leave. Believe me, Inquisitor, they are in no shape to be a threat."

„What, are they coming _here_?", the Inquisitor asked, alarmed.

Solas denied this. „I've seen the immense effort and complexity it took them to send even a single ship to the Rift." His eyes darted to Saga's hunched form, a compassionate expression on his face. „I doubt they are able to come here."

Cassandra was worried about something else. „But she talked of a disease. Could she have brought it with her?"

Saga shook her head, but didn't look up. Sleep beckoned her. All she wanted was to lie down again. „I'm not infected… If I was I'd… be long dead by now."

Like a biting cold wind, Vivienne's voice cut through the haze of fatigue that clouded her mind, „You do realize, Inquisitor, that it was a demon that brought her here. It told her where to steer her ship, and she obeyed it, presumably killing her comrades in the process."

The Inquisitor bristled at her patronizing tone, „I do realize that, thank you First Enchanter. Well. Not everyone can claim to be guided through the Fade by Andraste herself, now, can they?"

But the implications of her question hung in the air. Saga was too tired to refute them.

„She had no way of knowing the image of her mother she saw was a demon", Dorian came to her aid. „They have no magic! As ridiculous as that may sound. Nothing in the world could have prepared her for that. She was easy prey. I see no need to assume she somehow had a common cause with the demon, especially since it revealed itself to her. But I do wonder how she survived and made her way out of the Fade."

„Indeed", Cassandra said. „You still don't remember that?"

Saga had difficulties stringing her thoughts together. Too many questions. Her head was spinning. She was starting to fade in and out of consciousness, her sensory impressions flickering on and off.

„Nnnh… no…", she managed to get out, her speech slurred.

She slanted forward and was caught by Varric.

„Woah! I think we should let them rest for a bit", he said, grappling with the full weight of her upper body. „Uh… Chuckles? A hand?"

Varric pushed Saga back into a semi-upright position so Solas could put his arm around her shoulders. She immediately sank against him, eyes fluttering.

„The procedure was exhausting for all of us, Inquisitor", Solas said. „I understand you have questions. Maybe we can continue this in a few hours. Saga should be better able to provide the answers you need then."

Seeing that Saga was basically in and out of consciousness, the Inquisitor had no other choice but to agree. They left Saga's room.

When they were finally alone, Solas carefully let Saga sink down again and lifted her legs back onto the bed to make her more comfortable. He was just about to leave for his own place in the Rotunda when Saga held him by the hand, her grip surprisingly tight considering her exhaustion.

„S… stay…", she murmured with her eyes closed, her voice so weak it was barely more than a whisper. Solas hesitated. He could still feel her in his mind, the afterglow of the joining, feel the hunger pangs of a sad and lonely creature longing for true communion with another being. He found it was indistinguishable from his own heart's desire. It frightened him. But the warmth of her hand on his, the realness of her soft skin, promised shelter from his deepest fears. And he, too, was tired. So tired…

Solas gave in to her wish, admitting to himself he didn't just do it for her sake, but also because deep down, he had wanted to stay from the beginning, had hoped she would ask him to. He lay down next to her. Already half-asleep, she stirred and nestled up against his body like a puzzle piece that had finally found its place. There was an impulse to shy away from her closeness, but he stayed to explore what it felt like.

It felt _right_. He permitted himself to relax and put his arm around her. Her breath, slow and steady now as she drifted away, brushed softly against his knuckles. He closed his eyes and soon, a dark and dreamless sleep claimed him.

The sounds of castle life wafted in through the open window, yet sounded surreal as if coming from far away. Even the smells of smoke and horses, normally strong and pungent, were muted.

As Saga sat on the edge of the bed, her limbs felt unnaturally long and stretched out as if someone had put her on an invisible rack. All her perceptions were warped, like she had taken a step to the side of reality and looked upon it from the other side of a one-way mirror. Not quite a resident neither of her body nor of the world, she was unsure whether she was indeed awake. She looked down at her hands. Were they truly her hands or only simulations of her mind? Was she sitting on this bed here? Or lying on a different bed elsewhere, still dreaming?

 _Please let me be dreaming._

Which one was real? The world she found herself in right now or the one she remembered? Both were equally unreal to her mind right now. The horrific howl of the machines trying to make the air breathable for their masters. The terror of the war drones firing their weapons. Ash falling from a clear sky like magical snow. Death creeping closer over mountains of decaying bodies big and small, eating its way through flora and fauna, consuming life like fuel and growing into the ultimate Nothing.

Were they true memories after all? Or had it all been just a bizarre nightmare?

She heard the rustle of clothing behind her, but didn't move to turn around. Her senses picked up the sound, but her mind didn't know what to do with it. Why react to something that wasn't real anyway?

„Saga?"

That voice…

Steps were approaching. When Solas came around and knelt before her, the orientation reflex made her eyes move towards him. The light he reflected hit her retina and travelled along her optic nerve, slipping through the skull, and delivered what she saw to her brain for the analyst to make sense of. Solas was worried. The analyst knew this not only from the alerted look on his face but from a strange jitter in her gut that hadn't been there before. It didn't belong to her. It was a contaminant.

„Listen to me, Lethallan", he said. Saga's ears picked up the sound waves his mouth produced and her nervous system translated them into bioelectrical signals that travelled to her auditory cortex, where they withered away.

„Your mind is in turmoil. As I have feared, Vivienne's spell has almost torn it asunder. You are in-between. I can help you back."

Saga didn't move, didn't speak. A mere passenger in this husk of water and carbon, she looked out through its windows and saw the being labelled Solas move his hands to her face. The world became painfully bright for a moment and then, slowly, her limbs became shorter until they were her size. The sounds and smells grew louder and stronger until they were right here. Her mind began to mend as reality became real again. It was like surfacing from a daydream that had overlapped the real world. Solas carefully touched her arm. She regained consciousness of her body's boundaries, the thin barrier between the in and out, the I and the other. Saga blinked, then audibly sucked in the air and looked at him.

When her gaze connected with his and he was certain she was indeed focusing on him, Solas smiled at her.

„There you are."

But her mental boundaries had become porose, permeable. There was a silent sigh of gladness in her lungs that she hadn't breathed herself.

Saga regarded him as if for the first time and marveled at his alien features. How remarkable this man was, this elf, this mage. His mere existence would have started a revolution on her world. But her world, or whatever was left of it, knew nothing of him, so the only revolution he caused was within her. Slowly, she raised a hand and touched his face. The foreign breath caught in her throat as Solas's smile froze and a horrified, yet oddly pleading look appeared on his face. But he didn't flinch, didn't move away as she let her fingers travel along his jawline to his ears, and when she trailed his elongate cornea, his face relaxed and a pleasant tingle bloomed in her belly right when he softly moved his head into her hand.

It was snatched painfully from her as shame and guilt that weren't hers made her stomach cramp up like a kick in the gut. Solas jerked away from her and stood.

„The feedback-loop is still partially in effect", he said, hastily adding, „This should not have happened. I… I apologize for this intrusion."

Her heart jumped, whether because she was surprised or he was, she couldn't distinguish. Daring to speak, in fact feeling the need to for the first time since she had awoken just now, she asked, „Is it because of what Vivienne did?" The sound of her own voice grounded her more in reality.

„Presumably." Anger raised his voice. „I have warned against waking us by force, but they obviously disregarded that. We can count ourselves lucky nothing worse happened."

Saga watched like a spectator as her own heart started beating faster seemingly out of nowhere. Her body reacted strongly to his emotions. Solas noticed her confusion and calmed himself with a deliberate effort. The entanglement was weaker than before, but it was familiar after experiencing the Fadewalk together.

„I'm sorry. The feedback loop will fade on its own unless it is renewed. But should you wish to hasten the process, keeping physical distance between us would be advisable."

Without hesitation, she said, „I'm not uncomfortable with it."

Her words hung in the air for a few heartbeats as Solas pondered the message between the lines.

„Then I am glad…", he finally said, inclining his head in something like a bow of thanks for her consent, „…I won't have to come up with a magic spell to always know your position in order to avoid your company."

A glitter in his eyes accompanied his soft smile, behind which she could feel the carefully guarded echoes of relief. He was indeed glad she didn't hold this unforeseen entanglement against him, permitted it even. Saga felt tension leave her muscles she hadn't even noticed until it was gone.

„Or you could have just worn a bell around your neck", she replied with a grin.

Solas couldn't stop himself from grinning at that. „As I see your sense of humor is alive and well, I conclude you've recuperated enough to go see the Inquisitor with me?"

Saga chuckled. „Yeah, come on. Better get this over with sooner rather than later."


	32. Learning from History

When the Inquisitor signified to her with a gesture to join them at the War Table, Saga realized that her role in the Inquisition had changed. The days of standing before them like a supplicant were officially over. Saga assumed her place at the table. Solas was allowed to join them as well. The room was bathed in soft, colorful light than shone through the tinted glass windows surrounding the table, lending it a sacral air. Standing in a circle around the large map of Thedas now, they discussed how to proceed.

„Well, Saga… I've put up with an immense amount of bullshit." He shook his head and grinned humorlessly as if astonished by his own decisions so far. „Now it's time to hold up your part of the bargain. You have almost fully reclaimed your memory. What of it can you use to support the Inquisition against Corypheus?"

Saga's thoughts were racing. How much of an advantage should she give them? What was possible given the technological constraints of this world? What implications were there if the Inquisitor retained some technology after Corypheus would be defeated? What would he do with it? What if she was enabling a future tyrant?

„Corypheus has powerful magical abilities, correct?", Saga asked.

„Yes, they're considerable", Cullen answered. „We assume that he is a hybrid creature, part ancient Tevinter Magister and part Darkspawn and speaks with the power of the Blight. He commands a Dragon, which we believe is an Old God corrupted by the Blight, and uses its powers to effectively become immortal."

The Blight again. Saga remembered that Varric and Solas had mentioned it all that time ago in the tavern, when she had had no clue about herself or her surroundings yet. There was so much more she had wanted to know, so many things that were more pressing to her that she had failed to learn more about it. Now, that oversight came back to bite her, as she didn't understand a word of what Cullen had just said.

 _Time to do your homework._

„Slow down. If I'm supposed to help you, I need understand what we're up against. You said he's a Tevinter Magister and a Darkspawn. Let's start with that. What's a Darkspawn?", Saga asked.

Leliana's hood rustled as she shook her head. „You cannot understand the Darkspawn without knowing about the Blight and how it came to be."

„Alright", Saga said. „Explain it to me, please. I've got some history to catch up on."

Leliana glanced over to the Inquisitor who nodded his approval at her to tell Saga the broad strokes.

„The holy book of the Chantry, the Chant of Light, teaches that the first Blight beset Thedas more than fourteen hundred years ago and originated in the Tevinter Imperium. Back then, the people of Tevinter worshipped the Old Gods. We don't know much about them, save that they're said to have taken on the form of dragons. Each of the seven Old Gods had a High Priest among the humans. They were all mages, called the Magisters Sidereal. The most powerful of the Old Gods, Dumat, whispered promises of abundant lordship and godlike power to his High Priest, if he found a way to enter the Golden City in the Fade. So he convinced the other High Priests to perform a blood magic ritual to storm the Golden City, seat of our God, the Maker."

While she listened, Saga grew restless, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Religious accounts from a holy book weren't the first place she'd have looked for an explanation. However, she knew that the Chantry as a religious institution wielded considerable reach and political power. They could influence how history was perceived, mold public opinion. They could virtually dictate what events meant and frame what was considered the _truth_. So maybe Saga didn't really gain any useful knowledge about the Blight itself. But she did gain knowledge about how the world of Thedas worked, how its people reasoned. And maybe one or two useful hints were hidden away in this magic tale after all.

„The ritual required two thirds of the Imperium's lyrium stock and the blood sacrifice of hundreds of Elven slaves. But the Magisters were successful. As the first humans ever, they tore open the Veil and physically strode into the Fade to claim the Golden City and their reward from Dumat. But when they entered the seat of the Maker, they tainted the Golden City with their greed and corruption and made it turn black. Disappointed by their ready betrayal and weak will, the Maker cast the Magisters Sidereal out of the Fade into the Deep Roads beneath the earth as the first of the Darkspawn. The Blight is his punishment for Tevinter's transgression."

Josephine added, „Naturally, Tevinter denies this version of events completely. They claim that the Darkspawn would have attacked regardless and that the first coming of the Blight and the Magisters entering the Fade were two unrelated events."

That wasn't surprising. Nobody wants to be responsible for ruining Paradise and bringing the wrath of God over the whole world. A desperate attempt to understand inexplicable phenomena, no doubt. Just like the people of Terra had believed the Black Death to be God's curse. And in both worlds, Terra and Thedas alike, religious leaders knew just how to exploit people's fears of the unknown. Saga kept her opinion to herself, not wanting to alienate anyone. But this whole story didn't sit right with her. This was a heavily distorted account, influenced by who knows what kind of political agendas. And it simply entailed too much… _magic_ for her liking. She'd need to decode all that later.

„Alright, so there is disagreement about how exactly the Blight came into the world", Saga said. „Some believe it's a divine punishment for sacrilege, others believe it's… just a bad thing that simply happened?"

Leliana nodded. „It appears so. What we do know is that the First Blight was limited to the Deep Roads at the beginning. It destroyed the old Dwarven Kingdom. After fifteen years, it spread to the surface in Tevinter."

Saga frowned. This was getting her nowhere. „But what exactly _is it_?"

„It is that which taints everything it touches, turning all creatures that digest Darkspawn blood into more of them or killing them right away."

„Hm… like a bacterial infection or a virus", Saga murmured more to herself than out loud.

„A what?" Cullen asked.

Saga almost bit her tongue, but it was too late. She hadn't even thought of how far the medical sciences had advanced here. Which wasn't that far beyond the superstitious. She had watched the healers and doctors in Skyhold's sick bay perform chants, bloodletting, use leeches…. And of course, mend flesh and bone by magic. Neither the doctors nor the healers here had any real idea what they were doing. But _they_ didn't know that.

„Uh… those are…" Saga stuttered, unsure of how much she should tell them. „…Terran words for when the… uh… humors are out of balance."

That seemed to mollify the others. Inwardly, Saga breathed a sigh of relief. She glanced over to Solas, who gave her a telling look. He must have felt her nervousness and knew about the advanced level of progress in her world. She needed to be careful not to upset the natural course of cultural development too much and only when absolutely necessary.

„But the Blight is also more than a disease", Leliana went on. „It is what happens when Darkspawn find and corrupt one of the Old Gods of Tevinter who lie dormant, deep within the Deep Roads and turn it into an Archdemon. A powerful corrupted Dragon that cannot be killed by normal means and that controls the mindless Darkspawn horde to do its bidding. Only the Grey Wardens are capable of truly killing an Archdemon."

 _Dragons_. Saga wondered what those creatures, if they were alive at all, actually were. Surely, Thedosians would have called a Terran tactical aircraft a dragon as well…

„Why? What's so special about the Grey Wardens?" Saga asked.

„The Grey Wardens gain their power from drinking Darkspawn blood. It imbues them with superior strength and stamina and enables them to hear the call of the Darkspawn horde. They can sense Darkspawn, seek them out and kill them."

So they deliberately infected themselves with the Blight disease. „But…", Saga interrupted, „… you just said earlier that ingesting Darkspawn fluids would either kill or turn a person into one of them."

„Yes", Leliana said. „Many who take the ritual do not survive it. And those who do know that they are damned. Their bodies will decay and they will turn into Darkspawn, but it happens much slower. The years they retain they spend fighting the Darkspawn. Once a Grey Warden nears the end of their life, they begin to hear the Calling in their minds. It is the song of the Darkspawn, beckoning them. They return to the Deep Roads to meet death in a final battle against the Darkspawn horde."

Saga shuddered. „Who in their right minds would voluntarily agree to that?"

Cullen answered, „Warden recruits don't always get the chance to say no. You have to understand that when a Blight is upon the land, it is a matter of life and death for all of us, for the whole world! The Grey Wardens were formed almost ninety years after the First Blight began. It was due to their courage and sacrifice the first Blight ended after almost two hundred years."

Saga could empathize with that. Her own people had thrown one or two moral principles overboard when faced with extinction. She pushed those dark thoughts away and concentrated on her immediate surroundings.

„The Wardens made sure to turn their legend into power", the Inquisitor said. „They negotiated treaties with all nations of Thedas that included a right of conscription. So they'd have enough men among their ranks to fight the Darkspawn again, should they ever return."

„Which they did", Leliana said. „Four more times, Thedas was plagued by a Blight. Each and every one claiming thousands of lives. I myself fought alongside the brave Grey Warden that killed the last Archdemon. Without the Grey Wardens, Thedas is helpless against the corruption of the Blight."

Saga took a moment to think through what she had just heard. There were recurrent instances of a plague-like disease that apparently caused the infected to mutate into those Darkspawn beings, who could be mind-controlled by a superior life form with an evil agenda. Tevinter used to worship those other lifeforms, of which in the past there had been seven, as Gods. Which was obvious bullshit, because Gods shouldn't be able to be killed. And five of them had been. Means that two remained. Two more Blights to survive.

„Ok, I understand why you need the Grey Wardens. And I guess you need some of those to kill Corypheus, because you hypothesize that he is at least part Darkspawn and is in league with an Archdemon, right? A, uh… an Old God that has been infected with the Blight?"

„Close enough", Cullen said. „But there is a problem."

„The Grey Wardens have been disappearing all over Thedas", the Inquisitor said. "I don't think I'll have to explain to you why this has us nervous. We don't know where they've gone, but there is someone who claims she can help us. Her name is Marian Hawke. Also known as the Champion of Kirkwall. She claims she has a lead to the Grey Wardens. We're supposed to meet her in Crestwood."

„May I accompany you?", Saga asked.

The Inquisitor nodded. „I intend to leave the day after tomorrow. But back to my original question, Saga. Has anything you have heard so far given you any ideas as to how to help us?"

Saga thought about it for a moment. „Well, I'm not a doctor. I won't be able to create a cure for the Blight or produce an inoculation. My skillset demands a different angle. I don't have anything specific yet. But thanks to the Fadewalk, I think I got a theory about the underlying physical principles of magic. I may be able to… replicate magical effects and find a way to neutralize them. If my assumptions are correct, I might be able to build a device for you that either prohibits Corypheus from using his magical abilities or protects you from their effects."

„This may prove more difficult than you would think", Cassandra said. „Magic does not obey the laws of the natural world."

Saga grinned at that, „Well, at least not the ones you know about, no."

The Inquisitor grunted impatiently, „Come on, Saga, you're almost as cryptic as Solas. Speak plainly. Please."

Solas didn't validate that jab at him with a response. Still, Saga noticed that the Inquisitor was a lot less hostile and distrustful than usual. He was sniffing the alluring scent of power, no doubt.

„It's incredibly complicated and counterintuitive, so I won't go into the details here, but the gist of it is that my people have discovered a set of natural laws that allow for the existence of phenomena you call magic. I might be able to apply that knowledge practically. I'm thinking about something sort of like a dampening field or a dispelling shield."

Through the feedback loop, Saga could feel Solas tense. Her proposal alarmed him, and she understood his concerns. Giving the Inquisitor the means to protect himself from or actively negate magic in a non-magical manner could shift the balance of power between mages and non-mages considerably to the mages' disadvantage.

Saga knew this, and she also knew a way to counteract this.

„I would need to do further research to determine whether an offensive or defensive approach is more feasible. Whether it's possible at all. In any case, the first step is, I need access to my Tool."

Much to her surprise, the Inquisitor agreed without further ado and closed the session.

As soon as they had left the War Room, Solas strode past her and threw two words at her in sparse staccato: „A word."

Saga had an idea what this would be about. She had noticed the look he had shot her when she had suggested to the Inquisitor to build a magic-negating device for him.

„What is it?", she asked nonetheless.

„Not here."

She followed him out of the main hall and through the main gate of Skyhold. Saga didn't ask him again. He'd talk on his own terms. When Solas seemed sure nobody would be around to overhear their conversation, he stopped and turned around to face her. Anger carved grim creases into his face.

„You cannot be serious about giving him that kind of power! Do you have any idea what that would mean to the mages?"

He rarely raised his voice, but now he was insistent. Saga understood his outrage. She had her doubts herself if Ragnar would just step down from his throne once Corypheus had been defeated. _If he was ever defeated_. He didn't seem like the type to give up power once he'd had a taste of it.

„Solas…—"

„He would crush them! He would make them wish they were in a Circle!" He started pacing in front of her.

„Solas!"

„He already believes himself to be a Demi-God!" Solas shook his head, exasperated. „With a device like that—…"

„Solas, would you shut up for a second?!"

Her harsh reply stunned him long enough for her to grab his hand and place it firmly on her chest. He was too surprised to withdraw it.

„Do you feel this?", she asked, pressing his hand firmly on her ribcage, right above her heart. Its warmth seeped through the fabric of her tunic. „Do you?"

Saga tried to concentrate on her own feelings as if to purify them, to help him get a clear message. That she understood his fears. That in some way, she had lived them herself, being chased by religious zealots for what she was, for her abilities and convictions. That she'd been hurt immeasurably by the dark side of science and would never let the fruits of it hurt anybody ever again. That he needn't be afraid she'd betray him, or any other mage.

In the flicker of his eyes she saw his anger wane. His features softened and the rage turned into a different kind of tension. He looked… _sad_. Solas swallowed hard.

„…Yes…", he whispered.

„Do you detect even a hint of ill will, of deception?"

He couldn't. _Then why does his hurt linger_? It rippled through her belly like the echoes of a stone thrown to disturb the tacit waters of his mind. _How deep does that well go_ , she wondered…

„If you're having a hard time believing my words, then believe _this_."

She felt his hand relax under her fingers. The sorrow withdrew from her. Whether he truly let it go or actively hid it, she couldn't decide.

„I know what the Inquisitor's capable of, I know Vivienne is constantly whispering poison in his ear and he's eager to believe it. I promise you, I won't give him any advantage over the mages. I have a plan." Saga licked her lips. Fear made the air taste funny. What if he'd disagree? Push her away? A shadow hushed across his face as he felt her unease through the feedback loop. She loosened her grip on his hand. He let it linger for a second before withdrawing it. Saga took heart.

„But you have to promise me you won't tell anyone about it."

Solas looked at her pensively for a moment, but made up his mind quickly.

„Alright. I promise."

 _I trust you._

She felt rather than heard the words he did not utter, but were transmitted to her in the form of a visceral warmth that flooded her veins. She relaxed. Something told her that if anyone was able to keep a secret, it would be him.

„I have an idea for a device. I don't even know if it's going to work yet, and I'll definitely need your help to build it. And I'm going to rig it to self-destruct once it's been used against Corypheus. I've seen the terrible consequences of science used against other people. I don't intend to let these mistakes repeat themselves here. Once Ragnar has used it, it will destroy itself."

The other heart's relief mixed with her own to form into a warm wave of relaxation that made her sigh. He believed her. And he'd—

„I agree", Solas said.

Saga let out a chuckle. Did he just finish her thought? Or did she know he'd agree because she had _felt_ it before?

„I will help you. But I must advise caution. Giving Ragnar a device so powerful and hoping it will destroy itself once he'd used it… you need to make _sure_. If your plan fails, the consequences could quite possibly be disastrous."

There was an almost panicky shimmer in his eyes. The prospect truly frightened him. How disconcerting to see him, who was not easily shaken, so vulnerable. Saga got it. If it had been the other way around, if someone had proposed to give an ally of the Church of Renewal an equivalent advantage, she'd be scared something could go wrong, too. She felt the urge to reassure him. If anything happened to Solas because of her, she'd never forgive herself. Not after everything he had risked to help her. Not after everything he must have endured already before she'd arrived, in a world so hostile towards not only Elves but mages as well, and he was both. No. She'd do everything in her power to do right by him.

„If I am anything less than a hundred percent sure it is going to work, I won't do it", she said. „This Corypheus needs to be defeated and I have the power to help. But if my help meant enabling another tyrant, then what good would it be?"

He nodded.

„What do you have in mind?"

„It's nothing concrete yet. First, I'll need to analyze the data stored on the Tool. Maybe my ideas die right then and there and we're going to have made a fuss about nothing. But I have a feeling I'm on the right track. Come find me in my lab tonight. I'll be able to say more then."


	33. Manhattan 2,0

Finally.

In her workshop, Saga held the Tool in her hands like a precious gem, a symbol of her will and focus, her desperation and her only hope.

The feeling was surreal, strange. She had lost it two times already and both of those times she had thought she'd never get it back. Losing it was the same as losing hope of finding a way home. Having it meant she still had a chance. And not only that. The Tool gave her a sense of control, of power, of being elevated even. It was the most powerful information processing device on this planet, after all, and it was _hers_. It enabled her to know more than anyone else. To triumph over the magical non-explanations of the Veil, the Fade and demons, to expose them as superstitious prodding at the darkness of ignorance. All those important scholars of this world, the magisters and enchanters with their big dusty tomes looked like clueless children through the lens of the Tool.

She winced when she recognized the feeling as the exact kind of toxic pride that had led her to destroy the Kairos and presumably kill her crew when she had steered it into the Rift. The painful truth was that she had fallen prey to a demon baiting her with the promise of becoming a hero.

Her fingers caressing the cool surface of the Tool, the high-pitched note returned, her old friend guiding her to the truth. As she trailed the edges of the Tool, the sound grew slowly louder, like a singing glass. Her throat tightened with shame and guilt. Ever since that dreadful day all those years ago, when she had to watch her mother die in a fiery explosion in the sky, she had hidden away in the most secret nooks of her soul how much she had craved a second chance. Had locked away her sadness under the pretense of needing to avenge her death and needing all her wits about. She had fooled herself into believing that she was strong, that her mother's death had made her stronger. That bringing the mission her mother had died for to a close would heal her, would make it all better. Saga had told herself and others that story so many times that she had lost connection with what her true desires had been. Because if she was honest with herself, they weren't as selfless and noble as she would have liked to believe.

And the demon had seen right through her self-delusions, right down to what her selfish, prideful heart had truly wanted.

To show everyone they had been wrong. To make science triumph over death at her hands.

To see her mother again. Hear her say that she did good. That she was proud of her.

Saga swallowed hard. The truth was harsh and humbling, but she needed to feel it. The truth was, she had been utterly unprepared for what they had encountered at the Rift. _She_ had been the clueless one then, she had been the clueless one yesterday. And her ignorance had made her vulnerable to the demonic presences. A trained mage would have become suspicious immediately when their heart's deepest desire had suddenly appeared before their eyes and promised an easy way out, told them to _just trust me_. But she had simply given in and desperately, greedily grabbed it.

In the end, she had paid the price for her selfishness.

She had been fooled and what had happened to the Kairos and her crew was her fault. There was no point in denial or self-pity. She had effectively sabotaged the Kairos by turning off the self-preservation subroutines and forced the ship to make a suicide run into the Rift. Nobody, not even the demon, _made_ her do it. She decided all that and denied her colleagues a say in their own fate. She wasn't better than anyone else. In fact, in that instance, with a demon in disguise dangling a delicious fruit before her eyes, she had probably been worse than many.

Be that as it may, she still had no other choice than to act as if she was the only chance of humanity's survival. The least she could do now was bring her mother's mission to a happy ending after all. In any case, she felt she couldn't give up now.

Once she had realized all of this, the high-pitched glass note grew fainter until it disappeared. It had done its job, once again.

Saga shook herself and sniffled.

She switched on the Tool and went through the menu to find the password protected data cache. Her fingers hovered over the touch screen. What would she discover?

She fought down her apprehension. She had to verify whether what she had seen in the Fadewalk had been accurate. Her jittery nerves made her fingers tremble slightly as she put in the password.

The Tool accepted her input and displayed the cache's contents.

There were several named folders. _Scan, Images, Projects._ And _Lala._

Saga frowned. _Lala?_ She didn't remember that. Intrigued, she opened it — and recovered a treasure. She smiled broadly at the orderly sorted subfolders of interpreters, genres and albums. Of course she'd never have gone on a multi-year space mission without her music collection! Her inability to recall what she had stored on it made for an uncanny experience while browsing through it. Each new interpret gave her a pleasant jolt of surprised recognition and giddy anticipation. In the end, she settled for some good old fashioned prog rock. She tapped the icon of the folder that said _Opeth_ , then picked the album _Sorceress_. She grinned to herself at the irony of her choice. Saga closed her eyes and listened.

 _On a wind that sails in through the morning_

 _I have cut the harness off of my heart_

 _On a tide that strides in with the dawning_

 _I have found I belong inside the dark_

One of her favorite songs on the whole album. She smiled as the music touched her and let out a chuckle when she remembered this about herself. Music had always heightened her senses, her concentration and her emotional experiences. Everything could be made better with music. Only now did she realize how much she had missed it here. The only place where you could listen to music in Skyhold was the tavern, and there was only the bard with her guitar or harp. Her music and voice were beautiful, no doubt. But it was missing some double bass drums and distortion. Imbued with new courage by the music, she opened the folder that said _scan_ , in the hopes it had recorded something of the… incident. A scary thought pressed against her spine and tensed her shoulders, but she wouldn't let it take form. During the Fadewalk, the Kairos's computer had warned the crew of Hawking radiation, which is only emitted by black holes. But the Fade was a sole reflection of her subjective _memory_ of events, not objective reality. It was just as probable that what she had seen in the Fade had just been a twisted figment of her imagination. She figured that her _mind_ might have been affected, but her suit's actual scanner, a piece of tech that had been running when the Kairos had entered the Rift, would have recorded events as they had truly occurred.

Inside the folder there was a number of data files sorted by temporal order. She picked out one she thought fell into the correct timeframe. When she opened it, the Tool automatically chose the program for raw data processing. Without having to think about it, because she now remembered she had done this uncountable times already, she put in the commands that made it spit out the radiation spectra.

When she looked at the graphs and numbers, the muscles in her back tightened until her neck felt rock hard. Her stomach spasmed so abruptly her hand flinched to her belly.

The last desperate attempts at denial were as weak as the whisper that escaped her.

„ _No_ …"

No matter how good your assumptions felt. If they contradicted experiment, they were wrong. The numbers told her the vision had been true. It had indeed been a black hole. The fear she had tried to suppress became certainty with painful suddenness, and grief broke through with loud, wet sobs that shook her to the core. The shock drowned out the music. It was all irrevocably lost. All her efforts had been in vain, her hopes of returning home pointless. Saga stared at the cold hard facts and cried.

The Kairos had approached a black hole, maybe even entered it, although Saga's mind was unable to fathom how that should have been possible without crushing the ship. Whether they had actually entered it or not was in the end a futile question. They had gotten close enough to make time dilation an issue. The gravitational forces around a black hole were so immense that time started to slow down the closer you got to it. Nobody knew what happened to time _inside_ a black hole. Did it stop? Did it start to run backwards? But considering how close the Kairos had gotten to the event horizon, considering the numbers that stared her down, hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of years must have passed on Terra during the minutes they had spent there.

Everyone on Terra had already been dead for an eternity when Saga had awoken in Skyhold for the first time.

Her sobs grew quieter and her breathing more even when a heavy emptiness settled in her chest. She looked around in her messy workshop. Was this to become her new home? A medieval world in the grips of one bloody war after the next, where an organization called _the Inquisition_ was considered to be the _good guys_? Where freedom of thought was centuries away and the best fate she could picture for herself was to remain useful enough for a superstitious, narcissistic tyrant with a God complex so that he didn't publicly accuse her of apostasy and throw her to the Chantry wolves? She shivered.

There had to be something she could do. Maybe there was still a way. She wouldn't accept the conclusion that everything had been in vain. She still didn't remember what had happened after she had steered the ship into the Rift. There was magic involved, quantum physics, anything could be _possible_! In any case, doing something was better than doing nothing. Saga tried to concentrate on what she didn't know. She had survived, so maybe the rest of the Dragon crew had, too? Maybe even the Kairos was still intact somewhere? It could have crashed somewhere on Thedas or still be lodged in the Fade. It was a possibility — her being alive was proof enough — and she needed to verify it. She took a deep breath and again flicked through the data sets in the Tool. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to have recorded anything between when the Kairos had entered the Rift, or rather, the black hole, and when she had turned it on a couple of weeks back before their expedition to the Exalted Plains. _How convenient._ She scrolled to the files that corresponded to the expedition dates, picked out the data she had gathered of the lava eyes rage demon and put them through the analyzer. Repeated that for the data she had recorded when they had found Solas's friend and when they had encountered the Rift she had ultimately touched.

Saga pushed back the question of whether or not there was ultimately any sense to her efforts and decided she could at least use whatever data the Tool had collected to learn something. To distract herself from the crushing realization of her absolute failure. She worked for several hours. Progress was slow. Her Tool had only so much processing power and software options. But one by one, she was able to test her assumptions against the data.

And confirm them in the most astounding ways.

She rummaged through the dusty drawers in her brain that stored her university physics classes and picked out the Inflationary Universe Interpretation, which allowed for the existence of an infinite number of separate _bubble universes_ with different sets of physical laws. She might have been right. The Fade and the real world seemed to be two different universes that had become _entangled_ with each other through the Veil. The Fade's laws, its whole existence was ridiculouslyimplausible. But there it was. An infinite number of universes meant that anything was possible, irrespective of probability. No wonder Cole had muttered about _making things more real_ when he spoke of Solas's spirit friend being lodged in the _more plausible_ , the _real_ world _._ The inhabitants of Thedas were all inextricably linked to this reality, they were part of it. So, they were entangled with the other reality, the Fade. All of them were, mages or not, through their dreams or rather more precisely, through their brain wave pattern during REM sleep. And brain waves were nothing more than electrochemical signals and those were made of atoms just as everything else and their particles were subject to the rules of quantum physics.

Mages were people capable of consciously manipulating their brain activity and create what was called _magic_ through the spooky action, here called _warping the Veil,_ that linked two entangled particles _._

Dwarves were exempt from this, because they couldn't dream. At the same time, they were the only people on Thedas who could handle lyrium, the magical, semi-organic metal that was used to temporarily increase a mage's powers, for prolonged periods of time without getting killed. Saga couldn't claim she understood it down to its last detail, but she thought it was clear that parameters of a person's brain chemistry had to be decisive in determining whether somebody developed magical abilities or not.

Magic was indeed physics through willpower, after all.

But, Saga mused, she herself was from a different reality. So when she had arrived here, she was a total anomaly in the system. That must have been why her connection to the Fade seemed to be so different from anybody else's, as Solas had pointed out repeatedly. But… why did a Rift form in her reality? Here on Thedas, the reason for Rifts had been that huge explosion at the Conclave, brought about by Corypheus and the strange Ancient Elven artifact in his possession. There were no Elven magic artifacts in Saga's reality, its physical laws didn't allow for that. Had the explosion been so stupendous it ripped open a hole not only into the neighboring reality of the Fade, but sort of punched through to her own universe? That hole had manifested as a Rift on Thedas, but because her own universe's physical laws were different, it must have taken on the form of a black hole around Ganymede.

Her head was reeling. There were still too many unknowns. She wanted to do some experiments. In fact, she would have to in order to build the device she had promised the Inquisitor. She had reason to help him. After all, if they failed to stop Corypheus and he indeed tore down the Veil, it would mean forcefully combining two bubble universes with different physical laws. Saga had no idea what would happen then.

A tiny voice in the back of her head told her the answer, which she still struggled to accept.

 _Magic._

A knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts. _Solas_.

„Come in!"

It was indeed him. Saga blinked, still impressed by how the Fadewalk had entangled their minds, still wondering _how does that work?,_ but this was yet another question she'd have to put on hold. The most pressing issue right now was—

„Have you made any progress concerning your ideas?", Solas asked without greeting, hand still on the door handle, then seemed to become distracted by something and froze in place, tilting his head. „What… is that?"

Saga looked around to see what had him so irritated. „What do you mean?"

„The… music, where is it coming from?"

Saga laughed, „Oh! My Tool. I remembered the password for my personal files that were stored on it. Unlocked my music collection. Neat, huh?"

Solas closed the door behind him and approached her with a curious look. Did he like the mu—?

„It's interesting."

The smiled at him. „I certainly think so. Work is easier with music. And yes, I did make some progress. I got an idea for a device."

Solas immediately took on a highly concentrated expression. She had his complete attention, now she only had to make him understand what she had in mind.

„Mind if we dive right in?", she asked.

„By all means", Solas answered and leaned against the table, crossing his arms in front of his chest. This time, Saga allowed herself to enjoy the look of him, slender and elegant, the wolf jawbone dangling from his necklace. She relaxed, but silently admonished herself to stay focused.

„Magic is a distortion of the fabric of reality, right?", she asked.

„In a sense", Solas answered, half nodding, half shaking his head. Good enough. Saga went on.

„And since we're part of reality, certain distortions can hurt us. Which is why magical defenses are also referred to as _reinforcing the Veil_ or even reinforcing _reality_. But since the defender herself is still part of reality, her dispelling powers can be circumvented or stopped with enough magical power. She can still be killed."

Solas nodded gravely, but said nothing. He didn't need to. Saga could feel he didn't like where her train of thought was going. She decided to be as straight-forward as possible.

„So if reinforcing the reality _around_ me is not enough to make me invincible to magical attacks, maybe the solution is _I myself_ need to become _less_ real. I sort of side-step reality. Then the attack won't effect me."

Solas seemed rather unimpressed. „Like a Fade-step spell."

„Well… yeah, maybe, a scientific variant of it. We need to build a wearable device that changes the quantum signature of its wearer. It would need to be quick, limited to the wearer, and most importantly: reversible. Like a switch that is turned on and off whenever some unreal magical thingy approaches. Like a fireball, or a stonefist made of Fade energy, or a ray of frost, or whatever these spells are called."

„What exactly do you mean by _changing the quantum signature_?"

„Temporarily transporting the wearer into another reality and then back into the original one."

Solas shook his head, „That would mean physically entering the Fade, Saga. It is dangerous."

„No, don't you understand? The Fade is only _one_ of many realities, Solas. There is this one, with Thedas in it, the Fade, then there's the Terran universe, where I'm from. But there is an infinite number of others! I'll program the device so that the alternate reality is almost exactly the same as this one, except for one single difference: the attack misses. Then, I transport back into the index reality and ta-daaa, safe and sound. No demons, no weird Fade physics. Just that single, tiny difference. "

Solas wore a frown on his face, and Saga could feel the tight knot of doubt twist her own insides into a painful cramp.

„I'll keep my mind open, I promise", she tried to mollify him. „But so far, this is my best bet. And whatever I'll come up with, I'll rig it, remember? I don't intend to make the Inquisitor invincible forever."

The look on his face and the uncomfortable pressure Saga felt in her stomach told her that Solas wasn't yet altogether reassured.

„Listen, I need you", Saga said. „Not only because you're an expert on the Fade, but also as… _you_. I need you to tell me when I'm about to do something stupid just because I'm excited about the science. Help me do this."

The stone in Saga's belly disappeared as Solas finally relented.

„Alright", he sighed and changed his posture to lean back a little, looking a lot more relaxed now without his arms crossed in front of himself. „I will help you. I trust you, Saga. I know you will not let a device as powerful like what you are proposing fall into the wrong hands."

 _Thank you,_ she thought, and before she could utter the words, he smiled at her as if he already knew. She smiled back at him. Words seemed so clumsy compared to this newfound exchange of meaning, so slow and easily misunderstood. Why use them when they had this? A comfortable silence settled in the space between their bodies, slowly pulling her towards him like a comet falling towards the sun. As she came closer, he didn't move away. She looked down, felt inside her for any signs of discomfort, but found none. Only her own heartbeat and a warm and fuzzy feeling urging her on. Saga closed the distance between them until they almost touched. Warmth flooded her like a wave and made her skin prickle. She sought out his eyes and found them dark and sparkling. Closer. Slowly, he raised his head towards her. Her lips parted.

A loud knock on the door made her flinch away, but before she could answer, the door flew open with a bang and a squad of the Inquisition's Templars stormed in as if they owned the place.

„What the hell?!", Saga shouted, but they ignored her. Ser Delrin Barris, the Templar knight who had been chosen as a liaison officer to the Inquisition, approached her.

„We are here on the Inquisitor's orders, Serah Jonsdottir."

Her cheeks flushed with anger, she retorted, „Are you now? To what purpose?"

„To protect you, Serah, as well as Skyhold and the people living inside its walls. Your last experiment in magical affairs was conducted without proper Templar supervision and almost ended in disaster. The Inquisitor found it prudent to minimize risk."

Saga couldn't believe what she was hearing. „I was just with the Inquisitor this morning, he didn't tell me about any kind of oversight."

„It was decided shortly after you had left."

Exasperated, but ultimately powerless, she shook her head and mumbled, „I wonder who gave him that idea…"

She shot Solas a telling look, who nodded slightly in agreement. She had an inkling who of Ragnar's entourage might have been inclined to turn her laboratory tower into a twisted version of a little circle prison. But she knew better than to voice her suspicions. Riled as she was, it wouldn't have come out in a very diplomatic way.

„I do not presume to judge the Inquisitor's council, and neither should you", Barris reprimanded her. He wasn't harsh or condescending. He truly believed that it just wasn't his place to question the Inquisitor. A fine soldier who trusted the holy cause of his superior. _Great_. Saga bristled at the Templars' presence. Holy, faithful warriors were just about the creepiest kind of human being she could think of. Religious fanaticism _plus_ a militaristic _I only follow orders_ mentality created a whole other level of diffusion of responsibility. She remembered the deadly zeal of the Church of Renewal all too well now. The banality of it. However, Saga remembered, it had been Ser Barris who had sided with the Inquisitor back at the castle of Therinfal Redoubt, when the former Lord Seeker Lucius had been revealed as possessed by a demon of envy. Barris had helped the Inquisitor defeat Lucius and the demon. So maybe he wasn't completely blinded by dogma, still able to think for himself now and then. Maybe he could still be reasoned with.

„And how exactly do you plan on _protecting_ me? And from what? Do you even know what it is I do here? There's no magic involved whatsoever, so unless you want to use your mighty swords to stab at electromagnetic fields, you might want to reconsider taking the job."

While she raged on, Ser Barris waved at his soldiers to position themselves around the lab. When they had all assumed their assigned spots, he returned his attention to her. Saga felt silly, being ignored like a sullen child.

„We are not here to interfere with your work, Serah. You may go about your experiments as you please. The Inquisitor has given you permission to construct a machine to help him against Corypheus. We will not stand in the way of that. We're here only as a safeguard, in the unlikely case your experiments have any unforeseen effects of the Veil."

Saga shot him an ice-cold look. She knew this game. _Protection my ass._ „And if I say I don't need protection? If I ask you to leave?"

Ser Barris sighed and shook his head as if he had expected her to say that. Clearly, from his point of view, she was being stubborn and unreasonable. „I have my orders, Serah. You can either accept our presence and start working. Or you won't work."

Solas entered the conversation, „Is the Inquisitor truly willing to do without the device she intends to build?"

The Templar turned his head to face the elven mage. A strange expression flickered across the knight's face, not anger at being questioned, not fear, but something hot and cold at the same time. A hateful hope for revenge, reigned in tightly by a soldier's discipline. The Templars felt they were needed to protect the common folk from the mages. They were the righteous ones, and their rightful place was above the mages, holding them in check. After the events during the Fadewalk, Ragnar had obviously decided that Saga needed some invisible chains, too. And Ser Barris would happily oblige.

„We will be victorious against Corypheus by Andraste's grace, with or without an outlander's gadgetry. Serah Jonsdottir has been given exceptional leeway so far. Too much, given she was lured into a dangerous magical undertaking, _by you_. She obviously needs guidance and protection from magic just as everyone else in this castle does, mage and non-mage alike. We're thankful for her help, but the conditions are clear. The decision to accept this or not is hers to make."

„Storming in here like a brigade of sentinels hardly feels like the offering of a free choice, Ser Barris", Solas said, his voice kept very calm and polite.

„If it were up to me, I'd have stormed this place months ago. But the Inquisitor saw our forces better applied elsewhere. As of now, that has changed. I respected his decision then, I respect it now", the Templar replied. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly. „You are one of his closest allies, yet you keep questioning him. I wonder why that is."

Solas was not to be intimidated, „Well, some of us actually use their minds to think for themselves, Ser Barris. A burden that you know from personal experience, having carried it in Therinfal Redoubt, and have since apparently decided weighs too heavily on your head."

Saga felt a wave of pride swell in her chest at how he fought for her. But the Templar was good. He didn't swallow the bait, did nothing rash he'd later regret.

„The weight of respectful duty to a worthy cause, irrespective of my personal thoughts, weighs no less, I assure you. But you wouldn't know anything about the selflessness of a soldier's oath, now, would you, _mage_? The Inquisitor's order stands", he continued in Saga's direction. „You either accept our presence or you start packing."

Feeling increasingly helpless, the futility of the whole conversation dawning on her, but still unwilling to give up, Saga threw her hands up and let out an aggravated groan. „This isn't the Manhattan Project!"

„I do not know what that is, serah, and neither do I care", Ser Barris answered dryly.

„Just a top secret scientific project back in the twentieth century on Terra where the military built a whole town in the desert, filled with scientists who worked on the deadliest weapon ever built", she said, not really caring it didn't matter. Ser Barris remained unmoved like a stone. She wouldn't convince him. He was following orders. And worst of all, this time, he didn't doubt them like when he still served under the old, mad Lord Seeker. He'd never waiver.

Saga sighed and slouched her shoulders in defeat. Sensing her decision through the feedback loop, Solas concurred, but tried to cheer her up with an encouraging smile.

„You get to work, Lethallan. I shall get you some coffee", he said. Saga took up his kind offer by returning his smile and nodding. Without greeting Ser Barris or any of his other Templars, Solas left the tower.

„I hope you brought something to read", Saga addressed Ser Barris icily. „Unlike magic, science is pretty boring shit most of the time."


	34. Heavy Rain

Varric and Dorian came to see her right after. They empathized, but were ultimately as helpless as she. They had protested the Inquisitor's decision, but he hadn't wavered. Also Cassandra had dropped by the next day and tried to cheer her up, in her way at least. The Seeker tried to give her a different perspective, make her take Ragnar's decision less personal. It even helped a bit, for a while. The fact Cassandra cared definitely did. But Saga couldn't help but feel exhausted by the constant double meaning in everything Ragnar said and did to her. He took her Tool away, then returned it. He threatened to throw her into prison, then gave her her own workspace. He allowed Solas to do the Fadewalk with her, and afterwards put her under constant surveillance. He wanted her to be a part of the Inquisition, yet he couldn't seem to get himself to completely trust her. Maybe he was distrustful towards everybody. In any case, Saga couldn't let him get in the way of her own mission. She reminded herself that all of this were just stepping stones. Side quests. She remembered how she had loved video games as a child and young adult. Not always did the various quests one had to do in order to complete the game have anything directly to do with the main objective. Sometimes, you got sidetracked, even lost. Saga had to fix her eyes firmly on her goal. She needed to learn everything about the Fade, magic and this world in order to find a way, if maybe not home, then at least to learn about her crew and ship.

For a start, she only had time for some preparatory work. Tomorrow, she would accompany the Inquisitor to Crestwood. Undoubtedly, they would encounter more Rifts along the way, and she wanted to seize the opportunity to study them further. Also, if these Grey Wardens were of such importance in the fight against Corypheus, she felt she should know more about them.

Trying to ignore the constant Templar presence in her workshop, Saga cleaned her room, wiped the chalkboard and sorted her papers. It always helped her to clean before she sat down to do heavy mental work. Her desks had always tended to be messy, with barely enough room for her computer's keyboard. Her father had used to admonish her to clean up her desk, saying that the status of her desk was akin to that of her mind. Saga, ever the witty teenager, had always replied: well, if my desk symbolises my mind, then what's an empty desk stand for? And left the clutter lying where it was. Of course, her father's desk often hadn't looked much better either. She could still remember him sitting behind it clearly, deep in thought, blues playing in the background and the dog by his feet. It was not until late in her university years that Saga discovered there was some truth to his assessment. Ever since, she had felt as if she was ordering her thoughts while she cleaned her desk. Only, of course, to rebuild the heaps of paper once again. Folding and sorting now, the memory brought a wistful smile to her face. The memories weighed heavy and carried a bittersweet scent. There was only sadness where there was love, too, and they grew in unison. You only grieved about what you had cared for. But she needed to care about her future now. Take one step after the other. Take one day after the another. Tonight, she would clean her desk and think of her father with sadness and love. Tomorrow, she would travel.

Saga rode across Thedas with the Inquisitor for days. Visited lands both lush and harsh, braved the scorching desert sun and the glacial cold of the mountains. She met people of all walks of life, peasants and soldiers, noblemen and merchants, mages and templars, elves and dwarves. Speaking with people, seeing how they lived, painted a much more complex picture of this world than whatever impressions she could glean from books and other written accounts. She witnessed the Inquisitor close dozens of Rifts, saw his entourage fight innumerable hordes of demons and triumph over Corypheus's goons. She visited towns still rebuilding houses that had been destroyed in the mage rebellions. Spoke with farmers who had lost everything because mages had poisoned their fields. Heard the lamentations of orphaned parents whose children had been forcefully taken away from them by Templars, accusing them of magic, sometimes even where there had been none.

What she saw was a war torn world held firmly in fear's iron grip. Fear, she knew, made people do stupid things. It was as if her own people's history repeated before her eyes. The peoples of Thedas were so busy fighting each other that none of them looked at the real danger. Corypheus, scheming in the shadows. Saga had never seen him. He was an invisible threat to her, elusive like a quantum particle, yet pervasive in his effects on the world. She knew that Corypheus had to be defeated, that this was the most pressing issue. But she also knew that even if the Inquisition were victorious against him, Thedas wouldn't be safe yet by a long shot. They still had that one last lesson to learn. That last lesson humanity had learned too late.

That no matter your singular achievements. No matter how rightfully proud your leaders. There were some rivers you could only cross together. As Saga rode through the bleeding land, scorched by magic, attacked by demons, haunted by the smoldering fires of age old ethnic conflicts, doubt gripped her heart. What would it take for all these people to look past their differences and realize their preciousness? In the end, she realized, she had no say in it. They would either learn to cooperate and coexist or destroy themselves. The bottleneck of Fermi's paradox didn't care whether magic existed or not. It was the same here as on Terra, and Saga wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. Here even less than on Terra. She needed to focus on what she could do in the here and now. Corpyheus first. Help the Inquisition defeat him, then see what came next.

Saga had taken her Tool with her. It was gathering masses of data. With each Rift closed, each demonic appearance recorded, her chances of building the device to protect from magical attacks, which she had come to call an _improbability shield_ , grew.

Crestwood was a dismal place. A Rift had formed underneath the lake the town was nestled at. The quantum distortions it created were obviously affecting weather patterns. The rain hadn't stopped in weeks and soaked everything. Their boots got stuck in the mucky roads, slowing them down and draining their strength with each sucking noise of their steps. Saga, wet to the bones, silently cursed this world for its utter lack of umbrellas. She thought it was even more difficult to breathe because humidity was so high, but then again, it might also have been the putrid stench of rotting wood, vegetation, food and… Saga tried not to think about what else was decaying around here. The old town of Crestwood lay buried under the foul waters of the lake. She shivered.

Much to her dismay, her suspicions were confirmed only a few meters after they had left the forward camp. On the road to New Crestwood they met two Grey Wardens fighting against what Saga could only identify as literally walking dead.

 _Not again_.

It was strange. She had seen walking corpses already, many weeks ago on the Exalted Plains. But back then, without a memory of her world, without a standard for what was _normal_ to her, she had simply accepted their existence. They had terrified her, true, because they looked scary. But now, her fear and disgust went deeper. _Zombies._ The stuff of bad horror movies was real here. Saga kept her distance while the Inquisitor, Cassandra, Varric and Vivienne cleaned them out with unemotional routine. Once the creatures had been defeated and disintegrated into ashes, they approached the Grey Wardens. Saga eyed them carefully. They looked like knights-errant in shining armor and spoke gallantly when they addressed the Inquisitor.

Saga tried to stay in the background, but listened closely. Apparently, the Commander of the Grey Wardens, Clarel, had ordered the capture of a Grey Warden named Stroud. More the Grey Wardens seemed unwilling to disclose. Only that they had been unsuccessful in their mission, that the villagers had other problems, and that their orders had been clear: they were to return to Commander Clarel posthaste.

„They didn't mention a new leader", the Inquisitor said after the Grey Wardens had left. „I don't think they're part of Corpyheus's plot to seize the order."

„I do not think so either", Cassandra agreed. „The infiltration in their ranks may be subtle."

The Inquisitor nodded grimly, then turned on his heel and continued towards the town. „I hope Hawke's Warden friend has answers for us."

They all followed him. But something about the short exchange with the Wardens didn't sit right with Saga.

„Why aren't they helping the villagers? Isn't that what Grey Wardens do?", she asked Varric.

„Yeah. Been thinking the same", the dwarf answered. „A village teeming with the undead and the Wardens just shrug it off when they don't get what they need and walk away? Something's not right here…"

They continued towards the village and found only desolation. Many people who still lingered in the ruins of their home asked for their help, but Ragnar was reluctant to give it. His meeting with Hawke was his priority. So, although Saga's heart felt heavy, as if it had soaked up the stinking rain falling from the steely sky, they left Crestwood town to drown slowly in the nameless sorrow that pervaded its walls.

The Inquisitor ordered another forward camp installed in the hills behind the village. They made a short stop there to gather their strength and change into something dry, then finally approached the cave where Ragnar said he'd meet with Hawke. Saga was curious what she'd be like. She had heard numerous stories from Varric about her. It was obvious the dwarf was quite fond of his friend. She was sure she'd like Hawke. If Varric considered someone his friend - his true friend - they couldn't be a bad person.

Indeed, Saga was not disappointed. The entrance of the cave lay a few steps up the hill and shone softly in the light of a torch carried by a striking woman. Her long white hair fell loosely over her shoulders and was contrasted by a deep red mark that adorned her face like a dash of blood. Her ice blue eyes pierced them, but betrayed the sparkle of a trickster's mind. She smirked at them in greeting. No wonder Varric liked her.

„Hawke!", Varric exclaimed, „Man, it's good to see you!" Hawke answered with a heartfelt chuckle and embraced the dwarf in a short but tight hug.

„You, too, my friend! It's been ages - look how big you've gotten!"

Varric guffawed and elbowed her, but their friendly banter was interrupted by the serious voice of the Inquisitor.

„Time is short and death looms, my friends. Enough of the pleasantries." He sauntered towards Hawke, all self-importance. „My name is Ragnar Trevellyan. I lead the Inquisition. You claim to have information about the disappearance of the Grey Wardens. I'm here to hear about them."

Hawke grew serious as if a switch had been flicked, and for a moment looked so grim Saga was afraid she'd attack him. But instead, she looked straight down at Varric and rolled her eyes.

„I was more fun, wasn't I?"

Varric swallowed his laughter, but couldn't completely hide his grin. Ragnar wrinkled his nose as if he had smelled something worse than the mud on Crestwood's paths.

Hawke sighed and gestured them to follow her deeper into the cave, „Well, come on then. You need to meet someone."

They walked only a short time through an artificially dug tunnel before the walls receded around them to form a larger, round cave. It was well lit with torches. Some furniture had even been put here. Saga could see a few desks, casks, a bedroll. They looked around, but saw nobody. The mysterious figure Hawke wanted to acquaint them with only made himself known by the sudden sound of his sword being pulled out of its sheath. Quickly, they all turned around, Ragnar pulled his sword as well and pointed it at the man.

A true Grey Warden. He was dressed like the Wardens they had met before. His mustache was even more impressive than Ragnar's. Saga was sure that this must bother the Inquisitor immensely and chuckled to herself, but before the two men could get into a hasty stache-off, Hawke intervened.

„Calm down! This is who I said I wanted you to meet. Inquisitor - meet Stroud."

The men put their swords away.

The conversation that ensued left Saga shivering. Stroud informed them about Corypheus's immortality thanks to a strange blood magic connection to the corrupted Archdemon that accompanied him. Unless they'd kill that beast, Corypheus would be able to respawn from his own destroyed body indefinitely like a zombie. The Grey Warden also lifted the mystery about the disappearance of his brothers and sisters. They had all begun to hear the Calling - some sort of acoustic hallucination that started as a consequence of the Blight spreading in their organs and that called them down to the Deep Roads. It appeared that all Grey Wardens now felt obliged to perform a horrible blood magic ritual that involved killing one of their own, because they believed the time had come to end all Blights forever and finally save Thedas. Much to Saga's horror, their plan was to raise a huge demon army, march with it into the Deep Roads and kill the two remaining Archdemons that still slept there. But Thedas needed their help against Corypheus - who might just as well steal their demon army, since he was having the very same idea.

If what he was saying was true, the Inquisition needed to prevent it. They'd have to attack Adamant Fortress and stop the Grey Wardens.

Saga couldn't stay quiet any longer.

„I'm Saga, the Inquisition's scientific advisor."

„How interesting", Stroud said, and he seemed to mean it, since he nodded in appreciation. „You have a Seeker, a Circle Mage, and a scientist in your entourage? Very impressive, Inquisitor. It is good to have a versatile group."

„Well, sometimes she's more trouble than I can handle, but in the end…" Ragnar sighed a little defeatedly, „It's been worth it so far."

„I was wondering if I may ask you a few questions about Adamant fortress and what's going on there?"

Stroud shook his head, sadness and honest regret clinging to his mouth, „I'm afraid I won't be able to be of service, M'Lady. Since I have openly objected to Commander Clarel's plans, I am hunted by my own kind. I couldn't go anywhere near Adamant alone. In fact, I've been needing to avoid all my former fellow comrades for months. If you want to know more about this, as we all do, then your only chance would be to go there."

There was no doubt in Saga's mind that she would.

After they had returned from their long journey, Saga set herself to analyze the data the Tool had gathered. She and Solas settled into an ebb and flow of a work routine. Whenever Saga got stuck with some technical part of their endeavor, she asked Dagna for help. The young Dwarven genius leapt at the chance of puzzling over engineering riddles. Help also came from a rather unusual place in the form of a human Tranquil named Helisma Derington. Helisma had inherited the position of creature expert from an Elven mage named Minaeve, who had left the Inquisition long before Saga had woken up in Thedas. Solas had brought her along one day to help Saga make sense of any demon-related data she had collected. Her detached, emotionless voice and empty eyes unsettled Saga. Helisma walked, talked, ate and slept like any other human being in Skyhold. But she was complete devoid of emotion and any volition of her own. Like the animate hull of a person, she looked out of her body through dead eyes, windows into a hollow, the spirit who had dwelled there long gone. To Saga, she seemed like a wandering, a flesh-and-blood computer interface. At first, Saga had tried to see the human woman in her, had offered her things, a drink, a chair to sit down. Helisma had always refused and never asked for anything besides work related items or information. So Saga tried changing her perspective, tried to view her as she would a person with some sort of severe autism. But she soon realized that viewing Helisma that way didn't do her - or people with autism, she reminded herself - justice either. In the end, she realized that she wasn't actually attempting to build a relationship with the Tranquil. She was only trying to make Helisma's presence more comfortable for _herself_. She unnerved her deeply. To have one's will taken away like that, not have a mind of one's own anymore seemed like something out of a nightmare.

Nevertheless, they worked well together, and that, Saga thought, would have to be enough. She resolved to get comfortable with her discomfort around Helisma and leave her be in peace. If that even meant anything to her, Saga would never know. But ever since she and Solas had been interrupted by Ser Barris and his templars in what was supposed to become a rather intimate moment, just the tiniest hint of tension had settled in the back of Saga's mind. Being under constant watch by the Templars, they couldn't exactly continue where they had been stopped. Neither could they find the right moment to talk about it. And just as Solas had predicted, the feedback loop had faded away. A shame. She had felt so close to him. Now, she wondered whether her feelings had even been real, or just a side-effect of the emotional entanglement accidentally created when Vivienne forced them out of the Fade.

And yet, each morning, Saga found herself waiting for the knock on her door, found herself eager to see Solas's face when she would open it, carrying a fresh cup of coffee. He detested the stuff even more than tea, and yet he brewed it himself every day, just for her. When they worked together, their minds still found it easy to follow each other's thoughts, sometimes causing them to enter a wonderful state of flow, a feeling like an endogenous high, riding the wave of perfect balance between challenge and skill. When each day came to an end, Saga felt a sad yearning, wishing she could halt the sun's movement to make the day stretch into infinity, so Solas wouldn't need to leave for the Rotunda.

After another week, the feedback loop was almost gone, yet she missed him even more with every passing day.

Their tireless work and grit paid off one cloudy night, when the rain rushed as if emptied from buckets and everyone except Saga had already gone to bed. Only those of her dear Templar guards who had the privilege of a night-shift of watching her were present in her lab.

Most people who weren't scientists believed that great ideas came to scientists in a glorious Heureka moment. It wasn't anything like that. Insight started out much more quietly. As a nagging feeling, a strange sense of doubt or, if you're lucky, as a small, sudden jolt of your head, accompanied by a silent thought: _that's odd_ …

Saga was one of the very lucky few. After weeks of doing and re-doing calculations, of scribbling all over the chalkboard and erasing everything innumerable times, after experimenting with Solas again and again, having him zap her, singe her clothes, freeze her hair, make her hover in mid-air… she finally found the solution. It exposed itself to her on the paper in all its simple mathematical beauty. That's when she knew she could stop looking. The beauty of the equation. It was perfect. Her heart missed a beat, then hammered in her chest like a jumpstarted engine. Up she jumped, her chair falling over behind her and ran out of her tower, ignoring the startled looks the Templars shot her. She didn't even take the time to pick up her coat despite the rain outside.

Saga didn't even feel how wet she was as she stormed the silent, darkened Main Hall and skidded, racing around the curve and straight into the Rotunda.

„Solas!", she shouted as she ran towards the couch where he slept, not caring if she woke the whole castle. „Solas! I've got it!" She shook him even though he had already been wide awake since she first called for him. His eyes immediately alert, he sat up and stared at her.

„Saga, it's in the middle of the night! How much coffee have you had?!"

„Too much!", she panted.

„Calm down, what happened?"

She would definitely not calm down. Excitement breaking down all restraint, she gripped his arms.

„I did it! I know how to make Schroedinger's Inquisitor!"

Saga took a sip of the calming brew Solas had fetched for her. She drank it for his sake, not because she thought she needed it. She was impatient, wanted to explain everything to him, but he had insisted. Now, as they sat at his desk in the middle of the Rotunda, he finally was ready to hear her out.

„When hit by an attack, the probability shield will create an exact copy of its wearer. But the copy of that person is going to be phase-shifted into an adjacent bubble universe that's almost one hundred percent the same as the original reality, except for the fact that in the phase-shifted universe, the attack misses. After that, he can shift back into the index reality, safe and sound. All in the blink of eye."

Solas had grown increasingly nervous and finally raised his hands to interrupt her: „Saga… wait. I stopped following after the word _copy_. What do you mean by that? Aren't there going to be two identical individuals then?"

„No, because the original one will be dead."

The color drained from his face, „ _Excuse me_? Didn't you just say the purpose of this invention was to _save_ the wearer's life? _"_

„Yes, well…", Saga shifted uncomfortably in her chair, „The original will remain in the index reality and be hit by the attack, so it will still die, but the quantum copy will exist in a parallel reality where the attack misses, so it will survive. When the realities merge, the copy will be one hundred percent the same as the original, save for the minor difference of a beating heart. For all intents and purposes, it'll be the exact same person."

Solas frowned and shook his head, „But it won't. It will be a copy!"

„Yes, but it will be indistinguishable from the original down to the last damn quark! I understand if that… creeps you out a little, but we don't have the luxury of debating the philosophical implications here. The fact of the matter is, Corypheus won't be able to kill whoever is going to wear the device."

„But he _will_ kill them, that's what you just said. There's just going to be another one."

„The outcome is the same. He won't be able to defeat an enemy that can replicate infinitely. It's almost like his own weird immortality, but without demons and blood magic. His powers will be useless. That's what we want."

Solas was still visibly upset. What Saga was proposing seemed utterly… _fantastical_ to him, stranger than all kinds of magic he had ever encountered.

„What is going to happen to the body of the original once the… quantum copy is merged with the index reality?"

Saga frowned. She hadn't thought about that. Images of identical corpses piling up on the battlefield as the Inquisitor side-stepped Corypheus's attacks again and again flooded her mind. Hundreds of dead Inquisitors, one for each death cheated. It was surreal. She shook herself free of her phantasies and said, „I don't know. I don't even know if it's going to work. But I have to try. Best case scenario, the original will vanish."

Solas sighed and cast down his eyes, and for a moment, Saga was afraid he'd disagree and ask her to stop her research, but when he looked up again, he wore his beautifully sad smile again.

„Alright", he said. „Let's see what kind of magic you come up with."


	35. The Most Astounding Fact

The Inquisition's efforts against Corypheus bore fruit. As Ragnar travelled the world and talk about his magic ability to close Rifts spread, he gained followers all over Thedas. But there was one important part of the world where his influence was still limited. Orlais. Empress Celene was under pressure. Her grasp of power threatened to slip as rumors of an assassination attempt grew. If the Empress was killed, at least a dozen political rivals would start vying for the throne. Some openly contested her claim to it already. The Inquisitor knew that he'd need a steadfast ally in Orlais if he wanted to defeat Corypheus. A fight over the crown would mean civil war right in front of his doorstep. Thedas couldn't afford to be divided in the face of Corypheus's blighted demon army.

So, when the Inquisition was invited by Empress Celene to attend a grand ball at the Winter Palace in Halamshiral, Ragnar was able to read between the lines. Celene garnered all her friends and enemies in one place in order to provide the assassin with an opportunity. A dangerous gamble, but ultimately reasonable. Hidden in the bustle of the festivities, Celene's own spies would try to sniff out the usurpers and through their arrest consolidate her power in the eyes of the nobles. The invitation to the Palace was a show of respect as well as a sign of mistrust. Saga already hated the scheming. All the innuendo and diplomatic double-bind made her feel self-conscious and irritated. She preferred to say things as they were.

Before, the Inquisitor had only ever travelled with a small group. This time, he brought _everyone_. It was a literal caravan. This had two reasons. One, being a noble himself, Ragnar knew that showing off everything you got was deemed good manners at court. And second, Halamshiral lay more or less on the way to Adamant Fortress. His plan was to have Commander Cullen march his army towards the sweltering dunes of the Western Approach and prepare the assault of Adamant while he dealt with the Orlesian situation. Once he'd be done with that, his inner circle and the few soldiers he'd take to court with him would continue westward until they joined with his forces there.

Saga was nervous. She didn't like large crowds, especially not if they masked their faces like the Orlesians did. And then there was the dress code. She shivered at the thought of having to wear one of those giant baroque dresses. How did people even go to the toilet in these? She couldn't imagine Cassandra agreeing to wear that, so Saga kept her hopes up there'd be an acceptable alternative. She had bigger things to worry about, of course. But she'd rather occupy herself with looking stupid in a dress than an all-out assault on the Grey Warden's headquarters where people she personally knew would most likely die. So she decided that ruffle-worries were better worries than death-worries, as she packed her things. She'd have to take almost everything. Saga didn't own many clothes, but her instruments, tools and writing equipment alone already filled one whole travel chest. She had been ordered to take only what was needed, and she definitely needed to work. She'd use the travel time to continue her calculations and build the improbability shield with Solas and Dagna.

For days, Skyhold seemed to be in a constant state of agitation as preparations were made to move to court. Ragnar had demanded all armor be polished, frocks mended and standards ironed. Much to Saga's relief, he even had an Orlesian seamstress design a dress uniform for himself and his inner circle. A dashing red color with golden details and a blue sash around the waist. It wasn't Saga's idea of good taste, but better than a hooped skirt.

Finally, one crisp late spring morning, the time came to leave. Skyhold's courtyards were bustling with activity as men and women saddled horses and loaded carriages with cargo. A line of carts was starting to form through the castle gates.

After months of practice on horseback, Saga saddled up with ease and joined Dorian, Varric and Solas at the front of the trek. When they exited Skyhold, she looked back behind her. The Inquisition forces snaked out through the gates and through the vast mountain skyline. Innumerable knights in shining armor glittered in the sunlight. The colorful gowns of servants, merchants and craftsmen brought the barren landscape to life. Proud standards waved in the sky, proclaiming glory and demanding respect. Like a single living organism, the Inquisition marched. As the grand mountain fortress receded behind them, a strange feeling gripped Saga's heart that she hadn't felt before when she had left. It felt like a farewell.

Once they had exited the narrow paths of the Frostback mountains and entered the Imperial Highway, they progressed much faster, but they'd still need a few days to reach Halamshiral. On their last night on the road, all of the Inquisition's inner circle rested around the same campfire. There wasn't a single cloud, and the Milky Way spilled its goods lavishly across the sky.

„So, Twinkles…"

Varric wore that trickster grin on his face as he oiled Bianca's mechanical parts.

„Now's your time to show off. Here, under the great star sprinkled banner of the night sky, enlighten us. What is the most astounding fact you can share with us about the universe?"

Saga grinned back, „Trying to pick my brain to steal some ideas for one of your stories, Varric?"

An indignant guffaw with a glint in his eye, „You accusing me of intellectual property theft?! I'm hurt!"

„As if you had never stolen anything", Cassandra said and shot him one of her trademark stone-cold looks. „Or possessed any honor to be hurt."

Saga had gotten to know her well enough not to read too much into it. She was a fierce warrior who took her mission and in fact everything she did seriously. Cassandra didn't do anything by halves. It was that earnest passion that sometimes lent her a threatening air and made her easily misunderstood. But at the core, the warrior had the heart of a romantic.

Which Varric knew, much to Cassandra's embarrassment. „Come on, Seeker, I know you're curious about the _Swords and Shields_ sequel."

Cassandra's face turned into a hilarious mask of terror at his words and Varric clearly reveled in it.

„Don't deny it. Would you really stand in the way of me getting a little inspired?"

When Saga asked what _Swords and Shields_ was about, Cassandra looked more afraid and panicked than she had ever seen her. Count on Cassandra to keep her cool when demons started to pour in from another reality but freaking when her literary guilty pleasures were exposed.

„Don't tell her!"

Varric laughed, „My, my, Seeker, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's just the corniest, worst-selling, most cliché love story arc I've ever written. Nothing funny about the Inquisition's warrior founder indulging in a little phantasy romance."

„Ugh…", Cassandra grimaced and Iron Bull's throaty chuckle joined her embarrassed groan.

„You're cruel, Varric", Bull said, and added: „In an… interesting way." With an ambiguous smirk, he looked down at Dorian, who leaned comfortably against his broad chest.

Dorian waved his right hand and sparked a tiny lightening bolt that struck Bull's nose. The Qunari flinched and dropped his dirty grin.

„Ouch!"

„Dirty minds get dirty tricks, my love, deal with it", Dorian said and took a sip of wine probably as dry as his humor.

„My dear, your taste in wine and clothes may be impeccable, but I shall never understand how your humor can be as childish as a peasant's", Vivienne chided her mage colleague. Of course she wouldn't condone such a careless display of magic. But her voice didn't sound as harsh as it usually did, and Saga thought she could discern a tiny flicker of amusement in her perfect face. Relaxation even. The First Enchanter was on her way home. She had lived almost all her life at court and had risen through the ranks by virtue of her skills. The scheming and politicking was to her like water to a fish. She must have been glad, Saga thought. Despite all the obstacles Vivienne had put in her way, for a moment, Saga felt able to connect with her. She would have been glad to be on her way home, too.

Saga's thoughts were interrupted by Sera making a vulgar sound at Vivienne.

„Thhhrppt! Lizards in yer bedroll's funny no matter how old. Even Solas thought so!"

„No, I did not", he immediately retorted.

Saga laughed, „She put lizards in your bedroll?"

„I do not wish to talk about it", he answered stiffly.

Saga smiled fondly at him. He was cute when he was embarrassed.

„No, but seriously", Varric said to Saga, „I'm actually curious. You've been working for weeks on that weird apparatus of yours and won't tell anyone anything. Indulge us on this one at least. Tell us a story about the universe."

Saga smiled. Alright.

„The most astounding fact…"

She hesitated, her tongue suddenly heavy and the words becoming stuck in her throat as she realized that all eyes were on her. It was eery, yet Saga felt a heaviness leave her that was oddly pleasing. Then she realized what it was that had her so tense. She'd arrived. All those eyes. Elven, qunari, human, dwarven. Even Cole, the ghost boy, lurking around in the shadows by the tents, had lifted the rim of his huge hat and peered at her through long strands of hair. They all looked at her, not with fear or distrust, but with anticipation. Like an equal. In this moment, she realized that somehow along the way she had become part of this unlikely fellowship of misfits. Spirits and spies, mages and warriors, nobles and rogues. And now, apparently, a crazy scientist. The moment the thought took shape in her mind, it didn't even seem that bizarre anymore. Even Vivienne and the Inquisitor, who had been the most adversarial, seemed to ease off tonight. A cool shiver ran down Saga's spine as she realized she had in fact become part of the Inquisition. Her eyes caught Solas, who had seemed to read her mind, because he smiled and nodded at her as if he knew precisely what she felt. And who knew, maybe he did.

„Well?", Varric asked.

Saga caught herself and restarted her train of thought.

„The most astounding fact…", she began, now more comfortable with being the center of attention, „…is the knowledge that the elements that comprise life on earth, the atoms that make up our bodies, are traceable to the crucibles", she pointed at the stars in the night sky, „that cooked light elements into heavy elements in their core, under extreme temperatures and pressures."

The Inquisitor smiled lightly and shook his head, finding her words strange and cryptic. But he didn't interrupt her. It had taken long enough, but he had finally accepted her unusual outlook on the world that differed so profoundly from his own.

„These stars — the high mass ones among them — went unstable in their later years. They collapsed, and then _exploded_ " _,_ Saga spread her arms out, „ _scattering_ their enriched guts across the galaxy! Guts made of carbon. Hydrogen. Oxygen. And all the fundamental ingredients of life itself."

The fire cackled and sent sparks into the air like tiny red dwarf stars.

„These ingredients become part of gas clouds that condense, collapse, and form the next generation of solar systems." A frown on Sera's face made her quickly clarify: „Stars with orbiting planets. And those planets now have the ingredients for life itself."

Saga paused to see if anyone had fallen asleep yet. But they were all alert and listening. She continued.

„So when I look up at the night sky…" Twelve pairs of eyes flickered towards the heavens. „And I know that yes, we are _part_ of this universe, we are _in_ this universe. But perhaps more important than both of those facts… is that the universe is _in us_."

She felt the vastness of the sky above them echo in her soul.

„When I reflect on that fact… I look up — many people feel small, because they're small and the universe is big, but _I feel big._ "

Her body felt pleasantly light and floating, as if she had only push herself off the ground and ascend into the heavens.

„Because… my atoms came from those stars. There's a level of connectivity." She was light-headed, as if something inside her mind wanted to leave, yearning to become one with the universe. „That's really what you want in life, you wanna feel connected. You wanna feel relevant. Wanna feel like a… participant of the goings-on of activities and events around you. That's _precisely_ what we are. Just by being alive."

Saga swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat and bowed her head. She had gotten carried away. Surely, she had bored them all to death and made a fool of herself by almost crying at her own words. Carefully, almost shyly, she looked around.

Dorian was crying and smiling, a thick tear rolling off his mustache. Iron Bull gently stroked his shoulder. As he looked down at his lover, the giant's face was softer and more open than Saga had ever seen it.

Varric was staring into the fire, lost in a beautiful memory.

Ragnar held out a hand to Cassandra, who took it, their fingers intertwining as they smiled at each other. All arrogance had left the Inquisitor's eyes, making room for the confidence grounded by faith in someone other than himself.

Sera laid on her back and stared at the stars as if looking for something in the nothing.

Vivienne cocked an eyebrow at Saga, but remained quiet.

When she sought out Solas, she met his gaze only for a second. The soft remnants of the feedback loop, almost gone now, made the air sizzle with emotion. Bottomless sadness and a bright warm light thrown into the dark blue like a lifeline, which they gripped eagerly when their eyes met and made relief flood their veins. _Gratitude._ She smiled at him and he smiled back before he averted his eyes and retreated into the shadows.

All of what Saga tells them, beginning with the words "The most astounding fact..." is taken verbatim from an interview with TIME magazine and Neill deGrasse Tyson, which can be listened to on youtube here: watch?v=9D05ej8u-gU


	36. Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts

„Saga Jonsdottir, scientific advisor to the Inquisition!"

When her name and official title were called by the Empress's personal chamberlain, Saga stepped forward and walked down the marble steps through the candle-lit ballroom. The soft light was fractured by the golden braziers and crystal chandeliers and made the air seem to shimmer in all colors of the spectrum. Golden figurines of winged creatures doted the balustrades that surrounded the ballroom floor. Heavy drapery in a lush royal blue decorated the tall glass windows. As Saga crossed the room, she felt a tingle on her skin. Behind the ornate masks that covered their faces, the guests of the court were all whispers and schemes.

 _Who is this strange woman? How can we use her?_

Between the shamelessly inquisitive spectators, the festive melodies of the string quartet and the warm air incensed with the smells of rich food and expensive perfumes, Saga felt dizzy, but she held her head high and kept her eyes facing forward. The only thing that could have made having to participate in a royal audience ritual any worse for Saga was tripping over her own feet in front of the whole court.

When she had reached the end of the spacious ground floor after what had felt like an eternity under the scrutinizing gaze of the nobility, she had to raise her head to acknowledge the woman who had invited all of them here. Empress Celene looked down on Saga from the raised platform that surrounded the room. The ruler of the Orlesian Empire was clad in a midnight blue dress emblazoned with the insignia of her reign. Her waist was cinched by a corse and her face partly hidden by an elegant golden mask. Her head and shoulders were surrounded by a brilliant halo of golden metal feathers. Everything about her appearance was concerted right down to the minutest details to create a most redoubtable aura. Nothing about her, not the depth of her décolleté, not her posture, especially not the fact she stood in an elevated position was a product of mere chance. They were all subtle messages of power. Part of _the_ _Game_ , as Orlesians called it. But behind the impressive display of confidence, another message was hidden that could only be deduced by those who were privy to some certain pieces of information. As Josephine had told Saga, Empress Celene's claim to the throne was most openly contested by her cousin, the Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons. He had ambushed the Inquisitor right when they had arrived at the palace, and laid blame for a possible attack on the Empress's life on the feet of her closest advisor, an Elven woman named Briala. This whole affair was a lot more than a mere noble get together. Everyone was here. Or at least, everyone who the Empress considered important enough, meaning, who was a potential ally to be wooed. Or an enemy to be watched. The Game was a never-ending, and often deadly, play of political chess. And here, Saga was. A mere peasant before the queen.

Saga gave Celene a polite nod and bowed, deliberately opting for the male version of greeting someone of supposed higher birth. Nobody, not even an Empress, would make her curtsy. Saga felt uneasy in the presence of nobility, almost a little disgusted. The shameless display of wealth by the nobles while their _inferiors_ died poor and miserable, often in their figurative backyard, sometimes in their literal one, didn't agree with her. But regardless of how grand this house was, how unjust the societal fundament on which it stood, she was a guest in it and therefore had to abide by its rules. At least to some extent.

Empress Celene only replied with a curt nod, but Saga thought she could make out an interested twinkle in her eye. Or maybe it was just how the light caught in the Empress's gilded mask.

As instructed by Josephine, Saga did not address the Empress but quickly turned away to the side and walked up the stairs to make space for the next guest to be announced. Those dreadfully stiff formalities over with, she made her way through the clusters of guests in search of a drink. Her talents weren't going to be of any use on this particular mission anyway. She felt like a fish out of water, clumsy and awkward. Even though her memory had been almost completely restored, she didn't have a script for what was considered adequate behavior under these circumstances. She had never been at a royal court before. So she opted for keeping her mouth shut and tried to blend in as quietly as she could.

As she wound through the crowds, trying to avoid making eye-contact, she entered one of the side wings of the palace. The guests tried to hide their curiosity to varying degrees. Like the rest of the Inquisition's inner circle, she was wearing the red, gold and blue dress uniform. She had refused to wear the hat though. The only thing that set her apart from the other Inquisition members was her Tool, which she wore around her wrist like an accessoire. In her mind, simple colors and clean cuts were the safe choice when it came to formal events.

It turned out that this was not the case in Orlais. The other guests, whose clothing displayed a dazzling range of colors, patterns, ribbons and layers of silk, satin and lace that to Saga's eyes bordered on assault, were staring at her in delighted shock. Saga wanted nothing more than to disappear. But she'd have to endure the parade for a little longer. At least until the Inquisitor concluded his business at the court. Standing in a corner of the room was an Elven servant holding a tray with glasses. _Perfect_. Saga made a beeline for him.

„Good evening", she greeted him.

The elf stood still as a statue. When he didn't react, Saga cleared her throat and pointed at the glasses.

„Uh… may I?"

The servant still didn't reply. Only his eyes moved to meet hers. He looked… irritated?

 _Ok… making smalltalk with servants not part of stuck-up royal court script_ , she noted in her head, wordlessly grabbed two glasses of sparkling wine and downed one immediately.

„Thanks", she said as she set the empty glass back on the tablet of the now shocked and impressed looking servant, wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and continued her way. The second glass, she intended to enjoy in a more relaxed manner. That was what the first glass had been for.

Through the next archway she saw a familiar silhouette. Solas was leaning against the pedestal of a stone statue of two scantily clad women holding a golden orb over their heads. There was just no escape from the kitsch in this place. But she was relieved to have found someone she knew, so she approached him. He was wearing the red, gold and blue ensemble of the Inquisition, including the rather silly hat that came with it. He smiled when he saw her, but seemed distracted. No… _fascinated_. She approached him.

„I do adore the heady blend of power, intrigue, danger and sex that permeates these events…", he said, and the rhythm and emphasis he bestowed upon every single syllable told her that he meant it exactly the way he said it. Seeing him so comfortable in these overly formal surroundings surprised her.

„Sex? Where do you see that happening?"

That earned her a chuckle.

„All around you! The hidden intentions, the ambiguous conversations, the knives hidden in the rustling folds of brocade dresses… In a way, it is all nothing but foreplay."

„Wow!" Saga guffawed. She was pleasantly surprised he granted her such an intimate look into his thoughts. And very intrigued. She motioned to his side and watched the crowd with him. „You really feel more comfortable around here than I'd have expected. Despite the fact that douche back in the ballroom introduced you as the Inquisitor's _elven serving man_? I mean, what the actual shit…"

„Ah", Solas waved that aside. „The nobles do not quite know what to make of me. I do not have the looks of the Elven servants, yet that is the role they have come to expect. I've seen countless such displays in my journeys of the Fade. The powerful have always been the same. Only the costumes change."

Saga sipped her wine. „Fair enough. But really, a whole culture built around deception? I dunno, maybe I'm just not a good enough liar to enjoy this…"

Realizing the unintended implications of her words, she immediately tried to clarify, „Not that I think you're a liar! I didn't mean to—…"

Solas smiled and shook his head. „It's all right Saga, I know what you meant. You didn't offend me."

„Ok, good", Saga said, but she immediately regretted her relief making her relax when she saw Solas's lips curl in a mischievous smile.

„Although your obvious dislike of any kind of subterfuge explains why despite my endlessly patient teaching efforts, you seem incapable of improving your skills at Wicked Grace."

Saga laughed. „What, sucking at hiding my intentions is a bad thing?"

His eyes twinkled. He was enjoying to bait her like that. „If you want to win at Wicked Grace it is. And it does make you seem a bit… guileless sometimes."

„I am a scientist!" Saga raised her voice a bit in mock outrage. „The pursuit of truth is one of my core principles. I'd prefer a harsh truth over a comforting lie every single time. You ask me something, you get a straight answer. For example, if you asked me whether that ridiculous hat actually suited you, I wouldn't lie to you only to protect your sense of dignity. Which you obviously left outside the door or you wouldn't be wearing it in the first place."

„Alright, I take back the guileless part", Solas said with a hearty chuckle.

Saga took another sip of her wine.

„So, heard anything about Ragnar and the mission? Last time I saw him he was throwing some gold coins into the fountain over at the other courtyard. Very important Inquisition business, I'm sure…"

„Indeed. Sometimes I do wonder how he manages to collect all these different items along the way and still get anything truly important done. However, I believe he has met with a certain human mage called Morrigan."

„You know her?"

„No. But she seems ambitious. I'm unsure what role she has yet to play in all of this."

Another player on an already confusing chess board. Saga shook her head. Then she realized that she was one of the players as well. And that she wasn't as forthright and honest as she had claimed just a minute ago either. After all, she intended to rig the improbability shield she was building for Ragnar to render it useless after Corypheus would be defeated. If he was defeated. In any case, a device as powerful as that shouldn't be allowed to fall into Ragnar's or Corypheus's hands.

„You think we'll make it?", she asked while watching the guests of the court meander through the hallway.

Solas looked straight ahead as well.

„I don't know."

She smiled at his honesty. For some reason, it was comforting, even though he attested to the inherent uncertainty of the future. A thought occurred to her. What if they _did_ make it? What then?

„When this is all over…"

Saga's hesitation made Solas turn to her.

„…then we'll be free to go wherever we please", he said.

 _We_.

Saga's belly cramped up. Their eyes met. Did he mean it? Or did he wear a mask like everyone else around them, only one she couldn't see? Not taking her eyes off of him, she felt his fingers brush against hers. Tentatively, she took his hand, warm and dry. His thumb gently caressed the back of her hand. A small gesture, shielded from the eyes of curious onlookers by their bodies. It told her everything she needed to know.

He meant it.


	37. Creating a Secret

The court was shocked and delighted by the political and literal mayhem. Ragnar had not been able to avert the Empress's assassination by Duke Gaspard's sister, Florianne de Chalon. It turned out she had been under the influence of Corypheus, who had promised her she could have all Thedas to rule if she helped him. An effective lure for someone who had played second fiddle in the shadow of her more powerful brother all her life. Now, her defeat was only deepened by having fulfilled her task and having been cheated out of her prize. Knowing she had been used and discarded, she would be sent back to Skyhold to be judged by the Inquisitor at a later date.

As for the succession to the crown, Saga was not surprised, only mildly disgusted, to find that Ragnar chose to use blackmail material about Briala to heave Gaspard de Chalon to the throne. _Can't even escape the patriarchy in a parallel universe,_ a cynical voice inside her mind mused. She felt sick. The air suddenly felt too hot and stuffed. The people were standing too close, crowding her.

Utilizing the scandal that had caught everybody's attention, Saga snuck away from the scene and left the crowd behind. For endless minutes, she wandered the hallways in search of an unlocked door as the murmurs of the court receded behind her. Finally, she found an exit and stepped out onto an empty terrace. Night had set. The crescent moon hung in the sky like a glowing sickle, its halo drowning out the light of the surrounding stars. Cherishing a moment to herself under the night sky she so treasured, Saga let out a sigh of relief. She walked down the stairs into a small courtyard with a fountain in the middle. Benches surrounded it, each with a gilded marble figurine left and right. Saga chuckled to herself. The Orlesians would fit a naked marble statue anywhere.

The wind was barely strong enough to quietly rustle the twigs in the orderly trimmed trees and hedges. It brought fresh air that smelled of summer. Gone were the heavy scents of wine, food and fear, the noises of the plotting nobles and the terribly drab music. Saga felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her chest. She went to the fountain and put her hand in the water, softly splashing it around. A sudden rush of excitement tingled on her skin as a thought occurred to her. She quickly glanced around as if she was about to do something forbidden. She couldn't see anyone.

Her idea was not illegal of course. Maybe a little inadequate, but hardly scandalous. The other members of the Inquisition were either busy getting drunk or had retreated to their respective guest rooms, tired of the stiffness of the court. Or letting out their frustration on the furniture. The court guests were busy with realigning their political schemes after they had been overthrown by recent events. Nobody would notice.

Saga took off her jacket, hung it over the brim of the fountain, then took off her boots and socks. Under her bare soles, the stone tiles still gave off some of the warmth they had stored during the day. In the black, short sleeved shirt she had been wearing underneath she could feel the pleasant chill of the night air brush against her naked arms. She savored it with a deep breath and enjoyed the feeling of being alone for the first time in weeks. No watchful Templar soldiers controlling her while she worked in her tower. No soldiers snoring in the tents next to her. No judgement by the court. Yet at the same time, there was a nervous tingle in her belly as if she was about to commit a secret, magical rite.

Once more she looked around to make sure she was alone, and after having confirmed that she was, took the Tool off her belt and carefully set it down on the rim of the fountain.

Then, she turned on the music.

The rhythm of the neo-blues immediately settled within her bones. Her naked feet planted firmly on the ground, she slightly bent her knees, feeling the impulse to move deep within her core. She savored it for a few heartbeats without giving in to it. Each pounding verse increased her strength. Slowly she raised her hands to her belly and softly began to rock from side to side. She closed her eyes and listened to the music. The bittersweet melodies brought a smile to her face. She began rolling her shoulders in harmony with the thrumming beats. Then her feet began to move. It was as if her active will had decided to take the back seat and just watch how her subconscious expressed itself through her body. Every impulse that surfaced, she followed. Every movement, she allowed herself, as she began circling the fountain. Her dance was powerful and not conventionally elegant. Head held high, she stomped her feet and ground her hips, made large sweeping gestures, then hugged herself in an embrace only to spread out wide again like a bird in full flight. Under the moonlight, Saga danced with herself. She couldn't remember when last she had felt so content. Gone were her worries, the pain of her memories, the feeling of displacement. Here, in her body, she was at home wherever she was. Track after track, she arrived at herself and forgot her surroundings, dancing herself into some sort of enchanted trance. After a while, her breathless dance left her thirsty. She stopped, breathing hard, went to the fountain and bent over the rim to fill her cupped hands. She drank and sprinkled her neck with the cool wetness.

When she saw him leaning against the banister, she froze mid-movement. How long had he watched her? Solas looked directly at her, seemingly unfazed by the fact she had discovered him. His pose remained provocatively relaxed. Getting caught in voyeurism didn't shame him. Saga felt a rush of blood to the head. But there was no sinking feeling of shame in her gut, no angry heat on her cheeks. No, she didn't disapprove that he found her. Some damsel might have felt offended at what she might have perceived as an intrusion by a man into a private moment. But Saga's dance had left her brimming with confidence and femininity. She felt her fast heartbeat, her chest heave with her quickened breath, the drops of water running down her neck. She was a woman in tune with herself. He was no threat. Tall she stood under the moon and met his gaze unwaveringly, while the music continued to play. Solas didn't move and didn't look away, his lips locked in a half-smile, but his eyes dark and sincere. They were an open book to her. For however long he had watched her, he had liked what he had seen.

The song ended and a new one began. The coarse, lone voice of a blues singer echoed through the air.

 _Little one gotta heed my warnin'_

 _Devil is kind_

 _He come in early mornin'_

 _Devil is fine_

Unspoken words hovered between them on the bittersweet notes of heartbreak and faith.

Without taking her eyes off Solas, Saga walked around the fountain and stood in the middle of the courtyard, several meters away from him. She raised her chin at him in a challenging gesture.

He obviously didn't need to be asked twice, because he immediately broke away from the stairwell and sauntered towards her. As he approached, she silently stretched out a hand. He took it and let her pull him close. His hand found her waist without hesitation and gripped it firmly. Even though the fabric of their clothes separated them, Saga was hyper aware of her skin where his body touched hers. Her heart changed its pounding rhythm and her throat went dry. She licked her lips.

 _He go by many names_

 _Devil is kind_

 _Oh, we gonna go home to the flames_

 _Devil is fine_

Without uttering a word, they had come to an accord.

Saga slowly began to move. Not the stiff kind of formal dance they had witnessed in the ballroom. There were no rules of protocol here. Just the demands of the blues and their stifled hunger breaking free in pounding hearts. It took Solas mere milliseconds to adapt to her as she fluidly, alluringly, moved her hips and shoulders. His body followed her cues effortlessly against the backdrop of the music.

 _He gon' forgive my sin_

 _Devil is kind_

 _He promise many thing_

 _Devil is fine_

She felt his hand wander around her waist and come to rest on her lower back. When he pulled her in even closer she straddled his leg, a common blues dance posture she assumed without thinking. But Solas definitely took note of the shamelessly intimate stance, raising an eyebrow at her. His half-smile widened barely enough to be noticeable. He approved. Locked in an intimate embrace, they swayed. Saga swung her arm around his neck. They were so close she could feel his breath on her skin and the heat radiating from him as he leaned in on her, resting his forehead against hers.

 _I can't do him no wrong_

 _Devil is kind_

 _Oh, I see him before long_

 _Devil is fine_

Closer than ever before she felt the pressure of his hands increase, gentle yet decisive, as if asking permission. Letting her body move in the direction he desired, she granted it to him. It was no act of submission, but a gift freely given from a place of strength and equality. Saga let him lead because she was curious what he would do. Even though she had to assume that Solas had never danced to blues music before, he did so with a grace and confidence as if he had known it all his life. Still holding her hand, he let go of her waist and stepped out, bringing a painful distance between them for a few beats until bringing her in again. Saga let herself fall into the tantalizing ebb and flow of closeness and distance.

 _Nobody gonna show you the way now_

 _Nobody gonna hold your hand, no_

 _Nobody gonna show you the way now_

 _Devil is fine_

Until they didn't part anymore. When she stepped close to him, again straddling his leg, he wouldn't let her go. His hand pressing on her lower back and Saga's arms around him, she savored the feeling of his body against hers, heat and excitement making her heart beat faster. She let her hand travel up his neck to cup the back of his head. Solas shivered, and when he tilted his head with a soft smile and a pleasurable sigh, Saga swiftly, without thinking, closed the distance between them with a kiss. When Solas flinched, she quickly broke it off. Wide-eyed, he looked at her. Shocked by her own audacity and afraid she had made him uncomfortable by not asking permission, Saga motioned to back away from him. But he stopped her, smiled, and shook his head ever so slightly as if he couldn't believe she was doubting this, then pulled her close and kissed her back. She parted her lips, and when a moan escaped her as she finally tasted him, he grew bold and more passionate. Saga had to hold on to him for balance as he pressed himself against her, forcing her to bend back and tilt her hips so she was grinding his thigh. The pressure between her legs made her dig her nails into his back. He rewarded her with a pleasurable groan, but just as their kiss grew greedy, their lips demanding more, he broke it off and took a step back.

„No… we shouldn't."

 _Nobody gonna show you the way now_

 _Nobody gonna hold your hand, no_

 _Nobody gonna lead you the way now_

 _The devil is fine_

 _The devil is fine_

Time slowed down with a painful tug at her insides and came to a halt as her heart seemed to skip a beat. Her breathing was still ragged, her head dizzy with arousal. She shook her head and frowned.

„… _What?_ ", she whispered. The situation had changed to abruptly and starkly.

„I apologize", Solas said, then swallowed hard, as if he had to force out his words like something vile. „The kiss was impulsive and ill-considered… and I should not have encouraged it."

Saga's mind was racing. His wooden words were already building a wall of detachment that suffocated the intimacy they had shared just seconds before. The speed of his emotional turnaround was baffling. He was obviously scared by having let his guard down like this. Gotten cold feet. _Cute_. Saga smiled, trying to ease the tension. „You say that, but _you're_ the one who started with tongue."

„I did no such thing!", Solas protested, but the glint in his eye betrayed his irony. He sighed, and turned serious again. When he spoke, his voice shook faintly: „I am not certain this is the best idea. It could lead to trouble."

There was no doubt in Saga's mind. She would not put her life on hold until she had found a way home, because there was a considerable likelihood that day might never come. So she answered in clear, firm earnestness.

„I'm ready to take that chance. If you are."

„I… may be. Yes. If I could take a little time to think. There are… considerations."

A terrible suspicion dawned on Saga.

„It's not because I'm not an elf, is it?", she asked.

Solas's eyes went wide in honest shock. He shook his head empathically. „No!"

„Because I've heard that elves kinda keep to themselves and…"

He took a step towards her and took her hands in his. „No", he repeated, softer now. He gently touched her face and trailed her ear. „It is not the shape of your ears that make you so…" He broke off, then tried again. „They do not define you. Your spirit does. That is what makes you… unique."

She believed him. Relieved that her fears were baseless, she sighed and nodded. True, she wanted him, but she highly respected him as well. And she was certain he'd never kissed her if her not being an elf had been an issue. He was probably having similar thoughts as herself. What if she did find a way to return to Terra? Seen in this light, she could completely understand his hesitation.

„It's been a long time, and things have always been… easier for me in the Fade", Solas explained. „I'm not often thrown by what happens in dreams, but I'm reasonably certain we are awake now."

Saga smiled. „It's alright. I understand. Take all the time you need."

„Thank you", Solas said. Saga could clearly hear the relief in his voice. He straightened himself as if shrugging off something uncomfortable. „I shall see you in the morning then."

Saga nodded and grinned at him ironically as she mimicked his stilted way of talking, „ _So you shall._ "

„Sleep well, Lethallan", he said and let go of her hands.

„Good night."

And with that, he left.

Saga watched him until he had disappeared back inside the palace, then turned to the fountain and replayed the last song on her tool. She had always been fond of that particular one. She sat on the brim of the fountain and took a moment to be alone with herself after all that emotional turmoil, to sort through her feelings, let what had just happened echo in her mind and hummed along to the tune.

 _Little one, better find your way now_

 _Devil is fine_

 _Little one, better find your way out_

 _Devil is kind_

She hadn't heard them approach. A strong hand pressed against her mouth, another gripped her hands painfully, yanked them behind her back, but her howl of pain was suffocated. Saga struggled, tried to shake off the iron grip that held her, but to no avail.

 _Oh, little one better find your way out_

 _Oh, little one better run for your life_

She tried to scream in the hopes Solas could still hear her, but her cries got stuck in her throat, the hand still pressing against her face. Cold hard rings clasped around her wrists as she was shackled. _No! No!_ A man stepped in front of her. His golden armor bore a flaming sword. It was the last thing she saw before a brutal knock to the head made her black out.

As Saga was taken away, the Tool still sat on the rim of the fountain, singing to the empty night.

 _Little one gotta heed my warnin'_

 _Devil is fine_

 _The song she is playing and its lyrics is "Devil is Fine" by Zeal and Ardor._


	38. Burn the Witch

Saga ran through yellow fog that reeked of decay. She didn't know why, but every thread of her being told her to get away from what was lurking in the fog behind her. Mortal fear moved her legs despite her muscles spasming. Faster. _Run faster!_ In the pale nothingness she couldn't see where she was going. Nor could she see if she could bring distance between herself and the nameless terror. Her legs hurt. Faster! Frantically, she ran on and on, but the terror came closer. It breathed down her neck. Saga screamed and fell. Scrambling on her hands and feet, she tried to get away. The fog followed her and bulged, gaining human form. Saga froze in place on the dusty ground and stared at the nebulous figure. It gained further shape until she could make out something like a face.

 _Do you doubt yourself?_ , it whispered.

The fog began entering Saga's mouth and nose like something physical, choking her. She retched, but she couldn't get it out.

 _How can you doubt yourself?,_ the foggy face asked. Its features refined. Saga's eyes remained fixed on it as if she was compelled by a spell. Her lungs burned with every forced breath that didn't seem to get her any air. Her fingers clawed at her throat as her mouth opened, desperately sucking in air and only filling with more poison.

 _How can you doubt me?_ , it hissed at her and came closer.

Frantically scratching and clawing, her nails drew blood on her neck. Her pulse rushed through her head, blackness pressing in on her. Air, she needed air. The face bore down on her and took a ghastly familiar form. Saga felt something open beneath her fingertips. It was warm and slimy. Blood spewed forth. It ran down her elbows and dripped into the dust. Her eyes bulged. Her mouth moved like a fish out of water as she sucked in the sickly mist. Her fingers entered her throat beneath the larynx and tore at the flesh, widening the hole into her windpipe. The horrible face finally took shape and revealed a mirror image of her own.

„ _How can you doubt me, traitor?!"_

As Saga stared into her own face, a stifled scream escaped the hole in her throat as a wet and frightful whisper.

It was like gliding from one nightmare to the next when the delirium finally receded. The damp cold had seeped into her sore bones like the mold into the cracked stones of her prison cell. Everything hurt. They had stripped her of her clothing and thrown her naked on the floor. A ragged, foul smelling cloth she had found was all she could use to cover herself. Once, what felt like years ago, she had found the strength to get up, she had tied it around her chest with a thready piece of string. But ever since then, she had lain here with her eyes closed, drifting from one feverish vision to the next. Saga was clutching herself, trying to keep what little warmth her body produced from dissipating into the chilly air. She clenched her jaw to keep her teeth from chittering.

The Templars had taken her with the brutality of the righteous. Without warning or mercy, they had snatched her away, shackled and gagged her and thrown her bundled up body onto a carriage. They had travelled for what had felt like hours along bumpy roads, each jolt of the carriage hitting her body like a fist. When they had arrived at their destination, a Templar soldier had simply thrown her over his shoulder, the pauldron of his steel armor painfully piercing into her stomach. She had only caught a glimpse of her surroundings, but it had been enough. For just a split second, she could see the giant tower piercing the pitch black sky like a needle.

A Circle.

Untied and then thrown into her dark, windowless cell, she had pleaded with the soldiers at first, tried to make them see she wasn't a mage. Futile, of course. She should have known better than to humiliate herself so before them. They were fanatics, like the Church of Renewal, and she'd never tried to reason with _them_. Not after what they had done to her mother. To her family. To her. To the whole planet.

What came after had shattered her. Splintered her mind into countless shards. She didn't know how they fit together, didn't know how to repair the damage. But she wanted to keep the mind shards. They were hers. So she gathered them up and clutched them against her chest as she lay on the cold ground, arms and knees tightly pressed against herself. She hugged herself. She didn't want to come apart completely. She had to keep all the shards together.

When the sound first appeared, it was barely audible. At first, Saga didn't believe it was real. But as time stretched indefinitely, it grew slowly louder. A high-pitched noise, like an organ's smaller pipes. The sound was like a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. Weakly, but with the will of the desperate, Saga's mind latched onto it. With its gentle sound, it guided Saga back into lucidity. When she became aware enough, she could hear a familiar inner voice. Calm, detached, yet fast and alert.

 _Get out of your head._

 _How long have you been here?_

The analyst. Her mind had not been lost, after all. Fractured, yes. But not broken. Saga was barely hanging on to her sanity.

How long had she been here? She had completely lost track of time. Slowly, afraid of rejoining the real world, she opened her eyes. Almost complete darkness greeted her. There was no daylight. With immense effort and under painful protest of her stiff neck, she lifted her head. The only source of light was meters up above her, shining through a lattice. She could barely see stonework walls through it, and the torches on them. No daylight.

 _Check your bruises._

Bruises. In a sudden flash of remembrance of her latest nightmare, her hands darted to her neck. She shook her head at her irrationality and began examining her body.

Considering the number and color of her various bruises, she must have been here at least a week, maybe two. It seemed plausible, considering her raging hunger. She had only been given the absolute minimum to eat. The only source of water was a bucket filled with a stale liquid that tasted of moss.

 _Find a way out._

Saga discarded the idea of climbing the walls and see what was up there because she knew she didn't have the strength. Her training in the Skyhold grounds had kept her fairly fit, but ever since she had started work on the probability shield, she hadn't frequented it as often. The ordeal of the past weeks had left its mark not only on her skin, but also on her muscles. No, she wouldn't get out of here by force. She never had gotten out of any situation by force. What saved her was not her strength, but her wits. Whatever was left of them.

Saga struggled to her feet and staggered to the bucket of water. Drinking it was out of the question, but she could at least splash her face a little to dispel the fogginess that still clouded her mind. The iciness was shocking, but it helped. She wiped her fingers on the rag she wore to keep them from going any number than they were already, rubbed her hands together and looked around.

Why would the Templars take her? The order was allied with the Inquisition. The Fereldan one, at least. What did they want? She wasn't even a mage. Did someone accuse her of witchcraft? Saga was aware of the wariness she was regarded with by many in Skyhold. Rumors had spread even more quickly after the Fadewalk. But rumors by ordinary folk wouldn't lead to this, would they? Whoever had manipulated the Orlesian Templars into taking her captive must hold some sway here in Orlais. It could have been almost anyone at court. Gaspard's people? Was he trying to use her to blackmail the Inquisitor? Saga's mind was clogged, her thoughts sluggish and incoherent. It was difficult to focus. She hoped that someone would come to talk to her, sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.

The sound of heavy footsteps and clinging metal interrupted her ruminations. The Templar soldiers were returning. Saga took a deep breath and faced the gate to her cell. Four soldiers arrived at her cell. They wore the heavy steel plate armor of the Templar Order, a flaming sword adorning their chest plates and a helmet hiding their faces. Only a narrow slit allowed them to see through. Saga wondered why they felt they had to wear armor clearly designed for battle situations here. It spoke volumes about what those Templars thought of their wards. They considered the mages in their dubious care a danger. Like they weren't people but ticking time bombs set to explode sooner or later. Saga nervously bit her lower lip despite herself. One of them came to her cell door.

„Hands!", he bellowed, his voice sounding eerily distorted through the helmet, and motioned her too stick her arms through a gap in the bars.

Saga complied. She would only waste time arguing with a middleman. The metal shackles had a strange feel to them, smooth and yet oddly warm. A slight vibration seemed to emanate from the material that made her skin prickle. They seemed to be charged with some kind of magic. As soon as Saga had pulled her now restrained hands back, the guard opened the prison cell and gestured her to step out. When she didn't immediately move, he roughly shoved her forward.

„Where are you taking me?", Saga asked as she stumbled ahead into a narrow, torch-lit stone passage. The raspy sound of her own voice startled her. Her throat hurt.

No answer. The soldiers just walked behind, beside and in front of her in stern silence, and too close for her comfort. Their bulky armor blocked her view of her surroundings almost completely. She thought of cattle being herded into a slaughterhouse. She fought down her anxiety and tried again, keeping her voice as calm as possible.

„I need to talk to the First Enchanter. They will affirm that I'm not a mage."

„You shall meet the First Enchanter in only a moment", the guard who had shackled her said. The amusement in his voice made Saga's blood run cold.

They continued along through the damp passage and then entered a larger hallway with high ceilings. Saga noticed it was curved, following the round form of the Circle tower. The air was uncomfortably cool and smelled dusty. She craned her neck to get a sense of where she was. It was brighter here. Daylight shone in through stained glass windows that were let into the thick stone walls meters above her. But their high position and colorful inlays prevented her form making out the landscape that lay behind them. Still, at least she knew now that she was above ground. Considering the dark golden light it must have been close to sunset. Peeking out between the heavy bodies of her guards, she could make out drapery that covered the cold grey of the omnipresent stone. All cloth displayed the symbol of the Chantry circle. It reminded Saga of a yoke or a dog collar. Something to chain and subdue another being with.

They went up some stairs and walked through a similar, also curved hallway, then up another stairwell and yet an identical corridor… Saga stopped counting after the fifth reiteration of this. In her weakened state, she had to concentrate on every single step and to keep the constantly recurring dizziness at bay. But her burning thigh muscles told her they must have climbed at least fifteen stories, probably more. They all looked the same. Rows and rows of closed doors, bookshelves. She had even seen a few mages, all of them burying their faces in a book or scroll. None of them talked to each other and none of them dared look at her. The whole Circle was strangely, tensely quiet altogether. Saga doubted it was because the mages all just found it easier to concentrate this way. No matter how high they climbed and where she saw them, Saga got the feeling they were all holding still like animals who had lost all strength to fight and hope to flee. Some of them, she noticed bore a sun-shaped branding on their foreheads.

 _Tranquil_ , she thought, horrified. The poor people who had been magically lobotomized by the Circle because they were deemed too dangerous - or too talented - for their own supposed good. Saga felt a strange connection to them, having tasted madness herself. Was total numbness preferable? She shuddered.

Finally, when she had just started to believe she would have to humiliate herself by having to ask for a break from climbing staircase after staircase, they came to a halt in front of a huge metal door. Unlike the other doors they had come by, which had all been wooden, this one was lavishly decorated with golden patterns and gem stones. Each wing showed the Circle heraldry of two of the four allowed schools of magic - primal and spirit on the left, entropy and creation on the right.

And in the middle, a burning sun, split in two as the door swung open with an eery silence. Saga hadn't seen anyone knock or open it.

It opened into a large circular hall of stone. Hundreds of candles bathed it in warm light. Apart from that, it was almost completely empty. There was no furniture.

All of Saga's attention was drawn to the center of the room, where a large granite altar rose seamlessly from the stone floor. It was surrounded by twelve Templars in full armor who held their swords in front of their chests and stood rigid as statues. Behind the altar, a venerable woman stood. Snow-white hair peeked out form under her hooded robe. She looked tiny and frail between the soldiers. The woman's wrinkled face lit up when she greeted Saga with a soft smile as warm and golden as the candle light, and her appearance was so peaceful and grandmotherly that Saga forgot about the Templars for a split second, the harmless aura of the old woman giving her a glimmer of hope. But then, she saw the lyrium branding iron in the First Enchanter's hand.

A primal fear exploded in Saga's gut and made her recoil. Every cell in her body was burning with an ice cold fire and yelling at her to _run_ , but she only bumped painfully into the armor of the Templar behind her.

Saga struggled, pushed against her captors in a vain attempt to flee, but the Templar's gloved hands grabbed and held her like iron claws.

„Welcome, my child", the First Enchanter said, sounding calm and almost festive. „Your soul will be pacified soon. You will not have to struggle against the evil forces within you any longer. Release is near."

„No!", Saga shouted, „This is a misunderstanding! I'm not a mage! I'm not warping the Veil! You must realize that!"

No matter how hard she pressed her heels into the floor and strained against her captors, the Templars mercilessly pushed and pulled her closer to the altar.

The First Enchanter smiled at her. It was warm, honest. Empathic. It injected fear into Saga's heart like a needle.

„I have been told of your cruel fate, my child. Do not be afraid. All of it will be gone, soon. All the fear, all the rage. The demons that took hold of you are powerful ones, masking their presence. But be assured, it was not your fault they possessed you. First Enchanter Vivienne told me how that Elven mage manipulated you into taking part in a horrible magical experiment. How he, in his prideful narcissism raped your mind and grafted the demons to your soul", she sighed and looked at Saga with heartfelt pity. „I am so sorry you suffered so much at the hands of one of our misguided own."

Desperately, Saga shook her head.

„He didn't hurt me! That's a lie! He didn't hurt me!"

„All will be well, soon", the woman mage said, then nodded at the guard who held her.

As Saga felt his grip tighten around her, she kicked and struggled as hard as she could, but he just lifted her up from the ground, carried her towards the altar and roughly lay her down on her back on the cold stone. Saga screamed as three other Templars grabbed her arms and legs and pulled them apart, fixing her wrists and ankles in place.

„But I'm not possessed! I'm a scientist with the Inquisition! Vivienne lied to you! If the Inquisitor finds out about this he'll come for you! What if you're wrong?"

Panic jumbled her thoughts and words. She threatened and reasoned and pleaded frantically, pulled against the restraints so hard her hands went numb. She could as well have been mute. Her words didn't reach the First Enchanter, who had been carefully primed to expect exactly this display. She wouldn't believe her. Tears began rolling down Saga's cheeks as the scope of her helplessness became clearer with every second. The First Enchanter looked down at her and gently brushed a sweaty strand of hair out of her face. Softly, she shook her head.

„I understand this must be terribly frightening to you. I am so sorry that you cannot see the danger you pose. You are innocent. You truly are. But neither can we remove the evil inside you without killing you. Nor can we allow you to become a conduit for an errant man's destructive plans. This is the only solution that breaks the magical hold he has over your mind and still lets you live. Do you not see? Lady Vivienne cares for you. She wants to break the spell that has you suffering and still let you live. This is the only way to do both."

Saga swallowed hard and tried again to reason with her. „I'm not being manipulated by anyone, First Enchanter", she said in a trembling voice. „I agreed to Solas's experiment out of my own free will..." The First Enchanter's warm, empathic smile took away Saga's last hope. „I'm not possessed, please, I…" Her voice broke as she started crying, „Don't take away my mind, please! Please, I beg you, I just wanted to find a way home!"

The older woman caressed her cheek and brushed away her tears. „Shhh, my child. Soon, you will find peace. And I promise, I will take good care of you here."

Saga's last words were suffocated by her choking cries.

The First Enchanter stood and raised her hands above her head ceremoniously as she began to recite the Chant of Light.

„Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, Champions of the just."

With a loud metallic ratting, the Templars around the altar all raised their swords in unison and pointed the tips of their sharp blades right at Saga's heart.

Saga's voice failed her. All words left her mind through the tears she cried as powerlessness consumed her. She stopped struggling and pulling at her chains and pressed her eyes shut.

„I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade…"

She felt the air around her vibrate with charged particles and heard a low drone fill the room that grew louder and louder by the second. A strange calmness seized Saga as her mind wordlessly came to terms with her fate. In only seconds, she would have her mind taken away from her in a sanctioned electrocution. Everything that had ever meant anything to her would stop being important. She would care for nothing. And for no-one.

„…For there is no darkness, no death either in the Maker's light…"

Excruciating pain shot through her spine and made her arch her back in terrible spasms. It was so immense she couldn't even scream. Her mouth was torn open wide in a grimacing, silent shout as fire began eating through her skin. The droning noise swoll around her and became so loud it the Fist Enchanter had to raise her voice over it.

„… and nothing that He has wrought shall be lost."

Overwhelmed by pain, Saga's senses began to fail her. She couldn't feel the hard stone of the altar any more, couldn't open her eyes to see, couldn't hear anything but the hellish noise that was so loud her ribcage vibrated as the First Enchanter erased her mind.

 _Solas_ , was the last thing she thought before blackness claimed her. _Can you hear me?_


End file.
